Читать книгу Fighting for Keeps - Jennifer Snow, Jennifer Snow - Страница 12
ОглавлениеLINDSAY YAWNED AS she shut down her office computer. The children with chicken pox and the men with poison ivy had all been treated and she’d finally been able to lock the walk-in clinic doors. If she couldn’t smoke, a glass of wine and a bubble bath were the next best thing waiting for her at home.
She stood and was about to turn off the clinic lights, the last one to leave, when she noticed the half BLT she’d left on the desk four hours ago.
Immediately her thoughts went to Noah. He was trying. But, unfortunately, she didn’t see a way around his career. It was too bad, she thought, because there was no denying the spark between them.
Sighing, she tossed the now-soggy sandwich into the trash and pulled the plastic bag out and tied it.
Carrying the bag outside, she tossed it into the large garbage bin. Then, back inside, she set the alarm.
“All doctors and nurses report to Emergency stat,” came the call over the clinic’s PA system as the alarm started to beep.
Lindsay groaned. So close...
After disarming the security system, she made her way quickly down the hall toward the elevators. Emergency was on the third floor and after hitting the button, she shook herself awake. Double shifts were not uncommon, though emergency stat orders were.
And there was no questioning the severity of things as the elevator doors opened and she stepped out into the hall. An ambulance stretcher whizzed past her, followed immediately by a second.
Her heart raced. An accident? Outside, she could see the flashing lights of the ambulance and the fire truck, and her mouth went dry. She rushed to the nursing station. “What happened?” she asked Kimberly-Ann, one of the ER nurses on duty.
The woman looked pale as she shook her head.
“Kimberly-Ann!”
A man she didn’t recognize, wearing a Brookhollow Police Station jacket, spoke. “There was a collision on Highway 14. A transport truck lost a load of plywood.” He paused. “I’m Sherriff Matthews, the new...”
Lindsay didn’t care who he was. She shot into motion, heading toward one of the operating rooms where the two doctors on staff were talking to the paramedics.
She was a step away from them when, from behind, an arm wrapped around her waist, preventing her from going farther. She whipped around, freeing herself. Noah, in his firefighter uniform, grabbed her arm, keeping her in place.
“What are you doing?” she demanded.
He swallowed hard, his expression dark. “I don’t think you should go in there,” he said firmly.
Oh, no. “Why not? Who did they bring in?” Her mouth felt like sandpaper and her knees buckled slightly.
He hesitated.
“Who is it, Noah?” She broke away from him, ready to run to the operating room.
“Nathan and Rachel.”
Turning, she made to sprint toward the double doors leading into the first operating room, but Noah’s strong arms around her waist lifted her off the ground and moved her away.
“Let me go.” Frantically she struggled, but his hold tightened. “I have to get in there...all nurses...” This was her job, dammit, and it was her family in there. “Let go!”
“No. You can’t keep a straight head in this situation.”
“Put me down.” She pushed against his arms as Kimberly-Ann stepped in, the new Sherriff beside her.
“Dr. McCarthy said not to let you go in...not yet.”
The struggle left her and her body went limp in Noah’s arms. It was serious... They weren’t okay... They weren’t letting her in. That only meant one thing.
She broke out of Noah’s grasp, but he stood guard, blocking her access to the hallway.
“How bad are they hurt?” She didn’t recognize her own voice as she asked the question.
“Lindsay...”
“How bad!”
His gaze and shoulders dropped simultaneously. “We were first on scene. There was nothing we could do for Nathan.”
Her chest tightened and she couldn’t catch a breath as the room spun around her. What exactly was he saying?
“Paramedics confirmed time of death when they arrived,” he said gently. “I’m so sorry, Lindsay.”
“Here...sit,” Kimberly-Ann said as she took her arm and they tried to help her to a chair.
She fought them. “What about Rachel? Where are the kids?” Her stomach turned and she swallowed to keep from vomiting.
“The kids weren’t in the van.”
A sob of relief escaped her and her hand flew to her mouth.
Noah hesitated, casting a glance toward Kimberly-Ann before saying, “Rachel is in critical condition. It doesn’t look good...” His hands were rubbing her arms, but she felt nothing.
His voice faded as her mind reeled. Nathan—dead? Rachel—critical? How? How was it possible that this could happen? She’d seen them two days ago...
The kids... Thank God they hadn’t been in the vehicle. She dove for the trash can behind the ER desk, emptying the contents of her stomach.
Noah was bent at her side as she fought to catch her breath. “How...how...what...I need to...”
“Just breathe...” He glanced at Kimberly-Ann. “Is there something we can get her?”
“I need...to...to see Nathan.” She stood and tried to move past him. Nathan couldn’t be dead. That was ridiculous... He had five children...five small children. Another sob escaped her. “I need to go in there...”
Noah wrapped his arms around her tightly and pulled her against him on the floor. “Not yet,” he whispered.
She clutched the fabric of his jacket and buried her face in his chest as her tears soaked the front of his shirt. “I need to see him.”
He hugged her tighter. “I’m so sorry, Lindsay. There’s nothing you can do for him.”
* * *
LINDSAY CLIMBED THE stairs to the living quarters of the B and B three hours later. The house was silent in the 3:00 a.m. darkness, the only light escaping beneath the bedroom door of the nursery, where she knew the twins’ butterfly night-light provided the toddlers a sense of comfort while they slept.
Her eyes were heavy and her legs were cement blocks as she walked down the hallway toward the room that had been Rachel and Nathan’s. A room they would no longer sleep in...
Rachel had passed away an hour ago. Her struggle to survive the heavy brain trauma she’d suffered in the accident had been a fight she couldn’t win, and her soul had joined her husband’s.
Opening the bedroom door, she stepped inside and her legs immediately gave way beneath her.
They were gone. No matter how many times the thought crushed her, she couldn’t believe it. She’d witnessed the coming and passing of life so many times as a nurse, but this loss was beyond her comprehension.
They were so young. They were so in love. They had five precious children who needed their parents.
A sob choked her as she lay on the hardwood floor and pulled her knees to her chest. Her shoulders trembled violently as tears pooled on the floor beneath her.
She wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and wake up to find this was all just a nightmare. That her brother and sister-in-law were fine.
But the cold truth remained. In three hours the sun would come up and she would have to tell the children their parents wouldn’t be coming home.
* * *
THE AIR WAS cool as Noah headed away from the bed-and-breakfast after first driving Lindsay home to collect her things. She hadn’t even put up a fight about handing over the keys to her Jeep and allowing him to drive. She’d mumbled, “The B and B,” when he’d asked her where she wanted him to take her and then she’d been silent on the short drive there.
Torn between wanting to give her space and to comfort her, provide a safe place for her to grieve, he’d driven slowly and quietly, leaving her alone with her tumultuous thoughts.
He knew loss. It created a hole that couldn’t be filled with kind words or warm hugs. She had to learn how to deal with this her own way, to find her own coping mechanisms to face the days ahead.
Big raindrops started to hit the ground in front of him as he walked. He shivered in the fog. In the distance the town clock bells rang three times. He quickened his pace as he rounded the corner to the street, heading toward the fire hall.
In four hours his shift would be over and he’d head back to the B and B where he intended to be whenever he was needed and not too far from when he wasn’t.
Lindsay wouldn’t be alone.
* * *
LUKE FORCED A steaming cup of tea into Lindsay’s trembling hands early the next morning before joining his wife on the sofa across from her in the B and B’s living room.
Victoria had yet to speak a word without sobbing, so she sat quietly, numb from shock as tears flowed down her cheeks.
“Try to drink this,” Luke said, handing another cup to his wife.
She knew he was as tormented as they were, but Luke had adopted the role no one else could handle that morning. He was being the strong one, doing what needed to be done, including telling the three oldest children. They’d decided to let the babies sleep, unsure how much the toddlers would understand.
With both of Rachel’s parents already deceased, and Nathan and Lindsay’s parents in Phoenix, the three of them did their best to deal with a situation no one ever wanted to find themselves in.
“It’s been an hour and they haven’t come out of there,” Lindsay whispered, her eyes filling instantly with new tears as she glanced up the stairs to Melissa’s room, where the little girl had locked herself and her five-year-old brothers inside. Hopelessness was by far the worst of the emotions competing within her, she decided.
“Give them some time...they are going to need each other through this,” Luke said, turning away quickly and covering his eyes.
The sight of his strength finally wavering reduced both women to even more of a mess.
Quickly pulling himself together, Luke cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. “I’ll go get the girls,” he said, taking the stairs two at a time.
Lindsay set the cup aside and forced several deep breaths.
“I can’t believe this is actually happening,” Victoria said, her voice sounding far away.
“I know.” Nothing about the past eight hours felt real. There was so much to be done, yet she didn’t think she had the strength to stand, let alone make funeral arrangements and contact the remaining family and friends.
Luke had also taken care of calling her parents, who’d booked seats on a plane to Newark that day. She supposed she would have to go pick them up.
The front door to the B and B opened, but neither woman looked up. The idea of a guest arriving to check in hadn’t occurred to Lindsay.
Life didn’t go on after a tragedy like this, did it?
“Hi,” Noah said, walking in. He gave her shoulder a squeeze, but she barely felt it. “I wanted to stop by...see if there was anything I could do.”
She cleared her throat and forced her voice not to break as she said, “No, I don’t think so.” The problem was there was too much to do, too much she didn’t want to do...all things she couldn’t hand off to anyone else.
“What about your parents?” Victoria said suddenly. “Maybe Noah should go with you to pick them up from the airport.”
“I can do that,” he said quickly.
“No...it’s okay.”
“I don’t think you should drive,” Luke said, coming back downstairs, a toddler in each arm.
At the sight of the smiling, oblivious girls, Lindsay’s knees started to shake and she bit back the emotions strangling her.
They would be too young to even remember their parents. Somehow she had to make sure they would know them as they grew up without them.
Another thing she had no idea how to do.
Noah sat next to her and accepted one of the girls from Luke, bouncing her gently on his knee. “It’s decided, then. I’ll drive you to pick up your parents.”
She had no fight in her to argue. Besides, it was probably a good idea. In her trance-like haze, anyone else would be safer behind the wheel.
Their family didn’t need another senseless tragedy.
* * *
“DAMN,” LINDSAY MUTTERED in the passenger seat of her Jeep as Noah took the exit onto the highway leading toward Newark.
Asking what’s wrong seemed like a dumb question that day, as nothing in the world felt right, so he placed a hand on her arm. “It’s going to be okay,” he said before realizing that didn’t sound much better. He had no idea if things were going to be okay. All he did know for sure was that he would be by her side through it all—whatever she needed. “I’m sorry.”
“No...um...thank you. I just realized I need to make another call and I left my cell at the B and B.”
“Do you know the number? You can borrow mine.” He handed it to her.
“It’s long distance.”
“It’s fine. Go ahead...please.”
“You sure?” She hesitated before starting to dial.
“Make a hundred if you need to, sweetheart,” he said, squeezing her arm, before turning his attention to the road to give her as much so-called privacy as possible.
He was so glad she hadn’t insisted on making this drive alone. Her mismatched flip-flops—one pink, one purple—further confirmed the fact she wasn’t thinking with a clear mind. How could she be? Her brother and sister-in-law had just died, leaving five small children in her care. At least he’d assumed, as their godparent, she’d be their new legal guardian, as well. A position everyone prayed they never had to step into when they agreed to such an important place in a child’s life.
“Hello...Ben,” she said a moment later.
Ben? He wasn’t sure who that was and he ignored the slight pull of jealousy in his chest.
“Yeah...I had fun the other night, too...” she mumbled, shooting a quick glance at Noah who pretended to be checking signs along the road. “Um, listen. I have to tell you something...about Nathan.”
Less than a minute later, after she had haltingly told him the bad news, she sat staring at the phone in her hand. “He hung up.”
“What?” Noah took the phone from her and tucked it into his pocket.
“That was Nathan’s friend—his business partner—in Newark. He hung up.”
“Did he say anything before he did?”
She shook her head.
Noah wasn’t an expert on the complexity of human emotions, but he could guess the meaning of this reaction. “He’s probably in shock, like the rest of us.”
She stared out the window in silence and he longed to pull over and wrap his arms around her. Instead he opened a bottle of water he’d brought along and handed it to her.
She took a sip before speaking. “He’s the children’s godfather.”
“Ben?”
“Yeah. He and Na—my brother went to university together. They started Walker Harper Developments, a property development company, five years ago. I can’t believe he hung up like that.”
Noah sighed as he reached across and took her hand in his. “Isn’t it the reaction we all would have liked to have had?”
She held his hand tight, her gaze still out the window. “I guess so. But, surely, after a moment to digest it, you’d call back?” She let out a deep breath as she leaned her head back against the seat. “I don’t think it’s even fully sunk in yet, you know?”
Noah nodded. He did. Even seeing the accident site the night before hadn’t made it more real.
“I keep expecting to wake up from this horrible nightmare.”
He nodded again, feeling useless. He had no idea what to say or even if she wanted him to say anything.
“We weren’t close,” she said after a long minute of silence. “We were so different, it was always hard to find common ground. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love him.” Her voice broke and tears gathered in her eyes.
His heart ached for her. Brushing her hair away from her face, he wiped the tears from her cheek. “I’m sure he knew that.”
“I’m not,” she whispered.
* * *
LINDSAY SAT ACROSS from her parents in the sitting area of the B and B the next morning, the bomb they’d dropped on her too much to take so soon after Nathan’s death. “Do we really need to discuss this right now?”
“The sooner the better,” her mother said calmly.
Her father’s gaze hadn’t shifted from the gazebo in the backyard and it was hard to tell if he was even listening. He wasn’t going to be of any help with her mother, not that he’d ever really stood up for what he’d wanted. Since his stroke the year before, he didn’t speak, and today he didn’t even seem to be in the same room.
Lindsay took a sip of her coffee. Her hand shaking, she spilled it down the side of the cup. She stood to get a napkin, but her mother caught her by the arm. “Leave it.”
She tensed, memories of her mother’s temper flashing in her mind. Growing up, they’d walked on eggshells around her, not sure if her ever-changing mood would earn them a hug or a smack.
She sat, feeling like a child again. She’d known having her parents here would only cause her more stress and anguish.
She hadn’t expected comfort at this difficult time.
She also hadn’t expected their immediate launch into the children’s future living situation. “Look, Mom, I really don’t know what the best thing—”
“We are the best thing,” she said, her tone leaving no room for argument.
Lindsay seriously doubted that. How her sixty-year-old mother thought she could raise five children and take care of a husband with failing health was a mystery to her. And that she really thought they were the best choice of guardians over her was another knife to the chest. “The will states—”
Her mother scoffed. “The will is a piece of paper, Lindsay.”
She cringed at the way her mother said her name. Lindsay. Condescending, demeaning, as if she was stupid. Maybe she was, but she could barely think straight enough to get out of bed in the morning, how did her mother expect her to make any decisions right now? Why was it so important to decide anything right now?
“Look at your life. You work long hours and then you go out—everyone knows you like to have fun. You’re thirty-five-years old and not a long-term relationship to your credit. Nathan told me about that Facebook account.” She tutted.
Her brother’s never-ending search for approval from their mother had often extended to using their mutual disdain for her life choices as a common bond.
“That was a mistake.”
“There’s always a mistake or someone else to blame. You have to start taking responsibility for your actions. And until you do, how do you plan to be a guardian to these kids?” She shook her head. “They’d be better off with Ben.”
A large lump gathered at the back of Lindsay’s throat. She forced it down. “You mean Nathan’s business partner and best friend who hung up on me yesterday and hasn’t even called back, let alone arrived?” The funeral was scheduled for the next afternoon.
“No doubt you made him feel unwelcome.”
Why did she even bother?
“He’s such a wonderful man...I can’t imagine what you could have said to make him feel that way.”
Enough. She couldn’t take any more. Standing, she picked up her coffee cup. “I’m out. I can’t have this conversation right now.”
“Grow up, Lindsay. You can’t keep running away when things get tough.” Her mother’s voice tore a hole through her as she walked from the room and continued out onto the front deck.
She took a deep breath once the door closed behind her. A desperate need to run away, and confirm her mother’s opinion of her, made her stomach turn. Exhausted, she sat on the front step and set her coffee cup next to her. She’d barely eaten anything in two days and even the coffee was making her feel nauseous. Leaning her head against the railing, she closed her eyes.
Grow up.
How many times over the years had she heard that or something like it from her mother? Yet, when she tried to ‘grow up,’ it still didn’t seem to make her mother happy. Even her decision to go into nursing had provoked her mother’s criticism.
“You think you’re cut out for nursing?” she’d scoffed at the time, making it clear she didn’t.
In fact Lindsay had wanted to be a doctor, but her grades would never have gotten her into med school. She would never have been able to afford the tuition anyway.
“School has never been your strong point, Lindsay. Nathan’s the smart one.” Her mother had never hidden the fact that she had a favorite child. And after a while, Lindsay had given up trying to be like her brother.
She wasn’t Nathan.
“Aunt Lindsay...you okay?”
Lindsay’s eyes flew open at the feel of a tiny hand on her shoulder, her heart racing. “Jacob?”
“Were you asleep?” Jacob asked.
She sat straighter, moving over to make room for the little guy. “I must have been.” She glanced at the small plastic shovel in his hand. “What are you doing out here?” She glanced around for a sign of an adult or someone the boy might have been playing with, but the yard was empty, the last guest having checked out that morning at the request of Victoria and Luke.
“Looking for a place to plant Mom and Dad,” he said quietly.
Lindsay frowned. She had no idea what that meant. She wasn’t sure how much the boys understood about death and the fact their parents were gone, and she didn’t know where to start to explain it further. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“You know, like Elmer.”
Elmer? “Sweetie, who’s Elmer?”
“He was our guinea pig. When he died, we dug a hole and buried him right over there, and now he’s growing into that tree.” He pointed across the yard to a maple seedling standing about a foot high.
The family had planted a tree in honor of their pet. She vaguely remembered being invited to Elmer’s funeral last year, but she’d had to work.
“So, where do you think?” He stood and scanned the yard.
She pulled him to her and gave him a big hug. “Hey, do you remember Grandpa and Grandma Connelly and how they are buried in the cemetery?”
“Yeah, we visit them every Christmas and put flowers on the rock.”
The headstone. She smiled sadly. “Exactly. Well, I think your mom and dad would like to be there with them.”
