Читать книгу Blood Ties Book Three: Ashes To Ashes - Jennifer Armintrout, Jennifer Armintrout - Страница 9

“Carrie?” Nathan repeated over the crackling of the line, his soft Scottish accent curling around my heart like a possessive hand.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried not to focus on the fact I was standing in Max’s kitchen wiping his kisses off my neck. “Yeah, it’s me.”

There was a long, heavy pause. “It’s good to hear your voice.”

My throat went dry. I will not cry, I will not cry.

But my emotions were too raw. The alcohol left me with nothing to buffer them. I wiped at my eyes and prayed my voice wouldn’t fail me when I spoke. “It’s good to hear from you, too.”

“I tried to get ahold of you earlier. You must have been out.” He probed gently at the edge of the blood tie, and I shut him out firmly. He laughed softly. “Got something you don’t want me to know?”

“I’m a little tipsy, is all. We just got in.”

“Ah.” Nathan didn’t sound as though he believed me.

He hadn’t yet offered any information about Bella. The suspense had me twisting the phone cord around my arm. It would be better to do it like a Band-Aid, I decided—as quickly as possible so the pain wouldn’t last. “I tried to call you earlier.”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, that’s what Bella said.”

I rolled my lips over my teeth, pressing them until they were numb.

“She said you hung up.”

I managed a tight laugh. “Yeah, I thought I had the wrong number. I didn’t expect her to be there. Do I still have a room?”

My chuckle sounded so lame, if it had been a horse, some farmer would have shot it.

“Of course you do,” Nathan said, his voice so soft I had to strain to hear it over the static. “Listen, has Max heard anything from the Movement?”

I tried to stay out of Max’s personal business, but I did remember the comment he’d made on the Ferris wheel. “No, he said he hasn’t heard anything lately.”

“Bella has.” His casual use of her name sent spears of agony through my heart. “There’s too much to explain on the phone. We’re headed down there right now.”

I imagined her in the seat next to his, looking gorgeous and out of place in the rusty old van. “I’ll tell Max. I don’t think he’ll be happy about her coming here.”

“Why not?” Apparently, Nathan had gone brain dead.

Then I remembered he’d been possessed by the Soul Eater’s evil spell the whole time, and probably missed the weird dynamic going on between Bella and Max. Still, she should have had the common decency to clue Nathan in. “No reason. Forget I said anything.”

“Okay…” He cleared his throat again. “Listen, we’re about an hour out of the city. We’re hoping to get to Max’s before sunrise, but if we can’t, is there a parking garage or something nearby I can shelter in?”

“Yeah, there’s parking under the building. If you buzz up from there you can get straight in.” I winced as I said those words. I should have told him he’d be better to stop in Gary, Indiana for the day. Better yet, he should have turned around and headed back to Grand Rapids.

The kitchen door swung open behind me, nearly flattening me to the wall. Max strolled in and stretched his arms over his head. His shoulders popped and he groaned loudly. “You know what’s just as good as sex? Ice cream. Nah, that’s a lie. I’d rather have had sex.”

I covered the mouthpiece, but it was too late.

“Is Max having trouble getting reacquainted with the city?” Nathan asked, amused.

“I think I’m cramping his style.”

On the other end of the line I heard muffled talking. You’re on the phone to me, your fledgling, your blood, and you can’t wait a few seconds before you talk to her?

Without being able to stop it, my annoyance filtered over the blood tie. Nathan got it, and I felt his relief at our renewed connection. “You’re right, that’s rude of me. Listen, I’m going to let you go. I can explain everything when we get there.”

We. It was like he used the word as a weapon against me. “Fine. We will be here.”

He hesitated. “Okay…well, goodbye, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart. It was all I could take. I hung up the phone and crumpled to the floor.

Max knelt at my side before I could draw two sobbing breaths. “Carrie? Are you okay?”

I couldn’t speak. I could only cry against his shoulder.

“What’s the matter? Is something wrong?” He sounded as alarmed as any man faced with a woman’s tears. It must have been doubly distressing, considering what we’d almost done in his foyer. “Is it me? Was it something I did?”

Shaking my head, I wiped my nose on the back of my hand, but I couldn’t control my sobbing enough to make an intelligent sound.

Max pulled me tighter to his side, as if trying to absorb my suffering through his skin. “You’re really freaking me out. What’s the matter? Is it Nathan?”

It most definitely was Nathan. Anger roared to life in me, drying my tears. Nathan and Bella were coming here. I’d come here to get away from Nathan and clear my head, and he was bringing more pain my way? He was like the opposite of an ambulance; he brought portable disaster.

“That was him,” I muttered. “He’s coming down here with Bella.”

“Bella?” Max frowned. “I thought she was going back to Spain, like, a month ago.”

I gave him a minute. Max was a smart guy. I was confident he would figure it out.

He wasn’t as quick to believe as I had been, but the comprehension slowly crept over his face. “No. No way.”

I nodded vehemently. “When I called the apartment this evening she answered the phone.”

“Well, that doesn’t mean anything.” He was assuring himself as much as me. “Maybe something came up, she got reassigned. It happens all the time.”

“She hasn’t been using my room.” I was half-glad. I couldn’t imagine going back there if she’d usurped my boyfriend—no, my sire; I’d have to get used to the difference—and my bed.

Max nodded. “Well, I’m sorry he hurt you.”

Fresh tears filled my eyes at the ragged pain in his voice. “I’m sorry she hurt you.”

“For the last time, she didn’t hurt me! I don’t give a shit about her!” He stood and stormed angrily through the door.

Numb and cold on the kitchen floor, I stared at the container of ice cream Max had left on the counter.

I don’t know how long I stayed there, watching condensation form on the cardboard. It was leaving trails and pooling around the softening bottom when I finally moved.

I had to pull myself together. It was bad enough I would have to face Nathan knowing he’d chosen Bella over me. I didn’t have to let him know how destroyed I was.

I headed downstairs to my bedroom. In the bathroom, I flipped the shower on, as scalding as I could make it, and stood under it until the water turned frigid and the steam dissipated. Outside, the sun would no doubt be coming up. They would be here any minute.

No sooner had I thought it than there was a soft knock at the door. “Carrie?”

Max peeked around it, eyes modestly shielded, and threw me a towel. “They’re here.”

“Thanks, I’ll be right up.”

“Okay.” He stepped out, then came back. “He looks like hell, Carrie.”

“Good.”

I meant it. Nathan had played me the entire time I’d known him, refusing to get into any kind of relationship with me, but oh, he could have sex with me. That was okay. I could live in the same house with him. He could beg me not to leave him, and tell me constantly how destroyed he would be if I did. But he wouldn’t give up the memory of his dead wife for me.

But he would for Bella. She possessed some magic key, some ingredient I didn’t have, that changed his mind and made him want to be in a relationship with someone.

In a relationship with her.

I dressed, not bothering to try and look good. It would be transparent if I spent another half hour blow drying my hair and putting on makeup.

At the top of the stairs I found Nathan and Bella sitting at opposite ends of the couch. Though I registered their distance, it wasn’t enough to stop my knees from going all watery.

Once we’re turned, vampires never age. Nathan had remained frozen in time at thirty-two years old. A very fit, very attractive thirty-two. Once, I’d jokingly mentioned he must have had a pretty tough exercise regimen in life to get such great arms. He’d chuckled and said, “No, it was from carrying Marianne. She couldn’t walk, toward the end.” His gray eyes had shone with sadness for a moment, then just as quickly changed back.

Now, his gaze snapped to me and he lifted his dark head as I ascended the last few steps.

Max turned as I came fully into the room, and he winked at me encouragingly.

Nathan rose as if expecting, I don’t know—a hug? For me to leap into his arms?

Whatever it was, it wasn’t something I wanted to give him. I waved him aside and flopped into the armchair near the kitchen door. “No need to get up on my account.”

His fingers clenched and worried against each other before he sat down again.

Bella looked from him to me, her eyes slightly narrowed and her mouth quirked in an amused smile, but she said nothing.

“Now that you’re both here, I guess I can break the bad news.” Nathan leaned forward and rubbed his hands on the knees of his jeans. It was a nervous habit, and the denim on his thighs was nearly white with wear. “I’m just going to say it.”

“Get it over with,” Bella practically snarled.

Trouble in paradise? I shot Max a look, but his gaze was fixed on Bella.

“I was trying to.” Nathan slid her a sideways glare. “Something happened at Movement headquarters. That’s why you haven’t had word from them. The Oracle got loose.”

“No.” Max’s exclamation came as a whisper. Not much scared Max, but I knew the Oracle did. An ancient vampire with powerful telekinesis, she had been held under strict supervision by the Movement. Max had actually been on a team assigned with moving her to the high-tech facilities she’d been kept in of late. Not all the team members had survived.

Nathan didn’t respond, but I’d seen that expression on his face many times. He was just as scared as Max. “She killed her handlers, most of the staff. Miguel is gone. So is Breton. She was located in the hospital wing, so most of the destruction is centered there.”

“Anne is dead,” Bella said dispassionately, never looking at Max. “The Oracle set fire to everyone in the hospital wing.”

“Like, with mind powers?” I asked quietly.

Bella frowned at me as though trying to comprehend my stupidity. “No. With the rubbing alcohol from the supply room and someone’s lighter.”

Max moved to the window, his jaw clenching as Nathan droned on about procedures during cessation of communication, and whether or not it was safe for me or himself to be involved.

I went to Max and laid my hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I’m just… You know, I knew it. All those years ago, when we moved her to the new facility, it’s like I could feel that she was planning something.”

Bella snorted. “How could you know the mind of the Oracle?”

“I don’t believe the mind of the Oracle concerns you,” Max growled at her. “How many werewolves died at her hand?”

Her exotic face went pale, but Bella’s golden eyes narrowed. “I am sorry she could not be of better service to you in your campaign of hatred against my people.”

“Everyone just calm down.” Nathan stood, entirely too reasonable for the emotional climate of the room.

When I’d first seen him, I’d just been relieved to be in the same room with my sire. I hadn’t noticed how tired he appeared, hadn’t taken in the dark circles beneath his eyes or the grim set of his mouth.

His gaze flickered over me a moment, and his exhaustion seemed to intensify. “The Oracle didn’t break out on a whim. Like Max said, she must have been planning it. Let’s all turn it in for the day and discuss this like reasonable adults after sundown.”

“Great, I’ll show you guys to your rooms.” Max emphasized the plurality. It comforted me to know that though they would probably end up together Max was letting them know he disapproved of it.

Nathan seemed surprised. He looked at me, then back to Max with a shrug. “Sounds good.”

“Okay. Night, all.” I gave a noncommittal wave and turned to the stairs.

Look back.

The suggestion over the blood tie was so strong, I had to give in. When I glanced over my shoulder, Nathan’s gaze locked with mine. I couldn’t discern the emotion there, whether it was guilt or apology or a silent plea for me to come to him.

I shook my head, refusing them all.

Though I was tired, sleep did not come immediately. My brain swam with imagined horrors. I’d experienced firsthand just a taste of the Oracle’s power. I’d seen what she’d done to Anne, the cheerful, eternally teenaged receptionist of the Movement. The Oracle had tormented her with a vision of her spine being shattered, then, years later, she’d made it come true. What had she made those poor vampires in the hospital wing see? It must have been agony for them.

Despite the fact their agenda and my continued existence were mutually exclusive, the vampires I’d met at Movement headquarters had been nice to me, especially Anne, who’d taken me to see the Oracle despite the restrictions against it. That had ended with a skirmish in which the Oracle had tossed Anne around like a rag doll, and tried to rip my head off my shoulders. We’d been relieved, afterward, to learn that Anne had survived her injuries. But in hindsight it seemed she’d been doomed from the start. Because of the Movement’s strict policy against medical treatment for life-threatening injuries, Anne would have been slowly recuperating, with no help but her body’s own healing ability. She would have been completely defenseless when the Oracle torched the place. I think Nathan was right. The Oracle didn’t seem to do things willy-nilly.

I rolled onto my side. The bed seemed bigger and oddly empty, now that my sire had arrived. I ached to lie at his side, listening to his gentle snores and occasional nonsensical sleep babble. Now, that was for someone else.

It made me feel a bit better to review their icy behavior toward each other in the foyer. Maybe Max’s idea of deliberately putting them in separate rooms wasn’t so crazy, as neither seemed inclined to crawl into bed together today.

How could Nathan have kept this from me? Despite the distance that always remained between us, I’d been honest with him, hadn’t I? And I’d put my soul on the line in order to save him from the Soul Eater’s torturous spell. In my mind, he owed it to me to be honest, even if it inconvenienced him a little.

I wish he had used that same, compassionate line of reasoning.

Nathan had Bella. She was exotic and passionate and dangerous. She was so different from plain, white-bread me. With all the sex and romance, Nathan probably just didn’t have time to think about me and how much I might be hurt.

Not for the first time, cold tears streamed down my cheeks over my sire.

I’d nearly cried myself to sleep when there was a soft knock at my door. Probably Max coming to commiserate. I wiped my eyes hastily. If he could pretend not to be bothered, I certainly could do the same. I might even start to believe it.

“Come in,” I said, hoping my voice sounded thick with sleep and not tears.

The door eased open a crack and Nathan, not Max, slipped inside.

I sat up, clutching the covers defensively to my chest as though he would be able to see through my T-shirt to my broken heart—had it been there. My actual heart was in my suitcase, removed from my chest by Cyrus, my first sire. “What are you doing here?”

He held up his hands like someone anticipating an attack. “Please, just hear me out.”

“Do you really think we have anything to say? After the way things went when I left?” I scoffed. “Or especially now?”

“I know. And I’m sorry. I should have been honest with you.” His words further confirmed my fear.

I drew in a shaking breath, forcing myself not to break down in sobs. “That would have been nice.”

“I can’t apologize enough. I know that. And I know I’ve put you through hell.” He looked down at his hands. “But I’ve missed you so much.”

“It would appear otherwise.” I would not let his wounded-little-boy demeanor soften my righteous anger.

For a second, he appeared taken aback. “I don’t want to be separated from you like this again. You belong with me.”

A sick feeling wound through my stomach, something like hope with reservation.

Though I didn’t speak, he came to the bed and sat down. “I’ve been selfish. I wanted to hang on to a past that I can’t change. But I had no right to string you along the way I did. I swear, Carrie, if you come home, that will all change.”

I blinked back tears. Here were the words I’d longed to hear from him, and yet…

“What about Bella?”

Nathan frowned. “What about her?”

“I don’t know if she’d be too keen on having me around. Maybe, if she were another vampire, she could understand, but she’s a werewolf. They don’t have any concept of the relationship between a sire and a fledgling.” Or how frustrating they can be.

A horrible scene played through my mind where Nathan replied, “You know, that makes sense. Good night,” and returned to her.

Instead, he stared at me as though I’d lost my mind. “Carrie, Bella and I… I think there’s been some miscom-munication. We’re not involved with each other.”

“She was staying at the house,” I stated stubbornly. “Why has she been there for a month then? Why didn’t she go back to Spain?”

“She did,” Nathan insisted. “She followed the Soul Eater to San Francisco, did recon, then went to Spain. She had to take commercial airlines because she couldn’t contact the Movement. When she got to headquarters, she found it destroyed, and came back to Grand Rapids, because it was the only way she knew how to contact Max.”

“But you said she wasn’t using my room…and you were shielding your thoughts the whole time.” I was beginning to feel like a total ass, and I didn’t like it. It would almost have been worth it to hear he had been sleeping with Bella, just to keep from realizing how crazy I’d been acting.

A slow smile spread across Nathan’s gorgeous mouth. “You really thought I was cheating on you?”

“It wouldn’t have been cheating, since we don’t have a relationship. ” I looked down at my hands and found them twisting the bedspread. “Nathan, I don’t want to be your fledgling. I want to be the woman you love. It’s never going to happen as long as you can’t let go of Marianne.”

I thought he would flinch or turn away at her name, the way he used to, but he held my gaze, drawing me into his steel-gray eyes. “Marianne is gone. It makes me sick to say it, but in a way, everything turned out better for us the way it did. She wasn’t the woman I married. She’d given up. I know I painted her as a saint, and I don’t mean to. But something about the illness twisted her. She was often depressed, sometimes openly hateful. She blamed me, once, near the end.”

“Oh, Nathan.” I couldn’t help interrupting.

It was as if he hadn’t heard me. “Even if she had lived— that is, if I hadn’t done what I did to her—she would have died later. If I’d made her a vampire…well, she was too scarred. She still wouldn’t have wanted to live.

“I could have given Marianne new life, could have protected her and cherished her for the rest of our time on earth, but I couldn’t have given her her soul back. She’d lost that long before I killed her. The spell Bella did…that you did…it made me realize that. It sounds melodramatic, but really, you saved me.”

Tentatively, I reached for his hand. I seriously expected to wake up when I touched him, but his fingers closed over mine, almost crushing, until he realized what he was doing and relaxed his grip.

“You’re my fledgling. No matter what else happens between us, it’s my blood in your veins. You’re the only family I have. It’s you I want to be with.” He lifted my hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss there.

My pulse pounded. “But not the way I want it to be. That’s the part you keep glossing over.”

A sad look came over his face, and his gaze dropped to our clasped hands. “If I told you now that I’m ready to…to love you, I would just be setting us up for disaster. The spell showed me the truth, but there are still parts I can’t accept, even though I know them to be true. When the time comes that I can completely let it go—and it will come—it’s not going to be some werewolf I choose. It’s going to be you.”

Instantly, guilt crashed over me. Nathan had been soul-searching, and I’d been…whoring it up. “I have to tell you something.”

A wary look crossed over his face, followed by an obviously forced smile. Trepidation vibrated down the blood tie. He thought I was going to reject him. He let go of my hand. “Okay.”

“Well, I thought you were…involved…with Bella.” I closed my eyes and resisted the urge to slap my forehead with my palm. “Obviously, I jumped to a conclusion. A stupid, stupid conclusion.”

He nodded, the oppressive fear of rejection letting up a bit. “And?”

“And?” I bit my lip, deciding the best way to do this was quickly. “I almost slept with Max.”

I mentally counted to three, waiting for Nathan to explode. He did, but not as I expected. With a howl of laughter, he fell sideways off the bed.

“Nathan! It’s not funny!” I pounded the mattress. “I almost slept with Max!”

Peering over the edge of the bed, I saw Nathan wipe tears of laughter from his eyes. “Oh, I heard you. I bet it was dead romantic, too.”

“Oh, shut up,” I admonished with an involuntary laugh. “I can’t believe I thought you slept with Bella.”

“I can’t believe you did, either. I can barely stand her. Do you know she chews her toenails? I mean, she doesn’t clip them off like normal people, she puts her foot in her mouth and chews them!” He shuddered in disgust. “I thought you’d give me a little more credit.”

Our laughter subsided into charged silence. Nathan sat up, resting his forearm on the bed as he studied me. “Carrie, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to. If you don’t want to come home, tell me.”

Home. Our home. My chest squeezed as though it would suddenly collapse. My mind raced for some proof that this was an elaborate trick to break my heart again. “I do want to come home. But I can’t promise I’ll wait for you. It’s too unfair to ask that of me. So…”

“So?” he asked, a reluctant smile quirking the corner of his mouth.

I hated to kill the happy expression that might grow there. “So, I’ll think about it.”

His smile held the promise of happiness. Realistic happiness, but still, more happiness than we’d had. “Carrie?”

The way he said my name, the way it sounded heavy and meaningful on his lips, gave me chills up my spine. “What?”

“I’ve been dying to kiss you.”

At those words, the chills ran straight from my spine to my stomach, raced down my arms and pulled a soft, “Oh,” from my throat. I swallowed thickly and nodded, wetting my lips, which had become suddenly parched in anticipation.

Wordlessly, he climbed into bed beside me and we kissed as though we’d never done it before. Not because it was clumsy and awkward, but because there was more to it on both ends than there ever had been. There was a fierceness in him I’d never experienced before, not born of desperation, or fear of losing me, as when I’d first become his fledgling. It was something between determination— determination to let go and make this right—and confidence I would be there when all was said and done.

I wished I could be as sure as he was.

But my body was certain of what it wanted. No matter what had transpired between us, I needed him on a primal, visceral level. His blood was in me, making me a part of him. I couldn’t seem to touch him enough, even as his mouth covered mine again and again, even as his hands found their way to my back, pulling me tight against him.

I rose on my knees before him, and he mimicked my action, pulling his shirt off in the process. I actually moaned at just the sight of him, his pale skin pulled taut over hard muscle. The scars from the Soul Eater’s spell still marred his chest and arms, and I wondered briefly at the power of a magic that could leave permanent marks on a vampire. But rational thought fled when he reached for me. Like always, Nathan could make the complications of the world disappear for me when I was in his arms. Not because I was an affected flower prone to swooning, but because everything about him—his body, his mind, his scent, his touch, his problems—everything was larger than life.

And you always get caught up in it, and you always fall, and he’s never there to catch you.

I ignored that warning voice, ignored every thought in my self-righteous brain, because Nathan was touching me, so everything was all right.

He slipped my T-shirt over my head and bent his face to my neck. It was nearly impossible to stay upright with his skin rubbing on mine, his mouth burning a trail across my collarbones. It was too much sensation after being apart too long, and when I moaned, felt an echoing shudder in his body.

“I’ve missed this,” he rasped, lifting my breasts in his hands to kiss the tops of them. “God, I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.”

I clutched his hair in my fingers and held his face close. He smelled wonderful, like the sandalwood of his soap and the heavy opiate smell of the incense he burned in the shop. I almost screamed in need when his hands slid to my back and curved over my buttocks, pulling my vulnerable, naked flesh forward to make contact with the rough denim of his jeans. I reached between us and fumbled with the button at his waistband, and he pushed my hands away. “Wait, wait. Slow down. We’ve got all day.”

“I don’t want to take all day,” I panted, punctuating my statement with a firm tug at his jeans.

His eyes darkened and he stared down at me for a long, silent moment. “I’m so glad you said that.”

In a few frantic seconds, he’d shucked his pants and pulled me to straddle him as he lay back on the bed. I gripped the base of his cock and squeezed, gliding my fingers up, over all the hard, straining length of him. He hissed and clutched at my thighs, and the desire I felt through the blood tie magnified my own. I rose above him and positioned him at my entrance. My flesh throbbed at the first touch of him; my body shuddered when he flexed his hips and slid inside.

“God, Carrie,” he managed through clenched teeth. “You feel so good.”

I wanted to answer him, to say something witty and self-assured, but he pressed his thumb to the hot, tingling bit of flesh at my center and all I could do was let out a hoarse cry.

It had been far, far too long since I’d been with him like this. It was more than a physical connection. With the blood tie between us, I could read his thoughts, feel his desire and experience the pleasure he felt as if it were my own. My skin burned where his hands touched me, my body tensed and spasmed around his cock as I rode him. I lost track of the times I cried out in release, lost to the feeling of his thickness stretching and spreading me, the hard, ridged length of him pounding into me. When he grabbed my hips and jerked me down, so hard against him it was almost painful, I felt him throb inside me and fell forward onto his chest, my arms too weak to support myself.

The tears that came to my eyes were unexpected. I swiped them away and carefully moved off of him, blocking him from the blood tie with what little mental strength I had left. He’d felt my sudden overload of emotion, though. The relief at being reunited with him. The uncertainty whether I could trust him to heal the wounds inflicted on him by his sire. But most of all the fear that I would be hurt again.

His hands shook as they smoothed my tangled hair from my face. “You can trust me now, Carrie. You can trust me, because I can trust myself not to hurt you.”

I leaned against his cold skin, buried my face in his neck. The scent of my sire’s blood, primal and familiar, filled my senses.

I’d missed him so much—the feel of him under my hands, the weight of him, solid and sure, at my side. As much as I hated the codependent notion of needing another person to make you “whole,” the blood tie did make us two halves that were only completed by each other.

It would be so much easier if I didn’t love him.