Читать книгу Everywhere She Goes - Janice Kay Johnson - Страница 11

CHAPTER TWO

RUTH KNOCKED LIGHTLY and stuck her head around the door. “Ms. McAllister is here, Mayor.”

Noah looked up from Cait’s résumé, which he’d been reviewing. “Good. Send her in.”

He hoped she wasn’t a disappointment. He’d interviewed two candidates so far and been underwhelmed by both. Her, he had a good feeling about—unless she was Colin McAllister’s sister, a relationship bound to taint their association.

He rose from behind his desk just as she walked in. Tall, slim and beautiful. Stunned, he probably gaped. Hair cut short to lay in feathery wisps around her face was darker than honey and sun-streaked. She wore heels, black trousers and a formfitting, short royal blue blazer over a simple white camisole. Gold hoops in her ears. Her stride was lithe, her smile pleasant and luminous gray eyes wary.

And—hell—he knew those eyes, color and shape.

“You have to be related to Captain McAllister,” he said.

Her smile didn’t falter. “That’s right. He’s my brother.”

“Ah.” He held out his hand anyway.

She studied it for a moment that stretched a little too long before allowing him to envelop her much more slender hand. It was unexpectedly chilly to the touch. Resisting the temptation to hold on, maybe take her other hand and warm both, Noah let her go and nodded toward the grouping of chairs around a low circular bird’s-eye maple table that gave him a comfortable place to hold long conversations.

“Coffee?” he asked. “Or tea or water or...?”

“I’m good, thank you.”

He waited until she chose a chair and sat before doing the same himself. They looked at each other for a long minute. He wondered how she saw him. He wasn’t a handsome man. The face he saw in the mirror every morning was downright ugly, in his opinion. Maybe unfortunately, it suited his aggressive, straight-to-his-goal, probably brusque personality. On the other hand, he’d never had any trouble getting women. This one had to have heard an earful from her brother, though.

Yeah, so? he asked himself, irritated. This was a job interview, not a date. If he didn’t hire her, she wouldn’t stay in town. If he did, he’d be her direct supervisor. Coming on to her wasn’t an option.

Ignoring the inconvenient attraction, he started with the usual chitchat. She had lived in Angel Butte only until she was ten, she explained, at which point her parents had divorced and she had moved away with her mother. Yes, she had to admit that her brother’s residence here had something to do with her interest in the advertised position.

Noah hesitated, but he decided to get this out of the way before either of them wasted any more time. “Are you aware that your brother and I have our differences?”

“Yes.”

That was all. Yes. Even her expression didn’t alter.

He pushed a little harder. “Is that going to be a problem?”

One sculpted eyebrow quirked slightly higher than the other. “It won’t be unless I take the position and you fail to back me up when I need your support.” The emphasis on “me” was there, but subtle enough he couldn’t call her on it.

Annoyed for a different reason now, he met her challenging stare. He’d have had no trouble labeling her as an ice princess, except that her eyes were the furthest thing from cold. There was one hell of a lot going on in her, but she was repressing it. Only those big, shimmering gray eyes gave her away.

He didn’t see what he could do but nod although he felt his jaw muscles spasm. “All right. Let’s talk about your background.”

They dived right in. Her dissertation had to do with the cultural assumptions that led, and sometimes misled, urban planning. She had the academic stuff down pat—she talked about natural resources, engineering, public decisions, leadership and the conflicts inherent in those elements.

Insofar as he understood what the position entailed, he aimed his questions at finding out how practical her knowledge was versus ivory-tower theory and idealism. She got right down to the nitty-gritty, talking about planning, sure, but also code compliance, her ability to evaluate complex data, read and interpret plans, specifications, maps and engineering drawings. They ended with a heavy focus on the people-management component. She would be directly supervising an assistant director, chief of building inspectors, administrative services manager and others. She claimed understanding the real needs of citizens was her first priority, followed by balancing the goals she set with the reality of dealing with politicians, developers, landowners, protesters. They talked about the frequent presentations she’d be giving to city council committees, civic groups and more.

She asked about those committees, and he tried to give her a sense of city council personalities and how they related to the Infrastructure Advisory Board, the Arts, Beautification and Culture Committee and Economic Development Committee, all of which would demand her involvement.

Cait McAllister remained poised, articulate and knowledgeable. She never faltered. She was so damn cool, he tried to shake her, jumping topics from zoning to budgets, EPA requirements, water reclamation, citizens versus tourists. Nothing. She jumped with him.

She’d driven around town this morning, she told him, and already had some observations.

“I admit,” she commented, “that I was dismayed by the, er, shopping strip that was my first impression of Angel Butte.”

“All that was county until an extensive annexation took place a year ago.”

“I imagine that was good for the tax base.”

“Yes and no.” He ran a hand over his jaw, feeling the scrape of whiskers. “The campaign for the annexation was intelligently run. Unfortunately, nobody did any planning to speak of for handling the newly annexed areas. Your brother may have talked to you about the challenge it provided the police department. Our former mayor and a good part of the city council were opposed to expanding the number of officers in the department. Instead, they were spread so thin, in no time problems arose. I imagine it goes without saying that we’ve had plenty of other similar issues.”

Her eyes had widened. “I can imagine. Sewer, water, fire department... I’ll bet there’s a huge backlog in approving building permits.”

Noah smiled grimly. “Two city council members are major local developers. You’d think they’d have foreseen the problems, but apparently not. Now they’re unhappy.”

A flash of humor on her face almost took his breath away. “I have yet to meet a happy developer,” she murmured.

He chuckled, a rusty sound. “Now that you mention it...”

Her smile lit her face. He stared for too long; the smile died and her gaze became wary.

“What do you see as priorities for new projects?” he asked gruffly to cut short the moment.

“I can only address the obvious,” Cait pointed out. “There may be urgent need for storm-water projects or the like. I see Bend is expanding their water reclamation facility, for example.”

He nodded. “We have some of the same issues. I’ve been looking at possible sites for a new sewer treatment facility. But go with the obvious. What jumps out at you?”

“Some visual mitigation of the less than appealing approach to town,” she said bluntly. “Broader streets, landscaping, at the least. It’s great to have those kinds of businesses, both for the convenience of citizens and visitors alike and from a tax standpoint. But it’s ugly. Not an appealing first impression of what proves to be a charming town. We might even consider a bypass route.”

He nodded. That was on his list, too.

“Second, if Angel Butte is to continue to draw tourists in the numbers I saw this morning, I’d recommend major infrastructure work aimed at improving bicycle and pedestrian traffic. Right now, parking downtown is an exercise in frustration. You’ve got people jaywalking everywhere, and I’d be scared to ride a bike on most of the existing roads. You don’t want people staying at local resorts and inns to have to get into a car to go out for dinner, for example. They may end up irritated, and they may even decide to drive up to Sunriver to eat instead. Looking to the future, I’d argue that this would be an economically intelligent direction.” A wry smile flickered. “You might prevent some traffic fatalities besides.”

“I came close to taking out a tourist myself the other day,” he admitted. “And as it happens, I own Chandler’s Brew Pub on the main street. Parking is grossly inadequate. That’s part of why receipts lag behind my locations in Sisters and Bend.”

He saw no surprise on her face, which meant she’d done her research on him in advance. He had expected no less.

“You must have questions.”

She did. Some he’d anticipated, some not. All of them gave him a good idea of how smart she was.

When she seemed satisfied, he considered her for a minute. She withstood his scrutiny with no more than a slightly raised chin. He was amused to see that her chin was on the square side. When she jutted it out, the effect was pugnacious.

“Would you take the position if I offer it?” he asked abruptly.

Even that didn’t shake her composure. “Assuming compensation is adequate, I believe I would.”

“When would you be able to start?”

A ghost of some emotion showed in her eyes. He wished he had some idea what she was thinking. Not knowing worried him.

“Immediately,” she said after a moment. “I plan to stay with Colin for a few days, at least. I can continue work on my dissertation without being in Seattle. I’ll need to make a few trips back, of course, but...I find myself at loose ends right now. This job would suit me very well.”

Right now? “I’m looking for someone who will be making a long-term commitment, not taking the job as a brief fill-in.”

“I didn’t mean to suggest I was thinking short-term.”

Noah nodded. “I’ll need to follow up on your references. I can promise to get back to you within a matter of days.”

She rose gracefully to her feet. “Thank you for your time. You have my phone number.”

He stood, too, aware that he physically intimidated many people but also sure that, for some reason, she wasn’t among them. “I do,” he agreed.

They shook hands again. Hers was a little warmer this time. He squeezed gently and let her go sooner than he would have liked. He walked her to the outer office and watched as she strode away toward the elevator or stairs, the swing of her hips subtle but sexy as hell.

Not until he turned did he realize that his PA had been watching him. He saw curiosity in her eyes.

“How did the interview go?” she asked, just as she had after all the previous ones.

He grunted. “Good. If her references pan out, I think she’s the one.”

She cleared her throat. “You do know—”

“That her brother is Captain McAllister? I know.” He frowned. “How do you know?”

Ruth smiled. “We chatted.”

“Did you chat about anything else I ought to know?”

She tilted her head while she thought. “No, I don’t think so,” she said after a moment. “She seems like a lovely young woman.”

Lovely was definitely one word for Cait McAllister, Noah reflected as he returned to his office. Sexy was another. The fact that he was thinking that way about her had the potential to be a huge problem. Did he really want to hire a woman likely to distract him the way she had today?

Muttering under his breath, he went to the window and stared out. Not, he told himself, because he might be able to see her walk out to her car—although there she was, and he couldn’t have taken his eyes off her if the most aggravating of city councilmen was tapping on his shoulder. Looking toward the cinder cone usually clarified his thinking.

Somehow that didn’t happen with him focused on Cait McAllister’s long-legged stride, the sway of her hips, the gleam of spring sunlight on her hair.

Not until she got into a little blue car that, a moment later, joined the traffic on the road and passed out of his limited line of sight could he look away.

“Damn,” he said aloud, but quietly.

There were other words he could use as descriptors for the woman who had just left his office. Brilliant, he suspected, was one. Definitely highly qualified.

Which made him blessed that, for whatever reason, she wanted a job in Angel Butte, Oregon.

What he’d really like to know was why she was willing to take it. His gut said she was desperate for a change. He wondered if her brother would know what she was trying to leave behind.

Maybe the bigger question was whether he could quit noticing how lovely and, yes, goddamn it, sexy she was and see her as a professional.

If not...

Noah sank heavily into his desk chair and gazed, unseeing, at one of the paintings that hung on his office wall.

Who was he kidding? Of course he was going to hire her. And, no, he wasn’t going to be able to turn off his libido. He’d have to aim for reining in his response. If he was really lucky, her personality would begin to grate on him and he’d quit caring what she looked like.

* * *

“I KNOW COLIN is estranged from your mother.” Nell poured balsamic dressing from the little plastic cup over her salad. “He seems to think you’re still close to her?”

Cait and her new sister-in-law had spent the morning browsing shops and were now eating at a café owned by a friend of Nell’s, who had come out when they arrived to say hi and inspect Cait with obvious curiosity.

So far, Cait really liked Colin’s wife. If Nell was being nosy...well, who could blame her? She was, after all, married to a man with major family issues. Who knew better than Cait, who had issues, too, if different ones from her brother’s.

What’s more, Nell wasn’t a casual acquaintance. Strange as the realization was, they were family.

“Not so much,” Cait admitted, answering the question about her relationship with her mother. “Once I hit my teenage years and rebelled, things went downhill. We’ve never quite recovered.”

Nell nodded. “Does she know you’re here in Angel Butte?”

Cait winced. “No. If I get the job, I’ll have to tell her eventually.”

Nell didn’t say anything. Tiny lines on her forehead suggested she hadn’t raised the subject only in a casual, get-acquainted way. Good lord, Cait thought; Mom is her mother-in-law. Cait knew Colin hadn’t invited their mother to his wedding.

“I suppose Colin’s told you that...our father was abusive,” she said carefully.

“Yes.”

“He and Colin fought a lot.”

“He told me that, too.” Nell still hadn’t reached for her fork. “He thought he’d probably scared you and your mom both toward the end. He was trying to draw your father’s anger away from the two of you, but he admits he was filled with a lot of rage, too.”

“That last couple of years were really horrible. I remember getting off the school bus and dragging my feet because I dreaded going home.” Cait tried to smile. “Anyway, if Mom was ever happy here in Angel Butte, she’s long since forgotten. I think she feels guilty about Colin, too.”

“She should,” Nell said sharply, after which she made an apologetic moue. “That was tactless, wasn’t it? I won’t take it back, though. I don’t mean to offend you, but the truth is, she abandoned him. Having his own mother leave him behind with the father he hated... He has scars.”

“He seems so...together,” Cait said hesitantly. “Except...I guess I could always tell that he wanted more from me than I knew how to give.” Her laugh was sad. “Family life at its finest.”

Nell’s laugh held a similar note. “My family is no better—I assure you. One of these days, I’ll tell you more about our soap opera.”

“I’d actually like that.” Cait smiled. “Misery loves company.”

“Absolutely.”

They both chuckled and, as they began to eat, turned the subject in other directions. They were talking about a women’s self-defense class Nell had taken over the winter when Cait’s phone rang. Of course it had sunk to the bottom of her too-roomy bag, but she snagged it by the fourth ring. The number was local, and not Colin’s, unless he was using a landline at the police station.

“I’d better take this,” she murmured to Nell, and answered.

“Ms. McAllister.” The gravelly voice was unmistakable. “Noah Chandler.”

Her heart raced. Truth time. “Mayor.”

“Why don’t we progress to Noah and Caitlyn? I’m calling to offer you the position.”

The relief was out of proportion, especially considering her mixed feelings about her return to Angel Butte. A journey back in time, she thought flippantly. “I go by Cait,” she said, sounding completely collected and mildly pleased. She impressed herself sometimes.

“Cait it is. Do you have a minute to talk?”

She grimaced apologetically at Nell, who waved her understanding and eavesdropped with interest.

A minute was all the conversation took. Mayor Chandler did not believe in beating around the bush. He laid out compensation, medical and dental benefits, retirement and vacation package with a take-it-or-leave-it curtness. She told him, equally briefly, that his offer was acceptable. He asked when she could start. Cait took a deep breath. “How about tomorrow morning?”

The momentary silence suggested she’d surprised him. But when he said, “Good. Let’s meet in my office at nine,” his voice didn’t confirm that impression.

Cait felt more than a little dazed as she dropped her phone back in her handbag. “Wow. The job’s mine.”

Working with him.

She didn’t let herself linger on that vague sense of apprehension. Only that wasn’t quite right.

She didn’t have time to, anyway, since Nell jumped to her feet and hurried around the table to give her a quick hug. “I’m glad. Having you close will really make Colin happy, and I think you and I are going to be friends.”

“I think so, too,” Cait agreed. From their first meeting, she’d had the feeling she and Nell already were friends. Maybe that was because her face was so disconcertingly familiar—Nell/Maddie hadn’t changed as much as most people did from when she was a child. With that pointy chin, sharp cheekbones and disarmingly high forehead, she looked thoroughly adult and yet still like the little girl Cait remembered, scattering of freckles, big brown eyes and all. She had claimed to vaguely remember Cait, too, but sounded more uncertain. Cait knew her own face was nowhere near as distinctive.

It wasn’t only familiarity that made Cait feel comfortable with this new sister-in-law, though. Nell had an air of reserve that reminded Cait of her own. Even after several months together, Nell seemed surprised by Colin’s smiles, touches and the intimate way they sometimes looked at each other. Or maybe, Cait reflected, Nell was surprised by her own response to him. Cait knew enough from what she’d read about Nell’s ordeal to be sure she understood self-doubt—and why trust could be hard.

Cait insisted on paying for lunch, which Nell finally accepted. They were walking out when Nell asked if she’d mind stopping to grocery shop on the way home.

“Of course not—” Head turned, she walked smack into someone. A man who asked if she was all right at the same moment she exclaimed, “I’m so sorry!”

And then she really looked at him. Shock seemed to squeeze her throat. “You,” she whispered.

Echoing shock showed on his fleshy but still handsome face. He was middle-aged, the auburn of his short hair muted from what she remembered by a substantial sprinkling of gray. He’d softened some around the middle, too, but...she did know him. Oh, why hadn’t it occurred to her that he might still live here?

“Cait,” he said, sounding rueful. “I’m surprised you recognized me. What were you? Nine, ten, when you moved away?”

“Ten.” Her voice was a little too high. “Jerry, that’s right, isn’t it?”

“Jerry Hegland.” His gaze flicked to Nell, who was watching the odd encounter. “Aren’t you—?”

“Nell McAllister.”

He looked momentarily confused.

“My sister-in-law,” Cait contributed.

“That’s right.” He was apparently putting the pieces together and realizing Cait’s companion was Maddie Dubeau. “I heard you’d married the police officer who found you. Ah, I knew Cait and Colin’s mother,” he explained. His gaze traveled back to her. “We were getting to be good friends, weren’t we, Cait?”

She managed a nod, her usual social skills having totally deserted her. This man had been her mother’s lover. Of course, she hadn’t known the truth until years later. Back then, she’d thought he was a nice man who Mommy and she happened to run into really often. He’d bought them lunch several times.

“I’ll bet you remember me best for the handprints I left in your concrete slab,” she blurted.

He stared at her. “What?”

“You didn’t know it was me?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Suddenly he was as brusque as Mayor Noah Chandler at his most impatient. He looked over her shoulder. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m meeting someone.”

“Of course.” She wouldn’t lie and say, Great to see you. It wasn’t, even if she wasn’t being fair. After all, Mom was the one who’d been married.

Unless he had been, too?

She didn’t care.

I am angry at her. Had been, still was. She had been only sixteen—and an already confused sixteen, at that—when she’d found out her mother had had an affair.

An affair? Who knew? Maybe she’d been screwing around on Dad for years. Cait wanted to think the betrayal explained his rage.

She didn’t look back as Nell pushed open the door and the two of them exited.

* * *

DINNER STARTED WITH them all clinking wineglasses in a toast to her new job. Cait was still feeling the glow, if also a whole lot of trepidation, when Nell glanced at her.

“So, who was that guy we ran into at the restaurant?” She transferred her gaze from Cait to her husband. “Please pass the butter.”

He did so automatically, but he was looking at Cait. “I didn’t think you’d remember anyone from that long ago.”

Here was where she could say, He wasn’t anyone important. But Colin likely knew him, she realized. Her brother had been enough older than her to be aware of relationships and undercurrents to which she’d been oblivious. In fact, she’d nursed some anger at him, too, for leaving her in ignorance even though, all grown-up now, she could see why he hadn’t said anything to his little sister.

“Jerry Hegland.”

He frowned. “Who?”

She set her fork down. “You don’t know him?”

“The name is vaguely familiar.” He seemed to be searching his memory. “Wait. Something to do with the airport?”

“I don’t actually know.” But, yes, once Mom and she had gone out there to watch planes take off and land. Angel Butte Regional Airport wasn’t all that exciting, of course; at least in those days, aside from privately owned small planes, traffic had consisted of no more than a couple of flights a day to Portland and Seattle using turboprop commuter planes that carried something like fifteen or twenty passengers. Still, she remembered standing beside the runway as one of those planes tore by, gaining momentum and then lifting into the air. She had been amazed. Her family had never flown anywhere.

That had been one of the occasions when the nice man bought lunch for her and Mom, at the café in the airport terminal.

“Then how do you know him?” Colin asked.

“Mom.” She sounded like a crow. Harsh. “He and Mom...”

Her brother’s expression gradually changed with dawning horror. “He and Mom what?” he asked in a hard voice.

Cait was distantly aware that Nell’s mouth hung open. She’d had no idea what she was starting.

“They had an affair. Didn’t you know?” she begged.

“Hell, no!” He gave his head a shake. “I can’t believe— How did you know?”

“I always assumed... Wow.”

“Cait.”

“Don’t snap at me!”

Now they were glaring at each other.

Well, what difference did it make? she reasoned. Colin and Mom never talked anyway.

“I had no idea back then. I thought he was a friend of Mom’s. But when I was sixteen, I was rooting in her closet looking for something.” She’d been snotty, and Mom had taken away her cell phone in punishment. The minute Mom left for work the next day, Cait in a fury had dug through all of her mother’s dresser drawers, looked inside coat pockets in her closet, then taken down every box on the closet shelf. In the second one, she’d found a couple of photo albums and letters and been distracted from her search. She remembered sitting on the bed turning pages in the albums. Already her memories of her dad and her brother were fading. But here were Colin’s and her school photos, as well as lots of family snapshots. Mostly those weren’t all that great—people were squinting against the sun or looked posed and uncomfortable. There were first-day-of-school pictures, when Colin or she were stiff in their new clothes. And some of Dad laughing with his arm around one of them. She’d felt strange, seeing those.

She hadn’t paid much attention to the letters, beyond dumping them out on the bed so she could look at the loose photos. There had been a bundle tied in ribbon with handwriting she’d recognized as Nanna’s. But then she saw that a picture of a man she had recognized was bundled with a few notes that weren’t in envelopes.

“I found some notes he’d written Mom,” she said. “They were...um, kind of explicit. And then in one he was pleading with her to leave Dad. He said he’d take us, too. In the last one, he said, ‘Why won’t you call me? You’re wrong, whatever you think.’” She remembered it word for word. “It freaked me out. I guess Mom slept with him, but then she ditched him when he got serious about her. Which made me wonder if there hadn’t been other men, too.”

Colin hadn’t moved. “Mom?” he finally said in a low, dark voice.

Cait bobbed her head. “I always thought...”

His eyes focused on her.

“That you must know. I mean, you were older—”

“No. I had no idea. What does he look like?”

She did her best to describe the Jerry she remembered from back then and the one she’d encountered today.

“That son of a bitch,” he muttered.

“Maybe,” she said. “But it’s still mostly Mom I stumble over. I mean, she was married. She had us to think about.”

“You mean, she had you to think about,” he said, with less emotion than she suspected he really felt about being deserted by his own mother. But then his eyes narrowed. “Why would she have introduced you to him?”

“I guess sometimes they wanted to get together and she didn’t have any place to leave me. Or maybe they were playing family. I don’t know. I was a kid. I thought we ran into him by accident.” She told him about having lunch with the man, and the treat of getting to go practically out onto the runway to watch planes take off and land. “One time we had a picnic. I don’t remember where. We swam. I remember the water being really cold, but it was fun.” She shrugged. “All innocent, until I found out it wasn’t.”

“Goddamn it,” her brother said bitterly.

“Do you think Dad knew?”

Colin’s face was transformed by anger, his eyes the color of storm clouds. “I have no idea. I tried not to listen when they were screaming at each other.”

She nodded her understanding; sometimes she’d run to her room and pulled her pillow over her head. The yelling so often ended in crashes and grunts and sobbing. She hadn’t wanted to be anywhere near her parents then.

Right now, she was feeling something of the same choking sense of anxiety.

A muscle ticked beneath Colin’s eye. “I may have to meet this Hegland.”

She seemed to have quit breathing. “You look like Dad right now.”

“I don’t look anything like him,” he said in a low growl. But he did. He did. Dad’s face had always been so flushed when he lost his temper, worse when he’d had too much to drink, of course. Right now, dark color suffused Colin’s face and tendons stood out in his forearms. His hand had fisted around his bread knife.

Just like Daddy’s.

“Yes, you do.” She bent her head so she didn’t have to see him. Oh, God. This was what she’d felt every time Blake started to get mad.

“Colin, you’re scaring her,” Nell said softly. When Cait sneaked a worried peek, she saw that her sister-in-law had laid a hand on Colin’s arm. He’d turned his head and was looking at her.

After a minute, during which Cait didn’t dare move, he said, “Cait.” His voice was gruff but also somehow gentle. “I know what you saw back then, but I’m not like Dad. I’ve never wanted to be anything like him. I fought with him to keep you and Mom safe, but I’m not a violent man.”

She looked up to find him regarding her ruefully.

“Seeing you look scared of me,” he said, “that’s one of the worst things you could do to me.” He made a rough sound in his throat. “I would never hurt you.”

She gave a quick little nod, and, after a moment, he answered it with one of his own.

“All right,” he said.

Embarrassed at her over-the-top reaction—could she call it a past life regression?—she told him she was sorry. Colin insisted she had nothing to be sorry for.

Nell interceded by getting them talking about something else, and later, when they were alone in the kitchen, she apologized to Cait for mentioning Jerry.

“No, it’s all right. I just had this sort of flashback.” Cait even managed a small laugh. “The perils of coming home.”

“Which I fully understand.” Nell bumped her shoulder against Cait’s. “You should go figure out what you’re going to wear tomorrow.”

“Oh, boy.” New anxiety instead of anticipation, and Cait didn’t even know why. Because this was Angel Butte? Because, in running away from Blake, she’d made a sharp right turn in her life? Or because she would be seeing Noah Chandler at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow, and had no idea why he made her feel so edgy?