Читать книгу Journey of a Cotton Blossom - Jennifer Crocker-Villegas - Страница 18

11

The Dragon’s Lair

Joseph picked up his brown duffel bag, threw it over his shoulder, and headed back out to the old dirt road that led straight to his mother. He looked back and took a deep breath. He wanted to savor this feeling. He did not want it to become dim and fade off slowly into the depths of his mind like a distant, forgotten memory. He scuffed his worn, dusty shoes along the rocks to slow down his walking and linger a little longer. He was continuously looking back, wishing to relive the whole experience or just to see Sarah one more time. There was nothing there but his shadow staring back at him in the morning sun.

He said to himself, as if he were talking to another person, “Get it together. Today is the day you go meet your mama.”

This helped him return to the present and focus on what was ahead of him. He turned forward, leaving Sarah and his shadow behind him. He was left with only the faith that, one day, Sarah would be in his forefront again, but for today, he must continue his journey as he walked down the road toward Doddsdale.

For the first several hours, he walked like a zombie, steadily heading south with his head slumped slightly, staring at the ground, deeply entrenched in thought. There were just miles and miles of mindless walking in front of him. The path was straightforward with no obstacles blocking his way. This had allowed his thoughts to absorb him. He then heard the faint sound of a dog barking in the distance. This quickly snapped him out of his nearly trance-like state. He noticed how far he had gone. It seemed like he had been walking for mere minutes because his mind was overflowing. He had become so engaged in his thoughts and dreams while also planning details of a variety of situations.

Oh, yes, Joseph had planned out the meeting with his mother and their time together. He also had a new preoccupation: planning out his desired future with Sarah. Ahhh, Sarah: his new love. Over the past several hours, he had mapped out their lives together, which would have humiliated him if anyone were ever to find out. He had planned their wedding, what their home would look like, and the children they would have. He even threw in a family pet. He dreamed of them having a dog, even though he was slightly allergic. He was indeed a giddy young fellow who felt the sensation of being in love. He envisioned his future laid out in front of him. Now that he was on his own, the possibilities were endless.

Around the time his dreaming and planning finally subsided, he looked up, and there it was—the greatly anticipated grand sign for Doddsdale. He could not believe he had made it. The exhilaration of this moment flowed through his veins. He noticed that the sign was way smaller and less impressive than it had appeared in his mind, but no matter; the excitement and joy overtook him. Oh, Doddsdale. This was the place where all the dreams he had been visualizing for years could start to become reality.

There was not a whole lot to the town of Doddsdale. It appeared as if an iron had flattened the whole area. It was easy to see clear across town. However, to see across town would not have been difficult even if it had been located in twisting and winding hills, for Doddsdale was a tiny place. He’d thought Clarksville was a small town. Clarksville felt like a booming metropolis compared to Doddsdale. This would surely make his feat of finding the senator’s place a whole lot easier. No time to linger. It was time to find and meet his mother.

Joseph had dreamed of having a real mother his entire life. He yearned for that warm embrace, the unconditional love, and the guidance that he had missed out on for so many years. The only guidance he had had since Berta’s passing was the guidance he heard from within. Thankfully, his intuition and internal guidance were sound and normally steered him in the right direction. Soon, oh so soon, he believed he could have all that he had dreamed of for years. It was right at the tip of his rough fingertips.

Joseph was so close. He sensed his mother’s presence gently caressing his mocha skin. It did not matter to him that they had not laid eyes on each other since his birth. The bond between a parent and a child can be very strong, even if they have lived apart for the child’s entire life. Sometimes in life, you find that you just have that special connection with someone, and you can sense when they are near. This was how Joseph felt about his mother, and he believed that the feeling was mutual.

Even though Joseph sensed his mother’s nearness, it provided no compass. He was not certain which direction to go to find the senator’s plantation. It was a small, rural town with a population of just 190. It was not much of an actual town. It was mostly country land without the convenience of directional signs, so Joseph was confused on which way he should go. Straight ahead, backward, left, right? He could spend hours wandering around trying to find the right home. That was assuming there was more than one large home to choose from, but Joseph didn’t know. He could leave the Doddsdale town limit without even knowing it and end up searching all over the Delta.

It was Joseph’s first time to ever leave the confines of Clarksville, so he was confused to begin with. He was also beginning to tire from his full day of walking. Frustration with his predicament set in. Joseph knew not to ask any of the white folk for directions for fear of repercussions. The rule of the land was not to speak to someone white unless spoken to. However, Joseph had not yet passed anyone, which in his situation could have been a very good thing. There were those certain people, the horrendous variety, who might have treated him maliciously.

Just as Joseph’s frustration peaked, a boy around the same age as him happened to walk by. He was slightly excited to see someone. Plus, Joseph took into account that the boy was alone, black, and close to his same size. There seemingly was no threat present. This could be his answer to which direction he should explore to find the coveted home of the senator.

He thought, Surely this boy would know where the senator lives. I should ask him.

We all experience times when we want to say something but freeze and then repeat to ourselves the same words over and over, wishing we could just spit them out until it becomes almost impossible to say a word. It makes us nervous, and it feels absolutely ridiculous for no good reason. Joseph was doing this to himself and simultaneously telling himself to shut up and spit it out already. Joseph finally blurted it out as if he were shoving something out of his chest through his mouth.

“Excuse me? Do you know where Senator Westridge lives?”

See, that wasn’t so hard, he thought in a mocking and scolding manner.

“Yeah, he lives up the road, where the big flag is hanging,” the boy said.

“Thank you,” Joseph responded.

The boy crouched his head and shoulders real low while leaning in toward Joseph. “Pssst—you don’t wanna go there,” he whispered. “People that go there never leave.”

Joseph tilted his head slightly to the side and crinkled his forehead with a look of puzzlement.

What does he mean they never leave? I am free, and I can do as I please, he thought to himself with an indignant tone echoing in his head.

He decided to ask the boy. “What do you mean, they never leave?”

The boy took a quivering breath and responded, “You see, it’s like they get stuck there. There are these invisible chains that are chained so tightly, you can’t never leave.”

Invisible chains? How can you have invisible chains? Joseph wondered. Nothing this boy was saying made any sense. There must be something wrong with him. Maybe he had a little something to drink, or maybe he is just crazy.

Joseph kept all this to himself and tried not to let his face show his feelings of judgment and mockery. He told the boy, “My mama is there, and I have to go get her.”

The boy nodded his head back and forth slowly as if he felt sorry for Joseph and was disappointed in him. He looked Joseph in the eye with a bit of sadness. “Good luck. I guess I’ll be seein’ you again,” he said in a whisper as soft as a faint rustling in the distance.

Be seeing me again? No matter. He was not going to fixate on that for too long. He was on a mission: Operation Save Mama. He did not have patience or time to fixate on someone’s craziness.

As he was leaving to walk off, the boy said, “By the way, I’m William.”

Joseph stopped and turned. He looked into William’s tattered and worn little face. “I’m Joseph, but I am leaving after I get my mama.”

Joseph was somewhat defensive over William’s insinuation that they would meet again. That went against his whole plan, and to veer from the plan was not acceptable in Joseph’s book. He hadn’t diligently worked on this plan for it to fail him now. What in the hell is this boy talking about? Joseph just stared at him with perplexity. William could see the confusion in Joseph’s face, but he offered no further explanation.

They both turned and headed in their separate directions. Joseph continued in the direction that William had pointed out to him. As he turned and began to walk, he continued to think, What does he mean, they get stuck? Invisible chains? He could not shake those statements even though he tried. No matter; he was on his way to go unstick his mama, no matter what that crazy boy had said.

The closer he got to the senator’s house, the more excited and anxious he became. His pace got increasingly faster. He was so close to breaking into a run. Then, like an image from a dream, there it was before him—the thing he had been walking toward for the past three days. On the left was the huge flag, flying strong in the breeze. Its red, white, and blue waved in the sky, the X-shaped stars rippling on top of the waves. It was almost as if the flag were clapping upon his arrival as it popped in the wind. It was the flag William had told him to seek out. It was attached to a large, slightly tarnished metal pole buried deep in the ground.

The flag was on the corner of a gravel driveway by the road, as if its job were to welcome you when you arrived. After days of walking, he had reached his destination. He stopped to take a deep breath and relish in the moment. This was a huge accomplishment for a boy who had lived his entire life controlled. He had broken out to seek what he had always dreamed of: his mother and freedom. He felt proud in this moment of accomplishment. He had made it all on his own.

As he rounded the corner into the driveway, he saw this magnificent house. The yard was covered with elaborate gardens and extraordinary flowers. There were enormous white columns in the front of the house. The stature of these columns was such that it seemed as if they could have supported the entire structure all on their own. There seemed to be a great level of order at this house, apparent from the first glimpse. Everything had a place. The entire outside of the senator’s residence and the yard were pristine.

Joseph was ready to sprint up that stretched driveway when the strangest and most unexpected thing happened. When he took his first step, he felt a chill come over his entire body. It felt like a hand was on his chest and was physically pushing him backward off the driveway and back onto the road. It was an intense pressure like he had never experienced. No matter the order that was seemingly seeping from this estate, all it did to Joseph was place his body and emotions into complete chaos. It appeared tranquil but felt like turmoil. What could it be? He attempted to shake off these feelings as he had previously tried to do with William’s statements. He wanted to keep moving forward, and he was able to do so, but a distinct heaviness weighed on him.

He desperately wanted all that he had imagined to come true. He wanted it so badly that he was willing to ignore all the warning signs and even alter reality in his mind to fit his agenda. He was searching for signs that would fit the expectation he had for this day—any sign. A hint of hope was all he needed.

He then scanned the yard with one sweep of his head, searching for the large oak tree that hosted his mother. She was supposed to be right there, swinging in the wooden seat tied by ropes from a stout, sturdy branch protruding from the tree’s body, as he had imagined. Suddenly, there it was. The large oak tree was right where he had envisioned it. His mother was nowhere to be found, however; just for a second, he’d thought he saw the swing hanging there. As his eyes adjusted, he noticed there was no swing at all—it was just a lone rope dangling in the air.

What he had envisioned was quite conflicting, to say the least. One rope would have held memories of childhood fun and innocence. The other rope held only memories of screams, hatred, evil, death, and sadness. It held such a disturbing level of fear and intimidation just hanging there, slowly swaying in the wind. Was this the point—to strike fear and intimidation in him? Joseph had always heard stories, but in his lifetime, he luckily had never come into contact with one of these ropes being used for what it had been purposed: vile murder.

What is it doing there? Maybe it is just for show, Joseph thought. He had seen people hang these in their yards or somewhere on their vehicles as a form of “decoration.” Joseph felt they were trying to strike fear into people to prove dominance, but he knew it just proved ignorance.

As repulsive and distressing as it was, Joseph did not want to see it for that. He was still trying to be positive, and he was searching diligently for the bright side. That was assuming that you could see something not of pure darkness in this situation, but Joseph, in a sense, just burrowed his head into the sand and refused to see the negative. He only wanted to see what would support his mission. That noose did not fit into his plan. His desire to meet his mother overruled all logic. He quickly brushed off all the signs that were right in front of him and kept walking toward the house.

Sometimes in life, you are shown all the right signs, but you ignore them anyway. You have to open your eyes and your mind to see them. These were not the types of signs Joseph wanted, so he chose to proceed blindly, pursuing his plans. He was too invested in his emotional state to see what needed to be seen in that moment. His eyes were sealed shut.

No matter what emotions and sensations Joseph attempted to suppress, he couldn’t deny that things felt so strange here. There was an unnatural presence about the place. You could almost hear the silent screams in the wind. He spotted a few shifty eyes lurking from behind corners and from within the cotton fields. He had imagined that he would immediately recognize his mother. No one looked familiar, and no one seemed as friendly as he had imagined. Everyone seemed downright creepy because of their silence and skulking. It felt like he was walking into a dragon’s den. Everyone was hiding and remaining quiet to keep the dragon sleeping so it would not awake and destroy the village. It was the most eerie feeling he had ever felt.

All of a sudden, Joseph felt a strong sensation of panic. His fear and intuition were starting to break through his bullheadedness. His pace slowed tremendously as he tried to process it all. Maybe I should turn around. Maybe I should listen to that boy, William.

Just as he turned his head, looking back at the road while contemplating the idea of leaving and running far away, he heard a boisterous voice call out. “Hello there, boy! Can I help you?”

Joseph whipped his head back around, looking toward the house. All the spying eyes had vanished. A man was standing there, smiling on the porch between two of the attention-commanding columns. He was a slightly tubby-looking man with circular, metal-frame glasses that fit snuggly on his rounded, mushy white face. His face drooped a bit, sagging around his mouth. He had dark hair with a few strings of salt mixed in. It was swooped to the right side like a gentle wave.

His was a very charming smile with the whitest teeth. He was wearing a chocolate-brown suit with a matching tie and shiny brown loafers. The loafers had a bit of dust on them, but you could still see the fresh shine on them gleaming through the dusty layer. He looks a bit cartoonish, Joseph thought. He was reminded of a character he had once seen in a comic at the Kingsleys—Droopy the saggy-faced dog. Because of this likeness, the man no longer seemed that scary to Joseph. He gave off an impression of warmth, although Joseph still felt unease.

“Come here, boy! Come closer so we can talk. Do you need something? I would be happy to help you with whatever you need.”

Joseph hesitantly started walking toward the man. This was exactly how Joseph imagined things going, but he couldn’t help but feel that something was not right. Maybe it was his gut, or maybe it was just William’s words continually echoing in his head. Nonetheless, he was uneasy. He dragged his feet every step up that driveway.

When Joseph reached the top of the driveway, there stood “Droopy,” smiling. “Hello there, boy. I am Senator Westridge. What’s your name?”

Joseph was fidgeting, and he stuttered a bit, muttering, “J-Joseph, sir.”

The senator nodded his head and said, “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Joseph. Don’t be afraid, boy. We can be friends. Now, what brings you to these parts of Mississippi?”

Joseph started to tell him the whole story, as he had done with Sarah, but then he stopped himself before blurting it all out. He needed a good read on this character before divulging his life story. “I came in search of my mama,” Joseph said shakily.

“Why would you think your mama is here, boy?”

“Well, sir, I come from Clarksville, and when I was there, I read a piece of paper that said my mama was sent here to work for you years ago.”

Senator Westridge touched his chin with his finger and thumb in a slow stroking motion. “Huh? Well, isn’t that the darnedest thing. Have you ever met your mama or seen a picture of her?”

“No, sir, I haven’t,” Joseph said, his head hanging.

You could see the wheels turning in the senator’s head. “Well, let’s see what we can do about that, Joseph. I am sure we can fix that. What is her name, boy?”

“Claudia Dove,” Joseph said with a hint of confidence in his voice. As Joseph spoke her name, his spirits lifted and the unease started to fade. The more they talked, the more Joseph’s level of comfort with the senator rose.

“Claudia Dove, you say? Yes, I believe there is a woman by the name of Claudia Dove that lives here,” the senator said, boosting Joseph’s level of comfort a bit more.

Joseph felt he was going to leap right out of his skin. His level of excitement was almost uncontrollable. “Can I see her? Can I?” Joseph said in a childlike tone, almost shrill from the excitement.

The senator shook his head with disappointment. “If it were up to me, we would run out there and let you meet your mama right now, but she is not here,” the man said. “She has been on a trip for a couple of days, but don’t you worry. I expect her back any day now.”

Joseph was disappointed to hear this, but he reasoned that, considering how far he had come and how long he had waited, what was a few more days? He decided now was as good of a time as any to tell the senator about his plan, so he took a deep breath and whipped out his inner businessman.

“Senator, sir, I have saved some money, and I was thinkin’ that maybe I could give it to you, and when my mama comes back, she could come with me, so we could get our own place.”

The senator didn’t miss a beat. “Well, I couldn’t take your money from you, boy. It’s illegal to take money for folks these days. You can’t just buy and sell folks like you could in the good ole days, and I have to uphold the law here, son. I am a senator now. But when your mama returns, if she would like to leave with you, you will both have my blessing.”

Joseph couldn’t believe it. It was all as he had envisioned, but the feeling was even greater than he could have imagined. Maybe people in these parts were a bit nicer than what he was used to, even though it was just thirty or so miles from where he grew up. Those thirty or so miles were starting to feel like a lifetime.

Joseph was gripping his moneybox in his hand so tightly that the tips of his fingers were turning white.

The senator looked down and saw the box. “What’s in the box you’re holding? It looks like some damn fine cigars you got there.”

Joseph smiled and said with a hint of pride, “No, sir, it’s my money.”

The senator nodded with a smile. “Well, would you like me to hold on to your money for safekeeping until you are ready to leave with your mama? I would be obliged to do that for you, boy.”

Joseph hesitated just for a moment, but then he thought to himself, What would this man, a United States senator, want with this little bit of money I have? Joseph had already been told that he could keep his money and leave with his mother. As the senator’s hand was already reaching for the box, Joseph hesitantly said, “Oh . . . OK,” while he handed his box over to the oddly ready hand of the senator.

The senator eagerly said, “Good. It’s settled, then. You will stay here until your mama returns, and I will hold on to this for you for safekeeping until you leave. Now, let me show you to your room.”

Joseph nodded and followed the senator around the corner.

“Now, I have many people that live here, but for now, you can stay in your mama’s house.”

My mama’s house, Joseph thought.

Oh, how wonderful and mystical it all felt. It was so surreal to him.