Читать книгу Close to the Bone - Jean Shinoda Bolen - Страница 20

When the possibility or reality of a major medical illness arises, when we or someone we love are to be hospitalized for observation, diagnosis, or treatment, it is metaphorically like being abducted into the underworld—that subconscious or unconscious realm—where we are assailed by fears and vulnerabilities that we usually keep buried there and at a distance. We may be exposed to fear of death, pain, dismemberment, dependency, disfigurement, dementia, and depression. The possibility of becoming seriously sick or impaired exposes us to fears and realities to do with the loss of relationships, of work, of manhood or womanhood, of opportunities and dreams. We fear being a burden, financial and otherwise; we fear for our children or others who depend upon us; we fear that we may no longer be ourselves; and those fears are sometimes compounded by how others treat us or how we react when childhood insecurities become entwined with present-day adult anxieties. We can lose the best of ourselves in sinkholes of self-pity, or become mired obsessively in “Why me?”

Sick or potentially sick people are often infantilized, women especially. Doctors and others often talk about us as if we were not there. If we make a fuss, we are not being good patients. Everyone is concerned with the medical problem, not with the psyche. The message we get as patients is to keep our fears to ourselves and put on a good face; be a good girl or act like a man, and do what the doctor says. We are not to be angry. We are not to question authority. We are now in the underworld of our fears but are not to mention it. If we are angry or self-pitying, if we become emotional, if we want doctors or nurses to pay attention to our feelings, we are being a problem. Attending to emotions takes time, and when there is just so much time to do hospital rounds, or so much time allotted to see each patient, a patient or a relative who needs or wants reassurance or further explanations is often seen as demanding or even as requiring a psychiatric consultation.