Читать книгу The Nurse's Baby Secret - Janice Lynn - Страница 11
ОглавлениеCHARLIE SMILED AT the petite lady he’d grown quite fond of over the past couple of years he’d been her cardiologist. “Now, now, Mrs. Evans. You’ll be just fine under Dr. Flowers’ care. He’s an excellent cardiologist.”
“But you know me,” the woman explained, not happy about his announcement that he was relocating. “If it wasn’t for having to cross that mountain halfway in between, I’d follow you to Nashville.”
“I’m flattered that you’d even consider doing so, but you don’t need a cardiologist who is two hours away. Mountain or no mountain, that’s not a good plan.”
“Then I guess you should change your mind and stay.”
If ever there was a time he considered changing his mind about his move it would have been the night before at Savannah’s apartment. The betrayed look on her face had gutted him, but he’d accomplished what he’d set out to do.
He’d set Savannah free and let her keep her pride by her being the one to say the words. He’d needed to let her out, but he hadn’t wanted to break her spirit.
Things were as they should be.
He was single, free to make the decisions for his life without her or any woman’s interference, and she was free of him and his baggage.
His father’s dying words had been pleas to Charlie never to be controlled by what was in his pants, and a declaration that no woman was worth giving up one’s dreams.
“Marriage and kids suck the life right out of you, son,” his father had told him. “You go after your dreams and you make them happen. You be the best doctor this country has ever seen and don’t you let a woman stand in your way, no matter how pretty she is. In the long run, she will eat at your soul until you despise her for taking away your dreams.”
Those had been the exact words from his last conversation with his father. He’d heard similar all his life, had known that was how his father felt about his mother, him.
Although he’d become way too involved with Savannah for far too long, Charlie wouldn’t let any woman tie him down.
Not because of his father, but because of not wanting to relive the hell of what he’d grown up with. He’d been a burden to his parents, had ruined their lives; he’d been unable to protect his mother from his father’s abuse, unable to protect her from the misery he’d caused. Charlie would never marry nor have children. Never.
He’d ruined enough lives during his lifetime already.
“You hear something different, doc?”
Charlie blinked at the elderly woman he’d been checking and instantly felt remorse at his mental slip into the past. Crazy that this move had him thinking so much about his parents, his failure of a family, his past. All things he did his best to keep buried. Maybe that had been the problem over the past year. He’d kept his past so deeply buried that he’d forgotten all the reasons why he shouldn’t have gotten so involved with Savannah. No more.
“No,” he told the woman with a forced smile. “Just listening to your heart sounds. Your heart is in rhythm today.”
“My heart is in rhythm every day. Just some days that rhythm isn’t such a good one.”
He finished examining her, then saw the rest of his morning patients. Typically, this was the time he’d go to the cardiovascular intensive care unit, see his inpatients, see if his favorite CVICU nurse could sneak away to grab a bite of lunch.
He’d gotten too attached to Savannah.
For both their sakes, he’d been right to take the job in Nashville. She might not realize it yet, but he’d done her the greatest favor of her life.
* * *
“You don’t seem yourself today.”
Savannah glanced up at her nurse supervisor, who also happened to be one of her dearest friends. Should she tell Chrissie the truth?
If so, how much of the truth?
The man I thought I was spending the rest of my life with told me last night that he’s moving two hours away? Or, I’m pregnant by a man I was crazy about but currently just want to strangle?
Neither seemed the right thing to say at work, where she had to hold it together and not cry out her frustrations.
“I’m okay.”
Chrissie’s brow lifted. “You usually walk around as if your feet aren’t affected by gravity. I’ve not seen you smile all day. So I’m not buying ‘okay’.”
Savannah gave a semblance of a smile that was mostly bared teeth.
Chrissie winced. “That bad?”
Savannah nodded. “Worse.”
“You and Charlie have an argument?”
Had they argued? Not really. More like he’d told her he was moving and she’d verbalized that they were through.
“I heard he turned his notice in yesterday. I wasn’t going to say anything until you did, but you’ve looked so miserable today that I couldn’t hold it in any longer.”
There it was. Confirmation that he was leaving. Everyone knew. Charlie was leaving her.
“I’m not sure what to say. My boyfriend—former boyfriend,” she corrected, “is moving out of town. I was shocked by the news and haven’t quite recovered.”
Chrissie’s expression pinched. “You didn’t know?”
“You probably knew before I did.”
Her friend’s eyes widened. “He hadn’t mentioned he was considering a move to Nashville?”
Savannah shook her head. “Not even a peep.”
Chrissie looked blown away. “What was he thinking? He should have talked such a big decision over with you.”
Maybe her expectations hadn’t been unfounded if Chrissie thought the same thing as she had. What was she thinking? Of course he should have mentioned the possibility of a move. They’d been inseparable for months. Her anger was well founded.
“Apparently not.”
“You said ‘former boyfriend’,” Chrissie pointed out. “You two are finished, then?”
Savannah had to fight to keep her hand from covering her lower abdomen. She and Charlie would never be finished. There would always be a tie that bound them.
A child that bound them.
Still, she didn’t need him, would not allow herself to need him. Some fools never learned, but she wasn’t going to fall into that category.
Toying with her stethoscope, she shrugged and told the truth. “Yeah, as a couple, we’re finished.”
* * *
Wincing, Charlie paused in the hallway. Neither woman had noticed him walking up behind them. Neither one knew he was overhearing their conversation.
Should he clear his throat or something?
He shouldn’t feel guilty for eavesdropping. If they didn’t want someone to overhear their conversation they shouldn’t be having it in the middle of the CVICU hallway.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Chrissie told Savannah, giving her a quick hug. “I thought you two were perfect together.”
Perfect together.
They had been perfect together, but wasn’t that the way most relationships started? All happy faces and rainbows? It was what came along after the happy faces and rainbows faded that was the problem.
He was just leaving before the bright and shiny faded, before hell set in and people died.
Charlie absolutely was not going to be like his father.
If Rupert had been miserable at giving up his dream of a career in medicine, then he’d made Charlie’s mother doubly so until her death in a car accident when Charlie had been fifteen. That had been after a particularly gruesome argument that Charlie had tried to stop. He’d never forgiven himself that he hadn’t been able to protect her from his father. He’d tried, failed, and look what had happened, at what she’d done to escape his father—to escape him?
Guilt slammed him and he refused to let the memory take hold, instead focusing on events before that dreadful night. Why his parents had stayed together was beyond Charlie. They should have divorced.
They should never have married.
No doubt his mother would have been a hundred times better off if Rupert had walked away instead of marrying her and making her pay for her pregnancy every day for the rest of her life.
Regardless, Rupert had stayed with his wife and had instilled in Charlie the knowledge that giving up one’s dreams for another person ultimately led to misery for all involved. His mother had seconded that motion, and when she’d died it had confirmed that her son was not worth living for. Charlie wasn’t able to make another person happy, nor was he able to protect anyone from life’s harsher realities. Those were lessons he’d learned well.
Thank goodness he was leaving before he’d sunk so far into his relationship with Savannah that he couldn’t resurface.
That she couldn’t resurface.
The next two months couldn’t pass soon enough.
* * *
Savannah didn’t have to turn to know that Charlie was behind her. Something inside always went a little haywire when he was near and, whatever that something was, it was sending out crazy signals.
“All good things must come to an end,” she told her friend, not going into anything more specific, wishing she wasn’t so aware of the man behind her.
With time, she wouldn’t even remember who he was, she lied to herself, trying to balm the raw ache in her heart, trying to cling to her anger. Anger was easier than pain.
“You really aren’t going to try to make a go of it long distance?”
She shook her head. “I don’t do long distance relationships.”
Perhaps, under the right circumstances, she would have, but nothing about what had happened with Charlie was right. He’d blindsided her and left her emotionally devastated.
Chrissie gave her a suspicious look. “You aren’t going to leave Chattanooga on me, are you?”
She shook her head again. “Nope. Not that he offered to take me with him, but I’m not leaving Chattanooga to chase after a man or for any other reason. This is my home. If I’m not worth staying for, then good riddance.”
She was pretty sure her words were aimed more at the man eavesdropping than at her friend. But what did it matter? Her words were true.
If only the truth didn’t hurt so much. Didn’t make her so angry. Not hurt. Angry.
“As your nurse supervisor, I’m glad to hear that. As your friend, I’m sad that you and Dr. Keele have split. You two seemed to have something very special and, quite frankly, I was more than a little envious.”
Yeah, she’d thought so too.
“Appearances can be deceiving.”
Very deceiving. She’d believed in him and his feelings for her. She’d been the one deceived and had no one to blame but her foolish, naïve self.
Only she blamed him, too.
Why had he acted so enamored if he wasn’t? He’d treated her as if she was the candle that gave light to his world. They’d been together almost a year. A freaking year. A year of her life. A year of his life. Gone. Meaningless.
Only it wasn’t.
Because there was a physical reminder of that year, of their relationship, growing inside her.
Darn him for taking the happiest day of her life and turning it into the worst.
She’d cried enough tears to sail a fleet upon, had to have used up all her tears, and yet, even now, she could spring a leak that would rival Old Faithful.
A man who would so easily walk away from her wasn’t worth her heartache and tears.
“Speaking of the devil,” she said, turning to let Charlie know she knew he was there. She wouldn’t cry. Not in front of him. If she had her way, she’d never cry over him again. “Good afternoon, Dr. Keele.”
He grimaced at her formal use of his name.
Good. He deserved a little grimacing after all she’d gone through the night before and every moment since. But, seriously, what had he expected? A smile and, Glad to see you?
“I imagine you’re here to see Mr. Roberts. He’s in Room 336 and, although he’s still going in and out of atrial fibrillation, he’s otherwise stable on the IV medication since his admission this morning.”
All business. She could do it. She would do it.
No matter that he used to smile at her with his whole being and make her feel like the most precious person in the world.
No matter that two nights ago he’d kissed her all over and done crazily amazing things to her body and held her tightly afterwards.
No matter that his baby was nestled deep inside her body.
No matter that he’d utterly ripped her heart to shreds the night before, forever destroying her faith in him. In them.
No matter that she might just hate him for what he’d done.
He was leaving.
They were no longer a couple.
She no longer looked at him with rose-colored glasses.
He was a doctor. She was a nurse. She could play that game and keep things professional for as long as she had to.
She could hold her emotions in, keep her expression detached. He didn’t deserve to see her pain.
He’d be gone in two months and then letting him see her hurt would be the least of her worries.
* * *
This was how it had to be, Charlie reminded himself as he went to check on his patient.
But to look into the eyes of the woman he’d spent the past year of his life with and see nothing but cold disdain—that he hadn’t been prepared for.
He should have been. He’d known they were going to end the moment he’d told her he was leaving. He’d expected her anger. Maybe her yelling and screaming at him would have been easier than the look of disdain. He’d lived with both, growing up. The yelling, the screaming at how worthless he was, the looks of hatred.
Yet seeing that look on Savannah’s face gutted him.
He examined the unconscious man, checking the readouts on his telemetry, making note of adjustments he’d make to his care.
Hopefully, tomorrow they’d be able to decrease his sedation and start weaning him off his respiratory ventilator.
He heard someone enter the room behind him, but knew it wasn’t Savannah. She gave off a vibe that caused his insides to hum when she was near and he wasn’t humming. Not even the slightest little buzz.
“Do I need to reassign your patients?”
He turned to look at the nurse supervisor, then shook his head. “I’ll be here for two months and plan to take care of my patients during that time.”
She arched a brow at his obvious misunderstanding. “Savannah taking care of your patients won’t be a problem?”
“Not for me.” He put his stethoscope back in his scrub pocket, then got a squirt of antimicrobial solution. Almost methodically, he rubbed his hands until the wet solution dissipated. He tried to appear casual when he asked, “Did she ask to be reassigned?”
Chrissie shook her head. “She’d never do that. She’s way too professional, no matter what her personal feelings are.”
He met the woman’s gaze. “Then we shouldn’t be having this conversation.”
Chrissie didn’t back down. If anything, his stern look had her hiking up her chin to take advantage of every bit of her still short stature. “That’s probably true, but it’s my job to make sure everything goes smoothly on this unit. I don’t want any unforeseen problems cropping up and I’m taking a proactive approach to this potential situation.”
“As far as I’m concerned, there is no potential situation. I’ll be gone in two months.”
Her dark eyes narrowed but, rather than say anything negative, she surprised him by saying, “Congratulations on your new job. I hear it was a nice promotion.”
“Thank you. It was.”
She hesitated a moment, then looked him square in the eyes. “You’re sure that’s really what you want, though?”
He frowned. “Of course it is. It’s a very prestigious position.”
“Hard to have a conversation with a prestigious position over the dinner table.”
She thought he was a fool for accepting the greatest career opportunity he’d been presented with because of Savannah. Let her think that. He didn’t care what she thought—what anyone thought. He knew he’d made the right decision. That he was doing what was best for Savannah by destroying her feelings for him.
Feigning that her look of pity didn’t faze him, he shrugged. “I won’t be lonely.”
She gave him a disappointed look. “No, I don’t imagine you will. Congrats again, Dr. Keele. I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for in Nashville.”
“I’m not looking for anything in Nashville,” he told her retreating back. He wasn’t looking for anything anywhere.
Charlie grabbed hold of the bed rail and stared down at his unconscious patient for long moments.
Taking the Nashville job had been the right thing for all involved.
What hadn’t been the right thing had been getting so involved with someone. He wouldn’t make that mistake again.
That might not be a problem anytime in the near future anyway. The thought of anyone other than Savannah just didn’t appeal.
How was any other woman supposed to compare to the way she lit up a room just by walking into it? To the way her smile reached her eyes and he knew what she was thinking without her saying a word? How she enjoyed the same things he did, shared his love of Civil War history and taking long hikes up on Lookout Mountain on the battlefield? To running with him at dawn along the Tennessee River near her apartment?
The reality was no woman ever had measured up to Savannah and he suspected they never would. The thought of sharing his days, his nights, with anyone other than her left him cold.
She was perfect and he wanted her to stay that way.
Leaving was the best thing he could do for all involved.
