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LIZ JONES — CELEBRITY GOSSIP

Staff writer

In an unprecedented comeback, the Fortune family is back—and stronger than ever! Their mighty cosmetics empire has launched a new youth formula that women around the world are buying by the case, which firmly reestablishes Fortune Cosmetics as the number one international makeup company.

The Fortune family has also broken into the media business. They’ve purchased a television station as well as this very newspaper. There have been no staff changes except for one—Liz Jones has been relieved of her column. According to Kate Fortune, “There’s no room in a serious paper for a rumor-spreading gossipmonger.”

This is the last week for the column to run. For those still interested in celebrity gossip, you may want to try The Tattletale. From now on, this section will be “Kate’s Korner,” featuring helpful tips on matchmaking, planning your wedding, raising your babies and home-decorating ideas.

We hope you enjoy the new direction of the column. Happy reading!