Читать книгу Then There Were Three - Jeanie London, Jeanie London - Страница 12

NIC HOPED LIKE HELL THE shock of the situation would wear off soon. Otherwise, he was in real trouble, because it didn’t feel as though fifteen years had passed since he’d last seen Megan.

More like yesterday.

Every time he met her gaze, he felt punched in the gut. Even her turmoil tugged at him. It was all over her face, a face he shouldn’t be so familiar with. Not after so long. Not after she’d blown out of his life without a glance back.

But he was aware, all right. Of every soft intake of breath. Of the way her lashes fluttered over her eyes as if she might block out everything for an instant. Of how her face had settled in with age, as if she’d grown into so much beauty, the blue, blue eyes, the full, soft mouth. Of the way her fingers tightened on the cup as if she were bracing herself.

He could relate to the feeling.

But when she lifted that magnificent gaze to him, she faced him squarely. “I didn’t keep Violet from you because I didn’t want her to know you. That never even crossed my mind. Not once in all these years.”

He didn’t have words. If she had wanted him to know his daughter, then she would have told him she was pregnant. That much seemed obvious.

“Why?” It was all he could manage, giving her a chance to make sense of this for him. It didn’t. None of it. Not the way she’d run away. Not the way she’d hidden her pregnancy.

She took another deep, shuddering breath, visibly steeling herself. He could see it all over her, in the tense set of her mouth, the rigid way she stood. She should have been a stranger by now. She wasn’t.

“Quite honestly, Nic, I was completely unable to cope with the situation. I freaked. My parents freaked. I wasn’t in any position to raise a child, and I knew you weren’t, either. Abortion wasn’t an option, but adoption seemed like a good one. My mother found a private agency that handled everything from the medical care to the legalities. She took a leave from the university and we went to one of their maternity centers.” She paused briefly as if considering her next words. “At the last minute I couldn’t go through with it. That’s it. I know that doesn’t even begin to explain—”

“No, it doesn’t.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. “Last I heard there were laws that protected fathers from this sort of thing.”

She flinched, but held his gaze steadily. “There are.”

God, he was struggling. He’d promised himself not to feel anything until he had the facts, to treat this no differently than any case, buy himself some time to figure out how to feel.

The anger surprised him, and he was suddenly grateful they were standing in public, an external control that would help him keep the floodgates in check.

He was the one who’d been kept in the dark, who’d been sandbagged by the sudden appearance of a daughter he’d never known existed. He had every right to be pissed. For a hundred reasons. Every one of them valid.

“What did you do, Megan, lie?”

“Yes.”

Simple. Factual. How could he attack an admission like that? The fact that he wanted to warned he’d better get a lid on his reactions before he found his face plastered all over the front page of the Times-Picayune with the headline: New Police Chief Creates Scene at Airport.

This was Damon’s damned fault. If Nic had slept last night, he wouldn’t be standing here, raw-edged and ready to explode. He might have had self-control on his side when he’d opened the door to his office and stepped into a minefield.

Megan wasn’t helping. She waited, so stoic, as if she’d known she’d have to face the music and was determined to take whatever he dished out. As if she felt she deserved it.

And she did. Every damned bit.

“Did you think I wouldn’t help?” He wanted an answer. “Or did you think I wasn’t good enough for you?”

Good enough to sneak around with, but not good enough to stand beside when life got demanding.

“Neither, Nic. I wasn’t thinking,” she said simply. “Not for myself. That’s the point. There was never any question you’d do the honorable thing, none at all. I knew you’d help in any way I needed you. I thought you might even suggest marriage.”

Another sucker punch. “That wasn’t good enough.”

She shook her head, sending dark waves trailing over her shoulders. “What I wanted had nothing to do with it. You have every reason in the world not to believe me, but I’m being entirely honest when I say it wasn’t about you at all. I was in love with you. I knew how hard you worked. I respected you for it. You made me feel spoiled and selfish by comparison. But I also knew how much you wanted a future, a chance to go to college. You didn’t need another family to support.”

“That wasn’t your call to make.”

“No, it wasn’t. But I didn’t realize that at first. I just reacted. You would have been able to handle the situation. I didn’t know how. I relied on my parents to make the decisions like I always had. What they said made sense at the time. They had their reasons—”

“Don’t bother telling me about your parents’ reasons. I don’t want to hear about how I was your dirty little secret.”

She paled in response to that verbal punch, her grip tightening on the cup until he thought the lid might pop off.

He gave a harsh laugh. “I never even questioned why you didn’t let me pick you up from your house. I suppose that should have been my first clue—”

“I’m so sorry, Nic.” Her words spilled out, a broken whisper. She let her gaze slide from his, couldn’t face him. “I am so, so sorry. If I could take everything back, I would. I never meant to hurt you.”

He couldn’t open his mouth. Simply didn’t trust himself. The past might have happened years ago, but the anger poisoning him was all about right now, about wanting to deny he’d ever given her that much of him.

“I have no excuses.” She shrugged, such a helpless gesture. “What I did was wrong on every level. I knew my parents didn’t approve of you, but I wasn’t strong enough to stand up to them, so I sneaked around behind their backs because I wanted to be with you. It’s really that simple. I handled my pregnancy no different. I listened to what I was told and let it make sense.”

She finally let go of the cup. When she faced him again, he saw resolve in her expression, and resignation.

“For the record,” she said, “I don’t blame my parents. Not for my choices. They did what they felt was right. Whether I understand or respect their reasoning doesn’t take away the fact I was responsible. What I did was unfair to you and our daughter. If I’d have been thinking, I might have realized it. But I panicked. By the time I’d figured everything out, I’d made a huge mess and didn’t know how to fix it.”

Even the hurt he felt didn’t touch the anger. And her apologies didn’t take anything away, didn’t explain why he was only finding out he had a daughter when she was nearly grown.

He brought the cup to his lips, more for something to do than the cooling coffee. At this stage of the game, caffeine wasn’t going to do a damned thing except wind him even tighter.

Nic was so aware of her standing across from him, that ridiculous neon bag by her feet. He heard what she said, but nothing was processing. He didn’t understand, was almost disbelieving that the girl who’d not only given him her virginity but who’d lain in his arms and claimed to love him would have handled things this way. God, it was like he was eighteen years old all over again.

That made him angry, too.

“Even if I wanted to believe you,” he finally said, “how does any of that translate into now? Every day you woke up with our daughter, every time you took her on a plane and moved her from one country to another, you chose to keep her a secret.”

“I did. And that was intentional, Nic, damage control, because the choices I made impacted Violet.”

“I’d say so.”

“If you’ll give me a chance to explain, this part might actually make sense.”

He sincerely doubted it, but nodded anyway.

“The minute Violet was born, I knew I couldn’t go through with the adoption. Everyone tried to reason with me—my parents, the people at the maternity home. Everyone said it was a knee-jerk reaction to giving birth. But it wasn’t. It was the first time in my entire life I actually thought for myself. I heard what everyone was saying, but I knew what I wanted. Strangers were not going to raise my daughter. That’s about all I knew. I didn’t have a clue how I was going to care for her.

“The agency is a reputable one. It’s a religious not-for-profit that operates in several disadvantaged locations around the world, places with high mortality rates from poverty and disease. This agency places children with stable families wherever they can find them. The maternity homes are for mothers who’ve lost husbands or whose families can’t afford to feed them. Sometimes these homes are the only chance an infant gets to survive. They really do a lot of good work.”

Keeping him in the dark was good work?

“Your mother took you out of the country so you could circumvent the law about getting my permission for the adoption?” He wasn’t sure why he asked when the answer was obvious. Maybe he simply needed to hold her accountable in some lame way, to feel the illusion of some control.

She nodded, that haunted look on her face not making him feel any better. “Since the agency isn’t based in the States, the legalities are easier to get around. But if I had admitted who Violet’s father was, you’d have been contacted. That’s the way it works to make adoption legal.”

She didn’t get a chance to continue when a woman with small kids passed, her stroller bumping Megan’s bag. The table rocked and Nic grabbed his coffee.

“So sorry,” the mother said, correcting the stroller one-handed while hanging on to a toddler with the other.

Megan smiled automatically, nudging her bag farther under the table with a foot. “No problem. You’ve got your hands full.”

The mother rolled her eyes and swept past with a smile. Megan watched her vanish into the crowd, looking thoughtful. She lifted the cup to her lips and took her first sip.

“It took me a long time to get on my feet, Nic. I had no job, no way to support us. I needed to get through college so I had some employable skill.”

“Your parents?”

She only shook her head. He didn’t ask, although now that he thought about it, Violet had been his first clue all wasn’t well in that quarter. She’d told him how she’d been stalking him at his condo before following him to Big Mike’s tattoo place. If she’d had a relationship with the Bells, she probably wouldn’t have been burning the night at Insane, Ink. She might have told Jurado to call them when she’d been picked up.

Nic wasn’t sure what he thought about that, except to admit he was surprised. “How’d you manage?”

“The maternity home let me stay for the first few months. They weren’t happy I reneged on my end of the deal, but they are in the business of helping people. They understand that things don’t always work out as planned.”

She sounded as if she was on more solid ground now. “My parents were waiting me out, convinced I would change my mind when the reality of being a single teenage parent set in. That wasn’t going to happen. Not when every second I spent caring for Violet only strengthened my determination to keep her.”

And yet she still hadn’t contacted him, hadn’t given him a chance to help her, or help take care of their daughter. She’d toughed out the situation on her own. He didn’t understand why.

“What about your job? Violet said you travel. You made it through school?”

“Finally. Took forever, I won’t lie. I took online classes in between taking care of Violet and working.” She met his gaze and he thought she was putting on a brave face for his benefit.

“What did you do?”

“I was fortunate. I became friends with a couple at the maternity home. They were like angels. He worked for the consulting firm I’m with now. His wife was a volunteer who liked to travel with him. He hired me as his administrative assistant, and I learned the ropes of dealing with not-for-profits. By the time I finished school, I’d been with the company so long, I stepped into a permanent position as a consultant. I worked my way up from there.”

Nic might not understand all the reasons for the choices she’d made, but he didn’t doubt what she said—that she’d had a long time to consider the effects.

He’d had a couple of hours. No damned wonder he felt like the top of his head was about to blow off. “Did you know Violet was coming here? She’s been sidestepping some of my questions, so I figured she wasn’t telling me everything.”

Megan shook her head as if still disbelieving. “Not a clue. As far as I knew she was at her friend’s house spending the night. I’d spoken to the mom beforehand and Violet texted me at all the right times. Then she didn’t come home…” Her voice trailed off, and he could see a suspicious glint in her eyes.

Nic knew this look. He’d seen it through the years in every frightened parent he’d ever had to face. Kids rebelling. Kids running away. Kids foolishly getting behind the wheel after partying in the Quarter. Sometimes kids guilty of nothing more than being in the wrong place at the wrong time and winding up as tragic statistics.

For the first time since seeing Megan in the crowd at the gate, Nic felt his anger dull, enough maybe even to think past it.

“I am so sorry about everything.” Her voice hitched and she started again. “I never lied to Violet about you, and I was fully prepared to explain the situation when she was ready to hear it. She didn’t give me the chance. I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me. But I respect however you feel, and how you choose to handle it.”

She inhaled deeply, shrugged. “I’m not sure where we go from here, but I do hope we can work together to figure out something. I trust that regardless of how you feel about me you’ll put our daughter’s best interests first. If you don’t believe anything else I’ve said, I hope you’ll believe that.”

Suddenly he could see how tired she looked, the bruised smudges beneath her eyes, the tightness around her mouth. She was running on adrenaline, and when Nic thought about it, he could guess what the past few days must have been like for her.

The shock of discovering Violet had disappeared. The worry. The uncertainty. The fear. Toss in the fact that she was going to have to face him and a really long flight, and it was a wonder she was still upright.

Nic didn’t know what to believe, wasn’t going to take the time to figure it out. Not when someone needed to be thinking here. Megan may have gotten off that plane ready to face her past mistakes, but there’d been no way she could anticipate the mess Violet had unknowingly stepped into at a tattoo parlor in the Quarter. But Nic knew.

Their daughter was now an eyewitness to a crime involving a judge on the criminal bench. Being an eyewitness could make Violet vulnerable anywhere, but especially in this city, ranked top in the nation’s criminal activity for a decade running. Nic knew all too well how eyewitnesses could run into trouble around here, which meant getting his head on straight, because he needed to resolve this situation fast.

As usual.