Читать книгу Way of the Champion - Jerry Lynch Ph.D. - Страница 7

1. Lessons on Self-Knowledge

Surround self with the right people in healthy environments. This will take courage, compassion, strength, determination, desire, and a self-created vision for you and your aspirations. No need to tell others about your intent... just make a plan and carry it out.

Sun-Tzu

SELF-KNOWLEDGE is the true secret, powerful weapon of the champion. Knowing the court, your plan of action, and your competitors is necessary, but this needs to be accompanied by self-knowledge—an accurate appraisal of who you are and of your levels of physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional fitness. The champion has the courage to take an accurate inventory of personal struggles, blockages, obstacles, and fears, and to determine where the most work is needed in order to go beyond these limitations. Also, knowing your true self is a hedge against selling yourself short and giving your opponent more credit than necessary. You don’t want to give your competitors permission to make you feel inferior. Refuse to compromise your talents, toughness, strengths, and courage; play every moment by demonstrating who you are and what you do have as a competitor, and feel proud of that. Play with absolute integrity. Trust this inner knowing and use it; when you don’t, fear and uncertainty set in. Do not compromise this integrity; remember that you are good enough and that you deserve to be the best you can be. Regardless of any other competitor, remember that you have value, something very big to contribute, and begin to display all of your attributes as an athlete. This knowledge comes from knowing who you are. The following lessons will help you to identify and expand upon the traits that define you, and help you to begin to consistently perform with utmost integrity.

SELF-ACCEPTANCE

IT ALL STARTS HERE . The champion displays wisdom by recognizing shortcomings and weaknesses, acknowledging and accepting them openly. This is the purest form of self-respect. True champions know that it is perfectly natural to have faults and self-doubt; they accept the whole package yet work to create change and move beyond such limitations. I am reminded that many trees are knotted and deformed, yet live a long, happy life because they are useless to the house builder.

What I notice about all performers, and athletes in particular, is that their relationship to the game in the field, court, arena, or boardroom is a perfect mirror or reflection of their relationship with themselves. When they accept who they are and do what’s necessary to improve their shortcomings, they seem to perform consistently at their best levels. Most problems that arise with performers are directly related to their inability or unwillingness to accept and love themselves as they are. If you don’t accept yourself, if you deny or fight who you are, the chances of change or growth are greatly diminished. When you accept and love yourself, you are more inclined to do those things that will enhance your performance in athletics as well as daily life.

I have learned from champions that self-acceptance means developing positive self-images and self-talk, images and words that clearly define your strengths and create a vision of what is possible. It requires that you work on the obstacles by replacing them with patterns and behaviors that facilitate your development as an athlete or a person. When your relationship with yourself works, your athletic and personal life will work.

A terrific athlete came to me and said, “I don’t want to do it, but coaches are telling me to lift weights three times a week to get strong.” I replied, “Don’t lift weights to get strong... you’ll quit. Lift weights to invest in yourself and your team. Do it because you love yourself, then you will be successful.” Apply this reasoning to eating well or avoiding things that destroy your body, such as alcohol or drugs. If you love yourself, you will be less self-destructive. Self-acceptance and self-love will make change possible. You will stop putting energy into excusing your shortcomings; instead, you will acknowledge them and move ahead. Say to yourself repeatedly, “I accept all of who I am and consciously choose ways to change what I can and leave what I can’t alone.” Then use the following parts of this chapter to help you make the necessary shifts.

WRITING MY OWN STORY

THE LESSON to be learned from champions is to ignore all external stories about you, your performance, your abilities, and your attitudes. Champions write their own stories and proceed to do all those things that make those stories true.

I first learned about this concept while working with the University of Maryland’s women’s lacrosse team. We had won six consecutive national championships, and the media and our opponents were telling stories like: “It’s time for someone else; they can’t possibly do it again; they aren’t as strong this year; they lost to team A, and we beat team A, so we should beat them.” Stories from others are created in order to drum up excitement and suspense. Papers and magazines need stories in order to sell. To shift their consciousness to a higher plane, I told these athletes that champions do, indeed, write their own stories and then begin to live them. On the way to the Final Four national championship weekend, I asked each athlete to write a two-paragraph, hundred-word story by completing the following: “The national champion women’s lacrosse team from the University of Maryland arrived at the scene of the 2001 championship, staged at Johns Hopkins, and... (fill in the rest with strong, positive, affirmative statements that validate your greatness).”

When all of the athletes completed their assignment, we went around our team circle, as each athlete read her story to the rest of the team. The stories were nothing short of phenomenal. The well-chosen words inspired each athlete to show up with intensity, courage, fearlessness, and a willingness to demonstrate how good we were to the entire world of lacrosse. Our focus was on us rather than on all the hype and misdirected comments and energy from others. The team’s performance on the field mirrored their creative, heart-centered stories as they scored an overtime victory for their seventh consecutive national championship.

Now, you are not Maryland lacrosse, but I have learned from these champions that there are many negative stories that we all carry around, based on messages from our environment as well as those originating from within. When your stories are negative and counterproductive to your purpose and mission in sports or life, dispel them by writing a story that nurtures, validates, and encourages positive forward movement on your journey of being a champion. You do this by writing about yourself, for the next six to twelve months, weaving truthful, positive, strong qualities into your dream scenario, athletically and personally. For example, start by answering the questions: What are the tangibles I bring to the team, arena, work environment, or home? What are the intangibles? The answers will give you a clue about yourself. Next, think about goals, and write as if the goals have been achieved. You can even take the recurrent negative stories and change them around to reflect more of who you are and what you desire. Whatever story you write, begin in this way: “I, (place your name here), am on a champion’s journey from now to (date). While on this path, I attend to my total self—body, mind, and spirit—in the following ways: (then go into some detail of what you do specifically on a daily basis and list what you achieve athletically and personally as well).” Having done this, now affirm some of the positive virtues and qualities you possess that make all this possible. Say, for example, “I can accomplish all this because I am a (fill in qualities) athletic person.” Use words that fit or could fit with a little work, such as: courageous, conscientious, committed, fearless, persistent, brave, and tenacious (see next lesson: “Self-Definition”).

Once the story is complete—about one page in length—post it in places where you can read it daily. Put it on an index card and read it while waiting for a train, plane, bus, or a friend who is late. Your life is a reflection of the stories you tell. Be a good storyteller.

SELF-DEFINITION

MOST OF US sell ourselves short. When you are asked to choose words that describe you, your choices probably reflect a diminished and unaware self. Out of fear of being labeled conceited, egotistical, or self-centered, most people opt for playing it safe. The truth is always more upbeat and positive than that initial evaluation.

Barbara Israel, a client of mine, is a talented, intelligent author, businesswoman, and aspiring golf athlete. I asked her to choose five or more words that she’d like others to use when describing her a year from then. Barbara chose “lighthearted, clever, charismatic, industrious, and determined,” among others. These are terrific qualities, yet they were somewhat conservative. In fact, these words described who she is already, so no stretch there. I told her that she is much more, and that I wanted her to explore the possibilities. So I changed the question. I suggested, “Think of people you admire, particularly athletes, and list the qualities and virtues you most admire in them and would like to develop in yourself. These could be people you intimately know, or some you simply hear about because of their fame or stature in their sport or profession.” Using Annika Sorenstam, arguably the best female golfer, and her personal teacher, John, as models, Barbara identified “aggressive, calm, relentless, controlled, detached, and prepared” as adjectives she’d like others to use in talking about her a year later. I told her that when you identify qualities in others that you like yet seem to lack, those traits are actually part of your nature, and they remain dormant unless developed. Capitalizing on this psychology of self, I then asked the most important question: “What five or six actions or behaviors can you demonstrate on a daily basis that would allow others to really see you in this way?” When she listed these, I asked her to do two things. First, write a strong affirmation on an index card, for example: “I am an aggressive, relentless, yet calm athlete.” Or, “When I am controlled, detached, and prepared, I play my best golf.” Second, on another card, list the actions and behaviors needed to demonstrate those traits, and check each day to see if she did accomplish these tasks. This is an exercise in self-accountability and responsibility, one that reinforces, validates, and directs one’s journey as a champion. Now, you can do the same thing. Know that a host of deeper, more meaningful qualities reside within you; they just need to be discovered and practiced. Before long, others will think you’ve changed, but you are simply manifesting what is already you, your basic core. You must, however, be sure to “work” these words on a consistent daily basis. After three weeks, the change will be apparent. Barbara has followed this way, and changes are evident in her game. People were remarking about her shift after only one week. She teaches us the value of self-definition for higher levels of play. Learn that so much more lies beneath the surface; practice developing these traits.

SELF-TALK AND IMAGERY

IN HIS REVEALING and riveting book, My Losing Season, author and one-time national-class basketball athlete, Pat Conroy, states, “We must learn to not listen to the malignant sounds of negativity.” This noise can come from others in our lives as well as from the inner voice developed from society’s messages. Such self-talk deeply influences self-esteem and the way we perceive or see ourselves— that is, self-image. I have learned this from champions: No matter how good you feel about yourself, the malignant sounds will penetrate your nervous system and dictate the road you travel, unless they are short-circuited by strong, positive opposing messages. Champions know this and take specific steps to stay on track when negative self-talk and images make their entry into their minds and hearts. They do this, not by forcing the negative self-talk and images away, but by substituting workable, upbeat words and phrases, called “affirmations,” along with images that support these words.

You should exercise unrelenting discipline over your

thought patterns. Cultivate only productive attitudes....

You are the product of everything you put into your body

and mind.

I Ching

In 1989, while working with the University of California Santa Cruz men’s tennis team, the athletes and I came up with the affirmation “Straight Line in ’89” to keep us on track. We won the national championship that year, and these words kept these champions focused every day along the way. Affirmations are short statements that are true or have the potential to be true in the future. They direct you toward your goals, actions, and behaviors by reminding you to do those things that place you in position for personal best performances, regardless of the outcome. UCSC may have lost that championship, even though they used this affirmation, but because of it, they did stay focused on doing the right things to maximize their chances. Affirmations are self-direction, not self-deception. They bring you closer to your desires than you would be without them. Take those words that define you, from the previous section, and form your own affirmation. In sports and all of life, remember: The words you use create your reality. Keep them positive and they will provide the power to transform the quality of your existence.

The words you create need to be positive and in the present tense, as if what you are saying is true now; keep them concise and optimistic. For example: “Calm and confident, I play well.” “I expect success, I am one of the best.” (Success, of course, means the process—executing the plan, as opposed to success on the scoreboard.) “I have all that it takes; I am good enough.” Once you write your affirmations, do what champions do. Place each one on an individual index card; carry these cards with you when you travel, and read them several times daily. When you do, imagine that the feeling these words create in you, or the situation they describe, is actually true. For example, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and imagine these words to be true: “I am a strong, vibrant, healthy athlete.” Notice the feeling you get. Compare this with “I am a weak, out-of-shape, helpless person.” Your nervous system knows and feels the difference.

Throughout this book, you will be given affirmations that will help you to better absorb the concepts to be learned in the chapters. Practice them and feel free to create your own, using any of the lessons within these pages. In his book Human Options, Norman Cousins strongly suggests that the principal language of this age “must be concerned with the awakening of vast multitudes to the possibilities rather than the limitations of life.”

PERSONAL INSPIRATION

INSPIRATION IS ONE of those intangibles that most of us crave, but very few are able to access when needed. Coaches may shout “Get inspired!” or “Play inspired!” yet nothing seems to happen without some touchstone or reference point.

First off, it’s important to know that, by definition, inspiration refers to any stimulus that causes creative thought or action. Being inspired requires a prompting from something written or said, or the presence of a particular person or object, each of which gives life or courage in the heat of performance. Being inspired helps you to become more animated and motivated to carry out a desired task.

Champions often inspire themselves with a simple act of consciousness. They may think about a song, a poem, a passage from a book—like the Bible, Koran, or I Ching —a friend, a parent, a character in a movie, or even someone they do not know but have heard about, such as the Dalai Lama. You can do the same by taking words, thoughts, or ideas and pasting them on your locker door or carrying them in your training bag. If it’s a person, a picture will suffice. Among some athletes, the use of a well-placed tattoo seems to be a source of inspiration.

When you are out on the court or field, in the locker room or boardroom, getting ready to give a presentation to a large audience or simply on the sidelines, and you feel the need to get charged and emotionally engaged, recite the words, sing the lines, or picture the face and message of the person you admire, and devote your efforts to your inspiration of choice.

Personally, I am inspired by an eighty-four-year-old man who continues to improve his performance in the Iron Man Triathlon in Hawaii. I am inspired by Van Morrison and his soulful voice and lyrics. I am inspired by all the champion athletes who continue to teach me the lessons of diligence, dedication, and devotion to a cause. I am inspired by nature’s awesome gift of beauty as I mountain bike high in the Sierras on a balmy summer morning. Who or what inspires you, and how do you access this for future performance?

DEDICATION TO A LIFESTYLE

ALL DEDICATED ATHLETES and other people get inspired, but not all inspired athletes or others become dedicated. Being dedicated is “staying the course” amid the storms of uncertainty. It’s not about discipline or motivation. Some people are inspired for a few minutes or days, motivated for a few days or months, yet dedicated for a lifetime. Dedication is the devotion to a certain way, in this case the lifestyle of a champion, in order to make the most out of oneself, to discover just how darn good you can be. Dedication is a deeper, stronger, more passionate level of commitment. Being dedicated is that spiritual space that embraces failures, fatigue, setbacks, mistakes, frustrations, suffering, and sacrifices on the journey of being the best you can be. It requires fundamental faith, trust, and confidence in the process, as you display patience and perseverance while hoping that today you will be touched by the gods. This dedication does not have a schedule, as you never know when a breakthrough will occur; it could be the next game or the next year. Dedicated athletes and others do not measure progress by how far or how fast; instead, they are more concerned about the direction that their feet are pointed. Being dedicated (or devoted, for that matter) means a certain willingness to do all that is required to grow and improve—even if you sometimes don’t feel like doing it.

A modern-day retired champion athlete who demonstrates the virtue of dedication and devotion is Cal Ripken Jr., two-time American League MVP as an all-star shortstop for the Baltimore Orioles. He is the world record holder for consecutive games played, at 2, 632. He was dedicated to doing all he could to show up and help his team. Derek Jeter of the Yankees is similar in his devotion to the team. Tim Duncan of the San Antonio Spurs basketball team is another model of dedication.

Champions, I have noticed, know that they are constantly being tested for their levels of commitment and dedication. They understand that the sky is the limit, and they demonstrate neverending devotion and commitment to what they deeply desire and want to achieve. Commitment is the major ingredient that separates those who break on through to the other side and experience personal greatness from those who don’t. True commitment is devotion to a cause, ideal, or goal that may be more crucial to you than whether you live or die. To test the level of your dedication and commitment, ask: “What three things am I willing to do in practice (at work, in the home) each day, to prove to myself that I am serious about my commitment to the team, to the office, to the family, and to my own personal improvement?” I ask teams to do this, record the results with each player’s name, and pass them around so everyone can see what teammates are doing. We draw up contracts, sign them, and use them for personal accountability and responsibility.

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back... there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one commits, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that never would have occurred... incidents, meetings, and material assistance which no one could have dreamed would come [his/her] way.... Begin it now.

Goethe

Amid all this talk about dedication, you do not want to overlook the “fun factor.” It’s easy to become way too serious. Stay in touch with the process of winning like a champion. Continue to build a bedrock of love for your sport, your profession, and self-discovery. Champions love what they do, and fun—perhaps defined as the execution of a well-thought-out plan, or simply doing the “little things”—is an essential component of it all.

BEING PERFECTLY IMPERFECT

IN THE WORDS of Carl Jung, “Perfection belongs to the gods; the most that we can hope for is excellence.” As we know it, perfection is unattainable. If I waited to write until I had the absolutely perfect words, you wouldn’t be reading this now.

Having said this, I notice that many of us still seek the impossible—the perfect performance—and become frustrated and feel like failures as we fall short every time. We attempt to force what can’t be.

What champions have taught me is that perfection is a standard to go towards rather than a way to measure your self-worth. The goal for you as a champion is to establish what perfection is in a certain situation, and then see how closely you can mimic that result, knowing that if you shoot for the sun and miss, you will still be one of the stars. Champions, I have learned, will refuse to self-destruct when perfection is not attained. They are aligned with the wisdom of the Tao, which asks us to let go of such futile striving. The Tao Te Ching, the ancient book of the Way, suggests that we strive for excellence, knowing that failure, setbacks, and errors are an inevitable part of the process of the champion’s way. In fact, needing to be perfect causes stress, anxiety, and tension, all of which contribute to being far less than perfect. In more serious cases, athletes who think they should be perfect, yet aren’t, resort to drugs, dropping out, and in some instances, suicide as a way out.

The lesson for all of us is simply BALANCE. The champion embraces the delicate balance between the healthy pursuit of excellence—striving for certain standards, with an interest in results—and the outcome. The process involves searching for internal rewards based on flexible, realistic goals. Emphasize how the game is played, not just end results. Although you may occasionally feel disappointed in the results, never internalize them as a commentary on who you are.

Studies with Olympic athletes have shown that those with balance, those who pursue excellence, have better chances of success than those who set unrealistic, perfectionist goals. I notice this to be true in all aspects of the corporate structure, family life, and any spiritual/emotional endeavor.

Without balance, you are denied the opportunity to risk, grow, change, and live a life of optimal potential. You will be controlled by fear if you attempt to control an uncontrollable world, the world of perfection.

Accept life as a roller coaster, filled with ups and downs, victories and defeats. You cannot be competent at all times. Set goals of perfection, but know they are only guides to help you realize your very best. Joe Montana, Lance Armstrong, Barry Bonds, Gandhi, and Jesus were never perfect. You are in good company. Be perfectly imperfect if you must.

LESSONS AS AFFIRMATIONS

My athletic and personal life work best when I demonstrate self-acceptance.

I write my story then do all that is needed to make it true. My entire life is a mere reflection of the stories I tell myself.

I define myself with strong, positive words, describing traits I want to develop; then I do what’s needed daily to make these words become me.

My game and life are a reflection of the words and images I choose.

Affirmations are self-direction, not self-deception. Inspiration is a personal act. I think of what inspires me and use it.

Dedication is the willingness to do all that is necessary to grow and improve as an athlete and person.

Once I commit to being a champion, things go my way.

Perfection is something to go toward, not achieve.

The object is to get as close as I can, and not measure self-worth by outcome.

I choose BALANCE, the healthy pursuit of excellence, instead.

QUESTIONS ON THE QUEST:

Having completed all of the questions in the lessons throughout this chapter, you now have a better sense of self. Based on this data, who are you, and where are you going or headed?

What three things can you do right now that would bring more balance to your game or life?

Why can you be what you want to be?

What are the obstacles? What can be done to overcome these?

What are you most proud of as an athlete, manager, CEO, parent?

What one book, song, or person has inspired you the most, and in what way?