Читать книгу Last Chance Bride - Jillian Hart - Страница 12

Chapter Five

The color drained from her face, her slender hands clenched rigidly at her sides. She looked ready to break apart.

“Jacob...” Elizabeth’s lower lip trembled. “I’m so sorry about the way this looks. I didn’t invite her, although I’m glad she came.”

“You had no right to keep her here.”

“You have no right to think I would use her.” Embarrassment might flicker in her eyes, but pride lifted her chin. “I promised you I would never hurt Emma, and I meant it.”

“Why was she here in your room?”

“Why do you think?” Her eyes filled. “She thinks she can still get us together.”

“She’s wrong.”

“I know that.”

Silence.

Jacob watched the fight slide from the rigid line of her shoulders. Fragile. She was so fine-boned, so small. He suspected most women were fragile, tenderhearted and easily hurt.

“Jacob, I’ve hurt her, haven’t I? By coming here, letting her think we would marry and I would be her mother.” Tears stood in her eyes. She tucked her bottom lip between her teeth.

His breath caught. “No, she understood all along this might not work out. I prepared her. I wanted to make sure she wouldn’t end up with a broken heart.”

“She’s just a child. She doesn’t understand....”

Their gazes met. He saw anguish in her morning-sky gaze, remorse, and guilt. But her heart was there, too, pure and good.

She wasn’t a bad, deceitful woman. Deep down, he knew it. Jacob’s heart twisted in his chest. “Emma will be disappointed,” he said at last. “I will make sure she understands. She won’t show up here trying to matchmake again.”

It wasn’t Elizabeth’s fault. He knew Emma had motives of her own and needed a talking to.

“Jane left the basket of food.” Elizabeth’s voice quavered as she turned away, her pink dress shivering around her slender form. “Here. You should take it home with you.”

The sight of her hands curling around the woven handle—red and rough from years of work—stabbed him with a sad knowledge. Life for her had been hard. She’d never said it, never hinted at it, but he sensed it now.

“No.” He said, too gruff. “Jane left it here, she meant for you to keep it.”

“The basket is mighty fine. And there are plates inside.”

“Then return the plates and basket. Keep the food.”

She stared hard at the basket. “So much good food. Thank you.”

More silence. They continued to stand there. Questions and the explanations he owed her knotted in his throat. He wanted to tell her why. He wanted to make her understand it had nothing to do with her. And everything to do with the fragile hold he had on survival.

Mary had been pretty and kind, gentle and honest. And those qualities hadn’t spared her from a painful, frightening death. He was fortunate Emma had been spared.

“Cedar Rock isn’t so small a town, I suppose we will probably see one another now and then.” She spoke softly, as if she trusted him enough with her confidences.

Jacob leaned closer. The scent of her rose water tickled his nose, made his stomach twist. Sunlight filtered through the window, casting gold shimmers in her light hair.

“Are you staying?” The idea neither frightened nor pleased him.

“I’ve let a room in Maude Baker’s boarding house. That’s not too far away from your livery stable.” Uncertainty flickered in her eyes. “I didn’t plan it that way. The man at the hotel’s desk said it was the only respectable place for women.”

“He told you correctly. Baker’s is the best place. I’m glad you’re there. It’s safe. Maude boards her gelding at my stable.”

“Then you’re not angry I’m staying in town?”

He wanted to be. “What I think doesn’t matter.” He watched regret shape her mouth. “You insisted on paying your passage here, so I have little to say.”

“I wanted to come.”

“Do you want to leave? I’m guessing you can’t afford your way home.” He felt like a jackass. At the time he hadn’t argued over the money. “I always intended to reimburse you for the journey.”

“I don’t want your money, Jacob.”

Just my name and my home. Bitterness soured his mouth, then shame. He knew those accusations weren’t true. Elizabeth could have lied to him. Chances were, he would have married her without knowledge of her pregnancy—and it would have forced him to relive fears and memories of Mary he couldn’t face.

“It isn’t right, you coming all this way for no reason after all.” Jacob tugged his billfold from his shirt pocket.

“I had every reason to come.” Shyly averting her eyes, Elizabeth brushed at her plain cotton skirts.

The truth hit him. She’d wanted to love him. She came because he’d unintentionally led her to believe... He couldn’t think about it. Angry at himself, Jacob counted out the crisp bills.

“Let me do this for you.” He looked up. “Please. You gave up your job and left your home to come here.”

“But I owe you money.”

“That can’t be right, Elizabeth.”

She withdrew a thin collection of bills and coins from her skirt pocket and pressed it into his shirt pocket “I won’t be staying here in the hotel any longer. I feel as if I should reimburse you for last night, too.”

Jacob’s stomach twisted. He stared down at the money in his hands, not so much at that, and realized what Elizabeth was giving him. She was letting him know this wasn’t about money, but about respect.

He wouldn’t argue. He would find a way to give her what he owed her. “You don’t need to be so fair.”

“I have to. Your letters changed my life.” She smiled in memory. “I can’t tell you how nervous I was when I held your first envelope in my hand. You could have been any kind of man, but I had to meet you. I had to know if I could have what I saw in your advertisement.”

“What did you see?”

“Everything missing from my life.” She looked hard at the window. “From your first sentence, I wanted to love you. You seemed so gallant and educated. And with each letter, you made me want to believe men could be good to their wives, good to their children. You seemed to care so much for your Emma. How I wanted you.”

He heard what she did not say. The loneliness that prompted a single woman without family to answer a newspaper advertisement. The pain behind the man who’d made her pregnant.

Tears brimmed her eyes. “Coming here to meet you felt like a dream come true. I haven’t had many dreams.”

He would have married her. She would have been so right for Emma—for him. “You knew you were pregnant when you left Omaha.”

“No. I honestly didn’t.” She clasped her hands. “I’m so sorry, Jacob. I never m-meant...I n-never w-wanted t-to hurt you.”

Sobs tore through her, strong enough to break her in two. He reached out, and before he knew it she was in his arms, crying against his chest. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to push her away.

“I’ve hurt Emma,” she sobbed. “I don’t know how I can live with that.”

Perhaps it was the luminous depth of her eyes or the attraction he’d felt buzz through him the first moment he’d seen her in the street. Jacob didn’t know. He didn’t care. Acting on impulse, he touched a callused finger to her gently rounded chin and tilted her face upward.

Her mouth looked soft and ripe. Jacob brushed her lips delicately, tenderly. She tasted of sweet berries. She felt like fine velvet. At the explosion of feeling, his pulse leaped.

What was he doing? He would not give his heart a second time. And not to a woman who could die the way Mary did.

Jacob stepped back, his hand falling away from her chin. She gazed up at him with startled eyes, her goodness shining there like a constant light.

She needed him. She wanted him.

Tenderness for her welled in his heart. A useless tenderness. He couldn’t marry her. He could not even bear to look at her, knowing and remembering his Mary. Jacob closed his eyes before he turned away. He did not want to remember Elizabeth’s face as he walked out of her life.

Libby settled in her new room that afternoon. Even with the windows open, the hot breeze offered no relief from the baking heat. She didn’t mind. This was a new start in a new town. She wanted to think optimistically.

It didn’t take too long to unpack. She hung her dresses in the tidy wardrobe and folded her underwear and winter things into the small bureau. After she’d made the bed with Maude’s clean, white sheets, Libby opened her second satchel and withdrew the precious quilt.

The blues and pinks in the double wedding ring design were set against the background of snowy white. Her mother had sewn the careful stitches and the sturdy ties long ago before her own marriage, well before Libby was born. It was the only item she had of her mother’s, and she cherished it. The memories of the gentle-voiced woman who liked to sing had blurred with time.

Unpacking had helped her block all the unpleasant thoughts from her mind...and the pleasant sensation of Jacob’s remembered kiss.

Now that the bed was made, her unpacking was done, Libby could not hide. She had no idea what she would do next. She had no husband. No marriage. But she did have a baby on the way.

She sank down into the lone wooden chair. She needed to keep her hands busy so she wouldn’t long for the man she could not have.

Determined to forget the amazing sensation of being in his strong arms, of being kissed by him, Libby grabbed her scrap bag from the bureau drawer and began sorting through it.

She withdrew a tiny piece of pink calico, cut into pieces to be sewn into a doll’s dress. A terrible longing stole over her. She planned to make a whole wardrobe of clothes fitted with tiny ruffles and lace and ribbons, scraps from her own sewing and from the shop she’d worked at in Virginia long ago. The owner had allowed her to take the smaller scraps since they were simply thrown away.

Now, years and a lifetime later, she’d found a good use for those scraps. It broke her heart that she couldn’t finish the dress for Emma’s sake.

Jacob wanted her to stay away from his girl. She understood why. It just hurt.

But the good fabric would go to waste, she reminded herself.

Libby fingered the darling dress pieces. She hated waste; she had so little all her life that wastefulness felt like a sin. Perhaps Jacob wouldn’t mind if she finished up the bits of fabric she’d already cut. She didn’t have the right to try to see him again, but she felt happier. As if doll’s dresses made from scraps could make up for the hurt she’d caused.

Jacob set down his pitchfork and wiped the sweat from his brow. The August sun beat with an inferno’s fury, heating the inside of his stable until it felt like an oven.

Weeks had passed since he’d last spoken with Elizabeth. He thought of her often, usually when he was alone with his work or in the silence of night when sleep eluded him.

He couldn’t get her out of his mind, damn it.

Long distance proposals didn’t work out all the time. Elizabeth had come here without a promise of marriage. Neither one of them had made promises in their numerous letters, as if equally afraid of the future. But as Jacob unbuttoned his shirt, then tossed it off, he didn’t feel comforted. No, he felt empty, troubled. He pitched the soiled straw from the box stall as hard as he could, trying to purge his feelings. Sweat ran off his brow like water. He ignored it.

Already he was thinking of her. He’d asked Maude Baker how Elizabeth was doing, and he learned she worked at a hotel near the blacksmith’s shop, cooking in the kitchen.

Before Jane left for her trip south, she’d let him know the gossip concerning Elizabeth Hodges. As the new woman, she was the talk of town. Single. Pretty. Young. Scores of bachelors lined up to ask her to supper, but she declined every offer.

Jacob suspected he was the only man in town who knew the most popular woman was pregnant.

He stopped pitching and closed his eyes. Guilt battered him. Couldn’t he go to her and ask her back? He wanted to. He truly wanted to look past her pregnancy—past the shadows of his own fears—and try again.

She was the right woman for them.

But he didn’t want a real marriage. He didn’t want more children. He never wanted to sit in the parlor waiting for another woman to give birth, knowing the risks. Life is too short. Love doesn’t last forever. Death intervenes and leaves you with nothing but suffocating grief.

Jacob learned these lessons the hard way. He was a fool to consider, even for a second, he could march up to Mrs. Baker’s boardinghouse and ask Elizabeth to be his wife.

“Deary, I’m sorry but I can’t accept your money.”

Libby took a step back in Maude’s crowded apartment. Knickknacks crammed the surface of the many tables, low shelves and whatnots in the corners, making maneuvering difficult. “I don’t understand. I owe you next week’s rent.”

“You don’t owe me a thing.” Maude smiled.

It only confused Libby more. “I owe you money if I want to live here come Monday.”

Mischief twinkled in Maude’s wise eyes. “Oh, you’ll be here on Monday, all right. Someone paid your rent for you.”

What? The moon could tumble from the sky and it wouldn’t shock her as much. “Who would do such a thing? Eight dollars is a lot of money.”

“Not to some people.” Maude turned with a rustle of homemade petticoats and marched into the small kitchen. “I was just gonna have me some refreshment. Come join me for lemonade and cookies.”

Refreshment? Her stomach felt too troubled. “It was Jacob, wasn’t it?”

“He told me not to tell you. He wanted to keep it a secret.”

“Well, you didn’t try very hard, Maude.”

“True.” The kitchen echoed with her jolly laughter. “You’re paid up for the entire month of August.”

“That can’t be. He wouldn’t do that. He doesn’t even like me.” But he kissed me. The remembered tingle of his lips caressing hers heated her face.

Maude set a plate of sugar cookies on the small round oak table. “A man doesn’t gotta like you in order to love you.”

Libby stepped over to the table, the kitchen as crammed with breakable knickknacks as the front room. “I want you to refund Jacob his money.”

“Can’t do it.” Maude grabbed a pitcher tinkling with ice. She poured two cups. “This came over from Trace’s diner. The best in town.”

Not even the sight of the luxurious lemonade soothed the ache in her chest. “Maude, it’s simple. You find Jacob at his livery and give him his money.”

“He won’t take it. Besides, after he gave me thirty-two dollars for this month, he and I made an arrangement. He’s giving me free care of the horse I’ve got over at his livery, and I give you free room and board. It’s a fair deal for me.”

“You can’t do that. I won’t be obligated to him.” She’d caused him enough trouble. Thinking of the baby growing in her belly, Libby blushed.

“Pish posh. You listen to me. This world is tough on a woman alone. If a well-off gentleman wants to help you out—with no expectations—then I would let him. A girl needs all the help she can get.”

Not this one. Libby sank into the offered chair. “You don’t understand, Maude. I owe Jacob more than I can pay him.”

He’d given her beautiful dreams—for as long as they lasted. She’d wasted all his time corresponding when he could have spent the time finding another woman who would be good enough for Emma. Not that Libby blamed him. Oh, no. She blamed herself for making promises she could not honor, for letting Jacob down.

Maude’s hand covered hers. “It’s a matter you must take up with him. He and I have an arrangement I like. And he’s good to my horse. Have a cookie, now. They’re fresh from the diner, too.”

Jacob secured the Baker’s palomino in his stall, trying not to remember.

“Jacob?” Her voice. Elizabeth’s.

He didn’t realize she wasn’t a dream until he turned. The wide front doors of the bam framed her slim shape, allowing glimpses of Main Street with its dusty boardwalk and painted shop fronts. The hot, early September wind breezed the green fabric of her plain calico dress.

She looked beautiful to him with wisps of honey blond hair whipping around her oval face.

She self-consciously dipped her chin. “I hope I’m not bothering you.”

“Not at all.” He stepped forward.

“I need to speak to you about my rent.” She tucked her lush bottom lip between her teeth, looking uncertain.

He grabbed hold of the worn-smooth handle of his favorite pitchfork. “Seems to me your rent is a matter you should talk about with Mrs. Baker.”

Her eyes searched his. “I know you are the one, and it has to stop. Not that I don’t appreciate it.”

He wished so much could be different between them. “I’m glad to help out, Elizabeth. You refused my money, if you remember.”

She remembered the heat of his mouth over hers, burning a blessed sensation straight through her belly. In the dim interior of the barn, she could see only Jacob’s shadow. She moved closer. Make him understand how important this is to her.

The comforting scent of wood smoke and new hay filled her nose. The same scent clung to Jacob’s clothes the few times she’d been close to him.

“I want to pay my own way, Jacob. I need to do it.”

Jacob moved toward her with a slow, hesitant gait, gripping his pitchfork. “Maybe I need to help you.”

“But you should be trying to find Emma a mother, not worrying over me.” Although she wanted him to.

“Somebody has to care about you. Have you given a thought to what you will do when that baby comes?”

He eased into the spill of sunshine through the wide stable door. He wore trousers and no shirt. Sweat glistened across the mesmerizing expanse of his muscled chest, touched by the sun.

She had never seen such a chest. She had never seen such a man. He isn’t yours to touch, Libby. Her face hot, she dipped her chin. “I’m getting along considerably well at the boardinghouse, and I’ve found a job.”

“Not as a seamstress,” he corrected, as if he knew all about her position serving men their meals.

“It was the only job I could find. Mr. Oleson offered to hire me as a dancing girl in his saloon, but I had to decline. Apart from my...condition I don’t know how to dance.”

Jacob’s rich chuckle vibrated across her skin. “I know a few dances. My mother taught me.”

“My aunt thought dancing was sinful.” Libby fingered the soft bundle she held. “I suppose the sort of dancing in Mr. Oleson’s parlor might be considered that.”

“The new minister in town thinks so. He’s started to picket some of those establishments.”

“Sometimes the women joining him spill over onto Leah’s front steps and keep away the hotel’s business. It makes her furious.” Libby’s smile faded. “Will you stop giving Maude free board for her horse?”

“No.” His eyes turned somber, pinching thoughtfully in the corners. “You need my help, Elizabeth.”

What kind of woman did he think she was?

“No, I don’t need you,” she said, chin lifted. “I’ve never depended on a man’s generosity, and I’m not about to do it now. I have always managed just fine on my own, no matter what you think of me.”

Face flaming, Libby turned, the bundle in her hands forgotten as she walked as fast as she could toward the street.

“Don’t leave. Please.” His voice echoed in the loft overhead. “Do you have a moment?”

Libby considered his words, then stopped. She couldn’t look back at him. “I was on my way to the hotel.”

“Let me buy you a glass of lemonade over at the diner so we can talk.”

Talk. Libby’s stomach flipped over. Looking at him made her want him. He wasn’t hers to have. “I—I start work soon.”

Jacob nodded, as if that suited him fine, and held up one finger indicating she should wait.

Wait? She should hightail it out of here and put as much distance between them as humanly possible. He didn’t want her, would never love her. But she wanted him to.

Jacob appeared from the back of the stable, now wearing a plain blue muslin shirt, open at the collar. It had been tucked hastily into his trousers and looked sadly wrinkled.

“Has Jane left?”

“What gave you that idea?” He smiled ruefully. “I never learned how to iron. Without Jane, I use the laundry in town, but by the time I get the clothes home, they look like this.”

“What does Emma say about it?”

“She says I ought to get myself a wife. That there’s a nice lady living in town I could ask.” His joke failed. The light left his eyes. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“It’s all right.” But it wasn’t. As they walked the half block together, she felt his gaze stray to her stomach.

He held open the door of the diner and smiled as if... Libby tried not to complete that thought. He was just being polite.

“We’ll have two glasses of lemonade,” Jacob informed the young woman who wandered into sight. “Let’s sit near the window,” he said to Libby.

Libby sat down while Jacob folded himself into a too small chair. The opened window gave her something to look at besides Jacob.

“I guess I really just wanted to know how you are doing. If you need anything.” Concern rumbled in his voice.

And brought tears to her eyes. She blinked hard. “How is Emma doing?”

“She misses Jane. I haven’t found anyone to replace her yet”

Would he find someone to replace me? Libby laid the cloth bundle she carried on the clean table. She waited as the young woman placed two ice-filled glasses between them. Fresh, sour-sweet lemonade scented the air.

“What do you have there?” he asked.

“Something for Emma. If you will let her have them.” Waiting for his rejection, she unwrapped the small bundle of clothes. Folds of happy calico and gingham peeked out from the soft flannel. Aprons. Bonnets. Dresses. Nightgowns. Shoes.

“Elizabeth, I don’t think—” He fisted his hands. “Emma will get her hopes up.”

“Then don’t tell her they are from me. Say you bought them. It’s important to me she has these for her doll.”

“Why?”

Libby rubbed the condensation from the glass. “I had planned to finish the clothes before I arrived, but time got the best of me. It isn’t Emma’s fault I didn’t sew them before I arrived.”

Jacob’s face twisted. “Emma will know they came from you.”

“I see.” All these pretty things. Libby folded the flannel back over the clothes. “The fabric was already cut and would only go to waste. I couldn’t bear that. I didn’t think it would make you angry.”

Jacob raised his gaze to hers. “I’m not angry.”

“Then you’ll give them to her?”

“Yes.” Jacob reached for the bundle. “Emma will be thrilled with these pretty things.”

Thank you. Libby’s throat tightened, and she did not say the words. It was enough to know she would make Emma happy.

“You have a talent.” His gray gaze caught hers. Held.

Libby longed for his touch. Unable to look away, her heart hammered. “I’m just an ordinary seamstress.”

“Seems with this skill you could find work in town.”

“I just started doing piecework for Mr. Ellington. Mostly altering and mending and hemming. It isn’t much, but enough to fill my Sundays.”

“That’s good.” Jacob wrapped his able fingers around the thick, cold glass and drank deeply.

She sipped the ice-cold lemonade, too. “My time is up. I don’t want to keep Leah waiting. The hotel has been so busy lately.”

“Is she treating you right? Kitchen work can’t be easy.”

She could hear his thoughts. For a pregnant woman like you. Libby looked down. “Leah is a generous boss. I’m lucky to be working for her.”

A flicker built in her heart—the beginnings of hope. Maybe he would look past her pregnancy. Maybe he wanted to marry her for her—the woman with whom he’d exchanged hopes, stories and words from his heart.

Libby stood, fishing for coins in her skirt pocket. “Goodbye, Jacob.”

And it was goodbye.

“It’s my treat.” His firm voice stilled her hand, and he laid an array of small coins on the table.

He cared about her. And it hurt more than his hatred.

“Take care of yourself, Elizabeth.” He stood, his unreadable gaze trapping hers, causing a tingling warmth through every nerve in her body.

He was never going to kiss her again. Libby turned away, not looking back, fighting the weakness for him in her heart.

She’d never ached for a man’s touch. She’d never felt this way about anyone.