Читать книгу Thief of My Heart - Janice Sims - Страница 12

Chapter 3

The first thing Desiree did when she got to her car that Monday evening after her workout with John was to lean against it and dig in her shoulder bag for Decker’s card. She felt bad about not calling him before now. Even when she rejected his flowers, she always phoned to thank him for the thought, after which he’d make a joke about it and they’d end up laughing together before ending the call. She made sure he knew it wasn’t because she disliked him that she refused to go out with him. It was because he wasn’t her type. Plus, there was the fact that they were related by marriage. She couldn’t behave standoffish with him because she saw him at all sorts of family functions. She didn’t ignore him, or turn and leave the room when he entered. She was always civil and kind. The truth was, if not for the fact that he had a reputation for being a ladies’ man, he might actually be her type. He was good at his job, devoted to family and friends, to say nothing of being a total hottie. She did have eyes!

She finally found the card and removed it from its tiny envelope. She immediately recognized Decker’s expressive cursive writing and smiled. The message read “Desi, I know when to cut my losses. If I don’t hear from you after you receive these flowers, I’ll know you’re never going to give me the chance to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Yet I’m still hoping to be yours someday, Decker.”

Suddenly weak in the knees, Desiree leaned heavily against the car door, her gaze lingering on the note. She didn’t know why she felt like this: happy and sad at the same time. Decker had never written anything so heartfelt on his cards before. The messages usually consisted of things like “Go out with me already” or “How about dinner tomorrow night?” Once he’d written “Hello from your friendly neighborhood stalker.”

Standing there in John’s driveway, she realized that Decker might be thinking things were over between them for good since she hadn’t bothered to phone him. That must have been why he’d written that if he didn’t hear from her, he would know she didn’t want anything to do with him and would give up.

She was torn. Did she really want him to give up on her? To be honest, she had gotten some kind of weird satisfaction out of having a gorgeous man pursuing her. Flattery wasn’t the half of it. Decker Riley provided the closest thing she’d had in her life that could be construed as a relationship with a man. John was right: she was scared to take another chance on love. Decker had been safe because she could hold him at bay.

Did she have the courage to call him and ask him out? If she didn’t, what did that make her, a pseudopsychologist? How could she help anyone else when she couldn’t even overcome her own shortcomings? How could she advise anyone else about life when her own was so messed up?

She slipped the card back into her shoulder bag and got behind the wheel of the SUV. Picking up her cell phone, she ran a finger across the touch screen and selected Decker’s cell phone number.

He answered after three rings. “Desiree?” He sounded tentative, as though he was unsure as to why she’d phoned him.

“Do you have a moment?” she asked softly.

“I’m home,” he said. “You can have all the time you need.”

“Thank you for the flowers.”

He sighed. “It’s been a week. I thought you weren’t going to call.” He didn’t sound upset, though, just wary.

“I got sidetracked. I’ll tell you about it sometime.”

“You promise?”

“Yes, maybe over dinner?”

“You mean it?”

“Yes, Decker,” she said with a short laugh. “I mean it. I know it’s been a long time coming, but I’d like to see where a date with you will lead. Do you accept the challenge?”

He laughed, too. “Hell, yeah, I accept! I know exactly where I want to take you for dinner.”

“Where is that?” she asked, her tone entirely too expectant for her comfort. She didn’t want to sound overly eager.

“Don’t you worry about where,” said Decker. “Just tell me which night you’re available, the time to be at your place and leave the rest to me. Are you game?”

Desiree was grinning now. This could be fun, a bit of spontaneity in her well-ordered life. “All right, Friday night at eight.”

“I’ll be there, beautiful. Wear your dancing shoes.”

“You dance?”

“Of course I dance. All Riley men dance.”

“What about Riley women?”

“Who do you think teach the Riley men?”

She laughed delightedly. “Then your mom taught you to dance?”

“She started when I was five years old. She told me all Southern gentlemen should know how to conduct themselves on the dance floor. She’s very old-school.”

Desiree had met his mother, June, on several occasions and liked her. She was always kind to her and, like her son, had a killer sense of humor. But she didn’t strike her as old-school. She dressed beautifully in the latest designer fashions and drove a sports car, fast.

She laughed at his assertion. “Your mom’s ultramodern, and you know it.”

“That she is,” Decker admitted. “Deep down, though, she’s traditional. She’s getting very impatient with me.”

“About?”

“Bringing some nice girl home to meet her and Dad,” Decker said. “She likes you.”

“I like her, too, but let’s not talk about that until after the first date, okay?”

Decker laughed. “I’m getting a little ahead of myself, huh?”

“A little,” Desiree said with a smile.

“I can hear a smile in your voice,” Decker said. “You’re not turned off by the thought. I’ll take that. See you Friday night. Do you like Italian food?”

“Love it. Should I wear something casual or dressy?” Desiree asked before he could hang up.

“Let’s keep it casual for the first date,” Decker said.

“Okay,” Desiree returned. “And Decker?”

“Yes?” he asked. His voice was so deep and sexy that Desiree could have sworn her toes were curling.

“Thanks for being so understanding about my not phoning sooner.”

“You’re welcome,” was all he said, and they ended the call.

Desiree sat in her car for a moment, smiling. That hadn’t turned out the way she had anticipated. She had believed she was making the call to prove to herself that she wasn’t a coward and could go forward with her life. But once she heard Decker’s voice, something inside her melted. She began to genuinely look forward to going out with him and getting to know him better than the “surface Decker” she had known for the past two years. She couldn’t wait until Friday night.

* * *

Decker stood for a moment in his chef’s kitchen, looking dumbly at the cordless phone in his hand before putting it back in its cradle. He couldn’t believe Desiree had suddenly had a change of heart and decided to give them a chance. Now he was dying to know why. What had made her do it?

Maybe she’d confided in her sister. He picked up the phone again and dialed Colton’s cell. Colton didn’t answer. When it went to voice mail, Decker hung up. He wanted to speak directly to his cousin. He dialed Colton and Lauren’s home number.

Lauren answered, and she sounded a bit breathless. “Decker, what’s up?”

“Lauren, have you spoken with Desiree lately?”

“We briefly chatted earlier today,” Lauren said. And then she said something softly to someone who was evidently with her at the moment. Decker couldn’t make out what she’d said.

The next voice he heard was Colton’s. “Look, Decker, unless this is a life-or-death situation, we’ll call you back later. We’re busy, if you know what I mean.”

“Sorry,” Decker said, chuckling. “I just wanted to let you know your plan worked. Desiree just phoned me. We’re going out Friday night.”

“What!” Decker heard Lauren shout. Then she apparently took the phone from her husband. “When did this happen?” She sounded delighted, which made Decker grin even wider.

“A few minutes ago,” Decker said. “Did she mention anything to you about why she changed her mind about me?”

“No,” Lauren said, her tone puzzled. “I’m as surprised as you are, but I’m happy to hear it.” She paused. “She has gone through something traumatic recently, though, so maybe that had something to do with her sudden turnaround. But that, I’m afraid, is something she’ll have to tell you about herself.”

Decker was instantly concerned for Desiree. Something traumatic, Lauren had said. Now his curiosity was doubly engaged. But he didn’t press Lauren. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll let you get back to what you were doing. Thanks, Lauren.”

“Congrats,” Lauren said. “Treat her like the queen she is!”

“You know I will,” he said with a smile.

After he’d hung up, he sat on a stool at the island in the kitchen, his brow furrowed by a frown. His heart ached with the knowledge that Desiree was in emotional pain right now, and he could do nothing to lessen it.

He got up and went to the fridge to get ingredients for a quick beef strip stir-fry. Cooking always calmed him and helped him think. Ironically, it was his father and not his mother who’d given him his appreciation of cooking. Thaddeus Riley, whom everyone called Tad, told his son that knowing how to cook upped a man’s chances of landing the right woman. He swore that was how he’d won June’s heart.

As he chopped fresh vegetables at the counter, he thought about the first time he’d seen Desiree. The occasion had been a sad one. It was at his uncle Frank’s funeral. The service had ended, and those attending were spilling out of the church, preparing to go to the cemetery for the interment. He’d spotted a tall, shapely woman in a dark skirt suit standing in the middle of the crowd looking around as if she’d misplaced someone. He’d been instantly drawn to her, and before he knew it he was standing in front of her, offering to help her find whomever she had lost.

Desiree Gaines had creamy golden-brown skin, and when she looked up at him, she blushed noticeably. Her eyes were the color of honey, big, wide-spaced and thickly lashed. He remembered that when his gaze had fallen on her mouth, his heart skipped a beat. Those full lips looked so inviting, he had sighed inwardly when she parted them and said, “I’m all right, thank you. I see my sister just a little ahead of me over there.” She had pointed at a woman who favored her but was a couple of inches taller.

Decker knew he was running out of time at that point and had started talking fast. “Look, I know this is going to sound strange at a funeral, but you are the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen, and having just found you, I don’t want to lose you again.” He reached into his jacket pocket, retrieved one of his cards and pressed it into her palm. He had felt her reluctance to let him do that. She withdrew her hand from his at the first opportunity. But Decker was determined not to let that be the last time they met.

He held up his hands to show that he meant her no harm, and said, while backing away, “I’ve got to go. They’re waiting on me so we can go on to the cemetery, but call me, please. You won’t regret it.”

Desiree had merely smiled at him with a somewhat doubtful expression on her beautiful face. He had never expected to see her again. But less than two hours later, she had shown up at his aunt Veronica’s house with her sister, Lauren. Decker only learned later that Lauren and Colton were an item by then. He just thanked his lucky stars that he’d gotten another chance to speak with Desiree.

He laughed now. Not that it got me anywhere, he thought. She still made me wait two years.

* * *

“How do you feel about gaining five more pounds?” Desiree asked Madison Samuelson, age fifteen, who was seeing her for treatment for the psychological effects of anorexia nervosa.

It was Tuesday afternoon, and they were in her office, decorated to put her clients at ease. The furnishings were modern pieces done in expensive brown leather. The pillows, rugs and draperies were in earth tones, and the hardwood floor was light pine. The windows were double-paned to prevent outside noises from intruding.

Desiree sat in a chair with her legs crossed opposite Madison, who sat on the couch with her legs tucked underneath her. She had medium brown skin and big light brown eyes. Her shoulder-length hair was in braids, and she invariably wore a scarf over it, which made Desiree wonder why she covered her head. Was she hiding something? Sometimes girls who had issues such as Madison’s inflicted pain on themselves by pulling their hair out at the roots, cutting themselves, anything that made them forget their mental pain for a moment.

“I feel good!” Madison cried, eyes looking anywhere but directly at Desiree. Desiree recognized this as avoidance. Madison wasn’t here willingly. Her parents had insisted she come to these sessions, and she probably didn’t think they were doing any good. When Desiree had first seen Madison, who was five-five, she had weighed only eighty pounds. Today she weighed a hundred and five pounds, and her skin, hair, teeth, everything about her physical body looked much healthier. But Desiree was still concerned that so far what they’d been able to accomplish was only a Band-Aid on the surface of what was a much deeper cut to Madison’s psyche.

They still hadn’t gotten to the root of the problem. Why Madison had started starving herself. Madison would only say some girls at school had told her she looked fat, and she’d wanted to fit in, so she had started eating less. Soon eating less had turned into eating practically nothing in a twenty-four-hour period. She’d been rushed to the hospital with heart failure before her parents realized how far gone she was.

Desiree suspected Madison harbored resentment for her parents because they hadn’t noticed her going downhill sooner. However, Madison had never said a word against her parents. Her comments, in fact, were always positive, as if giving upbeat responses would get her out of therapy that much quicker.

Until now, Desiree hadn’t wanted to put any pressure on Madison, believing that the girl would respond to simply having someone to listen to her grievances. However, Madison was pretending she didn’t have anything to complain about.

Therefore Desiree would have to take a different approach to the girl’s treatment: anger. Some people had to get angry before they could move on to the next level.

“Madison,” Desiree said, looking at the girl’s face, which was impassive. “How do you suppose your parents missed the fact that you were practically skin and bones before they noticed you needed help?”

Madison swung her legs off the couch and sat up, staring at Desiree with her mouth agape and eyes wide. She gasped and closed her mouth. She looked at Desiree with one eyebrow raised higher than the other, as if to say, “Oh, no, you didn’t go there!”

Desiree fought to keep her facial expression neutral because she was delighted that she’d gotten a rise out of the girl. There was actually some spunk left in her!

Madison looked her straight in the eye and said, “Because they were too busy working, chasing the mighty dollar, to see that I was dying.”

“And what were you doing?” Desiree asked. “Wearing baggy clothes to hide your body? Pretending to eat at the dinner table, but really throwing food away? Are you saying you had nothing to do with their complacency, their blindness, where your condition was concerned, Madison?”

“Oh, yeah, sure, I was sneaky about things, but they should have still noticed! I needed them, and they weren’t there. The only thing they were interested in was that my grades were good and I was on schedule for the perfect life they had planned for me. A 4.0 grade point average, my mother’s alma mater, Howard University, becoming a lawyer like both of them, those were the things they cared about. Not the fact that I was being bullied at school, told I was fat and ugly and that no boy would want to be seen with me.”

“Did you try to talk to them about what was going on at school?”

“Yeah,” Madison said with a grimace. “They just said it was a part of growing up and to suck it up. It would give me character.”

“So you turned your rage inward and started punishing yourself,” Desiree said. “You started starving yourself because you felt like no one cared about you?”

Madison’s eyes brightened. She let out a huge sigh and returned to her more relaxed position on the couch with her feet tucked under her. Looking at Desiree with a smile on her face, she said, “After six months, you finally figured me out. I was beginning to lose hope. Not that I didn’t get a big kick out of knowing my parents have to pay a huge fee to you so that I can come here and sulk once a week. But really, Doctor D, I figured you were as full of crap as my parents. But you really know your stuff.”

Desiree smiled at her. “Why do I feel as though you’re just telling me what I want to hear?” She leaned forward, keeping her gaze on Madison’s. “That may be part of it. But I don’t think you’re being entirely truthful with me. Why don’t you take off that scarf you have on? And then we can get down to the real reason you wanted to die, Madison.”

“No,” Madison said adamantly. Her eyes narrowed. Her jaw clenched, and her bottom lip protruded. Desiree thought she looked as if she would rather fight her than take that scarf off.

“Have you replaced one bad habit with another?” Desiree asked. “You have everyone watching you like a hawk, making sure you’re eating right and keeping it down. But maybe when you’re alone in your room, you do something else to punish yourself.”

Madison got to her feet and yelled down into Desiree’s face, “I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. And you can’t make me, you nosy bitch!”

Desiree sat in her chair and calmly looked up at Madison. “That’s right, I’m a nosy bitch. For six months you’ve sat on that couch lying to me, and I’m tired of it. If you don’t think you’re worth saving, why should I? If you don’t want to fight for your life, why should I?” Now she stood, her eyes never leaving Madison’s face. “You want to know a secret, Madison? We are born into this world alone, and we die alone. In between life and death, those of us who survive learn one valuable lesson—we’ve got to love ourselves. We can’t count on others to love us, because human beings are selfish. They live in their own worlds. You’ve got to love yourself, Madison. You’ve got to care about yourself if no one else does. And you’ve got to fight to stay alive! Now, you can leave here today, resenting your parents, parents who love you, no matter how much you think they don’t, and thinking of me as that nosy bitch who has wasted your valuable time, or you can choose to live, take care of yourself, be strong and accept the fact that no one can do it for you. I’m not going to waste any more of your parents’ money on sessions with you, Madison. If you want to be rid of me, you are rid of me. Don’t come back here.” She pointed to the door. “Now get out. The big bad world is waiting for you. Either it will eat you up, or you’ll learn to fight back and choose life, your choice!”

Madison was looking at her as though she’d lost her mind. She angrily snatched her shoulder bag off the couch and began walking toward the door. “I’m going to tell my parents how you talked to me, and they’re going to sue your ass.”

“That’s fine. Your mother’s just outside that door in the waiting room,” Desiree said, undaunted. “Goodbye, Madison.”

For a moment, Madison stood frozen, staring at her; then her mouth began trembling, and she started crying. She looked at Desiree helplessly, tears soaking her cheeks. “I’m scared,” she said pitifully. In a defeated gesture, she dropped her shoulder bag back onto the couch and reached up to remove the scarf. Desiree gasped when she saw the many bald spots on the girl’s scalp. She had to force herself to stand there, when her gut reaction was to immediately comfort Madison. Meanwhile the brave teen struggled to find her next words. “He said no one would ever believe me if I told,” Madison finally said.

“He?” Desiree gently coaxed.

“Mr. Sawyer, my math teacher. I’m his classroom aide. His class is the last of the day, and I stay late and help him collect papers to grade, clean the classroom, that kind of thing. It started with warm hugs, and then one day he just grabbed me. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t do that. I knew girls who did, but I didn’t do that. Now I’m one of them. I’m one of those girls who let boys do things to them. I let him, and I keep letting him.”

Desiree was across the room and pulling Madison into her arms in a flash. She had known there was more to Madison’s suffering, but she had not imagined anything this horrible.

“Everything’s going to start getting better from this moment,” she promised Madison as she rocked the girl in her arms. “He’s never going to touch you again. He’s never going to touch any child again.”

Madison wept, and Desiree got madder. “Baby girl, men like Sawyer not only molest young girls’ bodies, but they manipulate them and prey on their minds. But you can get the power that he took from you back by making sure that he’s punished for what he did to you. You’re not the victim here. You’re the strong one.”

She walked over to her desk with Madison still in her arms and pressed the intercom on her phone. When her assistant, Mellie, answered, she said, “Mellie, tell Mrs. Samuelson to get in here now.”