Читать книгу September Fall - Jenny Plumb - Страница 6

Sadie found herself thinking about Adam repeatedly over the next couple of days. She knew there was a good chance that he'd want sex, and the more she thought about that possibility, the more she hoped he would. When she was getting ready on Thursday morning, she shaved her good leg and above the cast on her bad one for the first time since getting out of the hospital. That simple act helped her to feel sexy again for the first time in months, and she decided to put on some makeup as well. Then she put on a fitted tee-shirt and a skirt instead of her cut off sweat pants, and she felt almost like herself again.

When she went into the kitchen, her mother's eyes popped open wide. "You look so good today!"

"Gee, thanks, Mom," Sadie muttered.

"No, I mean… you look good every day, but today you look… never mind."

"Are you ready to go?" Sadie asked, wanting to get away from the scrutiny.

Victoria picked up her purse and nodded. "You're having lunch with Adam after class, right?"

She almost groaned but held it in. Instead, she headed for the door as she answered, "Yes, I'm having lunch with Adam, and then he'll drive me home after lunch. I'm not sure what time it will be, because we have a lot to catch up on, but I'll be home before dinner."

Her mother wisely didn't comment.

On the way to class, Sadie couldn't keep her mind out of the gutter. She'd slept with a total of five guys; Two in high school, and three in college. The first was her boyfriend for most of junior year. They'd slept together a few times over the summer between her junior and senior years. The second was her boyfriend for the last two months of her senior year. They'd only slept together on prom night, and it hadn't been great, because they'd both been drunk. Then in college, she'd had two one-night stands, one with Adam, and one with another guy from the football team named Tim. Then there was Garrett.

Garrett had asked her on a date out of the blue one day during football practice, and she'd said yes. He was a linebacker, and he was huge. She loved their size difference and often had fantasies about him manhandling her. She also loved their color difference; he was African American, and she was a pale Caucasian. She loved seeing their skin together when they had sex. She'd dated him for almost a year, and they'd slept together often, but she'd never had the courage to tell him what she really wanted in bed. He was a sweet and considerate lover, and she was worried that he'd be horrified by the thought of hitting her, especially if she got off on it. She often felt like she was his safe space. It was all rough and tumble with smack talk on the field, but then with her, it was gentle touches and loving conversation. And she didn't want to ruin his safe space with her kink.

They would still be together if he had another year of school left, but she knew deep down it was for the best that they go their separate ways, because she'd never been honest with him about sex. She'd never been honest with any of the men she'd slept with, but that was going to end today. If Adam wanted to fuck her, he'd have to give her what she wanted first, and what she wanted was a whipping.

Belts had always captured her attention, even before she hit puberty. Her parents didn't agree with corporal punishment, so she'd never even been swatted, let alone spanked or whipped with a belt, and yet belts had always held a prominent spot in all of her fantasies. She had no idea where, when, or how her love of leather had started. It had just always been there, as far back as she could remember. Leather paddles, floggers, and straps were nice, too, but not as good as a belt. In high school, she'd given herself a few smacks on the thigh with one of her dad's belts when she was home alone and knew without a doubt that the lovely bite of pain it caused was exactly what she wanted from a lover. When she saw a guy wearing a wide, well-worn belt, her clit always twitched, and she found herself attracted to him. In fact, the belt Garrett was wearing the day he'd asked her out was the biggest reason she'd said yes. But she'd never been brave enough to ask him to use it on her.

So today, she was going to gather her courage, stand up for herself, and tell Adam what she was into.

Adam's eyes opened wide, and he sat up a little straighter when he saw Sadie hobble into the room with her crutches. She looked so fucking hot, compared to Tuesday, that he might have to put his notebook in his lap like he was back in middle school instead of college. Her tight-fitting tee-shirt left nothing to the imagination, and he couldn't wait to get her home and into his bed.

His eyes went to hers, and he realized he'd been caught looking at her chest again, but she was smiling, so he didn't apologize when she sat down next to him.

"You look fantastic," he said.

"Thanks. You look good too."

He looked down at his tee-shirt and jeans for a moment and shrugged.

"Did you do the homework?" she asked.

At the end of the last class, Dr. Stryker had asked them to analyze their feelings about whatever incident led them to this class and to identify underlying emotions other than anger.

Sighing, he flipped open his notebook and showed her his first page.

Anger is my underlying emotion.

She snickered and said, "Please tell me you're not actually serious."

He thought she was even prettier when she laughed. He grinned. "Well, I am serious, but I know it's not what Dr. Stryker wants to see, so here's my bullshit essay." He flipped the page and let her see the two paragraphs he'd written last night about feeling helpless to protect the women Rubin had raped.

She nodded. "Much better."

"What about you?" he asked.

She showed him her notebook but didn't leave it open long enough for him to actually read it.

"Embarrassed about your answer?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I guess."

He put a hand on her naked knee and said, "I'd like to see it."

After a small pause, she opened it, and let him read it. The essay said her underlying emotion was sorrow for the cheerleading career she'd never have. Once he'd read it, he squeezed her knee gently and said, "I'm sorry."

"Thanks."

Dr. Stryker started the class, and Adam let go of her knee so he could pay attention.

The class was all about how people who feel powerless in a situation often resort to anger, and Dr. Stryker had asked them to connect that dynamic into their homework assignment about underlying emotions. Sadie couldn't deny the truth of that concept. She had felt powerless when she was lying on the side of that mountain waiting to be rescued, and she'd felt even more powerless when the doctor had told her she'd never be able to play competitive sports again. It was a sobering class, and she could tell from his expression that Adam had been affected as well.

Trying to stay positive for his sake, she said, "What kind of food should we get on the way to your house?"

He slowly smiled. "There's a slew of fast food places on the way. We could get burgers, tacos, chicken, or even pizza or Chinese food. What sounds good?"

"Burgers?"

"Sure."

Fifteen minutes later when Sadie saw Adam's house, she wondered if maybe this was a bad idea. There was no way she could get up the porch stairs safely without some help, especially when her newfound fear of falling might cause her to freeze halfway up the stairs. Luckily for her, her parents' house was one level, so that hadn't been an issue. She hated the thought of appearing weak and needy in front of Adam. She knew she was a masochist with submissive tendencies, and she was fine with that label in the bedroom, but not anywhere else.

Adam parked his car and said, "Do you need help getting out?"

"No." She didn't mean for her answer to come out sounding sharp, but if his raised eyebrows were an indication, she'd failed. She added, "Thanks for the offer, but your car is the perfect height for me to get in and out of on my own."

"Okay." He picked up their bag of food and their soda tray before getting out. Then he waited on her side of the car while she got herself out.

Once she was upright, he shut her door, locked the car, and walked in front of her up the walkway. She stopped at the bottom of the porch and watched him take the six stairs in three steps.

He unlocked the front door, turned around, and frowned at the air beside him before looking down at her.

Blushing, she mumbled, "Could you spot me while I get up the stairs?"

"Sure." He set their burger bag and drink tray on the porch and went to stand next to her. "I could just carry you," he offered.

"Oh…" She was torn. Being carried sounded both romantic and pathetic at the same time.

After a short indecisive pause, he spoke. "Give me your crutches."

He held out his hand for them, and she let him take them with a frown. He leaned them against the porch railing and turned to her.

One moment she was standing, and the next, she was in his arms, bridal style. She gasped as her world shifted, and her arms automatically wrapped around his shoulders to steady herself as he easily carried her up the stairs, through the house, and into the kitchen. He carefully set her down right next to one of the kitchen chairs.

"There," he said decisively.

He turned and went back outside, presumably to get her crutches and their food, while she stared at his back, wondering if she should be upset. He came back in, shut the front door behind him, put the food on the table, and handed her the crutches.

"Thanks," she said, leaning the crutches against the table and pulling the chair out so she could sit. He sat kitty-corner from her and started getting the food out.

Once they'd both had a couple of bites, she said, "A couple of times during class, you said you were the president of SAK. What happened?"

Setting his burger down, he leaned back in his chair. "It's in the rules of the fraternity. You can't be president if you've had a misdemeanor or felony, and since my lawyer couldn't get the case thrown out during my arraignment, there wasn't a choice. Most of the guys said they should've changed the rules or made an exception for me, but it's a national rule for every chapter of SAK, so they wouldn't make an exception. If I get found not guilty, then I could qualify to be president again, but my lawyer says that's not going to happen. I did assault someone, and I did it in front of witnesses. I think Rubin deserved it, and everyone I've talked to agrees, but that's not the way our legal system sees it."

"That sucks," she said. "Are you kicked out of SAK completely? Is that why you're living at home again?"

"No, I'm still a member, but I've been suspended from the football team, pending the outcome of the charges against me. Living in that house with all the other players and watching them go to practice every day sounded too painful." He looked towards the doorway and added, "But after living with my dad for the past couple of weeks, I'm thinking I might move back."

"Why?" she asked, genuinely confused.

"Because if he tells me what a fuck up I am one more time, I'm going to lose it."

"Wait a minute." She could barely believe what she was hearing. "Are you telling me that he's not proud of you for stopping a rapist?"

"Proud?" A bitter chuckle came out of him as he shook his head. "Absolutely not. He's pissed that I stuck my nose in where it doesn't belong."

"What? That's insane! You stopped a rapist! What the hell?"

Adam shrugged. "True, but I also might have lost my football scholarship, and if that's the case, I lost fifteen thousand dollars in one day. Plus, if I can't play this season, there's no chance I'll get picked up by a professional team, so my potential career could be gone, too. You know how well we did last year at the playoffs. A good part of that was due to having Mack as our quarterback, but this year would have been my year to shine now that he's graduating, and I'm almost as good as he is."

She put her food down, leaned towards him, and placed a hand on his thigh. "What about your mom?"

He shook his head and put his hand over hers. "She's not in the picture. My biological mom left when I was two. I don't remember her, but I've seen some pictures. I was an accident. She was seventeen and my dad was nineteen. She wanted an abortion, but her parents and my dad talked her into having me. Dad says he wasn't surprised when she left him for a rich guy who didn't want kids. But her parents, my grandparents, are great. I see them all the time, and my grandma said she was proud of me for catching Rubin."

"That's good. Did your dad ever remarry?"

"Yeah, I had a stepmom and an older stepsister for about five years. They got together when I was six and split up when I was eleven. I liked my stepmom well enough, but my stepsister was horrible. She was two years older, and she loved picking on me."

"I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "It's not that bad. My dad is usually a decent guy. We share a love of football, so that's always been common ground for us, even when we disagreed on other things. That's part of why he's so disappointed now. Because I had a real shot at getting picked up by a professional team, and now—"

"Now you still might," she cut in. "When will your case go to trial?"

"My trial is scheduled for Wednesday the sixteenth."

"So in a couple of weeks, you might be back on the team and back on track. You shouldn't give up on that. You need to think positively and find ways to make that happen."

He smirked and leaned forward into her personal space. "Are you cheering me on?"

His sexy tone and proximity sent a shiver down her spine. She nodded. "It's what I do."

Leaning in further, he pressed his lips to hers for a short, gentle kiss. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," she answered breathlessly, wanting more, and unintentionally leaning in further.

Then his mouth was on hers again, and she responded by parting her lips. Their tongues met, and she felt his hand on the side of her face, holding her still while he tasted her.

When they broke apart, she said, "I'm not really that hungry."

"Me either," he mumbled before scooting closer and putting one hand on her back before kissing her again. They were both breathing hard by the time they pulled apart.

"Do you want to take this upstairs to my bedroom?" he asked.

"Yes," she answered, but when he started to stand, she added, "But we need to talk about something first."

He sat back down and nodded. When she didn't immediately speak, he said, "I can carry you up the stairs, and I've got condoms up there."

"That's not what I wanted to say. But since you brought it up, you should know that I'm on the pill, in case the condom breaks." She was positive that they'd gone over that same conversation the first time they'd had sex, but it was good to check in.

"Okay."

Blushing, she looked down at her lap to confess the rest. Why was this so difficult? "I-I was hoping that you could…" she noticed him tense and lean back just slightly, "…uh… well. I'm kind of… kinky?"

He leaned in again. "That's fine. I've done some kinky stuff. One girl I slept with was really into Fifty Shades. I tied her wrists with a tie and slapped her ass a few times while we did it. Is that the kind of thing you're talking about?"

Sadie's eyebrows went up in surprise, but then she shook her head. "Not exactly. Fifty Shades is like… kink light."

"Kink light?"

She nodded. "Fifty Shades is like drinking a Bud Light when what you're really craving is a Guinness."

"I've never had Guinness."

"Really? It's my dad's favorite." She chuckled. "Actually, as far as beer goes, I much prefer the Bud Light, but for kink, I prefer something more serious than a few slaps."

He frowned. "Okay, how serious are we talking?"

"Do you have a belt?"

He leaned away from her before nodding again.

"That's what I want." Now that the initial confession had been made, it was easier to say the rest, but she couldn't maintain eye contact while she said it. "I could get on my hands and knees on the bed, and you could use your belt on my ass until it's bright red. Then you could take me from behind." Now that it was out there, she glanced up to see his expression. His furrowed brow and shaking head weren't promising.

"I'm not sure I could do that. I don't want to hurt you."

"Oh." Her eyes went back to her lap and she nodded while disappointment and shame washed over her. "Okay." She almost opened her mouth to say it was fine, and they could just have vanilla sex, but she stopped herself at the last second. Hadn't she told herself that she was going to finally get her needs met during sex? She turned back towards the table and said, "Then I guess we should finish lunch." She took a big bite of her hamburger, to stop herself from apologizing.

She felt his hand on her knee, and her eyes went to his.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so negative, but you caught me off guard. The last time we slept together, you didn't say anything about kink."

She swallowed and turned towards him again. "Well, I was tipsy. We both were. Kink and drinking don't mix, and besides, I… well, I've never told anyone about my kink before."

"What about Garrett?"

She shook her head.

"Wow. Okay, so that means you've never actually tried it out?"

She nodded.

"So you might not even like it."

"I guess that's possible." She thought about the time she'd hit herself with a belt and added, "But it's not likely."

After a short pause, he said, "I'm willing to give it a try. I mean, I'm sure I can give you a couple of whacks, I'm just not sure about the 'bright red' part."

A small grin grew on her face. A couple of whacks would be better than nothing. "Yeah?"

His eyebrows furrowed. "You're not going to like… cry, right? Because that…"

She snorted and chuckled. "Cry? No. I'm not going to cry. I might moan and beg for more, but I'm not going to cry." She pointed to her cast. "Having half the bones in my foot broken made tears leak out of my eyes, but I wouldn't say I 'cried'." She looked out the kitchen window and added, "Being told I'd never be a cheerleader again made me cry." Turning back to him, she said with confidence, "Emotions make me cry, not pain."

He leaned forward even further, so their faces were inches apart. "Sure, I get that, but won't it be emotional for you to get spanked with a belt? Did your parents ever—"

"No!" she quickly reassured him, taking his hand in both of hers. "Never. My parents are great. This isn't me wanting to relive some kind of trauma or fix some childhood issue. The idea of being punished with a belt just turns me on." Very suddenly, she realized what might have brought that question on. "Wait a minute. Would this be difficult or emotional for you because of your childhood?"

"No," he said with confidence. "I mean, my dad did spank me a couple times when I was really little, but never with a belt. It will be difficult for me, because… well, because I don't like hurting women, I guess. But if you're getting off on it, then maybe I will, too."

She glanced at the hall and said, "Should we go upstairs then?"

"Yep." He stood and scooped her up into his arms.

A small gasp of surprise came out of her as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. As he carried her to the stairs, she grinned and said, "I love how easy it is for you to pick me up."

He grinned, too. "I love how tiny you are."

"I'm not tiny," she protested as he reached the top of the staircase. "I'm five foot six."

"Which means you're eight inches shorter than I am, and you're thin."

She was about to point out that she was well toned, not thin, but he'd made it to his room, and she was distracted by the amount of football paraphernalia that surrounded them. There were four Seattle Seahawks posters on the wall, but everything else in the room was touting the team he played for, the Otters. Northern Oregon University had literally hundreds of Otters themed items for sale, and it looked like Adam had half of them. The bedspread, extra blankets, the lamp, the desk chair, the hoodie on the desk chair, and even the two actual footballs in the corner were the signature yellow and brown Otters' theme. And the things that weren't Otters' themed still seemed to be about football. There was an entire bookshelf full of trophies, medals, and photos from Adam's childhood football teams.

"Wow," was all she could say as she took in the room. She'd always disliked the yellow and brown cheerleading outfits, and a room full of those colors was a bit jarring.

"It's a lot, I know." He gently set her down on the edge of his bed and then went to close the door. "My dad got really excited when I got accepted to NOU, and he just kept buying stuff. Admittedly, I was pretty excited about it, too. Maybe we both went a little overboard." He walked over to his closet and slid open the door. He pulled out a hanger that had three belts on it. "This is all I have. Did you want to pick one?"

"The brown one," she answered quickly. One of the two black belts was braided leather, and the other was shiny and thin. The brown one was almost an inch wide and looked more flexible.

He took that one off and put the other two back.

Just seeing him holding it as he walked to the bed made her horny.

"How do you…"

She pulled her shirt up and over her head, and he stopped talking. As she unsnapped her bra, she said, "I was hoping we could both be naked first."

Without a word, he tossed the belt on the bed and started yanking his clothes off while keeping his eyes on her.

"You're beautiful," he whispered reverently once they were both fully naked.

"You are, too," she said. She climbed up on the bed and got on her hands and knees, which was only slightly awkward with the cast. Looking back over her shoulder at him, she said, "Double the belt over and hold both ends so that the buckle doesn't hit me."

"Right," he muttered, as if the sight of her naked and presenting herself to him had made him forget what he'd agreed to do. He picked up the belt, doubled it over, and then looked at her with his head tilted to the side. "I think it'll be easier if I kneel on the bed next to you."

She nodded and shifted her body slightly to make room for him. He got on his knees beside her and put his left hand on her lower back. His warm touch made her shiver with anticipation.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Mm-hm." She nodded and arched her back slightly to stick her ass out.

She felt a light tap of the belt against her ass and then another. Sadie's eyebrows furrowed. Was he taking aim? After six more of the light taps, she spoke up. "Adam?"

He stilled. "Yeah?"

"That's not, uh… hard enough."

Nodding, he lifted his arm, and the belt landed with a little thwap.

Gasping, she nodded. "Much better. Just like that." She closed her eyes and concentrated on the delightful sting that each strike left, but her delight only lasted for a few seconds, because every blow was landing in exactly the same spot. Wincing, and hoping she didn't sound like a bitch, she spoke up again. "Adam?"

He stopped.

"Could you try not to hit the same spot twice in a row? You can hit anywhere below my tailbone and above mid-thigh where my skirt ends. Same intensity, just not the same spot again and again."

"Sure. Sorry if it was—"

"No, don't be sorry. It was fine. But I'd like it even more if you covered more area."

"Okay."

She closed her eyes again, and for the next few minutes, she got lost in the sensation of leather striking her again and again, all up and down her ass and upper thighs. Each blow sent a jolt of excitement to her clit, and she unconsciously pushed her bottom out even further to meet the blows. She was seconds away from asking him to step up the intensity, when he stopped.

She heard the belt drop and felt his hand on her ass, rubbing the skin.

"It's so pink and warm," he mumbled.

Her clit twitched. "Do you… like it?"

"Yes." His hand squeezed her right cheek.

Smiling, she said, "Awesome. That was a fantastic start."

"Start?" She looked over her shoulder at him and saw a frown. "I don't know if I can do much more than that." He looked at her ass and rubbed his hand over the skin. "It already looks painful."

"Painful?" She shook her head. "It's not. Not to me anyway. It just feels… good."

His hand continued to explore her pink skin while his eyes focused on hers. "I like the way it looks and feels right now, but if I keep going…" He looked at her ass. "…I don't know. I don't like the idea of leaving bruises or welts."

"Welts?" She chuckled. "I think that's a long way off. You weren't hitting that hard. And besides, you've got me all excited now. If you give me… let's say twenty harder hits with the belt, that'll be all the foreplay I need."

Adam kept his eyes on her ass, and if his frown was any indication, he was planning to say no.

She pushed herself up and moved so that she was kneeling on the bed, face to face with him. She put a hand out and gently ran her fingers up and down his shaft. "I'm already wet for you, just from what you've done so far, and if you really can't do any more this time, that's okay. But I'd love to have a few harder slaps with the belt first. That way, when you're thrusting into me with this magnificent cock and pushing your body up against my red skin, it'll be even hotter for me."

Leaning forward, he put a hand on the back of her head and pulled her in for a possessive kiss. She immediately opened her mouth for him and wrapped her hand around the base of his dick, making him moan while they kissed.

He broke it off and looked into her eyes. "Is this really what you want?"

"Absolutely," she answered before letting go of him and going back to her previous, position on her hands and knees beside him. She heard him picking up the belt, and then a few seconds later, she heard a small whoosh, followed by a loud thwack.

She gasped at the beautiful shock of perfect pain that snapped onto her skin and radiated to her clit.

"Was that too much?" he asked, sounding worried.

"More," she moaned, pushing her ass up. After a couple seconds of silence, she heard the whoosh thwack again and didn't even try to hold back her moan. "Yes."

As the blows continued, she became more and more aroused and lost in her own body's reaction. When she felt his hand rubbing her ass after a pause, she whined, "Don't stop; that wasn't twenty."

"I know; it was ten. I just wanted to make sure you were still liking it."

"I am," she said with some slight irritation.

"It's dark pink now. Are you sure—"

"Adam," she said firmly, turning her head back to look his way, "I think I could take fifty of those and still like it, okay. I'm fine. Why don't you think about how frustrated you've been for the past couple of weeks, and take that frustration out on me?"

He shook his head, dropped the belt, and sat back. "No. Not just no, but hell no. I'm not taking my frustration out on you; that's horrible."

Glaring at him, she snipped, "No, it's not. It would be horrible if I wasn't getting off on it, but since I am, it'll be good for both of us." She took note that his hard on hadn't gone away and spread her legs a little wider. "Feel how wet I am for you."

Frowning, it took him a couple of seconds, but he got back up on his knees and rubbed his hand over her heated flesh before sticking a couple of fingers between her legs and sliding them inside.

She heard his sharp intake of breath and purposefully pushed back into his hand. "Please?" she begged breathlessly. "Please, ten more, and then fuck me."

His fingers went in and out a few times, before he took them out and picked up the belt. "Ten more."

"Thank you," she said, pleased that she'd gotten her way. Closing her eyes, she soon felt the belt connect with her now sore skin and moaned, "Yes."

By the time all ten had been given, she was practically ready to orgasm just from the pain. When she heard him put the belt down, she quickly maneuvered herself again, so that her butt was facing him, and spread her legs wide. "Fuck me?"

She heard a soft curse come from him as he scrambled off the bed, grabbed a condom out of the drawer beside his bed, and ripped it open. He rolled it on as he moved back to where he'd started, and within seconds, he was shoving himself deep inside her with one hard thrust.

"Oh my God, yes," she said, pushing her sore skin up against his body.

He groaned and started moving. Slowly at first, but soon with her moving in sync, their bodies were slapping together. Every time his body pressed against her hot skin, her clit pulsed with more and more excitement until she could feel the buildup to an orgasm starting in her lower belly. She bit her lip, closed her eyes, and let the magnificent friction of the in and out mix with the jolt of pain each time his body met hers. The sensations built to a crescendo, and she cried out, "Yes!" as a strong thrust pushed her over the edge. Her whole body clenched again and again as she came, and his thrusts got faster, until he pushed all the way in and dug his fingers into her hips as he held her still and groaned loudly.

Coming down from her own release, she could appreciate his tight hold pressing their bodies together and made an appreciative noise in her throat while purposely clenching around him once more.

When his fingers relaxed on her hips, she said, "That was wonderful. Thank you."

His fingertips moved lightly across her ass, and she looked back to see him frowning as he inspected the red skin.

She leaned forward so that he'd slide out and then turned and got on her knees again to face him. She put a hand on the side of his face and said with sincerity, "Thank you for doing that for me. It was exactly what I wanted." Leaning in, she gave him a soft kiss.

As Adam's hard on withered, so did a good portion of his self-respect. He broke off the kiss and looked into her eyes, waiting to see the regret and possible anger set in.

To his surprise, she smiled. "Ready to go back downstairs and finish lunch?" she asked with honest to God cheer in her voice.

"Uh…" He wasn't usually one to snuggle. Once he was done fucking, he generally just wanted to go to sleep, but today, he really could have used some closeness to assure himself that she was actually happy with what he'd done, now that it was over.

"I'm kind of hungry after all," she said, grinning.

"Right. Sure. Of course." He got off the bed, tossed the condom, and started getting dressed, while she did the same.

Soon they were back in the kitchen, and Adam's guilt hit new levels as he watched her squirm in her chair while she ate.

He'd hit her, and he'd enjoyed it. He was about eighty-percent sure he'd hit her hard enough to leave a bruise, when she was already injured. She couldn't even make it up the stairs herself, and he'd hit her and fucked her like he was some thug who liked hurting women. And wasn't that an accurate description of him now? He had been arrested for beating someone up, after all. Sure, she'd asked him to hit her, and he believed her when she said she'd liked it because he'd liked it, too, but that didn't make it okay. His father had often said, just because you want it, doesn't mean you should have it. If a kid wanted candy for dinner, sure, they'd like it, but that didn't mean it would be good for them, and a decent parent would say no. As a good lover, Adam should have said no, but he'd just wanted her so badly in the moment, he couldn't help himself.

By the time he dropped her off at home, he was full of self-doubt. Over the past two weeks, he'd gotten better at hiding his feelings while his world had crumbled around him, so he was able to give her a smile and a wave before driving away, saving his frown for the road.