Читать книгу Welcome to Mills & Boon - Jennifer Rae - Страница 16
ОглавлениеTHE COOL OCEAN BREEZE came in through open sliding glass doors on the other side of the cottage, oscillating white translucent curtains as I peeked inside the front door.
“Edward?” I called hesitantly, stepping inside the tiny house he had rented on Malibu Beach. “Are you in here?”
No answer. It took several seconds for my eyes to adjust to the light. The old grandfather clock on the other side of the floral sofa said nine o’clock. The tiny galley kitchen was empty and dark.
Edward had asked me so particularly to come over tonight, as soon as I was done filming a commercial on the other side of town. Where was he? Surely he couldn’t have forgotten?
For the past month, since he’d arrived in California, he’d gone out of his way to take care of me, putting me first in anything. The only thing he’d flatly refused was to stay away from me.
“Give me a chance to change your mind about me,” he said.
I’d told myself it didn’t matter. He could pursue me as much as he wanted. I wasn’t going to marry him. And after that first amazing kiss in the garden, I stuck to my vow and never let him kiss me again. I think I was afraid what would happen if I did.
The time we’d spent together over the past month had been almost like Cornwall again—only far sunnier, of course, with summery blue skies and bright blue Pacific. And no sex. That was a big change. But that didn’t stop Edward from spending every moment with me, taking me out for dinner, giving me foot rubs, helping me shop for baby gear. I continued to sleep in my childhood bedroom at my stepfather’s house. One night, when I’d moaned about my cravings for watermelon and caramel pretzel ice cream, he’d showed up at the house with groceries. He’d had to throw a pebble against my window. Because it was three in the morning.
No man was this good. No man could work this hard for long. I couldn’t let myself fall for it, because there was no way it would last.
He’d made it clear what he wanted. Marriage. A shared home for our daughter. And me. In his bed.
But it wouldn’t last. Soon, his emotional breakdown—or whatever it was—would clear up, and he’d rush back to his selfish playboy workaholic life. As long as I never forgot that, or let down my guard, I told myself I’d be fine. But still...
“When are you going back to London?” I’d demanded yesterday. “How is St. Cyr Global managing without their CEO?”
Edward gave me a crooked grin. “They’ll just have to cope.”
He’d started accompanying me to OB-GYN visits. When he saw the first ultrasound images of our daughter, and heard her heartbeat, his eyes glistened suspiciously.
“Were those tears?” I asked as we left.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said gruffly, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “Dust in my eyes.” And to change the subject he offered to take me to dinner at a famous restaurant which cost around four hundred dollars a plate.
I shook my head. “Nah. I want a burger, fries, frozen yogurt. How about a beachside café?”
He smiled at me. “Sure.”
“You don’t mind?” I asked later, as we sat on a casual wooden patio in Malibu, overlooking parked expensive motorcycles, the Pacific Coast Highway and the wide ocean beyond.
“Nope.” Edward shook his head, smiling as he helped himself to one of my fries. “If you’re happy, I’m happy.”
For the past month, his only apparent job in California had been to take care of me. He treated me as if I were not only the mother of his child, and object of all his desire, but was in fact Queen of the World.
It was pretty hard to resist. In spite of my best efforts, he was slowly wearing me down. I found myself spending every minute with him that I wasn’t working.
It irritated Jason to no end. “You never have time for me anymore,” he grumbled when we ran into each other last week on a studio lot. “You’re falling for him again.”
“I’m not,” I protested.
But now, I felt so oddly bereft as I walked through Edward’s dark, empty beach cottage, I wasn’t so sure.
Could he have suddenly decided he was bored with me and the baby, and flown off to London in his private jet, forgetting that he’d begged me to come over tonight?
Remembering the glow in his eyes as we’d had breakfast that morning, waffles and strawberries at an old diner near the set where I’d filmed a commercial today, I couldn’t quite believe it. A low curse lifted to my lips.
Jason was right.
I was starting to trust Edward again.
Starting to let myself care.
Setting my jaw, I walked across the cottage and pushed past the white translucent curtains to the pool area in the back, with its view of the beach. “Edward?”
No answer. For a moment, I closed my eyes, relishing the cool ocean breeze against my overheated skin. It was August now, and the weather was hot, and at my advanced stage of pregnancy, so was I. As I turned back to go inside, my belly jutted so far ahead of me it seemed to be in its own time zone. Sliding the screen door closed behind me, I crossed the living room, my flip-flops thwacking softly against the hardwood floor.
I should have been here hours ago. But the shoot had gone over, and then I’d gotten a call from my agent on the way here. He’d had news so momentous I’d had to pull over my car.
“This is your big break, Diana,” my agent had almost shouted. “You just got offered the girlfriend role in the biggest summer blockbuster. It’ll make your career. Another actress fell through at the last minute, and she suggested you...”
“Who suggested me?” I’d said, confused.
“Someone with good taste, that’s who. Movie will start shooting a few weeks after your due date,” he said, cackling with glee. “How’s that for perfect timing? You’ll have three whole weeks to lose the baby weight before you need to report to Romania...that won’t be a problem, will it, kiddo?”
Lose thirty pounds in three weeks? “Um...” Then I was distracted by the other thing he’d said. “Romania?”
“For three months. Romania is lovely in the fall.”
I was dumbfounded. “But I’ll have a newborn.”
“So? Bring the baby with you. You’ll have a nice trailer. Get a nanny.” When I didn’t answer, he said hastily, “Or leave the kid here with its dad. Whatever you want. But you can’t turn this role down, Diana. Don’t you get it? It’s a starring role. Your name will be above the title. This is your big chance.”
“Yeah,” I’d said, wondering why I didn’t feel more thrilled. Of course I would say yes. I had no choice. Wasn’t this what I’d wanted, what I’d dreamed of and strived for? This kind of luck didn’t happen every day. But as I imagined losing thirty pounds in three weeks then taking my newborn off to live in a Romanian trailer, all I felt was exhausted. “I...have to think about it.”
“Are you kidding?” He’d been stunned. “If you’d turn this down, I’m not sure how much I can help you in the future,” he’d said warningly. “I need to feel like we’re on the same team.”
“I understand.”
“I’ll call you for your answer first thing tomorrow. Make it the right one.”
I didn’t know what to do. I was tempted to talk it over with Edward, but I had the feeling he’d just tell me he supported whatever I wanted to do. Heck, for all I knew, he’d come to Romania with me. So much had changed.
So where was Edward now? I was two hours late. Had he given up waiting for me and left, to walk off his irritation with a stroll on the beach? Malibu was a beautiful place. I should know. I was the one who’d talked him into renting this place.
The very first day he’d come to Beverly Hills, he’d recklessly told me he planned to buy a nearby house, on sale for twenty million dollars. “I want to be close to you.” Privately, I’d thought he was out of his mind; even more privately, I thought if he lived forty minutes away, it would be a case of out of sight, out of mind and he’d stop pursuing me. So I’d convinced him he should instead rent a beach house getaway.
“You have to help me pick out the house,” Edward had agreed. Backed into a corner, I’d consented. The estate agent had taken us to ritzy McMansions all over town, but I hadn’t loved any of the newly built palaces, all of them the same with their seven bedrooms and ten bathrooms, with their tennis courts and home theaters and wine cellars. When Edward saw I wasn’t interested in them, he wasn’t either. Finally, in an act of pure desperation, the estate agent had brought us here.
Built in the 1940s on Malibu Beach, this cottage was squat and ugly compared to the three-story glass mansions around it. When Edward saw it, he almost told her to drive on.
“Wait,” I’d said, putting my hand on his arm. Something about the tiny, rickety house had reminded me of my family home in Pasadena, where I’d lived when I was a very young child, before my father had died.
When he saw my face, Edward was suddenly willing to overlook the house’s flaws. Good thing, because there were so many. No air conditioning. The kitchen was ridiculously tiny and last remodeled in 1972. The wooden floorboards creaked, the dust was thick and the furniture was covered with white sheets. When I pulled the sheet off the baby grand piano, a dust cloud kicked up and made us all cough, even the estate agent.
“I shouldn’t have brought you here,” she said apologetically.
“No,” I’d whispered. “I love it.”
“We’ll take it,” Edward said.
But where was he now? I went heavily up the creaking stairs to the second floor. I’d been up here only once before, when we’d toured the house with the estate agent. It was just a small attic bedroom with slanted ceilings, and a tiny balcony overlooking the ocean.
As I reached the top of the stairs, the bedroom was in shadow. I saw only the brilliant slash of orange and persimmon to the west as the red ball of the sun fell like fire into the sea.
Then I saw Edward, sitting on the bed.
And then...
I sucked in my breath.
Hundreds of rose petals in a multitude of colors had been scattered across the bed and floor, illuminated by tapered white candles on the nightstands and handmade shelves. When Edward saw me standing in the doorway, in my sundress and casual ponytail, he rose from the bed. His chest and feet were bare. He wore only snug jeans that showed off his tanned skin, and the shape of his well-muscled legs. Stepping toward me, he smiled.
“I’ve been waiting for you.”
“I can see that,” I whispered, knowing I was in trouble. Knowing I should run.
He lifted a long-stemmed red rose from a nearby vase. Leaning forward, he stroked the softest part of the rose against my cheek. “I know your secret.”
I blinked. “My...my secret?”
Leaning back, he gave me a lazily sensual smile. “How you tried to resist me. And failed.”
“I haven’t. I haven’t agreed to marriage or fallen into bed with you. Not yet,” I choked out. Then blushed when I realized the insinuation was that I soon would.
His smile lifted to a grin. He nodded toward a pile of books in a box in a corner of the room. “I just got that box this afternoon from Mrs. MacWhirter. It seems you left something, buried in your bedroom closet at Penryth Hall.
I looked down at the open box. Sitting on top was the faded dust jacket of the fine manual written by Mrs. Warreldy-Gribbley, Private Nursing: How to Care for a Patient in His Home Whilst Maintaining Professional Distance and Avoiding Immoral Advances from Your Employer.
“Oh,” I said lamely, looking back at Edward with my cheeks on fire.
He gave a low laugh. “Didn’t do you much good, did it?”
Biting my lip, I shook my head.
Tilting his head, he looked at me wickedly. “What do you think Mrs. Warreldy-Gribbley would say if she saw you now?”
I looked down at my hugely pregnant belly, which strained the knit fabric of my sundress. “I’m not sure she’d have the words.”
“I think...” He ran his fingertips lightly over my bare shoulder, turning me to face him. “She’d tell you to marry me.”
A tremble went through my body. My bare shoulder pulsed heat from the place when he touched me.
Scowling, I glared at him. “Do you always get your own way?”
Lifting his hand, he cupped my cheek.
“Ask me tomorrow,” he said softly.
And Edward fell to one knee before me.
I stared down at him, my mouth wide with shock. “What are you doing?”
“What I should have done long ago.” He looked up at me in the small, shadowy attic bedroom. “You know I want to marry you, Diana. I’m asking you one last time. With everything I’ve got,” he said quietly. “All I want is to make you happy.” He drew a black velvet box from his jeans pocket and held it up in the flickering candlelight. “Will you give me the chance?”
Looking down at him, I couldn’t move or breathe. I suddenly knew that whatever happiness or misery came to me—and my daughter—would all stem from the choice I made in this moment.
“Diana...” Edward opened the black velvet box. “Will you marry me?”
I saw the enormous diamond ring and covered my mouth with my hands. I blinked hard, unable to believe my eyes. “Is that thing real?” I breathed. “It’s the size of an iceberg—”
“You deserve the best,” he said quietly.
I’d spent years in Hollywood. So I’d seen big diamonds before. Madison had worn lots of big diamonds to awards shows—gorgeous borrowed jewels to go with her gorgeous borrowed gowns. But even in Hollywood, the million-dollar jewelry was an illusion. When the event was over, the jewelry had to be returned. Faster than you can say glass slipper.
But this wasn’t borrowed. This was meant to last.
Edward meant this to last.
“Don’t do this to me,” I whispered, stricken. “We don’t need to get married. We can live apart, but still raise her together....”
“That’s not what I want,” he said quietly, still on one knee. “What is your answer?”
I looked down at him. Looked at the rose petals, the candlelight. I took a deep breath. “You’ll change your mind....”
“I won’t.” He hesitated. “But if you love someone else...”
I shook my head.
“Then what?” he asked gently.
I took a deep breath, and met his eyes.
“I’m scared. I loved you once, and it nearly destroyed me.”
His hand seemed to tighten on the black velvet box. His voice was low. “You don’t have to love me.”
Marriage without love? The thought was a jarring one. I licked my lips. “I’m afraid if I say yes, you’ll soon regret it. You’ll wish you could be single again, and date all those women....”
“I’ll only regret it,” he said, “if you say no.”
“Where would we live?” A hysterical laugh bubbled to my lips. “You don’t want to spend your life waiting for me, as I film commercials... Sooner or later you’ll have to get back to work.”
He looked up at me, his dark eyes inscrutable in the fading twilight. “You’re right.”
“I won’t live in London. We were so unhappy there. Both of us.”
“There are other choices,” he said quietly.
“Like what?”
“The whole world.” Rising to his feet, he pulled my left hand against his chest, over his heart. “Just let me give it to you.”
I could feel his heart pounding beneath my hand. The strong rapid beat matched my own. My fingers curled against his warm skin.
“I won’t let you break my heart again,” I choked out.
“I’ll never hurt you, Diana. Ever.” Dropping the rose and the black velvet box to the end table, Edward pulled me into his arms. His hands stroked back my hair, down my bare back that was only covered with the crisscross lines of my sundress. “Let me show you....”
Lowering his head to mine, he kissed me.
And this time, I could not resist.
His lips were tender. They enticed me, lured me, soft and sensual as the whisper of a sigh. I exhaled. There could be no fighting this. It didn’t just feel as if he were embracing my body. It felt like he was caressing my soul.
“Marry me, Diana,” he whispered, his lips brushing against mine.
All the reasons I couldn’t marry him rose to my mind, but as he kissed me they dissipated into thin air like mist.
What was fear, against the incessant pull of his body against mine? His muscles were solid beneath my hands, his body powerful and strong. Something to cling to. Someone to believe in. And oh, how I wanted to believe.
I’d been keeping the secret for so long. Even from myself. But it had been right there all along. The real secret in my heart.
I loved Edward.
I’d never stopped loving him.
And all I’d ever wanted was for him to love me back....
“Say yes.” Edward kissed my cheeks, my lips, my eyelids. “Say it—”
“Yes,” I breathed.
He drew back. His handsome face looked vulnerable, his blue eyes caught between hope and doubt. “Do you mean it?”
Please let this be right. Please let this not be a mistake.
Unable to speak, I nodded.
Grabbing the black velvet box, Edward slid the obscenely huge diamond ring onto the fourth finger of my left hand. I felt its heavy weight for just a moment before he lifted my hand to his lips, kissing my palm.
In the candlelit bedroom, with the open window overlooking the twilight sea, the reverence of his gesture, like a private unspoken vow, lacerated my heart.
“You said yes,” he said in wonder. He shook his head. “I was starting to think...”
His voice trailed off. With an intake of breath, he lifted me in his arms, as if I weighed nothing at all. Gently setting me down on his bed, he pulled off my sandals one by one, kissing the tender hollow of each foot.
Leaning forward, he pulled off my sundress, leaving me stretched across the bed in only my white cotton panties and a bra that seemed barely adequate, trapped between my overflowing breasts and full pregnant belly. The enormous diamond ring on my left hand felt heavy as a shackle, making me suddenly afraid. After everything I knew about Edward’s soul, was agreeing to marry him, giving him not just body and soul but offering up all my future, all my life, and my child’s in the bargain—an act of insanity?
Edward cupped my face in his hands. His expression was tender, his eyes shining. “All I want is to take care of you forever....”
“I want to do the same for you.” I was in so deep now. I wanted desperately to believe the fantasy was true. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I kissed him with trembling lips. Twining his hands in my hair, he kissed me back, matching my passion, exceeding it. A fire roared through me, and I gasped.
Drawing back, he pulled off his clothes and gently lay me back against the bed. My hair tumbled over the pillows. I shivered, closing my eyes as he kissed down my neck. His lips were warm beneath the cool ocean breeze blowing through the window. I breathed in the scent of him, clean and masculine, with the sea air and the rose petals scattered around us.
He unhooked my bra. I gasped as I felt his lips nuzzle my breast before he drew my full nipple gently into his mouth. Pregnancy had made my breasts so big, he had to hold each with both hands in its turn. I gripped his shoulders tightly.
Pulling back, he looked down at me. “You’re in your third trimester,” he murmured wickedly. “The doctor said you shouldn’t spend too long on your back....”
Before I knew what was happening, he rolled me over, so I was on top of him. He pulled my knees apart, so I straddled his hips. My belly was huge between us, my breasts hanging almost to his face as I leaned forward to kiss him. I felt the size of him, hard and huge between my legs and the pregnancy hormones I’d tried to ignore for months suddenly rocketed uncontrollably through me, leaving me weak with lust. Pulling up, I came down hard, impaling myself, drawing him deep and thick inside me. He gasped, putting his hands on my hips. Not stopping, not waiting, I rocked back and forth, riding him with increasing speed until he was stretching me to the limit, filling me to the core, and with a loud cry, I exploded, and so did he. We both soared amid the fading purple shadows of the night.
Afterward, he drew me close, holding me in his arms. He kissed my sweaty temple. “I never want to let you go.”
“So don’t,” I whispered. My body felt illuminated, glowing with happiness. I pressed my cheek against the warmth of his bare skin, glorying in the feel of his arm wrapped snugly around me in bed.
“Let’s go to Las Vegas,” he said suddenly.
Blinking, I lifted my head to look at him. “You want to elope?”
I thought I saw a shadow cross his eyes. Then he gave me a lazy smile. “I don’t want to give you the chance to change your mind.”
“I won’t.” I looked down at my engagement ring. “Though this thing is so heavy, I feel lopsided. What is it, ten carats?”
He grinned. “Twenty.”
“What! I think you might have overdone it!”
“I’ll get you a ring for your other hand. Then it won’t be a problem.” He stroked my cheek. “Just say you’ll run away with me tomorrow.”
It sounded like a dream. But... I bit my lip. “Without my family?”
He gave a low laugh. “I should have known you wouldn’t like that thought. Bring Howard with us, then. And whomever else you want. Plenty of room on the jet.” He stroked his jaw ruefully. “Though I’m still waiting for him to hit me on the jaw.”
I snorted. “Howard would never go through with it. He loves you too much now.” Then my smile faded. “Madison is coming home tonight....”
“From Mongolia? Is it the first time you’ve seen her since Penryth Hall?”
“Yeah. I need to try to work things out.” I sighed. Rising to my feet, I started to pull on my clothes.
“Don’t go.” He held out his arm. “Stay with me tonight.”
I looked at him longingly, then shook my head. “I need to talk to Madison. But then...” I looked at him. “If she forgives me for breaking up her engagement, and Howard can come, then...”
“Then?” he said, his voice filled with rising hope.
I smiled at him. I felt so happy, there were tears in my eyes. “Then I’ll elope with you in the morning.”
With an intake of breath, he rose to his feet. Taking me in his arms, he kissed me softly. “Go home. See your family tonight.” He gave me a smile that was brighter than the sun. “And I’ll see you tomorrow.”
It felt so good in his arms, so warm, so right. It felt—like home. I bit my lip, suddenly reluctant to leave. “On second thought, maybe I could stay here tonight. I’ll see Madison tomorrow....”
With a low laugh, he shook his head. “No. Go. Talk to them. Then we can start our new lives tomorrow.” Drawing back, Edward looked thoughtful. “Anyway, I think there’s something else I need to do tonight.”
I frowned. “What?”
“Just something,” he said evasively.
“Bachelor party?” I half joked. He didn’t even crack a smile.
“It’s nothing.” Turning away, he pulled on his jeans. His face was hidden in shadow. “Just one last thing I want to do before I say my marriage vows.”
“Oh?” I stared at him, waiting for him to explain.
He suddenly wouldn’t meet my gaze. “I’ll walk you out.”
A moment later, I backed my car down the small driveway of the Malibu cottage, and soon eased onto the Pacific Coast Highway. As I looked out at the moonlight flickering over the Pacific, in the flashes of flat beach between the tightly packed million-dollar houses clinging to the strip of shore, I’d suddenly felt I’d never been so happy. Or so terrified.
Because I loved him.
He’d never once said he loved me.
I gripped the steering wheel. It’ll be fine, I told myself. Edward didn’t need to love me. We could still be happy together. Friends. Parents. Lovers. Partners.
But what was he so anxious to do tonight, “before we spoke our vows”?
It didn’t matter. He’d promised he’d never break my heart again. It couldn’t be another woman or anything like that. He was probably just planning a surprise for me. Like a wedding gift. When I saw it in the morning, I’d have a good laugh at my own fears. Getting married should mean that I could trust him. I never needed to feel insecure again. Right?
It’s nothing. Just one last thing I want to do before I say my marriage vows.
Oh, this was ridiculous. I was only four blocks away from my stepfather’s house in Beverly Hills when I banged on the steering wheel in irritation, then yelped as the big diamond cut sharply into my hand. Sucking my finger, I pulled over.
Forget this. I was going back to Malibu to find out what he was hiding from me. If it was some awesome wedding gift, I’d hate myself later for wrecking the surprise.
I flipped my car around, heading back west, toward Malibu.
Thirty minutes later, I was turning down Edward’s small street, when I saw an expensive SUV pull ahead of me. It was going way too fast down the lane. Idiot, I thought. Then to my shock, it pulled haphazardly into Edward’s driveway. A woman leapt out of the driver’s seat. But not just any woman.
It was Victoria. The beautiful, vicious wife of Edward’s cousin, Rupert. Dressed in a tight, sexy red cocktail dress and six-inch high heels.
I forced myself to keep driving slowly, past the cottage without stopping. But in my rearview mirror, I saw the cottage door open. Edward welcomed her swiftly inside.
Then the door closed behind them.
A horn honked ahead of me, and I swerved just in time to avoid crashing into opposing traffic. Cold sweat covered my body. This was what he wanted to do before he spoke marriage vows?
A bachelor party for two?
I remembered Victoria’s earlier words: I wanted him so badly, I would have done anything to get into his bed. Anything.
Numbly, I turned back on the highway, back toward Los Angeles.
There had to be some rational reason for Victoria to be with Edward tonight. Something beyond the obvious. But as I tried to come up with a reason, all I could think about was that Edward had never claimed to love me. Not in all this time. He’d said he wanted us to marry for the baby’s sake. And that he wanted me in his bed.
He hadn’t yet promised fidelity. So it wasn’t like he’d broken any vows. No. The only promise he’d broken was when he’d said he would never break my heart.
Why was Victoria there, alone with him in the house? Why would she visit him so late at night, wearing a skintight red dress? Why was she even in California at all?
I wiped my eyes savagely.
Traffic was light, late as it was, and I soon pulled past the gate of Howard’s white colonial house. I saw Madison’s expensive red convertible parked in the driveway. A car as red and wicked and expensive as Victoria St. Cyr’s dress as she’d snuck in for a private tête-à-tête with the man I was supposed to marry tomorrow.
My legs trembled as I walked inside the house. Inside the large, lavish kitchen, I saw Howard and Madison sitting at the table, smiling and talking. But in this moment, I couldn’t deal with it. I started to walk past the kitchen, but she saw me. She rose to her feet, her face serious.
“Diana,” she said quietly. “It’s good to see you again.”
I stopped, clenching my hands at my sides. Madison looked tanner, a little weathered, her cheeks a little fuller. No makeup. No false eyelashes. Her blond hair was lightened by sun. She was wearing a white cotton T-shirt, jeans and flip-flops.
“You look—different,” I said slowly.
“And you look pregnant.” She smiled. “Dad told me you and Edward are back together....”
Tears rose to my eyes. “I’m tired,” I choked out. “Excuse me. I have to go—to bed....”
I made it to my bedroom just in time, before the sobs started. Even with the air conditioning, the air felt oppressively hot. I stripped down to a tank top and tiny shorts and collapsed on the bed. Posters on the walls that I’d put up as a hopeful teenager, of places I’d hoped to see and the life I’d hoped to live, stared down at me mournfully. It felt like the walls were closing in.
As my head hit the pillow, I wept, covering my face, wept with choked sobs until there were no tears left, and I slept.
The phone woke me up. I flung my arm to answer it.
“What is your answer?” My agent’s voice pleaded.
Slowly, I sat up in bed. My hair felt smashed against the side of my face, and the tank top I’d been sleeping in barely covered my breasts properly. I felt sore, too. For a moment I smiled, remembering how Edward had made love to me last night.
Then I remembered what had happened afterward. How I’d seen Victoria sneaking into his house for one last fling.
It’s nothing. Just one last thing I want to do before I say my marriage vows
Cold despair seeped through me, and I pulled up my comforter almost to my neck.
“Well, Diana?” My agent said with desperate good cheer. “Do you want to be a star?”
I felt awful. Outside, the morning light was clear, the sky a pale blue. It almost never rained in California. Not like Cornwall. I missed the fog and bluster and wild gray storms. They suited me better.
“Diana? The blockbuster in Romania? Are you in?”
“Sure,” I said dully. “Why not?”
His congratulations were so loud I had to pull the phone away from my ear. Then he started talking about terms and conditions and other contract stuff I didn’t care about. Hanging up, I pulled on a robe and went downstairs.
“Rough night?” Madison looked up from the kitchen table, where she was now eating a bowl of cornflakes. Then her eyes widened. “Nice ring.”
I looked down at my left hand. “Yeah,” I said dully. “Want it?”
She laughed. “Good one. So you’re engaged? I’m so happy for—”
“Edward’s cheating on me.”
Madison’s mouth fell open. Then she looked dubious. “Are you sure? He seemed so in love with you last December. I mean, I even flirted with him,” she blushed a little, “and he totally froze me out.”
“I’m sure. I saw a woman he knows, his cousin’s wife, going into his place late last night. Wearing a sexy dress.”
“There could be all kinds of reasons for that. Geez. Maybe, um...” She frowned, scratching her head. “Hmm.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, grabbing the milk and a bowl.
Madison pressed her lips together. “All right,” she said finally. “Whatever you need. I’m here for you.”
I stared at her incredulously. “What happened to you in Mongolia?”
“What do you mean?”
“You seem so—different.”
“I grew up, I guess,” she said quietly. “I decided to stop taking other people’s stuff. Their careers. Their lovers. It never made me happy. It only made me feel bad about myself.” Her eyes met mine as she whispered, “I’m so sorry for what I did to you.”
I stared at her in shock, trying not to cry.
Then Madison’s mouth fell open as she looked past me. In slow motion, I turned around.
Edward stood in the kitchen doorway behind me, dressed in a tuxedo that was molded to his perfect body. He smiled, looking from Madison to me. “Looks like all is forgiven.” His blue eyes glowed with joy. “How soon can you be ready to go?”
My lips parted in a silent gasp. Then snapped shut.
How dare he act like this—look at me as if he loved me—when he’d been with another woman last night? And Victoria, of all the women on earth! Did he truly have no soul? I couldn’t bear to even look him in the face.
Reaching down, I pulled off the enormous diamond ring. My fingers were swollen, so I had to yank hard. I held it out to him coldly.
“I’ve changed my mind,” I said. “I can’t marry you.”
His broad shoulders seemed to flinch. There was a small sound from the back of his throat. He took a single step forward. I heard his low demand of a single word.
“Why.”
He was looking at me as if I’d betrayed him. As if I’d broken his heart. My throat hurt. How could Edward look at me like that, when he was the one who had never loved me?
Lifting my chin, I looked at him, my fists clenched almost violently. “I thought I could marry you without love,” I whispered. Shuddering, I shook my head. “I can’t.” It was tantamount to admitting my own love for him. I felt like a pathetic fool. “I want the real thing.”
My arm shook as I continued to hold out the ring.
He stared down at the twenty-carat diamond ring as if it were poison. He seemed to shudder. “Keep it.”
“I can’t.” I pushed the ring into his hands. My heart hurt so much I could hardly keep from crying. “It’s better this way. You can go back to London, and I’ll be going to Romania to star in a movie....” The movie? Who cared about that? What was I even saying? I shook my head desperately. “We’ll work out custody. You can visit our baby whenever you want.”
He looked down at the enormous diamond ring, gleaming in his hand.
“Visit?” he said dully.
“Yes, of course, you...” My throat constricted. “I just want you to be free.”
“Free.” He lifted expressionless eyes to mine.
Unable to speak, I nodded.
“I thought I could make you happy.” His voice was like a sigh, the last breath of a dying man. He tried to smile even as I saw a suspicious sheen in his eyes. “But I can’t force you to marry me. Of course you deserve love. You deserve everything.”
My heart twisted. I felt as if I were drowning in the haunted sea of his eyes, seeing right through his armor to the anguished soul within. Was it possible I was wrong? Was there any other explanation for what I’d seen?
“What did you do last night?” I cried out.
Staring down at me, he sucked in his breath. Then he grimly shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Tell me,” I begged. I knew I was making a fool of myself, but I couldn’t stop. If there was any chance, any chance at all that I was wrong... “What did you do when I left you last night?”
He stared down at me for a moment in the kitchen. Then he slowly shook his head.
“It’s better you don’t know,” he said quietly. Leaning forward, he cupped my cheek. “I will always provide for you and the baby, Diana.” Leaning down, he kissed me softly, one last time. “Take care of her. Be happy.”
And he was gone.
I stared after him, gazing at the empty doorway, standing on the cold tile floor wearing a robe, a tank top that didn’t quite cover my belly, skimpy sleep shorts and a dumb expression.
My stepfather’s lavish, enormous kitchen turned blurry around me and I realized I was crying. I couldn’t even feel the tears. All I could think was that I’d been so stupid. I’d let Edward St. Cyr break my heart not once, but twice....
“You are so stupid,” Madison said aloud, as if she’d read my mind and agreed wholeheartedly. Wiping my cheeks, I looked down at her sitting at the table. I’d forgotten she was there.
She was shaking her head in disgust. “You gave him up for a movie? No career can ever fill the place in your heart where love should be.” She gave a harsh laugh. “I should know.”
“He doesn’t love me,” I whispered.
“Are you insane?” She looked as if she thought I was. “Did you see the way he looked at you? And from everything Dad told me about how he’s been waiting on you hand and foot...” She snorted. “No man does that for a woman, unless he’s desperately in love. Especially a man like Edward St. Cyr.”
“He doesn’t love me,” I repeated, but my voice had turned uncertain. “He just said he didn’t.”
My stepsister looked at me incredulously. “You said you deserved a marriage based on love, and he agreed with you. It sounded like you didn’t love him.”
“What?” I put my hand to my forehead. A tremble was coming up through my body like an earthquake, rising from my feet to my legs to my heart. “Edward knows I love him. He has to know.”
“Did you tell him? Recently, I mean?”
“No, I...” I bit my lip. I’d told him in London, before he’d sent me away. But never since then. Desperately, I shook my head. “He doesn’t love me. He wanted to marry me for the baby’s sake, that’s all.” I looked down at my huge baby bump. “If he’d loved me...”
I sucked in my breath, covering my mouth with my hand.
If Edward had loved me, he would have devoted himself to me, night and day, waiting for me to finish work, letting me choose restaurants, taking me to the doctor, rubbing my feet. Driving watermelon and ice cream to my house at three in the morning. He would have let me choose the house we’d live in. I would have been more important than his career.
His friends.
His country.
I always imagined love to be an action, not a word. His words in London came back to haunt me. If I loved someone, I wouldn’t say it, I’d show it. I’d take care of her, putting her needs ahead of my own. I’d put my whole soul into making her happy....
A choked sound came from the back of my throat.
What kind of man would do so much for a woman, unless he loved her?
And worse—what kind of woman would not even notice, until it was too late?
“He loves you,” Madison said quietly behind me. “And you threw it away for some stupid role in a movie.” Her lips curled as she shook her head. “When I suggested you to the movie producer, I thought I was making amends for Moxie McSocksie....”
“You’re the one who suggested me for the part?” I breathed.
“Yeah.” She looked at me accusingly. “I didn’t know you’d use the movie as an excuse to ruin your life!”
“You’re one to talk,” I said weakly.
“I know.” She held her hands wide. “Look at me, Diana. Totally alone. With the hole in my heart. If a man ever loved me like that, if he saw all my flaws and could love me anyway...” She looked away. “I’d never let him go.”
“He cheated on me,” I whispered.
She lifted an eyebrow. “Are you still so sure?”
I stared at her. Then I turned and ran up to my bedroom. I dug through my purse until I found an old ratty card. My heart pounded as I dialed a number on my phone.
“Hello?” the woman’s voice said.
“Victoria,” I said desperately. “What were you doing with Edward last night?”
“Who’s that?” She paused. “Diana?”
“Why were you at his house? Why are you even in California?”
Victoria laughed. “As if you didn’t know. But I’m glad you called. I wanted to thank you. I misjudged you, Diana. You are a wonderful, wonderful person. Rupert and I will never forget....”
I gripped the phone. “What are you talking about?”
“The shares.” She paused. “Do you really not know?”
“Shares?”
She gave a tinkly laugh. “For weeks, Edward hinted he might sell his shares of St. Cyr Global. Yesterday Rupert finally had to go back to London, but I stayed here with the children. Edward suddenly called my mobile last night, while I was at a friend’s party in Santa Monica. I rushed over to sign the contract, before he could change his mind!”
Whatever I’d expected, that hadn’t been it.
“What?”
“Oh, dear. Have I let the cat out of the bag? Edward did say he was doing it as a sort of wedding present, to both of you. New life, new career, all that. I gather you’re eloping? Let me know where you’re registered and I’ll send something. We owe you. I promise you’re leaving the company in good hands. And Diana?”
“Yes?” I repeated, my voice a gaspy wheeze.
“Welcome to the family!” she said heartily, and hung up.
My legs trembled. I slowly walked down the stairs, feeling like an old woman. Grief and heartache were building inside me, going radioactive, making my body weak, destroying me cell by cell.
“What?” Madison demanded when I stumbled into the kitchen.
“Edward sold all his shares in his family’s company,” I choked out. “That was why Victoria was there. That was Edward’s big secret. He knew how miserable I was in London. This was his surprise.” My throat caught. “It really was a wedding present.”
“That’s good—isn’t it?”
I slowly turned to face her.
“He should have told me,” I whispered.
Madison put her arm over my shoulders, as she’d done when we were kids. “He didn’t want you to feel guilty.”
Guilty? Edward had just sold his birthright for my sake. He could have manipulated me, pointed out everything he’d sacrificed for me. Instead, he’d set me free. Even though I saw now it was the last thing he’d wanted to do. What did it mean?
I wrapped my arms around my body, trying to stop my ice-cold limbs from shaking.
It meant Edward loved me.
“He loves me,” I whispered, and I burst into tears. Awful sobs racked my body, almost doubling me over. My stepsister hugged me close.
“It’ll be all right,” she murmured.
I shook my head. I’d been so determined to never feel heartbreak again, that I’d raced for the exit at the very first scare. Instead of forcing him to tell me the truth about Victoria, I’d thrown his ring back in his face. I thought pride made me do it. It wasn’t pride.
It was fear.
“What are you going to do?” Madison said.
I looked up, my heart pounding.
You only have one life, sweetheart, my mom said before she died. And it goes faster than you ever imagine. So make it count. Be brave. Follow your heart.
I took a deep breath. “I’m going to be brave,” I whispered. “And follow my heart.”
Madison’s face lifted in a smile. “That’s what I was hoping you’d say.” Reaching into the pocket of her cutoffs, she tossed me her keys. “Take my car.” Her smile turned to a grin. “It’s faster.”
