Читать книгу Sizzling Nights With Dr Off-Limits - Janice Lynn, Janice Lynn - Страница 11
ОглавлениеTHAT HADN’T GONE anywhere near the way Lucas had mentally rehearsed his first encounter with Emily outside the hospital.
Then again, what had he expected? He should thank his lucky stars that she hadn’t made a scene.
The look she’d given him said she’d like to have smacked him. Or worse.
“I think you two got off on the wrong foot.” Meghan rejoined him after the photographer had snapped a few shots of her and her date winner. The brunette frowned after Emily. “I don’t understand how that’s even possible. Emily gets along with everyone. She’s the sweetest, kindest person I know.”
They hadn’t gotten off on the wrong foot, but they’d ended that way.
He closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath, catching the faintest whiff of Emily’s perfume still on the air. She’d always worn the light vanilla scent. He could never smell anything even close to the fragrance without being haunted by memories of the past.
Lately, most everything had his mind filling with Emily.
Ever since he’d been offered the position at Children’s, he’d been confronted with memory after memory. Probably because he’d known taking the job meant coming face-to-face with his biggest regret.
To head the department, oversee research in traumatic brain injury, play an active role in the decisions being made that would impact how things were done on the pediatric neurology unit—Children’s had offered him all that and more. The position was his dream come true.
He’d still hesitated.
Because of the woman walking away from him.
Just as she’d walked away five years ago.
Not that he hadn’t deserved her leaving. He had. He just hadn’t thought she’d walk away from their marriage, no matter how bad things got.
He’d been wrong.
But Emily had been right to leave. She’d been so unhappy, crying more often than not. Marriage to him had rapidly done that to her. He’d thought she was depressed, needing counseling, but when he’d suggested as much, she’d burst into tears. That night had been the night she’d packed her things.
His wife leaving him had hurt like hell, but he had gotten over it, had moved on and made a good life for himself.
But seeing Emily again had been tough. More so than he’d been prepared for. He wasn’t sure quite what he’d expected of her, but the cold shoulder he got every time he walked onto the unit just had to go.
No, he didn’t expect her to do cartwheels that he’d joined the hospital where she worked, but he was a good pediatric neurosurgeon and was now medical director of her unit. What had happened between them was a long time ago, water under the bridge, they’d both moved on. He was happy. She was happy. There was no need for awkwardness between them.
That was why he’d bid on her date.
Mostly.
As Emily’s bid had proceeded, he’d grown more and more annoyed with the man she’d arrived with.
The man she’d been comparing him unfavorably to.
The man who’d acted as if bidding on Emily was an inconvenience.
Emily was too good for the guy.
He supposed it could be argued that she’d been too good for Lucas, too. She probably had been.
Besides, the guy must make her happy, since she’d defended him to her friend. Something Lucas had failed miserably at.
Regardless, the man’s reticence to bid had irked. As he’d watched her on stage, the insecurities that only someone who knew her as well as he had would recognize flittering across her lovely face had brought out something protective.
So much so that he’d placed a bid. Then another, then, when her foolish date had hem-hawed on his last bid, Lucas had more than doubled the amount.
Probably not his brightest move.
But the guy needed to be hit over the head with the news that a date with Emily was worth every penny.
The realization hit Lucas hard.
He watched her retreating backside head out of the ballroom, appreciated the curvy lines of her body beneath the sleek lines of her formfitting emerald dress. Once upon a time, he’d slept with her backside snuggled into the curve of his body, spooned so close every breath he’d taken had been filled with her. Now he didn’t have the right to even stroke his finger over the silky smooth skin of her cheek.
Lucas swallowed. Where had that thought come from?
He hadn’t bid on Emily because he wanted a date with her. He didn’t. He only wanted a chance to clear the air between them.
Maybe he’d been led to Children’s so he could set the past right, could mend his relationship with Emily to where they could be friends, or at least amicable coworkers.
* * *
When Emily joined Richard at their table, his expression was sour and she cringed on the inside.
“Who was that man?”
She supposed she should have been prepared for his question, but it still caught her off guard. She’d run back to Richard to escape Lucas, not talk about him.
She bent, kissed her date’s cheek. “No one, dear.”
She wasn’t lying. Lucas was no one. No one of any importance. Not anymore. Not ever again.
“He’s interested in you.” Richard didn’t sound pleased. No wonder. Lucas had just upstaged him and their colleagues would be curious.
She sat in her chair and scooted closer to him. “He’s new at the hospital and just drawing attention to himself.”
Richard didn’t look convinced. What he looked was annoyed. “By paying that crazy amount for you? Why would he do that?”
The money meant nothing to Lucas. He had paid too much. But did Richard really have to sound as if he found the idea that a date with her could possibly be worth so much as unfathomable? Shouldn’t he find time with her priceless?
“It was for charity,” she reminded him, irritated by his insensitivity to how she might take his question. “You said so yourself.”
His expression pinched, Richard straightened the napkin in his lap. “I saw him talking to you a few minutes ago. Should I be worried?”
She laughed. “No. His type appalls me. Besides, all the bachelorettes took photos with the winning bidders. What did you want me to do? Refuse?”
Not that she wouldn’t have liked to have done just that.
Richard’s eyes narrowed beneath his wire-framed glasses. “You labeled his type in those few short minutes?”
“I’ve encountered him before.” Ha. Wasn’t that the understatement of the century? “He’s a pediatric neurosurgeon in the department where I work. Actually, he’s the new head of the department. He started about a month ago.”
Twenty-two days.
Not that she was counting.
Emily shot a nervous glance toward where Lucas still stood with Meghan. They were both looking her way. Seeing her looking at them, Lucas lifted his glass in salute.
The jerk.
Emily rolled her eyes, grabbed Richard’s hand and moved her chair to where her back was completely to Lucas. She didn’t want him anywhere near her line of vision. She just wanted to forget he was even there.
Which later proved impossible even after Richard had quit talking about Lucas. He’d finally relaxed, quit suggesting she’d encouraged Lucas, and they were enjoying a slow dance. The emcee’s boisterous voice cut in.
“Folks, it’s time for our bachelors and bachelorettes to share a dance with their lucky high bidders.” Applause went through the ballroom, but Emily didn’t clap. Instead, she clung to Richard.
“Did you know they were going to do that?” He sounded aggravated, as if she’d somehow arranged the dance.
“No.” She shook her head, wondering if she could make a mad dash toward the open double doors leading into the hallway. She could hide, freshen up in the ladies’ room. “Maybe he won’t come over here.”
No such luck. Not that she had much hope of Lucas staying away. His new life mission was to irritate her as much as possible.
“Hello, Emily. I’m here to claim my dance.” His gaze shifted to Richard’s. “If that’s okay with your date?”
She cringed. She did not want to dance with Lucas. Nor did she want to further upset Richard.
Hello. He’d been the one to let Lucas have the high bid. Couldn’t he have spared more cash to have ensured she didn’t spend time with any other man? Then again, Lucas might have just kept bidding higher and higher. Money meant nothing to him, except during the time when they’d been married and he’d been forced to live within their means rather than his parents’.
Maybe she was being overly sensitive of Richard. Maybe. Being around Lucas had her on edge, making her more critical than she should be.
She liked Richard. He was calm, soothing. He never rocked the boat, never made her question herself. Usually. Why was she letting Lucas disrupt her nice, content life? Letting him make her question a man she sincerely liked and had previously never fought with?
Her annoyance with her date was Lucas’s fault, not Richard’s. She needed to remember that.
Her gaze met Richard’s. Just say no, she mentally pleaded. Tell him to get lost. That I belong to you. That you refuse to share me. That I’m the love of your life and you’ll never let another man take me into his arms.
Richard didn’t do any of those things. He just gave an exasperated sigh, stepped back and practically handed her to Lucas on a silver platter.
“Go ahead. All the others are,” he said by way of justification.
So much for Richard going all macho and staking his claim. Not that she was the type to want the drama, but he could have at least issued some type of “she’s mine, hands off” warning.
“He’s a real winner, Em,” Lucas teased as they stepped out onto the dance floor. “I see why you find him so attractive.”
“Be quiet,” she ordered, placing her arms around his neck. The feel of his body next to hers, the smell of him, the utter maleness of Lucas Cain, the memories of the past that hit her full force, almost had her forgetting about not making a scene and dashing out of the ballroom.
But she couldn’t run away from him forever. She might as well find out what it was he wanted from her so he’d leave her alone. She didn’t fool herself that he didn’t want something.
Once upon a time, she had been what he wanted. That time hadn’t lasted, had been more a tiny vapor that disappeared almost as quickly as it had appeared.
What was it these days that filled his dreams? That he wanted enough to come seek her out after all this time?
Had she accidentally taken a favorite shirt five years ago or something that he’d decided he just had to have back?
Too bad, so sad. Any clothes of his she’d accidentally taken had been donated to a local homeless shelter long ago.
Except for one shirt.
Memories assailed her.
Memories of going through a duffel bag she hadn’t used in a long time and finding a T-shirt he’d bought at a concert they’d attended at Madison Square Garden. They’d been happy, dating, in love, laughing continuously, totally enamored with each other, believing nothing could ever come between them.
How wrong they’d been.
She’d shredded the T-shirt into pieces, hoping she’d feel better after doing so, but had only felt just as tattered as the bits of material.
“I’d have never let another man win your bid back when we were dating.”
“No, probably not,” she agreed, still fighting the urge to flee his arms. “But you’d have gift wrapped and hand delivered me after we were married.”
Touching him was torture. Like being burned alive. Like having a vise on her heart and it squeezing until every last drop bled forth.
“That’s not true.” His body stiff, his feet stopped moving for a few beats before resuming their dance. He looked torn, but then, rather than argue his point, he just sighed. “Let’s not talk about the past anymore, Emily. Not right now. Let’s just enjoy the song.”
His capitulation surprised Emily. Before, he’d never have given in just to keep the peace. That had been her job. But he was right. They shouldn’t talk about the past. The past was just that. The past. Done and gone forever. Best thing they could do was forget the past. It was what she’d been striving toward for five years.
She couldn’t have said what song was playing prior to his calling her attention to it. A slow tune about second chances and new love. Ha. Emily never planned to fall in love again. Sure, she wanted someone to love her and to love, but she never planned to experience the craziness she’d had with Lucas.
That had been overwhelming, intense, too much for a heart to take when things fell apart.
She wasn’t so naive as to think relationships lasted forever. Not anymore. Just look at most of the people she knew. Separated. Divorced. Achingly single.
Give her good old dependable Richard.
Sure, he didn’t light any fires or even smell half as good as Lucas, but he wasn’t a stick of dynamite burning at both ends, either.
“You smell nice, Emily.”
Not something she expected to hear Lucas say. She misstepped and probably scuffed the black Italian leather dress shoes he wore. She didn’t care. If she stomped his toes a dozen times, he deserved each and every smash.
“I don’t know what you expect me to say.” She didn’t look up at him, just kept her eyes focused above his shoulders.
Her gaze collided with Richard’s unhappy one.
Great. Trouble in paradise. Well, not paradise, but...trouble in Just Okay Land?
She inhaled sharply, then frowned at how her senses were overcome by Lucas. How could she have forgotten how good he smelled? Not that he wore cologne. At least, he hadn’t in the past. Did he now? Maybe the light spicy scent was his aftershave? Or maybe his bodywash? Or maybe some expensive and pheromone-filled fragrance that guaranteed to drive women wild?
Not that he was driving her wild. He wasn’t. Crazy did not equate to wild. Just...well, he smelled nice, too. And felt strong and solid next to her. Yes, her heart was beating wildly, but that really was just crazy.
“Honestly, I don’t expect you to say anything. Nor did I mean to say it. The words just slipped out, but they are true. You do smell good. You always did.” His breath brushed against her temple with soft, moist heat that prickled her skin with goose bumps. Why was he holding her so close? Why was she letting him?
She took a step back to put distance between their bodies. She hated that she reacted to him in any way.
If only every nerve cell in her body had quickly bored with Lucas.
“I didn’t ask you for the walk down memory lane.” The last thing she wanted was more memories. “You’re the one who has instigated all this. You have no one to blame but yourself.”
“That’s true.” His palm rested at the curve low on her back and pulled her close to him as they moved gently to the music. “I am the one who instigated our dance.”
Emily’s eyes narrowed. Had he bribed the emcee to announce the date-winner dance? Looking at him, she knew he had requested the dance.
“Why?” Did she even want to know? Probably not, but at least if she knew what he was up to, she could prepare a defense. She needed a defense.
“I could beat around the bush, but that’s never been my style.”
No, he’d always been blunt about whatever was on his mind. Like when he’d told her to move out of their apartment, for instance.
“This job at Children’s is important to me.”
His job. Of course this was about his job.
“I want everything to go as smoothly as possible, for nothing to stand in the way of my accomplishing the greatest good for our patients.”
“You think I’d stand in the way of our patients getting good care because of you? How dare you imply that I’d ever not put my patients’ needs before our petty past.” She quit dancing. Probably because her feet felt heavy as concrete blocks. Her jaw dropped somewhere near the basement floor of the high-rise building. She stared up at him, wishing she could erase the past month, erase his having reentered her life. She’d been fine without him. She’d been good, healthy, content in her Just Okay Land relationship.
Lucas’s gaze didn’t waver from hers. “I don’t think you’d intentionally do anything that would put our patients at risk.”
“You think I might do something unintentionally?” she asked incredulously.
“No. What I think is that how you feel about me influences how you respond in front of our patients and coworkers. That could be problematic. That’s why I bought your date, so we could talk and forge some type of friendship between us.”
“You’re crazy.” He was crazy. Crazy to be at Children’s. Crazy to be at the fund-raiser. Crazy to have bid on her auction. Crazy to be on the dance floor with her in his arms. Divorced people didn’t do this. She was sure of it. “You and I will never be friends.”
“We at least need to forge some type of coexistence. There’s too much tension and you run every time I come near.”
“Perhaps you failed to get the memo, but I don’t like you. Of course I leave when you’re near.”
“You think others haven’t picked up on the tension between us?”
Why would anyone have paid attention to how she reacted to the new doctor? Before tonight. Now, after he’d bid such a stupid high amount, she suspected lots of people would be watching them to see if any sparks developed on their “date.”
“I don’t want you here,” she snapped, wondering if anyone would notice if she stomped her high heel into his toes. His absurdity deserved a little pain. A lot of pain.
“I understand that,” he clarified. “Knowing you were at Children’s was my only hesitation. A mistake from five years ago shouldn’t stand in the way of my dream job. I want to make peace with you.”
She laughed. A louder than it should have been, close to hysteria laugh. “Let me get this straight. You bought my date because you want to make peace with me because of your dream job?”
His jaw worked back and forth. “Something like that.”
Her hands went to her hips. “What if I already had my dream job and you pursuing your dream job is ruining mine? Why should I have to give up my dream job so you can pursue yours?”
“It’s not as if I expect you to give up your job, Emily. Listen to what I am saying. I want us to coexist, maybe become friends.” As if to prove his point, he pulled her back to him and began to sway to the music. She let him for the sole reason that standing in the middle of the dance floor with her hands on her hips squaring up to the man who’d just bought her date was just asking for people to stare. Anyone paying the slightest attention to her and Lucas was the last thing she wanted. Already, Richard couldn’t take his eyes off them.
Obviously, Lucas didn’t see a thing wrong with what he was saying. Or doing. That he was turning her world topsy-turvy. He thought it was okay to slow dance with his ex-wife and suggest they become friends. The nerve.
She closed her eyes, prayed she’d wake up and find the past month had just been a bad dream. “I cannot believe this.”
“Why is it unbelievable that I want us to be friends?”
“We can never be friends,” she hissed.
“Why not?”
“We were never friends to begin with.”
“We were.”
She shook her head. “You were never my friend.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, because once upon a time you were my best friend.”
His words gutted her and every cell in her body weighed down with lead, making movement almost impossible.
“Why couldn’t you have just stayed in the past?”
“Because Children’s offered me the position of medical director of the traumatic brain injury unit.”
“I was here first.” Even to her own ears her words sounded whiny and childish.
“I’m sorry that my being at Children’s is problematic for you.”
Two apologies in less than a minute. Wow.
“I’m not trying to force something on you, Emily. I just want the opportunity to make peace to where there isn’t tension on the unit.”
“I’m professional enough that I can hide my tension.”
He sighed. “Then do it for me, please, because apparently I’m not.”
“I owe you nothing,” she stated.
“Then do it for our patients. I’m good at what I do. This position gives me the opportunity to do more. Let me.”
As if she could stop him.
No hospital would give up a talented pediatric neurosurgeon just because a nurse, no matter how good she was, used to be married to him.
“Please.”
Her gaze lifted to his and his sincerity surprised her. He didn’t need her approval. They both knew it. So why did it matter? Why was he saying please? She didn’t want to think he’d changed. She needed to keep him categorized in the “bad guy” box.
“None of this matters. What I think, what I want, doesn’t matter,” she reminded him. “You want this position, it’s already yours. Just because I was here, loving my job and my life without you in it, doesn’t matter to you. Nothing does except you getting what you want.”
“This isn’t just about me getting what I want. It’s about doing the right thing, about what’s best for all involved.”
“Me coexisting with you is what’s best for all involved?”
“You know it is.”
She knew no such thing. Just being in his arms was driving her crazy, the feel of him, the smell of him, the sound of his voice. Okay, so her mind and body had gone a little mushy, but that was nostalgia, right? He’d been her first lover, her husband, her fantasy. Once upon a time, he’d been the center of her world and she’d have done anything to make him happy.
Her body had had a momentary lapse in memory, had responded to his spicy male scent, the feel of him against her, and, yes, she’d melted a little. A lot. But that was just old chemistry rising to the surface.
All she felt for him now was loathing.
Liar.
She squeezed her eyes shut and took another deep breath before meeting his gaze again with steely resolve. “This is ridiculous. You are ridiculous.”
“Your heart is racing against mine, Emily.”
He was right. Her heart was racing and was next to his, but what that had to do with anything, she wasn’t sure. When had they moved so close that her body fully pressed against his as they swayed to the sultry beat? But she wasn’t alone in being affected by the other one’s presence. His heart was racing, too.
“Hearts race for a lot of reasons. Fear being one of them.” Was that why his raced? She couldn’t imagine Lucas ever being afraid of anything.
“Fear?” He looked taken aback. “I never gave you a reason to be afraid of me. Never.”
He meant he’d never hit her or physically abused her in any way. He hadn’t. The ways Lucas had hurt hadn’t left visible scars, just jagged ones on the inside.
“Not any reason that could be physically seen.” Emotionally, he’d beaten her to a pulp. She needed to remember that, to focus on how getting involved with him had devastated her whole world. She couldn’t coexist with him. Not without severe consequences.
“You weren’t the only one hurt by our marriage falling apart.”
His words stung. He’d been hurt, too? Somehow she couldn’t bring herself to believe him. He’d lost interest in her, in their marriage, long before the night he’d told her to leave.
How could he have hurt by losing something he’d no longer wanted? By losing something he’d not even known about because he hadn’t wanted to know?
Hadn’t wanted, period. Had accused her of depression when in reality she’d been... No. She wasn’t going there. She wasn’t.
She glanced around the dance floor. No one was paying much attention to them. No one except Meghan, who gave her a thumbs-up when their gazes met.
Oh, Meghan, if you only knew.
She resumed scanning the crowd. Her gaze connected to Richard’s again. She was going to have to do some explaining when she returned to the table.
Resentment built up in her and threatened to spill free.
“If you hurt, too, then why are you here opening up old wounds, Lucas? I’ve healed, am happy and could do without the twisted walk down memory lane.”
She felt more than heard him swallow.
“I told you why I’m here.”
“You and I will never be friends, Lucas. Leave me alone.”
With that she stepped out of his arms and made her way back to where Richard waited. Richard, who clearly had a hundred questions waiting to spring from his mouth.
She didn’t want to explain why she was upset about a shared dance with a man she worked with.
She bypassed the table and headed to the little girls’ room.
Oh, yeah, she was happy.
