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ОглавлениеIn this chapter:
Examine two different types of intimacy.
Identify intimacy problems that may develop with diabetes.
WOULD THE LOVE of an amazing woman motivate you to build a monument that would be visited by millions? Could the passion that you feel for an incredible man drive you to conquer countries? Great loves have existed from the beginning of time and still exist today. Since the time of Adam and Eve, men and women have connected sexually with one another, and these relationships have created some of the most romantic and exciting stories ever told. The stories retold throughout this chapter are a testament to the power and intensity of the human connection.
THE TWO TYPES OF INTIMACY
Two types of intimacy, physical and emotional, played an enormous role in the lives of some of history’s greatest loves. They can be part of our lives as well.
Physical intimacy
Physical intimacy is all about touch. It involves holding, caressing, sexual attraction, and intimate actions. It is the subject of love songs, poems, and romantic stories. Physical intimacy is what many of us yearn for when we are alone and is what we feel when we connect with someone in a romantic way.
We not only crave the touch of another human being because of the potential pleasure that it brings; the touch of others can help us survive. Research studies show that newborns need a loving touch to develop normally. Within the first few days after birth, infants who are held in their mothers’ loving arms maintain a healthier body temperature than those who are left alone. Young children who are not held or hugged may be at a greater risk for developing body image problems, such as anorexia or bulimia, as they grow. And this need for physical intimacy does not diminish with time. In our golden years, the desire to be sexually active rarely wanes, as many seniors report that they still feel a deep longing for a sexual relationship that includes touching and kissing.
Emotional intimacy
Emotional intimacy is what happens inside of our heads. It is the nonphysical sharing of two people who care deeply about one another. You have emotional intimacy with another person when you feel confident that he or she accepts you for who you are. It develops when you and someone you love share experiences together. You know how your partner wants a morning cup of coffee and can anticipate how she will react to a situation before it happens. It is this bond that takes your partnership to a higher level.
Many experts suggest that the brain is the sexiest organ of all. When an emotional connection develops between two individuals that is built on mutual respect and caring, the relationship becomes far more precious. Physical intimacy is enjoyable on its own, but when combined with emotional intimacy, the passion that develops is special indeed.
HISTORIC ROMANCES:
Cleopatra and Marc Antony
Cleopatra VII, one of the most famous rulers of Egypt, lived a life that was filled with deep and intense sexual activity. As demanded by her position, she initially married her younger brother, Ptolemy, but later became the mistress of the Roman general Julius Caesar. Following Caesar’s death, she discovered her true love—Marc Antony, who had arrived in Egypt to expand the ever-growing Roman Empire. Their affair was scandalous. Despite the protests and risks involved, Marc Antony and Cleopatra married in 36 B.C. and plotted to conquer Rome and claim it as their own. But tragedy struck. Antony heard a false report that Cleopatra had died and fell upon his own sword to end his life. With her beloved Antony dead, Cleopatra took her life by coaxing a poisonous asp to bite her.
THE HUMAN REACTION
When we fall in love, two chemicals are released—phenyethylamine (PEA) and norepinephrine. PEA is an amphetamine-like substance that elevates our moods and helps create the feeling of falling in love that so many of us enjoy. One reason chocolate is such a sought-after delight is because it is a source of PEA. When we eat it, we experience a feeling that resembles this warm and wonderful emotion. Similarly, norepinephrinehas the following effects:
elevates our blood pressure
raises heart rate
causes our palms to sweat
forms an intense connection to the object of our attraction
Think back to your first love. If you became tongue-tied, sweaty, and nervous, you felt this way because of the norepinephrine in your system. When Cupid’s arrow strikes and these chemicals are released, our bodies respond more intensely, especially if we are able to transform our attraction into a physical relationship.
When a man experiences a stimulating touch, smell, vision, or thought, his brain activates a group of nerves that tell the tissues of the penis to relax. This allows blood to flow into two tubes inside of the penis that are known as corpora cavernosa. As they fill up, they press onto the veins that usually allow blood to exit and prevent fluid from escaping. The penis then becomes erect and prepares the body for intimacy with a partner. Stimulation causes the penis to contract and send semen out through the urethra, the tube that normally carries urine out from the body. The pleasurable sensation that is felt when this occurs is called an orgasm.
A woman’s response to sexual stimulation is usually more subtle. Unlike a man, whose reaction is almost immediate, a woman’s arousal is on a slow “simmer” that gradually increases in intensity. To fully enjoy the sexual experience, most women must connect both mentally and physically with their partner. The more emotionally involved a woman is with her partner, the more enthusiastically her body will often respond. As her state of arousal heightens, her breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure increase. Blood accumulates in various regions of her body, causing her skin to flush. The vaginal area swells and lubricates in anticipation of sexual intercourse and tension develops throughout her body until an orgasm occurs. When all parts of one’s body are functioning as they should, the sexual act can be fulfilling and raise a relationship to a higher level.
Physical and emotional connections do more than inspire great nations to be conquered, buildings to be built, and poetry to be composed, they bind two people together in a way that can withstand any physical or emotional challenge. When diabetes enters your relationship, however, it can affect how you relate to your partner on both a physical and emotional level.
You may not be ready to erect massive monuments, fall onto a sword, or compose poetry that will be quoted by generations to come, but the intimate relationship that you have with a loved one deserves to be cherished, nurtured, and protected. Remember how you fell in love? What it was like to be together intimately for the first time? How about the wonderful “pillow talk” that you enjoyed after sharing an intimate embrace? If diabetes has stolen romance from your relationship, you can bring it back. Don’t deny yourself the most intimate expression of caring that a couple can share.
This book should be able to provide you with guidance. Diabetes may change the way you experience certain pleasurable moments in your life, but it doesn’t have to steal them from you altogether. You can enjoy a new level of intimacy with your partner. As the comedian Joan Rivers likes to ask, “Can we talk?” Yes we can.
HISTORIC ROMANCES:
Shah Jahan and Arjumand Banu Begum
India’s stunningly beautiful Taj Mahal was built as a monument to memorialize the love that Emperor Shah Jahan had for his wife. Shah Jahan was born in 1592. At the young age of 14, he met Arjumand Banu Begum, the prime minister’s 15-year-old daughter and was immediately smitten. He quickly ran off to purchase a diamond for the price of 10,000 rupees ($300) and announced his desire to take her as his wife. The couple married five years later. When he ascended to the throne in 1628, he included his wife in many legislative duties and she accompanied him on military campaigns and even advised him on affairs of state. He adored her and called her Mumtaz Mahal, the “jewel of the palace.” She was loved and admired by her people, was famous for her generosity, and was considered a woman of legendary beauty and virtue.
But tragedy entered the lives of the two lovers when Mumtaz Mahal died while giving birth to their 14th child. Shah Jahan was heartbroken. Determined to find a way to keep her memory alive, he emptied most of the money from the royal treasury and fulfilled his wife’s dying wish—he built a monument, the famous Taj Mahal, to memorialize their love. Eventually, Shah Jahan fell ill and a struggle for the throne began. Shah Jahan’s son, Aurangzeb, imprisoned him and kept him from his most precious possession—his view of the Taj Mahal. Fortunately, he was able to procure a tiny mirror, which caught the reflection of his treasured building and enabled him to see it once again. When he died in 1666, he was buried in the Taj Mahal with his wife.
FOR YOU AND YOUR PARTNER
1 Answer the quizzes found at the end of this chapter (Have Diabetes-Related Sexual Complications Entered Your Life? (for men)–Have Diabetes-Related Sexual Complications Entered Your Life? (for women)).
2 Discuss your results with each other and identify issues of concern and misunderstanding.
3 Keep these issues in mind as you read this book.
QUIZ 1:
Have Diabetes-Related Sexual Complications Entered Your Life? (for men)
1. Have you been experiencing difficulty recently in achieving erections that you and your partner consider adequate for vaginal intercourse?
Yes No
2. Do you have difficulty performing intercourse in more than half of your attempts?
Yes No
3. Does this problem with erection difficulty occur when you are with a partner?
Yes No
4. Does this problem with erection difficulty occur when you are alone?
Yes No
5. How often have you been experiencing difficulty in achieving erections?
Never Sometimes Most times Always
6. Does it take longer to achieve an erection than in the past?
Yes No
7. Has it become more difficult to have intercourse in certain positions?
Yes No
8. Have you ever been told that you have some form of cardiovascular disease or heart disease?
Yes No
9. Have you ever been told that you have an elevated cholesterol level?
Yes No
10. Has your desire for intercourse changed?
Yes No
11. Has your partner’s desire for intercourse changed?
Yes No
12. Is your blood sugar under control?
Never Sometimes Most times Always
13. Do you know your average blood sugar level (A1C)?
Yes No
14. Have you ever checked your blood sugar level before or after sexual intercourse?
Yes No
15. If yes, do you experience hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) with this activity?
Yes No
16. Do you feel that diabetes is a cause of your sexual problem?
Yes No
17. Has your sexual problem interfered with your relationship with your partner?
Yes No
18. Has your sexual problem interfered with your job?
Yes No
19. Has your sexual problem interfered with your family?
Yes No
20. Are you feeling depressed over this problem?
Yes No
QUIZ 2:
Have Diabetes-Related Sexual Complications Entered Your Life? (for women)
1. Describe your desire for intercourse.
Poor Fair Stron Very Strong
2. Describe your partner’s desire for intercourse.
Poor Fair Strong Very Strong
3. Are you able to reach orgasm with intercourse?
Never Sometimes Most times Always
4. Are you able to reach orgasm when you are alone?
Never Sometimes Most times Always
5. Do you have a decreased amount of vaginal lubrication?
Never Sometimes Most times Always
6. Is your blood sugar under control?
Never Sometimes Most times Always
7. Do you know your average blood sugar level (A1C)?
Yes No
8. Have you checked your blood sugar before or after sexual intercourse?
Yes No
9. If yes, do you experience hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) with this activity?
Yes No
10. Do you have frequent vaginal and/or bladder infections?
Yes No
11. Is intercourse painful?
Yes No
12. Has your sexual problem interfered with your relationship with your partner?
Yes No
13. Has your sexual problem interfered with your job?
Yes No
14. Has your sexual problem interfered with your family?
Yes No
15. Are you feeling very depressed over this problem?
Yes No
You’ve just completed an important pretest. If any of the comments that you responded to indicate the presence of a problem or highlight an issue that you would like to learn more about, read on.
HISTORIC ROMANCES:
Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett
More than 500 heartfelt letters were exchanged between poets Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett. When they first met, Elizabeth was a recluse, having suffered for years with a lung ailment and, later in life, a spinal injury resulting from a horse riding accident. She was also deeply depressed after the tragic drowning death of her brother. But in 1844, Robert sought her out after admiring her poems and brought her back to life. They were determined to be together forever. Elizabeth’s father bitterly opposed the romance, so the couple secretly married in 1846 and ran off to live in Florence, Italy. There, her health improved and she gave birth to a son. Elizabeth died on June 29, 1861. Their love was forever memorialized in verse:
“Sonnets from the Portuguese 43”
“How do I love thee…”
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806–1861)
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
