Читать книгу Artemis - Jean Shinoda Bolen - Страница 27

Helen Stoltzfus, author of and principal performer in the award-winning documentary film Send Word, Bear Mother (www.theoi.com), based her work on her own true story, a saga that began with her illness and infertility. She had seen many specialists without success over many years. With symptoms of fatigue and infertility, and no satisfactory explanations for either, Helen joined a support group for people with life-threatening and chronic illnesses. In an exercise in which she was supposed to tap into inner sources of healing and imagination, a skeptical Helen unexpectedly began having a series of profound encounters with a mother grizzly bear spirit who appeared to her in dreams and came to her unbidden in fantasy. She experienced these as powerful visitations from the spirit world. They empowered her to try one more specialist in her effort to get pregnant.

This doctor diagnosed Helen as having endometriosis—a condition in which cells that are part of the lining of the uterus that are normally shed during menstruation can grow anywhere in the peritoneum (the space that holds all our internal organs below the diaphragm)—and recommended surgery. Helen had the surgery, but there seemed to be no satisfactory explanation for her condition. So she began to search for possible causes. She learned that environmental toxins, dioxins in particular, had been linked to endometriosis. Meanwhile, the mother grizzly bear visitations continued. This prodded her to learn all she could about bears, including that bears are threatened by the same toxins as humans.

The bear-mother spirit persisted relentlessly in Helen's psyche, calling her to go to Alaska where the bears live. As soon after her surgery as she could, she heeded the call and went to Denali National Park by herself. She did not feel well. The effects of chronic fatigue and the operation had sapped her energy, and travel took even more out of her. She went, like sick people going to Lourdes, with the hope of being healed. Immediately upon entering the park, a mother grizzly with two cubs walked across the road in front of the tour bus. (In Denali, tourists are driven on buses through the park, while bears roam freely.) This was like a powerful waking dream to Helen. The real and the symbolic came together. While Helen may have appeared to be just another tourist, for her this was truly a pilgrimage.

No logical or practical decision brought Helen to Alaska, but rather a persistent and compelling message to come. The mother-bear symbol showed up over and over—not just in dreams and thoughts, but also in outer experiences. Helen encountered bear images in various art forms and in references in conversations. Suddenly, the idea or symbol of bear seemed to be everywhere. The urge or compelling desire to see real bears in their natural setting grew and set her on course for Denali. Only after going to Alaska did she come to understand the connection between what toxins had done to her body and the similar dangers they held for bears—as well as the larger implication of the danger to the wilderness and to Mother Nature herself.

The spirit of the bear gave an urgency to Helen's desire to do something with her new knowledge. She found her means of expression in her work. She wrote and staged a one-woman performance piece that became the basis for the film Send Word, Bear Mother, in which she played the principal role. Through this film and in the work that came from her inner/outer journey, Helen became an activist with a personal mission to foster an awareness of the connection between toxins, infertility, and the danger of the disappearing wilderness. And what's more, she became pregnant one month after she came back from Denali. Nine months later, her daughter, Lydia, was born.

“Send Word, Bear Mother” was Helen's personal healing chant, one that she adapted from a Sioux chant.

Send word, bear mother

Send word, bear mother

I'm having a hard time

Send word, bear mother

Send word, bear mother

I'm having a bad time.

Helen's encounters with the mother-bear spirit had a she-who-must-be-obeyed energy about them that persisted until she heeded the message, went to Alaska, and saw real bear mothers. The bear had a grip on her imagination. The chant was a plea for help to the bear-mother spirit—for healing.

Christine is another woman who had a profound encounter with mother bear, who came to her in a dream. In this dream, her arm was held in the jaws of a powerful mother bear who would not let go. She could neither shake the bear off nor get help from men in the dream. Then she came to a large, familiar statue of a mother bear with two cubs that she had often seen at the University of California Medical Center. In her dream, when she placed her hands on the statue, the bear finally let go of her arm.

As we talked about her dream, Christine intuitively connected her recent obsession about having a baby with the mother bear. She kept noticing pregnant women and women with babies; intrusive thoughts about becoming pregnant herself came into her mind and were followed by anxiety. She wanted and feared this. She had her course set on becoming a psychologist. She had only a year left to finish the academic preparation, after which she wanted to begin a practice. Now the idea of having a baby intruded and she felt that, if she gave in to it, it would mean sacrificing her career. When we explored what putting her hands on the statue of the mother bear could mean, she had a strong sense that, by doing so, she was making a promise. With the promise made, the bear could let her go.

After this discussion with me, Christine went home and told her husband about the dream and its meaning to her. In their talk, they decided that, once she finished her last year of school, their goal would be for her to become pregnant. They would share childcare responsibilities and support each other's work. With Christine's husband backing up her promise to mother bear, her intrusive, obsessive thoughts went away. The mother bear let go the grip she had on Christine's psyche once she felt an inner certainty that she would honor the mother bear in herself.