Читать книгу A Baby Of His Own - Jennifer Taylor - Страница 9

‘HELLO, Izzy.’

Connor could barely speak for the wealth of emotions that had hit him the moment he’d seen the child. It was strange because he’d never imagined he would experience such an intense reaction. He’d expected to feel something akin to what he felt for the children he treated—he wanted to care for them and make then better—but this was so much more. He couldn’t seem to drag his eyes away from her as he crouched down beside her and took stock of every tiny detail.

She had dark hair just like his, he realised in amazement. And huge green eyes, also like his. The rest of her features were exactly like Lucy’s, from the delicately arched brows to the sweet little rosebud mouth. He was suddenly struck by the sheer wonder of what they’d done by creating this tiny human being. Izzy had inherited bits of him and bits of Lucy, and the thought that their love-making had resulted in something so perfect shook him to the very core of his being. And yet, was it really so surprising?

His gaze moved to Lucy and pain gripped him as the memories came rushing back. Making love with Lucy had always been a magical experience. He’d had his share of relationships before they’d met, but what he’d felt for her had been far more profound than anything he had experienced before.

It was the reason why he’d taken the job in Boston, in fact. He had always planned on spending another year in Dalverston but he’d realised that he had been getting too involved with her and had been afraid that his career would suffer because of it. Moving to Boston had been the sensible thing to do, yet all of a sudden he found himself wondering if there were more important things than a career—like people to love and who would love him in return. Surely they mattered far more than a job?

Connor took a deep breath. It was only natural that he should feel unsettled, but he mustn’t allow it to throw him off course. He tickled Izzy’s hand and laughed when she immediately grabbed hold of his fingers. ‘She doesn’t seem worried about having a stranger touching her.’

‘She’s not reached the clingy stage yet,’ Lucy replied coldly, and he sighed. It was obvious from her tone that she was still angry with him.

‘Something to look forward to,’ he said lightly. He didn’t want her to think that it bothered him to be persona non grata in her eyes.

The thought touched an already sensitive nerve and he stood up. He’d spent far too much of his childhood feeling like an outsider to enjoy re-enacting the experience. Lucy started to get up as well and he automatically offered her his hand but she ignored him as she settled the baby onto her hip.

Connor forbore to say anything as he followed her from the room. If there were battles to be fought, he would save his energy until it was needed. However, she didn’t know him very well if she thought that he would back down in the face of her continued hostility.

The same nursery nurse was on duty at the door and he groaned when he remembered the registration card.

‘I’ve forgotten to fill in that card you gave me. Can I let you have it the next time I come?’ he offered, pausing by the reception desk. Lucy didn’t stop to wait for him and he saw the young woman frown as she watched her hurrying away.

‘Yes, if Miss Adams is with you to authorise it,’ she agreed, guardedly. ‘We have a strict rule that either a parent or a guardian must be present whenever anyone’s name is added to the register. It saves any confusion about who can and can’t remove a child from the crèche.’

‘I understand,’ he said grimly because he didn’t like being made to feel as though he was doing something wrong by wanting to see his own daughter.

He left the crèche and followed Lucy across the foyer, finally catching up with her as she was about to leave the building. It was pouring down with rain and he could see the problem she was having, trying to open her umbrella while holding onto Izzy.

‘Here, let me hold her while you do that,’ he offered, reaching out to take the baby from her.

‘I can manage,’ she snapped, moving Izzy out of his reach.

Connor swore under his breath. He was fast reaching the end of his patience. ‘I was only offering to hold her. I wasn’t trying to abduct her, although it might not be such a bad idea. The poor kid will be a nervous wreck if you react like that every time I go near her.’

‘Then maybe you should leave us alone.’ She’d finally managed to open the umbrella and she glared at him as she moved off the step. ‘Izzy and I don’t need your help. We can manage perfectly well on our own.’

‘You really think so?’ He followed her across the car park, his mood not improved by the fact that he was getting soaked. The temperature in Boston had been in the high eighties when he’d left so he’d never thought to pack a raincoat. It was with the rest of his belongings that were waiting to be shipped over to England. ‘You honestly think you can be both a mother and a father to her, do you?’

‘Yes!’ She glared at him as she stopped beside an elderly Ford Fiesta and unlocked the door. ‘So if you came here full of noble intentions about taking care of us, you can forget them, Connor. I don’t want you interfering in Izzy’s life. I’m perfectly capable of looking after her all by myself!’

‘Maybe you are, but what you want isn’t the issue,’ he replied tersely, wondering how they’d reached this point so quickly. Even though he’d been furious with her for cutting him out of his daughter’s life, he’d sworn he would handle the situation calmly and with diplomacy. However, all his good intentions had disappeared when he’d heard her making those less-than-flattering remarks about him earlier in the day.

‘It’s what’s best for Izzy that matters, not your feelings or mine. She’s the important one in all of this, the one who stands to get hurt if you refuse to see sense.’ There was a definite bite in his voice now. It was galling to realise that he’d been upset by what she’d said. He’d always believed that he was inured against other people’s opinions, but Lucy’s opinion of him seemed to matter an awful lot.

‘It’s Izzy I’m thinking about,’ she retorted, bending down to strap the baby into the car seat and obviously forgetting that she still had hold of the umbrella.

Connor sighed when a shower of rainwater cascaded over him. ‘Why don’t you give me that before you do some real damage with it? Even you can’t manage to hold an umbrella and strap a baby into that seat.’

Her brown eyes flashed as he took the umbrella out of her hand but she must have decided it was easier not to argue with him. Connor held the umbrella so that it shielded her from the rain while she strapped Izzy into the seat. He handed it back to her once she’d finished, one dark brow arching when she grudgingly thanked him.

‘See? It wasn’t that difficult to do what I suggested, was it?’

‘Meaning that I should always follow your suggestions? I don’t think so.’

She opened the driver’s door but he put out his hand as she went to get into the car. ‘Why not, if they make sense? Or are you so determined to pay me back for wanting to get to know my own child that you’d do anything to spite me?’

‘I don’t give a damn about you, Connor! I’m not interested in paying you back or being spiteful. The only person I care about is Izzy and I won’t have you breaking her heart!’

‘Breaking her heart?’ he repeated, knowing that he must sound as shocked as he felt. He gripped hold of the door when she tried to wrench it out of his grasp. ‘You’re not going anywhere until you explain what you meant by that. Why on earth would I want to break my own daughter’s heart?’

‘Because it’s what will happen if she gets in the way of your precious career. Oh, you might think that you want to play the doting father at the moment, but what’s going to happen in a few months’ time when you realise that having a child means having a lot of extra responsibilities? Which will come first then, Connor—your career or your daughter?’

‘That’s ridiculous,’ he protested, but she didn’t allow him to finish.

‘No, it’s the truth. Everything you do is geared to one thing and one thing only: your career. You don’t have time for anything else, so do you really think it’s fair to upset Izzy’s life on a whim?’

‘It isn’t a whim! And I have no intention of upsetting her life. I plan on being a proper father to her and nothing you can say will make me change my mind about that.’

He glanced round as a car further along the row started up. There were a lot of staff leaving at the end of their shifts and he realised they couldn’t continue the discussion when they might be overheard. He had no intention of trying to hide the fact that he was Izzy’s father, but they needed to sort this out in private, although any hopes he’d had of reaching an agreement with Lucy were rapidly disappearing.

‘We need to talk about this and we can’t do it here,’ he said bluntly, trying not to think about what had led her to have such a low opinion of him. He’d always prided himself on his honesty and had never made any secret of the fact that he hadn’t been looking for commitment so why was she behaving as though he’d let her down?

He hurried on because he didn’t know how to deal with all these new and strange emotions that kept assailing him. ‘What time does Izzy go to bed?’

‘I don’t have time to talk to you tonight or any other night, for that matter,’ she declared, but he was in no mood to placate her.

‘Then I suggest you make time, because I’m not prepared to wait until you decide that you do feel like talking to me.’ He stared back at her, feeling his heart ache when he saw the fear that flickered in her soft brown eyes.

‘She usually goes to bed at seven. Leave it until after then so you don’t upset her routine.’

‘Let’s make it seven-thirty,’ he said gruffly, feeling like a heel for scaring her. ‘Are you still living in the same place?’

‘No. I moved out of there before Izzy was born.’

She told him her new address then got into the car. Connor didn’t say anything else as she closed the door. Apologising would have put him in a very vulnerable position and she had to believe that he was serious about this or she would do her best to cut him out of Izzy’s life.

It was still pouring down with rain as he walked back across the car park and the weather seemed to mirror his dejection at the way things had gone. He’d handled the situation very badly and he would have to try a lot harder in the future if he wasn’t going to alienate Lucy.

He sighed. Despite what he’d told her, he didn’t want to have to resort to a messy court hearing to gain access to Izzy. He would much prefer it if they could reach an agreement by themselves although if he couldn’t make Lucy see sense, he might not have any option except to apply to the courts.

The thought of the heartache that would cause was very hard to deal with. His spirits had sunk to an all-time low by the time he reached the paediatric unit. He could barely raise a smile when he met Bea Francis in the corridor and saw her surprise at his bedraggled state.

‘I’d forgotten about the joys of a British summer.’

‘So it would appear.’ She grinned at him. ‘So much for Lucy’s theory that you came back because you were missing our glorious weather!’

Connor drummed up a smile but it hurt to know that Lucy preferred to joke about the reason for his return rather than admit the truth. She was determined that no one would find out that he was Izzy’s father and he knew how difficult it was going to be to change her mind. It was a relief when Bea asked him if he’d take a look a Sophie Fisher because it was easier to focus on work than his own problems.

He quickly changed into a clean set of scrubs then made his way to the high-dependency unit. Dee was there and he could tell immediately that she wasn’t happy about the little girl’s condition. He checked the ECG tracing and understood immediately why she was so concerned. Sophie was exhibiting clear signs of ventricular fibrillation—rapid, uncoordinated and ineffective heart contractions. It was a common complication of myocardial infarction and although it could be successfully resolved by the use of drugs in many cases, the drugs weren’t working in this instance.

‘She’ll need cardioversion. I can do it here but I need to inform her parents first about what’s happening.’

‘They’re in the relatives’ room,’ Dee told him.

‘I’ll have a word with them and come straight back.’

Connor left the room and went to find the child’s parents. He waved them back to their seats and pulled up a chair, knowing how difficult this would be for them. ‘My name is Connor Mackenzie and I’m the new head of the paediatric unit,’ he told them, keeping the introductions brief. ‘I’m afraid that Sophie isn’t responding as well as we’d hoped she would to the drugs that were meant to settle her heart back into its proper rhythm.’

‘So what’s going to happen?’ Mrs Fisher asked anxiously.

‘I’ll have to perform cardioversion to restore her heart’s natural rhythm.’

‘Cardioversion? I’m sorry, Dr Mackenzie, but you’ve lost me.’ Mr Fisher leant forward in his seat and Connor could see the fear in his eyes. ‘It’s not another operation, is it? Sophie was fine until they took her to that theatre.’

‘No, it’s not an operation and we’ll be able to do it right here in the high-dependency unit.’

He smiled reassuringly, thinking about all the times he’d been in this position. Reassuring parents was all part of his job and he’d always prided himself on his caring yet straightforward approach. However, he’d never fully appreciated before how stressful it must be for them to have to entrust their child to a stranger. All of a sudden, it was as though he could feel the Fishers’ fear, and it shocked him that he could empathise with them to such an extent.

‘It’s quite a simple procedure. I’ll administer a brief electric shock to Sophie’s heart. It’s done by placing two special metal paddles on the chest wall, one below her right clavicle—her collar-bone—and the other just about here…’ he pointed to his own chest ‘…over the cardiac apex. The sudden burst of electricity should restore her heart’s natural rhythm.’

‘And you’re sure it will work?’ Mrs Fisher asked desperately. ‘Sophie will be all right, won’t she?’

‘I’m very hopeful about the outcome,’ Connor said gently, wishing he could give the poor woman a cast-iron guarantee. It simply wasn’t possible to do that so he smiled at the couple as he stood up. ‘I’ll come back to see you as soon as it’s over, so try not to worry too much.’

It was the same advice he’d given to hundreds of parents over the years but as he made his way back to the high-dependency unit, he found himself wondering how he would react if Izzy was about to undergo the procedure. It didn’t bear thinking about, and it made him see that his life as he’d known it had changed for ever. Now that he had a child of his own, he would find it far more difficult to keep a rein on his emotions.

Just for a moment, he found himself wondering if he’d been right to come back to Dalverston to claim his daughter. What if he couldn’t handle the responsibility of being a parent, as Lucy had said? He didn’t want to hurt Izzy—it was the last thing he wanted to do! But how could he be sure that he would be a good father to Izzy when he had no real experience of what a parent was supposed to do? What if all his good intentions weren’t enough, and he ended up making a mess of things?

Connor took a deep breath. This was neither the time nor the place to worry about that. Right now he had to concentrate on what he did best—and save a child’s life.

It was well past seven before Lucy managed to get Izzy to sleep. Normally she had no problem settling the little girl down for the night but the change to her daily routine had obviously unsettled her.

She tiptoed from the bedroom, sighing when she saw all the toys that were strewn around the sitting-room. It had been a mad dash to get ready that morning for work. She had been intending to clear up as soon as she’d got home but she’d not had a chance because Izzy had been so fretful. However, she certainly didn’t want Connor to see the flat in this state or he really would think that she couldn’t cope!

She had just started to clear up the toys when the doorbell rang and she groaned. It was typical bad luck that he should be early when she’d wanted to be all prepared before he arrived. She went to let him in, trying to ignore the jolt her heart gave when he brushed against her as he stepped into the hall. Allowing herself to think of Connor as anything more than a threat would be a big mistake.

‘You’re early,’ she said sharply, leading the way into the sitting-room.

‘Am I?’ He checked his watch and shrugged. ‘What’s five minutes between friends?’

Lucy forbore to say anything but if he’d been trying to goad her by that comment, he’d succeeded. They weren’t friends and never would be now! Her heart suddenly lurched and she quickly battened it down. It wouldn’t help to start remembering what they had been once upon a time.

‘It looks like a tornado has hit this place.’ He smiled as he looked around the room. ‘You were always such a neat freak, too, Lucy. You used to get all uptight if I left anything out of place when I stayed overnight.’

‘Did I? I’m afraid I don’t remember.’

She bent down and quickly gathered up a handful of building blocks, refusing to be drawn into a discussion about the past. It didn’t matter what had happened then because it was all over and done with. She and Connor no longer shared their lives. The only link between them now was Izzy and if she had her way, it was a link that would be severed as soon as possible.

‘Don’t you? How strange.’ He crouched down beside her and picked up a stuffed rabbit which had one eye missing. He tossed it into the toy box then glanced at her. ‘I remember it all, Lucy, all the fun we had, all the laughter…everything.’

‘Then your memory must be better than mine obviously is.’

She stood up abruptly, unsure why he was going down this route. Did he think that he could soften her up by telling her that he remembered the time they’d spent together? They had gone out together for six months and it had been a happy time, too, probably the best time in her entire life. But if it had really meant anything to him then he would never have left her, would he?

The thought brought a rush of emotions with it and she turned away, terrified that he would see how vulnerable she felt. She’d tried her best to get over him so she could make a life for herself and Izzy, but there was no point pretending that he didn’t still have the power to affect her.

‘I’ll make some coffee,’ she said, heading towards the tiny kitchen.

‘That would be great. Thanks.’

Lucy went into the kitchen and filled the kettle then stood there while the water boiled. She couldn’t face going back until she had herself under control again. Connor might be making an effort to appear friendly but she mustn’t be fooled into thinking that it meant he would give up his quest to play a part in Izzy’s life. Once he made up his mind, he rarely changed it, so all she could do now was to protect her daughter the best way she could. He wasn’t going to break Izzy’s heart as he had broken hers.