Читать книгу Always Have, Always Will - Jemma Price - Страница 2

Every human being who has had the excitement but misfortune of wise experience and therefore has been touched by the lessons that life has brought them, will understand life better than those who have not endured the unfortunate or disastrous adventure. The intense ferocity and emotional sadness of pain, the trifling afflictions and complications of love and the un-denying truth that life is not perfect. But in order to succeed in life, however upsetting these misfortunes maybe, everyone must endure the experience some time or other. Fate or God (which ever you choose to believe in) had decided that this was the time for Elinor Clark’s life to turn upside down.

Though Elinor could feel lonely in a crowded room, in the countryside she felt at home. It wasn't that she sought isolation, but in the quiet song of the birds and the susurration of the green wheat in the fields, she could feel at peace. The tranquility of the calm melodies and the breeze created from the grass in the field, whether in spring, summer, winter or autumn she felt completely at ease. The paths of mud and the stiles she traversed were a hymn sung straight to her soul; the trees, the grass, the pheasants that wandered the coppice, were all part of the music. Touching the rough boughs of the trees and wading through the overgrown bracken that forced her to hide her hands deep inside her pockets. The more the wind blustered, tousled her black hair and cooled her fingers, the calmer her mind became.

Life and nature are similar concepts - nature is the study of how life acts and interacts within the circle of existence. When Elinor took the time to examine the beauty of the world around her, she was able to see parallels within her own life. She found, as she neared the hill where the large oak had place upon, that all of nature moves in a spiral as do our personal lives. It is often amusing at such moments that you are able to plunge the depths to find something deep from the mind, something from inside, something honest. Spending time in nature in this way, you can become accustomed to its wisdom.

The grass was dripping, leaving bubbles of clearness upon her tights, soaking through to her skin. She ran down the hill as the clouds, dark and dismal, surged above her, every muscle in her body interacting with the activity, allowing her to continue down the gradient of wild, extensive grassland.

She ran outside as a moment of letting go from the endless obstacles that she often felt trapped and lonely in. The monotony of the daily activities and the endless feeling that her family and close acquaintances made her feel, would make her feel as if trapped in a void of endless suffering. She felt misunderstood and often felt the only thing that did understand her was the wind. The furious gusts and howls from above the endless Earth, its grey lining as though a pile of ashes layering in the sky. To isolate herself from the commonplaces of existence.

The wind bit her face with a ferocity unusual in nature as she sprinted through the natural growth. Bitter and sharp the raw air flied towards her, eager to suck any remaining heat from her already stone cold body. Her face stung and her eyes flood with hot tears as the relentless gusts washed over. She had often wished for a companion during these moments, a deep connection perhaps, she often thought a dog would be just the thing. She hardly ever came across any people during her walks, but no one seemed to dare to enter the unknown world of wind and storm -like weather, they only ever looked for weather of joyfulness and exultance- usually found upon sunny days, quite unlike the world at which Elinor had found herself on that day.

For her own amusement, being an avid reader, she would often spend more than half a day in the library hurled into worlds of adventure and romance, her mind completely engrossed. Elinor had always preferred the reading of an adventure book as she felt that they were much more interesting than what her life consisted of. Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body and gives us a place to go when we have to stay where we are. We lose ourselves in books, we find ourselves there too as the books we read become woven into the tapestry of our lives and help make us who we are today and what we will become in the future. They are not only a fiction designed to entertain, surely they change us in ways we could not imagine. Elinor, whether walking outside, reading a book, playing the piano or climbing a tree, had a sense of urgency as time would drift away-one day becomes the next unable to define perhaps a meaning of a particular hour or minute.

Life is filled with dreams, dreams which give life meaning and inspire change. People dream about change and improvement, they set goals, seemingly impossible goals, goals which challenge them, and they dream about the future, when they will reach their goals, when their lives will change for the better. Without dreams, life and humanity would be hopelessly dull. Dreams are about the yearnings that are held deep inside everyone. Some of these desires are so secret that individuals dare not share them even with their closest friends. Those that dare to put their dreams down on paper are showing the courage and faith that they will come true. Elinor wrote poetry on her dreams and losses, in hope of inspiring people and providing a type of anecdote for the suffering of the common man and the emptiness of existence, often portrayed in many people’s lives.

Her situation in life consisted of little fortune and no social importance, but sometimes it is the people that no one imagines anything of, who do the things that no one can imagine.

Elinor made her way back home; fully recovered and stabilised by nature and its beauties. The forests sweet words and the skies healing properties of light, rain and snow, the stream that would flow in time to the movement of the grass ,whispering due to the gentle breeze. She often sought inspiration for poetry writing among the gloriously endowed countryside. As well as a moment of escape and adventure which she so yearned for. Elinor had yearned for freedom since the age of seventeen in all aspects of her life and tried to escape at every available moment. Dissatisfied with the monotonous daily activities of visiting new people, flower arrangements for the church and baking for elderly people of the village as well as cleaning and dedicating hours to her father’s amusement. She would often write poetry as a way of escape and adventure through the mind. However the oscillation between Elinor’s desire for freedom and her inability to escape would often form an emotional tension that would underline most of her life and relationship between friends and family.

In her daily activities she would spend most her day wondering the forest and the field, conversing with acquaintances as they happen to walk by. Each caught up in their own spiral of some meaning. On this particular day she had come across a man being arrested for murder. She knew him well enough and had even used to play with his daughter. He was a local man and was to be hanged in Bodmin after trials in Truro. That is of course if the law convicts him before his own conscience or health did.

She would take part in any activities that the village arranged as she felt it a duty, considering all the things her mother would do to display her kindness in the town. The town was a peaceful place where everyone was content. However it had nevertheless had its fair share of scandals and crimes being committed. Smuggling was often very popular along the vast coast. Many had been caught during these acts, however some had managed to escape such accusations as the villagers were often able to give alibis and storage for any smuggled items. Everyone knew each other and Elinor had often thought that they were like one big family, helping and supporting each other in times of need and celebrating and thanking each other on their achievements and hospitality. The neighbours were very hospitable and liked to help when they could. The inhabitants would farm, mine, and hold musical events that would delight Mr Clarks and Elinor’s fascination for music and socialising.

As she advanced upon the family cottage, that had endured the test of time, she observed her father, Thomas Clark, speaking with concentration that Elinor was sure would accomplish any task, to a man clearly collecting the rent. Due to Elinor’s brother, Henry Clark, marrying a sweet tempered girl in the village, Mr Clark and Elinor had little fortune to live upon. Meaning that they could not pay the rent that the landlord seemed determined to have even though he would hardly feel its loss, considering the extent of his riches and success, which had fallen upon his hands due to his rude and arrogant character and the way he seemed determined to treat people with the least amount of propriety.

Mr Christopher was a greedy and inhospitable man, full of pride and success which he had acquired from becoming the richest man in the village. As a child he had come from a respectable family in the town but since then a lot had happened to prevent the person he would have become if certain events had not occurred. Sometimes life makes you wonder of the person you could and would have become if certain events had not taken your character on a journey; sometimes for the better but other times for the worst.

A beautiful heart can bring things into your life that all the money in the world cannot obtain. This is however one thing he had not learned in his experiences, and nor would he ever learn. Individuals cannot teach people things that are beyond their knowledge and destiny however hard they try or want to, they can never force a person to change as much as they are hated or believed to be a wrong person in character and judgement. This is however what makes us all unique.

Elinor, although quiet and deep thinking, would use a large amount of wit and sarcasm to her advantage when dealing with the disagreeable and proud propensities of human ways. This however allowed her to think in depth about the world around her, and allowed her to generate opinions which, however true they maybe, conveyed a sarcastic message. Often attracting people of a high intellect and low propriety. Indeed this being the one reason she had never accepted a proposal of marriage or ever would.

“Mr Clark, you are overdue on the rent, this seems to happen every month and I am becoming quite tired of it,” Mr Christopher said.

“Give me one more week and I can give you double of what I owe you,” Mr Clark replied.

“Are you sure as I am in two minds whether to believe you are not, considering your past history,” Mr Christopher said.

“Yes I am completely sure, Elinor can vouch for it,” Mr Clark replied.

This was a queue for Elinor’s presence. She walked up to them and said, “I will make sure, Mr Christopher that the money will be there.”

“Oh ok but I will be expecting it on my desk by next Friday,” Mr Christopher said. This action conveyed that Mr Christopher had a slight soft spot for Elinor. She wondered greatly of it and felt that perhaps it was better to keep her distance from him, to save any embarrassment from either.

Mr Christopher stormed off, clearly bubbled in anger and surely therefore quite determined to seek solace in his pathetic excuse of a house. Elinor had never quite understood why he was so determined to ruin everyone’s life and all that they hold dear. The reason why was of course due to the misfortunes that he had encountered in his life; at the game that he was losing. “Why should everyone else be happy when my life is a rather dismal disarray?” - The statement that he lived his whole life believing and wondering. This being the reason he had never formed any attachment or felt he could trust anyone, even the people closest to him which were not many.

Mr Clark clearly pleased and well satisfied, opened the door to the cottage and entered with an air of great pride and achievement. Elinor was glad that they had managed to extend the deadline of the rent to enable them to have more time to collect and make up the money, for at least it relieved a burden for her father.

Thomas Clark, a doctor for the local miners and villagers, was the proud father of Elinor and Henry Clark. An intelligent and well-read man who enjoyed the company of many. Preferring to be in the company of others he would greatly promote companionship and communal activities, which meant meeting new acquaintances were part of everyday life. Sometimes the happiest people, although they may seem the most content and smile the brightest, are the saddest.

His deceased wife (and mother of Elinor and Henry) would always have a place in his heart and mind. She was woven into his life and a place of solace. Their love was a sacred bond, unconditional and idyllic and never to be forgotten. Like ivy around a tree, blossoming, undying, intricately weaved.

Matrimony may not always be to the advantage of both but was rarely embraced by the love or affection of both ;mainly to be used to secure fortune as a legal union of two people confirming the personal future of that person and situation in life. However for Elinor’s mother and father this was not the case. Despite the objections and desperate attempts to keep them apart –due to fortune and future living-of Mrs Clark’s family, they did not succeed.

As well as from nature, Elinor had also took the inspiration for her poetry writing from her mother and father. Due to the way they treated and endured life. Their love and affection for one another and their love of the outside world (which Elinor had acquired). Sometimes the things that matter the most to us are the hardest things to actually do. Sometimes they matter so much that we never do them, because our fear of failure is stronger than our fear of not even trying. She learnt that there is such a thing as allowing and putting all your trust into someone’s heart and allowing them to guide you through the journey of life. However she also knew that not all people get the happy ending that they so deserve and desire.

Anyone ordinary can secure a good future; fortune and living. Sometimes the world becomes a better place because you’re not ordinary or normal, agree to the rules and take part in monotonous daily activities. Elinor had always been told that she should be doing things that she had absolutely no desire to take part in or achieve, making her life sometimes slightly ruled by other people, hence the need to escape to her solace of the forest. Normally they consisted of people of an older age and higher class than Elinor, making her feel it her duty to participate in what advice she received from them.

Suddenly she was brought back to reality by a gentle breeze that whipped her black curls over her shoulder.

She followed her father indoors. The two wooden chairs perpendicular to each other framed the coffee table. A small cubic bookcase stood against the adjoining wall to the kitchen.

The Kitchen was the place where they spent most of their mornings, conversing about the day ahead or any happenings or gossip in which they had read about in the local newspaper. They would sit around the table next to the Arga cooker, which had withstood an inordinate length of time. The kitchen was a rather large space and was the warmest room in the house, making it favourable to her father in the cold mornings.

A vase of deep lavender sat, about centre to the drawing room, amid an assortment of literature and music sheets. The intense aroma rising like plumes, weaves its way into every nook and cranny. The layout of the cottage was of a peculiar kind. The next door leading on from the living room was entered into a hallway. The front door was placed here. The door was stout, made of oak darkened by the years, it was protected by a small porch, thatched with straw like the sloping roof of the cottage.

Elinor had lived in the cottage all her life and felt that she could live in it for the rest of it. It was all that a comfortable home should be, suitable for the two of them and allowed space for a pianoforte which Elinor felt was necessary to allow her to improve herself and to feel a sense of achievement with each note played. Mr Clark was also an enjoyer of all things musical and declared one day, “I could listen to these beautiful notes all day long.” much to Elinor’s satisfaction. Often more than five hours a day would go by in which they had done nothing but play and listen to music (given by Elinor) and sometimes read extracts of their favourite books. They were very similar in their hobbies.

Elinor’s bedroom was the furthest east of the cottage. It was the smallest room, but she felt it the warmest. It consisted of everything that was important to her and she kept it fairly tidy, considering the fact that she would never let anyone clean or confuse her organisation. Although her writing desk had not been placed in her bedroom, as she felt it much more comfortable in the room downstairs, closest to the window, it was still a rather effective place to spend her nights.

Elinor had always believed that home is the starting place of love, hope and dreams and a dwelling place together with family; an environment offering security and happiness. Anyone with good sense and an enthusiasm for success, however hard it is created will take great joy in creating a home, not a house, as a home is just so much more superior.