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Interpersonal Skills

The ability to work with others clearly separates those managers who succeed from those who derail. Managers who are described as interpersonally adept—as having the ability to build and manage effective relationships—are routinely described by bosses, peers, and direct reports as being good listeners, collaborative, supportive of others’ ideas, trustworthy, and ethical. Consider this story, from CCL’s derailment studies, of a manager who displayed a strong sense of connection with people and was seen as building strong relationships:

A woman in the office had recently eloped and the department had taken up a collection to purchase a wedding gift for her. The leader instructed them to purchase an engraved cake knife because he had received one on his wedding day, and on every “cake occasion” they use this knife and it always reminds him of his wedding day and how much he loved his wife on that day (and still does). The woman was very touched by that sense of emotion and openness and truly appreciated the cake knife more than one could ever expect. I’m sure she felt a little more loyal to her manager as a result.

The most common reason for derailment is the inability to relate to people in productive ways. Derailed managers who could not establish strong relationships are described as insensitive, competitive, dictatorial, critical, easily angered, arrogant, and manipulative.

This story of an executive who ignored the interpersonal elements of leadership illustrates how a manager invites derailment by mishandling interpersonal relationships.

He is a great strategic thinker and has high ethical standards, but he lashes out at people; he can’t build trusting relationships. He is very smart, but he achieves superiority through demeaning others. He is abusive, he hits people with intellectual lightning. He instinctively goes after people. Many people have tried to work on this flaw because he has such extraordinary skills, but it seems hopeless.

Developing Interpersonal Skills

One reason that a lack of interpersonal skills figures so large in executive derailment could be that the behavior associated with those skills is so difficult to change. But it’s not impossible. Contrary to what some executives think, it doesn’t require a “personality transplant.” What it does require is an honest assessment of behavior and a plan to improve specific interpersonal behaviors in specific situations.

How would you describe your interpersonal skills? Have your colleagues, boss, peers, direct reports, or customers given you feedback about your approach to interpersonal relationships? What did they say? Do others seem uncomfortable in your meetings? Are you seldom asked for support or do peers and direct reports readily ask for your perspectives and endorsement? Do you anger easily?

1 Pick someone with whom you are motivated to improve your interpersonal relationship.

Pick a specific place, time, situation, and duration for practicing your new behavior. An example: “I will not interrupt Mary in our Tuesday morning staff meetings during the question and answer period.” Don’t worry that this strategy seems too small to address such a big problem. The power of this strategy comes from your developing individual plans for interacting with each person with whom you need to improve your relationship and from setting priorities that translate large behavioral changes into manageable bits.

Caution:

• Don’t set a plan that isn’t specific. A plan to “be a better person” is ineffective because it doesn’t direct a specific behavior that you can change.