Читать книгу In Hope's Shadow - Janice Johnson Kay - Страница 9
ОглавлениеRACHEL HAD FUN sledding the next day—for all of about five minutes. No, that was an exaggeration, but not by much. She got cold and whined. She insisted on trying to go down a short hill on her own and fell off the sled, landing face-first in a snowbank. She cried so hard Ben was frantic, sure she’d broken a bone at least. God! Nicole would never let him hear the last of it.
Eventually, Rach settled down enough to admit she’d just been scared, and her mittens were soaked and she’d gotten snow in her boots so her toes were cold, and couldn’t they go home?
Disappointed, Ben said, “Sure,” then struggled with incredulity when not ten minutes down the highway, Rachel declared, “That was fun, Daddy! Can we go again?”
What was he supposed to say? You’ve got to be kidding? An hour’s round-trip drive for five minutes of fun and ten minutes of squalling? Maybe Nicole was right and he didn’t have what it took to be an adequate parent.
But he remembered being a lot more patient than Nicole was the first months of Rachel’s life, when she’d been colicky and content only when being carried against a shoulder. He’d walked miles those nights, gone into work feeling hollow with his eyes burning.
He was just...getting out of practice, that was all. It scared him sometimes, wondering whether his relationship with his daughter would grow increasingly distant with him such a small part of her life.
And what if Nicole remarried, giving Rach a resident daddy? Forcing him to see the woman he’d loved since they were in high school leaning against another man, her smile showing how happy he was making her.
Ben’s stomach clenched at the picture in his head. He knew she was dating; Rachel had said things, and it didn’t seem to occur to Nic that he’d mind. Or that he sometimes imagined—
He cut himself off. He was being stupid. He’d had her, and lost her. He had to get over thinking she’d ever give him another chance.
Since the divorce, he’d taken other women out, even slept with a couple of them. He’d half hoped Nic would hear through the grapevine. If she had, she didn’t care. The past few months, Ben had quit bothering with other women. If she knew that, Nicole didn’t react.
Maybe it was time he asked a woman out because he wanted to. Because he thought he might enjoy her. And, yeah, because his body stirred at the idea of getting naked with her.
By the time he dropped Rachel off on Sunday, he was cursing himself for not finding an opportunity to have asked Eve for her phone number. He called information from his cell phone and was told there was no listing for an Eve Lawson. Probably not a surprise, given her profession—and she likely didn’t even have a landline. He kept his number and address unlisted, too, as did most cops. Of course, he had better resources on the job—but getting a date wasn’t an acceptable reason to use them.
He could call her parents or ask Seth, but didn’t like the idea of setting himself up for humiliation if she turned him down. She’d have voice mail at the local DSHS office...but, man, that wasn’t any way to ask a woman out.
Ben usually carried his own cell phone all the time, but Seth had a tendency to lay his on his desk and leave it when he got coffee or used the john. Monday, Ben bided his time.
“Damn, too much coffee,” Seth grumbled at last, and ambled out.
Ben went to his partner’s desk and half sat on it, waiting until nobody in the bull pen was watching him, then casually reached for the phone, hoping it wasn’t password-protected. Quick, quick. Contacts...what if Seth hadn’t kept Eve’s listing? But why wouldn’t he, when she was Bailey’s sister?
Yes! There it was. Ben committed the number to memory and set the phone down as casually as he’d picked it up, then wandered over to refill his own coffee cup.
Should he call her in the middle of the day, or wait until evening? Evening, he decided. He didn’t want to catch her at a bad moment.
His apartment always felt especially empty and cheerless after he’d had Rachel. He kept thinking he should do something to make the spare bedroom more hers, but he occasionally considered buying a house and hated to waste a lot of effort on a cookie-cutter apartment. After walking in the door at almost seven that evening, he went straight to the kitchen and turned on the oven, then took a pizza from the freezer. He ought to add a vegetable, but decided “ought to” wasn’t enough motivation.
Finally, he took out his phone. Called up Eve’s number, waited as it rang. Once, twice, three times. His tension rose. Why hadn’t he thought to ask Seth if she had a boyfriend? Four.
On the fifth ring, she answered. Her “Hello?” sounded breathless.
“Eve? This is Ben Kemper. We met at Seth’s the other day.”
Silence was his immediate answer. “Ben,” she said finally, sounding cautious. “With the cute little girl. Did she have fun sledding?”
“She got cold really fast. She claimed to have fun, but I don’t know.”
“That’s too bad. I remember the first time I had a chance to go. It was the most fun I’d ever had.”
“Was it the Lawsons who took you?”
“Yes. I mean, before that I tried sliding on cardboard a few times—” She broke off. “I was older than your daughter, though. I mean, when Mom and Dad took me.”
She was adopted. He knew that much, but nothing about the years that came before. Years that might explain why she’d chosen the work she did.
“I’ll try again,” he said. “With Rachel, that is. Maybe buy her some better winter boots and mittens she can leave here.”
“Good idea, except she’ll outgrow them fast.”
Time for a segue into the reason for his call. “Eve, I’m hoping you’ll let me take you to dinner one of these nights.”
Waiting through the ensuing silence, Ben felt about sixteen, asking out the girl he’d had a crush on for the past year. No, longer than that—since middle school. He felt light-headed and realized he was holding his breath. Stupid. It wasn’t as if this mattered so much. It was maybe a little more awkward than usual, because of Eve’s relationship to Seth and Bailey, but—
“I’d like that,” she said simply.
Yes! “I’m free any night,” he admitted. That was him, man about town. “But we can wait until the weekend if that would be better for you.”
“No, as long as I don’t stay out late, a weeknight is fine.”
He wished it wasn’t too late for tonight. “Tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow is good.” Did she sound bemused?
Stimson didn’t have a lot of fine dining, but he didn’t want to suggest they drive any distance given that they both probably had to get up early the next morning. “Any chance you like Thai?” he asked.
She did. There might not be a decent Italian restaurant in town, but the Thai one was good. She gave him her address, and they agreed on six. “Just give me a call if you have to be late,” she said, surprising him with her understanding until he remembered she’d dated Seth.
Damn it, had she slept with Seth? Man, he hoped not. Not only for his sake, he realized, but also for Eve’s and Bailey’s.
He leaned back in his chair, suppressing a grin. He had a date.
* * *
“I ALMOST CALLED you today,” Eve confessed the next evening to Ben. The host, whose English was poor to nonexistent, had seated them in a booth, handed them menus and backed away. Eve didn’t reach for hers.
Neither did Ben. His mouth kicked up at one corner. “Because you couldn’t wait for this evening?”
She huffed, which had him smiling. “Seriously. Something happened today involving one of my kids.”
“Your kids?” He looked startled.
Despite her worry about Joel, Eve giggled at Ben’s expression. “Not literally! I’m sorry. I think of them that way. The kids I supervise.”
“I had this sudden picture of children packed into bunk beds behind closed doors in your apartment.” Amusement laced that slightly gritty voice. “You sternly telling them to hush until you and the nice man were gone.”
“Are you a nice man?” Lord, she was flirting. Where had her ambivalence gone?
“Of course I am.” Giving her a lazy, sexy grin, he nodded at her menu and picked up his own. “We should probably order before we delve into why you needed to call a detective about one of your kids.”
They both decided on jasmine tea and to share an order of spring rolls. He ordered a green curry with chicken, Eve a spicy eggplant in a chili paste.
“Trying to scare me off?” Ben asked drolly.
She blinked, and probably blushed. “Oh, dear. I didn’t think. It probably will, um, give me interesting breath.”
He only laughed, although his eyes were heavy-lidded. “Curry might not taste so good secondhand, either.”
Eve knew she was blushing now. He intended to kiss her. Thank heavens the lighting in here was dim and her skin didn’t show the warmth as obviously as someone much paler would.
“Your kid,” he prompted.
Kid? Then, embarrassed by what must be a blank expression, she said hurriedly, “His name is Joel Kekoa. His dad is Hawaiian and Joel looks it, too.”
“Wait. Does he play football?”
“Yes. You go to games?”
“Sometimes. He’s good.”
“So I’m told. I mean, I’ve seen him play, but I’m not a connoisseur. He’s a senior, and had the fun of being recruited by half a dozen major college programs.”
“Yeah? Which one did he pick?”
“The University of Oregon.”
Ben nodded, then waited for her to continue. He must know that grades weren’t the problem; she wouldn’t have been tempted to call him about anything like that.
So she explained about the grumpy old man next door to Joel’s foster home, and about the smashed rose canes. She surprised herself by also sharing her unease with the new foster mother and her son.
“Then I had a call in the middle of the night from a Deputy Pruitt.”
Ben nodded.
“Somebody threw a rock through the guy’s bedroom window. I guess it just missed him. It was big enough, it could have done some real damage. The deputy says it was thrown hard. It skipped off the bed and smashed into the closet door, scarring it. Mr. Rowe—that’s the neighbor—insists it had to be Joel who threw it. He’s big, athletic, has a good arm, and supposedly was mad because Mr. Rowe complained to the foster parents about the damage to his roses.”
“Was he?”
“No. He was more upset that the stepmom seemed to doubt him when he said he didn’t have anything to do with it.”
She felt—and sounded—troubled. She’d only talked to the deputy on the phone, not in person, but from his tone she’d suspected he was rolling his eyes at her defense of Joel, the obvious culprit.
Their spring rolls arrived, and she spooned dipping sauce to her small plate and took a roll, mumbling, “Ouch,” when she discovered how hot it still was.
Ignoring the food, Ben asked, “Did the kid get arrested?”
She gaped at him. “No! How could anybody prove he’d thrown the rock? There were no witnesses.”
Expression inscrutable, he didn’t say anything for a moment. Then, “Why me? This doesn’t sound like anything that would normally be referred to a detective.”
Was she imagining his restraint? Or was it that she’d imagined his sympathy the other night when she talked about the plight of foster children?
“Just...to get your take.” She shrugged. “I had the feeling the deputy instantly agreed Joel was guilty. Foster kid, minor feud going on between him and the neighbor.”
“Who do you think threw the rock?”
Annoyed now at his measured tone, she raised her eyebrows. “How would I know? From what Joel said about the neighbor, he’s been at war with every kid that ever walked past his place. Never mind the adults. The last time I was over there, Joel and I were talking at my car, and Mr. Rowe was watching us out the window the whole time. Just a slit between drapes. You know.” For some reason, she didn’t tell him that Gavin had been doing the same, and more openly. She’d begun to regret ever mentioning the incident to Ben.
“Okay,” he said mildly. “I’d have thought you’d go to Seth. You’ve known him longer, and he’s going to be your brother-in-law.”
She made sure her tone was light. “It was impulse, that’s all.” Crazy to feel let down, disappointed because Ben didn’t jump immediately in on her side. “Don’t worry about it,” she added. “It was just that I had you on my mind after you called. If the impulse strikes again, I’ll call Seth. Family discount, right?”
“No.” Ben’s gaze held hers. “Call me, not Seth. Anytime. I mean that.”
Well. Eve had not a clue how to take this.
“You’re right. I probably am more sympathetic than Seth is. He’s good with kids but doesn’t have any of his own, and until Bailey had probably never given a thought to issues foster kids have.”
“And you have?”
“My ex was in foster care by the time I knew her.”
“A good one, I hope.”
“Her last one seemed like it. But sometimes I wondered—” He cut himself off, alarm flashing in those shadowed eyes. “Doesn’t matter,” he said after a minute.
Eve didn’t have any choice but to squelch her curiosity. Pretending she didn’t wish he’d finish that last thought, she said, “So you married your high school girlfriend?”
He seemed almost embarrassed to admit he had. They’d gone their separate ways after his first few months of college, but Eve had the impression that might not have been by his choice. He’d initially taken a job with the busier and more urban King County Sheriff’s Department, which surrounded Seattle, but had run into Nicole again at a party and immediately applied for a job locally.
“Ancient history,” he said then. “What about you? How’d you end up back in Stimson?”
“Oh, once I went to work for DSHS, I asked to be assigned here. I thought my parents needed to have me close. You know their history.”
He nodded. “Hope.”
Always Hope. “They never quit grieving. I think I...softened their grief.”
“I bet you did more than that,” he said gently. “I saw their faces when you walked into the living room the other night. You can’t tell me they don’t love you.”
“No, I’m sure they do. I was really lucky that they took me in. I needed them, and they needed me.”
She let him be satisfied by a simple truth that wasn’t the entire truth. Something way more complex almost always underlay simple, in her experience. But Eve was too ashamed of her unfulfilled longings to air them for him anyway.
No, she told him, she’d never come close to anything as serious as marriage. “Just hasn’t happened,” she said, going for unconcerned.
“What about Seth?”
Surprised by his blunt question, she hesitated. It was good he felt compelled to ask, wasn’t it? Surely the implication was that he wanted to pursue a relationship with her. And, despite her hesitations, she couldn’t remember being as attracted to a man as she was to Ben.
“I liked Seth,” she admitted. “I was more interested than he was, I suspect, but, honestly, we never got past a few casual dinners. A couple of movies.” She lifted one shoulder. “I didn’t take it very well when he dropped me, but I’ll bet you can guess why.”
“Hope. Bailey,” Ben corrected himself.
“Right. It took me a while to realize that what really hurt was being thrown over for her. I guess you can tell I have some unresolved jealousy going on here.”
“I’d be surprised if you didn’t.” The smile in his eyes reassured her. “I saw your mother when she came to see Seth every week. The hurt and hope on her face—” He grimaced. “Poor choice of words. You had to have been left wondering...”
When he didn’t finish, she did. “Whether I came close to filling the hole in their lives left by her disappearance? I didn’t wonder. I knew.”
“You’re sure it wasn’t in your head? Even if the two of you had really been sisters, they’d have mourned for her as much. The one doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the other.”
“I do know that.” She averted her face. This wasn’t something she usually shared with anyone. And...she’d been lucky. How many times had she had to remind herself? The Lawsons loved her. They’d given her so much. “I was nine when they adopted me. When your own parents don’t want you, and then you get passed around in foster care, it can’t help but make you doubt yourself. How...lovable you really are.” She hated seeing what might be only sympathy in his expression, but looked a lot like pity. “So my rational self knows you’re right. Doesn’t mean that somewhere deep inside I don’t still wonder.”
“I understand.”
His forehead had crinkled and a momentarily distant look in his eyes made her speculate whether he had better reason to understand than he’d said. There had to be a cause for those shadows she’d noticed.
Instinct told her not to ask, though. Feeling as if she’d bared enough of herself, too, she asked a question about how the detective division worked, and from that point on their conversation avoided anything too personal.
During the mostly quiet drive to her apartment house, Eve regretted saying as much as she had. She hadn’t much liked herself lately. She needed to put the jealousy and resentment and self-doubt behind herself. Telling a guy she liked how petty she could be—and on a first date—should be on her list of top ten don’ts.
Thinking about why she’d shot her big mouth off had to be the reason she felt tense. Although she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about the good-night kiss. The one that would be a peck if Ben had changed his mind about her.
He parked in a visitor’s slot at her complex and walked her up, waiting while she unlocked her door. She dropped her handbag on the small table just inside and turned to smile at him.
“I’m glad you suggested this. I had a good time, Ben. Thank you for dinner.”
“I enjoyed myself, too. I should have asked for your phone number six months ago.”
Eve blinked. “But...we hadn’t met.”
“I saw you on TV. The press conference. I...commented to Seth on what a beauty Bailey’s sister was. I kind of wonder now if the Thanksgiving and Christmas get-togethers weren’t engineered for us to meet.”
“That never occurred to me.” Was it possible he liked her looks better than Bailey’s? Because of his daughter, she’d assumed his ex-wife was another blue-eyed blonde, but...maybe not. Rachel could have taken after him.
“Better late than never,” he murmured, and stepped closer. He tipped her chin up with one big hand, bent, and brushed his lips over hers.
The soft contact was tantalizing enough to have her rising on tiptoe to try to sustain it.
“I’ve been thinking about this all evening,” he said huskily, and nipped her bottom lip before stroking it with his tongue.
Eve wrapped her arms around his neck and let her lips part, astonished by her instant, powerful response. His tongue slid over hers, teasing more than commanding. The lighter he kept the kiss, the more she wanted deeper, hotter.
He groaned suddenly and banded his arms around her to lift her. It was as if he’d abruptly lost patience. Her breasts were flattened against his broad chest and she felt his erection. The thrust of his tongue became rhythmic before he broke away to kiss her jaw, then her throat. Eve let her head fall back, savoring the warm tension of his mouth, the way he rocked his hips as if he couldn’t help himself.
But when he reached her collarbone, he went still before releasing a ragged exhalation and letting her slide down his body. She hadn’t realized he’d lifted her off her feet until they made contact again with the floor. It was lucky his arms stayed around her for a minute; her legs felt shaky, weak. Warmth pooled down low, shocking her with her readiness. She was rarely to never this enthusiastic.
Ben nuzzled her cheek. “I got carried away.”
“I think I did, too,” she said tremulously.
“Good.” He lifted his head to look down at her, his eyes narrowed, the blue deepened. His hair, a dull gold in the subdued light of the hall, was ruffled. By her fingers. “I want to see you again.”
Her teeth closed on her lip to steady it. That made a light flare in his eyes. “Yes,” she whispered.
“I’ll call you.” His voice was pure gravel.
“Okay.” Meek woman, and she didn’t even care.
He gave something like a laugh, said, “I don’t think I dare kiss you again,” and released her slowly enough to suggest the same reluctance she felt. He backed into the hall and ordered, “Lock behind me.”
“Yes, Detective.”
He grinned at her teasing, let his gaze run over her one more time and made another inarticulate sound that had her almost unbearably tempted to do the unthinkable—invite him in. After a first date.
But he kept backing up, and she found the strength to say good-night and close her door, turn the dead bolt and put on the chain.
After which she slumped against the door, let out a soft moan and began to smile.
* * *
BEN FROWNED AT his rearview mirror. A logging truck was careening along the highway behind him, closing the distance fast. The narrow, two-lane road wouldn’t allow an opportunity to pass for several more miles. The driver had better not crowd his bumper.
“So.” His passenger cleared his throat. “Looked like you and Eve hit it off.”
Ben flicked a glance at Seth. They were returning from an unproductive interview in the far corner of the county. Ben would have liked to lean on the guy a little harder, but knew they didn’t have enough justification yet.
“Bailey put you up to getting the scoop?” he asked.
“No, she’d have no reason not to go straight to the source herself.”
Eve, he meant.
“Do they talk?”
“They seem to be getting better at it.”
The warmth Ben had seen between the two women had seemed genuine, enough so he’d been a little surprised last night when Eve admitted to also feeling jealousy.
“Eve came across as welcoming at the press conference last year.”
“For her parents’ benefit.”
The remark made Ben feel conflicted. To give himself a moment, he checked the rearview mirror again. The truck loomed, still not slowing down. A sonorous horn sounded. “Son of a bitch,” he muttered.
“What?” Seth turned. “If he rides our tail, let’s ticket him.”
“Works for me.” Ben moved his shoulders in an effort to relax tension that had come out of nowhere. “Eve and I had dinner last night,” he said abruptly.
“Hey.” Seth sounded pleased. “Why didn’t you say something?”
The driver of the logging truck either surrendered to common sense or noticed that he was closing on a police car, because he slowed and dropped back.
“Seemed a little awkward when you were seeing her not that long ago.”
“I’ve told you before, there wasn’t much to it.” Seth seemed to brood for a minute. “I’d have probably quit calling her a lot sooner if not for Karen.”
Ben raised his eyebrows.
“Seemed like every damn week when she came in, she’d say something about Eve. I’d think, yeah, she was fun, why not?”
“Then why not?” Ben asked.
“No chemistry. It’s either there or it’s not.”
Ben grunted his agreement. He’d met beautiful women who left him cold.
“I kissed her good-night politely. Never got past that,” his partner added.
Ben relaxed a little more. Eve had implied as much, but he wasn’t sure she’d have told him if she’d slept with Seth. Good God! Imagine if she had, and then he’d fallen for her adoptive sister. Things were bad enough as it was.
His partner nodded acknowledgment, and, men being men, they let the subject drop, reverting instead to the current investigation of an unnecessarily brutal jewelry store holdup. Fortunately, no customers had been in the store. The owner had tried to flee out the back to get help, leaving his assistant behind the counter, but one of the two masked men had caught him and beaten the shit out of him while the other pepper-sprayed the assistant. They’d smashed glass cases and left with sackfuls of gold pieces set with diamonds and other precious stones.
The store was new this last year, in a strip mall of businesses that were higher end than usual for Stimson and environs. Some years back, the city had annexed a whole lot of land, but opposition from an organized group of homeowners had kept them from including an area that had since seen extensive development including half a dozen condominium complexes. Lots of new people and businesses meant a swell in crime and a headache for county law enforcement.
A jewelry store heist, though, that was unexpected. Jewelry could be hard to unload for anything close to value. The men had worn heavy boots, dirty jeans and hooded sweatshirts as well as black ski masks, which didn’t sound like members of a sophisticated ring. Even more telling, they had fled in a white van that belonged to a local electrical company. Reported stolen that morning, it was found abandoned half an hour after the heist beside an often deserted road leading to the county’s solid waste transfer station. Interestingly, the thieves had left the key in the ignition, which Ben thought was remarkably considerate.
It also happened that Ramstad Electrical Inc. had recently fired an employee named Ken Hardison who was reportedly disgruntled. He’d been assigned that particular van and could easily have copied or even kept a key.
Ken Hardison had been home when Ben and Seth came knocking on his door, but had proved to be surly and unwilling to say much more than, “If you found my fingerprints, it’s because I did the wiring on that store.”
“Is that why you think we’re here?” Seth had asked blandly.
“Why else would you be?” He’d glowered at them. “I never stole anything in my life.”
His girlfriend had left him after he’d apparently taken his rage at being fired out on her, following a couple of previous accusations of domestic violence. Sweet-natured, he was not.
Ben really wanted to talk to the girlfriend, but they had as yet failed to locate her. Who could blame her for going into hiding? He just hoped she hadn’t left the area.
Ben parked outside the sheriff’s department headquarters and was reaching for his door handle when he thought of something. “You ever deal with Eve on the job?”
Seth already had his door open, but didn’t get out. “Sure, that’s how we met. Don’t let her fool you. Some of her ‘kids’ are juvenile delinquents. I arrested one of them for setting a fire at the high school.”
“I remember that. Eve was his caseworker?”
“Yep. She was disappointed in him, but also way more understanding than I was.” He grinned. “We had some spirited debates. I was actually kind of surprised she agreed to go out with me after that. Why’d you ask?”
Ben waited until they were walking across the parking lot to answer. “She’s having some issues with another of her kids. Thinks he’s good as gold.”
“Sounds like Eve,” Seth said tolerantly. “She’s deeply committed to those kids.”
“She has the right background for her job.”
“I’d say so. Gives her a bias, too, though.”
“She admitted the arsonist was guilty, though?”
“Yeah, that wasn’t the issue. Her goal was to see him get help instead of time in lockup.”
“Did she win?”
Ben thought the other detective looked embarrassed.
“Pretty much. He did thirty days in juvie, then went to a group home for intensive counseling. When I asked, she told me Friday that he’s doing really well. So, hell, maybe she was right and I was wrong. Kid was only fourteen.”
Ben laughed. He had no trouble picturing Eve Lawson firing up in defense of a troubled boy. He’d seen a hint of that passion when she talked about how inadequate the foster care system was despite the best efforts of everyone who worked in it.
And, damn, he’d felt her passion when he kissed her. His intention had been to keep it light, but when his touch seemed to ignite her, he’d had a hell of a time making himself back off and leave.
The chemistry was there, no question. She intrigued him, too. That was one complicated woman. He’d thought about her all day and had every intention of calling her as he’d said.
He was still bothered by her ties to Seth, however. With Eve being Bailey’s sister, Ben had a feeling Seth wouldn’t like anyone hurting her.
Ben mulled over the idea of sounding her out on whether she had her eye out for an engagement ring or was open to something less serious. He could do it subtly. The idea of screwing up a solid partnership on the job because of a woman didn’t sit well with him.
Back when he was with Nicole...well, that would have been different.
Might still be, he admitted, if she needed him.
He let out a harsh breath. Nic wouldn’t turn to him if she was facing life imprisonment. Far as he could tell, what she mostly felt was resentment because she was stuck dealing with him where Rachel was concerned. He was clearly alone in feeling any lingering...he didn’t want to call it love. Okay, then: fondness. Memory of what they’d shared. Regret.
A year and a half had passed since their split, and all he seemed to awaken in her these days was annoyance. No more delusions, he told himself.
It was good he had Eve on his mind. Complications or not, he’d definitely call her tonight.
