Читать книгу His Unexpected Return - Jessica Keller - Страница 15

Wade stayed beside Rhett as they cut down the hill and crossed the land that had housed the cabins the ranch used for Camp Firefly, the summer camp they hosted for foster kids. Three cabins were in various states of rebuild but the rest of the space was simply outlines where no grass grew, the forms of the old cabins seared into the soil’s memory.

“Everyone’s been understanding so far.” Rhett explained how, despite all the work they had accomplished, he had been forced to shift the summer camp schedule back by a month. Thankfully they had only planned on hosting four weeks instead of the six their father had always organized, but if they had to fiddle with the dates any more, there wouldn’t be enough time left in the summer.

“Most people seem happy that we haven’t outright canceled everything this summer.” Rhett surveyed the area. “I really hope we don’t end up having to, after all.”

“We won’t.” Wade let his gaze trail to the other side of the ranch, where the cattle and horses were penned and the metal sides of a new pole barn glinted in the evening sunshine. Rolling hills and a lake in the distance—how had he been able to leave this place? It hadn’t been an easy choice to stay away, but each year he had been gone had faded Red Dog Ranch little by little in his memory. Being back now, he couldn’t imagine ever leaving willingly.

Wade swallowed around the unexpected emotions the sight had jammed down into his throat. “Like I said, I’ll do whatever I can to help.” He would be around for the long haul this time.

If they wanted him.

As they approached the family home, the front door swung open and a petite woman charged down the front steps. She started sprinting toward them, her blond curls springing with every step.

Shannon.

Wade stopped in his tracks. A trickle of sweat carved a path down his back as he waited under the onslaught of the Texas sun. He found the nervous urge to trace the lump on his throat. Of anyone, Shannon might notice something was wrong. She would pick up on his unspoken truths. She always had in the past.

His sister had been his best friend. Their connection as twins had almost guaranteed that. Out of everyone in his family, he had struggled the most with wanting to send Shannon a note over the years to let her know he was alive and to see how she was, who she had become.

A note to say he loved her. Missed her.

Rhett cleared his throat. “You realize by now Cassidy has told her what happened and she’s just as likely to be running out here to yell at you as she is to hug you. It’s a toss-up.” Rhett gave Wade’s shoulder a small squeeze.

He was good with either.

Wade shot Rhett a quick grin. “She always kept us on our toes, didn’t she?” Then Wade turned his attention back to his sister. He started toward her, widening his strides and opening his arms—hopeful she would be happy to see him. When Shannon crashed into his chest, she caused the air to whoosh from his lungs. Immediately she enfolded him in a warm hug. Before she could say anything, she started crying, her shoulders shaking with loud sobs.

“Hey.” Wade tightened his hold on her. “I’m here.”

“Cassidy told me.” Shannon pushed back a little so she could look up at him. Her light blues pinned on his face. “This whole time, where have you been? How could you do this to us?”

He didn’t think telling her he had been a jerk would satisfy her. He hadn’t called or written and had allowed everyone to draw false conclusions. Worse, he had stayed away, knowing—counting on the fact—that they would wrongly assume he was dead.

“I’ve been in the Gulf,” he said softly. Though he knew that wasn’t the answer she most wanted.

She stepped back, finally breaking all contact with him. Shannon fisted her hands. “I am beyond angry with you. At you. I don’t think I’ve ever been so furious with someone in my whole life. What you did to us... What you let us believe—” Her voice hitched.

“I’m so sorry, Shannon. You have no idea how sorry I am.”

More than he had ever thought.

Wade shoved his hands into his pockets, willing to take whatever she had to say. What he had done easily earned him a lifelong tongue-lashing. And knowing his sister, she had plenty of zingers stored up to pile on him.

“But, Wade?” She waited for him to meet her eyes again. “I love you. I think you need to hear that more than anything else I have to say right now.” She rocked on her feet. “Between losing Dad, Mom’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis, Boone and his family moving clear across the country and what the tornado did to our ranch...” She used her hand to shield the sun from her eyes as she scanned the evidence of the storm’s damage throughout their property. “Our family’s been through a lot recently.”

Shannon sighed. “Rhett and I were fighting when the tornado hit.” She looked over at Rhett and they exchanged tender smiles. “And for a few hours there, I didn’t know if he was dead or alive. All that time, I kept thinking my last memory of him, my last moments with him, would have been me tossing a heap of cruel words at him.” She laid a hand on her stomach as if the thought made her physically sick. “I don’t ever, ever want to feel that way again.”

“That had to have been scary.”

Shannon nodded. “I learned my lesson though. Which is good timing for you because if you had shown up out of the blue two months ago, before we lived through the tornado and before we lost Dad, well, let’s just say this reunion would have gone down a lot differently.”

Wade had no doubt.

He had expected much worse.

Rhett excused himself to meet up with Macy as Shannon filled Wade in on some of the plans they had to improve the ranch once the rebuilds from the storm were completed. A part of Wade wanted to go inside and see his mom, but more than anything he was exhausted from the last few hours of seeing people and trying to explain himself. Today he had learned he had a daughter. He had discovered that his old girlfriend was still going to be a part of his life—something he hadn’t prepared for. Then there was an appointment in Houston later in the week to meet a team of specialists, which weighed on him too. He had thought he could lean on his family for support but now he didn’t feel right expecting that of them, burdening them with what was going on in his life. Not after Shannon had just said life had been so hard recently.

It was a lot to process and he was emotionally wrung dry from it all.

If Wade was being honest, he was becoming more than a little overwhelmed by all he had to catch up on. Lives had happened. People had changed. He had changed too.

Despite those things, Wade knew he belonged at Red Dog Ranch with his family.

He rubbed his palms against his jeans.

He would make this work. He could be the brother and son they had always wanted, instead of the one who had disappointed them. They had urged him to grow up and be responsible, to make the family proud...and maybe he could now. He hoped he could. Because he knew he couldn’t erase the pain of the past but if they would let him, Wade wanted to chart the course for a better tomorrow.

“Today’s a bad day for Mom.” Bad days, Shannon explained, were days when their mom was struggling with living in the past and was more agitated and less understanding. Because of that, Rhett and Shannon hadn’t informed their mom about Wade’s return when Piper skipped inside to tell them. As much as he wanted to see her, it would probably be for the best if Wade allowed himself the night to recharge and spent time with his mom in the morning.

So he stayed on the porch and listened to Shannon talk about building a covered riding arena, hydroseeding, plans to clear brush for another pasture and a new trail they were considering paving.

The sun was beginning to set when Wade noticed Cassidy near a grassy enclosure housing a donkey and a little white horse. Wade watched her hug the donkey’s neck and run her fingers over the tiny horse’s back. She rested her head against the fence rung for a long time. What was she thinking about? If it was about his return... No, he couldn’t allow himself to hope when it came to Cassidy. He had burned that bridge. He might as well have burned it, collected the ashes and then spread the ashes all over the world—never able to piece them back together or repair them.

In leaving Cassidy, Wade had destroyed the only good thing he had going in his life at the time. No doubt it was a mistake he would regret and pay for the rest of his life.

“You aren’t listening to me anymore, are you?” Shannon’s question pierced his focus.

“Sorry.” Wade shifted to look at his sister.

She rolled her eyes. “It’s nothing new. Not when it comes to Cassidy. I wasn’t sure you would still get that look about you.” She moved her hand in a tight circle, gesturing toward his face. “When it came to her. But you still do.” Shannon’s eyes narrowed. “I figured you would have fallen in love two or three more times in the last five years and forgotten all about her.”

Wade shook his head. He had loved Cassidy and no other woman. Not that it mattered. Even if there had been someone else, having just sprung the fact that he was alive on his family, finding out he had a child and dealing with decisions about his health, Wade was in no shape to entertain the thought of a relationship with any woman at the moment.

He probably never would be.

Shannon’s eyebrows rose. She was clearly still waiting for him to say something.

“It’s not like that. There’s no one. Not Cassidy, not anyone. I didn’t even know she would be here. My only focus right now is getting right with my family.” And beating his thyroid cancer, but he wasn’t about to unload that news.

“You’re honestly going to look me in the eye and tell me you don’t care about her?” Shannon snorted. “Five years doesn’t change the fact that I could always read you, you know that, right?”

Wade ran his hand over his hair. He laced his fingers behind his neck and squeezed his palms into the skin there. “I have to talk to her.”

“About that.” Shannon snagged his arm. “When news came that you were most likely dead, it devastated her.” Shannon jutted her chin toward Cassidy. “But even after that, she held on to hope. We all did, but Cassidy most of all. Dad poured money into hiring search teams. Four teams in five months and they came up with nothing. Around the seven-month mark when Dad finally announced that we needed to honor your memory and hold a service for you, the stress of it sent her into early labor.”

Wade’s gaze went back to Cassidy. He swallowed hard.

He had stayed away to help her. He still believed that. But he had also made things worse, at least for a time.

“But she’s okay now, right?” Wade dropped his hands to his knees. “She enjoys what she does. I mean, she has a good life here, right?”

Shannon touched his wrist. “She’s grown into a strong, compassionate woman like we knew she would. These days, she’s one of my best friends. Probably my best.” A distinction Wade used to hold but he had forfeited that when he left, like so many things, he was coming to realize.

“Hey,” Shannon continued. “She even had that famous country singer, Clint Oakfield, after her for a while.”

It might have been triple digits outside, but ice shot through Wade’s veins. “She dated a famous singer?”

Shannon shook her head. “He showed interest and probably would have pursued her if she had displayed the slightest hint of any interest back.” She shrugged. “But Cassidy doesn’t seem to want to date at all. She’s pretty happy focusing on Piper.”

“Thank you for telling me all this. It helps.”

“Nothing I said was for your benefit. It’s a warning, Wade. Because while no matter what you’ve done or how much destruction your choices caused, I’ll always love you,” Shannon said, “Cassidy is like a sister to me so don’t you dare hurt her or ruin everything she’s built in the last five years. If you mess up her life here, you won’t find a welcoming ear anywhere on this ranch or far beyond.”

Wade met his sister’s hard gaze. “Understood.”

Shannon let go of his wrist and got up. She dusted off her jeans. “Well, what are you waiting for?” She jerked her head in Cassidy’s direction. “Get to it. Whatever you wanted to talk to her about. But remember what I said.”

Wade took a rattling breath and then headed toward the pasture.

Cassidy sunk her fingers into the soft hair on Sheep’s neck. Rhett had given the little white horse to Piper for her third birthday and her daughter had immediately said she was naming the horse Sheep. The name had stuck and it had caused endless confusion among staff and campers when someone went looking for a herd of sheep that didn’t exist.

Sheep nuzzled Cassidy’s pocket in search of more apple pieces. He nickered. Romeo, the ranch’s overfriendly donkey, came to crowd Cassidy’s other side. Ever the charmer, the donkey trained his soulful gaze on her.

But Cassidy’s focus was elsewhere.

Wade’s alive.

Cassidy had lost count of the number of times the words had shot through her mind. She knew they were true, but her heart and brain were having a hard time shaping them into something that made sense. So many choices in her adult life had been made on the basis of Wade being dead.

And it had all been one big joke.

All of her tears, hours in counseling, sleepless nights and days without eating as she grieved. Holding on to his memory, visiting his gravestone, pushing away any other men or even the thought of a relationship.

Every minute had been one big Gotcha! on her life.

It felt as if walls were closing in on her heart and a cord was wrapping its way around her chest, truncating her breaths, making her heart beat out a jagged distress call.

But who would hear her plea for help? Surely not God, who had listened to all her prayers and tears over Wade—God, who had known Wade was alive the whole time Cassidy was in misery. He had allowed her to suffer for no reason. For years.

How was that loving?

How was that the kind father who Pastor Ellis often said God was?

When Cassidy had hit rock bottom, the only thing that had kept her afloat had been her newfound faith in God. Losing Wade had been what had driven her to church.

So now—right or wrong—her faith in God felt like part of the joke being played on her too. Cassidy wanted to pray like she normally did during stressful times. She wanted to trust and be optimistic. She really did. But she held back.

She held her words and heart away from God for the first time in five years.

Blinking away angry tears, Cassidy focused back on Sheep. “You miss Piper, don’t you, buddy?”

Someone cleared their throat behind her. Without turning around, Cassidy knew it was Wade. She had expected him to track her down at some point. Rhett had interrupted their earlier conversation and there was so much more to say.

Not that Cassidy would ever be ready for any conversation with Wade.

“Where is Piper?” His voice was so hesitant, so soft and unconfident. So un-Wade-like.

Some part of Cassidy momentarily wished she was the type of person who could ignore him and walk away without a word. But her friends had dubbed her an eternal optimist—too compassionate for her own good—and they were probably correct.

Cassidy pivoted so she could see his profile. She had always loved his hair, how it seemed to do whatever it wanted and he still somehow looked photoshoot ready. Wade had shunned the cowboy hats both of his brothers often wore. For good reason—why hide a head of hair when it looked that great?

Enough of that.

She needed to focus on being upset with him for what he had put her through, and zeroing in on how attractive he was wouldn’t help her down that path.

The fading sun cast his features in shadows. She was glad. It made it easier not to meet his eyes and remember all there had once been between the two of them, what the man before her had once meant to her.

All that could never be.

One man’s lies had altered the entire course of her life and dashed all the childhood dreams she had carried for her future. Cassidy locked her jaw. If one good thing had come from the mess Wade had made, it was the iron lock shielding her heart. No man would ever wield such power over her heart and emotions ever again.

Cassidy ran her hand down the front of her tank top, smoothing out wrinkles that weren’t even there. “A friend from church came and picked her up.”

Wade turned his head and scrubbed his hand over his mouth. His fingers shook a little. “Because of me?”

“They had a sleepover planned already. We just bumped up the timeline a little.”

He dipped his head a bit, acknowledging what she had said. Then he shot out a long stream of breath. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but at some point we need to address what’s going to happen here. I want to meet her. Actually, formally meet her.”

“Sure, at some point.”

“Really?” Wade’s eyes widened.

While she would admit the thought of it made her more than a little uncomfortable, Cassidy would not stand in the way of the two of them meeting. Although meeting and spending time together were two very different things. Piper deserved to meet her dad—deserved to know the truth—and Wade would have to look into his child’s trusting wide brown eyes and explain to her why she was only just meeting him now.

Why everyone thought he had been dead.

She had talked to Piper about Wade ever since she was a baby. Your daddy would have loved you so much. I wish you could have met your daddy. And Piper had recognized who he was immediately from the many photos of him gracing the Jarrett family home. Not to mention the shelf of pictures Cassidy had in the bungalow where she and Piper lived on the property.

The shelf of pictures she would take down and put away the second she got through the door tonight. Correction: not put away—throw away.

It felt as if the day had been sixty hours long. Cassidy’s back was sore and her feet ached. She hooked an elbow on the fence for support. She didn’t want to talk to this man. Didn’t want to be around him right now, but what would be the point of avoiding the inevitable?

“But don’t get any ideas yet. I think I’m allowed a day or two to absorb what’s happened, if you don’t mind.” She summoned all her pain and tears and hurt and let them form a shield between her and him. Because it was necessary to protect herself from his hopeful expression and what it did to her heart.

She stood a little taller. “I’ve been functioning under the impression that you were dead for a long time. And between you and me, it’s a bit of a shock to process.” She kicked at a rock on the ground, sending it tumbling end over end until it came to a rest in the pebbled driveway. “Not that you care about any of that.”

“I care, Cassidy.” A muscle in his jaw popped. His hand came up a few inches as if he wanted to reach out and take her hand, but he hooked it on his shoulder instead. “You have no idea how much I care. I—”

“Well, if this is how you treat people when you supposedly care about them—” she whistled long and low “—I sure don’t begrudge your enemies.”

He shifted his weight one foot to the other. “I deserve that.”

“And more.”

“And more,” he agreed. “But I’d like the opportunity to actually talk to you about what happened.”

“Oh, you would, would you?” Cassidy could hardly recognize her voice for the bite in it. She couldn’t recall ever using such a tone with someone before.

“Cass.” A single syllable spoken so tenderly. But she wouldn’t let that change anything.

Wade had always known how to sweet-talk.

Kind, optimistic Cassidy had been easy to trick, to be the butt of his five-year joke. She wouldn’t give Wade the chance to make a fool out of her again.

Not ever again.

Something she had learned during the last few years was that being kind didn’t mean she had to hold her tongue all the time. One didn’t cancel out the other. Being kind did not have to equal being a doormat in relationships. A kind person could speak hard truths and that didn’t rob away their kindness.

And right about now, Wade was in need of some hard truth.

“Know what I would have liked?” Cassidy faced him fully. “The human decency of being dumped. Faking your death to get out of a relationship was a bit drastic, even for you.”

“I wasn’t—I didn’t—” He jammed his hand into his hair, wove his fingers into the strands and yanked. “I loved you, Cassidy. I loved you more than life.”

His words bounced off the shield she’d constructed from her pain and tears.

She lowered her voice and used a tone she often used when Piper was in trouble. “I think you were young and at one point you might have thought you felt something, but it wasn’t love. It couldn’t have been.”

He opened his mouth, but she shook her head.

“What you did to me? That wasn’t loving, Wade. It was pretty much the extreme opposite.” She sighed, and if felt as if more than her lungs were deflating. “Love is more than stolen kisses and some whispered words. It is day in and day out dedication. It shows itself in someone’s actions.”

And when his actions were laid out on the table and added together, they would not equal love. She didn’t need to say it for him to understand.

He had used her and when he had decided she had no intrinsic value, he discarded her.

It was a truth he would never be able to erase. One she would remind herself of every time his gentle, searching gaze fell on her.

Wade gripped the fencing near where she stood and Cassidy wished he hadn’t. He smelled like salty ocean air and late-night walks and even now, even after everything, his proximity made her heart rate tick up. It had always been that way between them though—a strong physical pull to one another. Her younger self had confused attraction with love. Physical desire is all that had existed between them, not anything real, not anything lasting.

Not anything worth fighting for.

She realized that now.

No matter how handsome or charming Wade was, she wouldn’t allow herself to be drawn to him again.

“I will never be able to take back what I did. I may never get the opportunity to explain why I did it.” Close up now, his eyes blazed with intensity. “But when I say I loved you—believe me. What I felt for you was the realest, rightest thing I’ve ever felt. And it doesn’t matter if you doubt that—it’s my fault that you would—but disbelief doesn’t make something any less true.” He took a step back and ran his hand over his jawline. His fingers tripped along his throat.

She hugged her arms to her body. It had been hot all day but a sudden chill rolled down her back. “It certainly makes for a nice story. But I know what happened, Wade. You can’t rewrite it into something prettier than what it was.”

Wade barked out a single laugh that held no trace of humor. “You don’t believe me. You don’t want anything to do with me. Message received. I get it,” he said. He crossed his arms, mirroring her pose. “Will Piper be back tomorrow? Should we pick a time so I can meet her?”

Cassidy held up a hand. “I said this will happen on my time, when I’m ready. It definitely isn’t happening tomorrow.”

He frowned. “Then when?”

“When I decide it’s the right time. For now, I want to make sure you’re not going to meet her and then never have anything to do with her again.”

“I wouldn’t—” He worked his jaw back and forth, clearly biting back whatever he was about to say. “I’m not leaving. You know that, right?”

“We’ll see.”

Deep down, she hoped he would prove her wrong. For Piper’s sake, she hoped he’d stay.

Maybe for Cassidy’s sake too.

She firmly shoved that thought away.

Foolishness like that had only ever gotten her a broken heart.