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Mary Byberg

How Mary inspires others:

At some point, nearly everyone experiences a moment when one decision changes their future forever. For Mary Byberg, that moment came in January 1992, when she left her abusive husband.

Emotionally exhausted from feeling as though she was walking on eggshells around him, and even more frightened that the latest assault would be her last, Mary grabbed her two young daughters and fled to the local women’s shelter in Barrie, Ontario, a small city north of Toronto. She didn’t have money. She didn’t have extra clothes. All she had was the knowledge that it was finally time to escape the physical and emotional turmoil she’d been living with for years.

Mary had left before, but like so many women in similar circumstances, she always went home again, hoping that life would change. Yet there was something different about this latest altercation that made her stay away for good.

“I really saw that there was a chance I wouldn’t make it out of the relationship alive,” she says.

Today, Mary is more than simply alive, she’s living and thriving. She’s now juggling a full-time career in the legal field with her responsibilities as a mother, grandmother and committed volunteer for Nellie’s Shelter for Women and Children in Toronto.

Respect for all

Since 1973, Nellie’s has been at the front lines helping to rebuild the lives of more than 15,000 women and their children who have felt the impact of violence, poverty, homelessness and oppression. The organization, which is named for Nellie McClung, a feminist pioneer who worked to change the system so that women could vote in Canada, provides emergency shelter and protection for women and kids, with the ultimate goal of securing long-term, independent and affordable housing. Nellie’s staff also offer programs, services and advocacy to improve the conditions of women’s lives.

Although Mary used another shelter when she herself was in need, organizations such as Nellie’s are vital. According to some oft-quoted statistics, almost half of all women experience abuse and violence in their lifetime. It’s little wonder then that Nellie’s operates at full capacity all year, filling its thirty-six beds each night.

Back in 2004, after years spent in law school and practicing law, Mary felt a need, as well—to give back to her community. When she stumbled across a posting on Charity Village, a website that links charity organizations with volunteers, she immediately knew she wanted to contact Nellie’s and lend a hand.

“The rest, as they say, is herstory,” she jokes now.

In fact, Mary’s path from abused wife and mom to law school graduate and advocate was not nearly that simplistic. After leaving her husband, she spent seven weeks at a shelter learning to feel good again and to parent her girls on her own. She also needed housing, a job and child care. Amazingly, within weeks, a housing counselor found Mary subsidized housing, another contact hooked her up with a receptionist job at a not-for-profit agency, and she even received subsidized support for her children’s day care.

Today she’s still amazed that with proper funding, helpful people and a little luck, the social system worked so well. She was able to move on to the next stage of her life: law school, a goal she’d set for herself years before, after watching her younger sister graduate.

“It was something I needed to do,” Mary says. “It just took me a very long time to get there.”

Working toward a better life

Having lived through her experiences, and knowing how difficult the journey can be, Mary was motivated to volunteer at Nellie’s to do what she could to help women and their children who were fleeing violence. In 2004 she joined as a volunteer member of Nellie’s board of directors, and served as the treasurer for six years.

Even when she was up to her elbows in wedding planning with her two daughters, she made time for Nellie’s, spending hundreds of hours fulfilling her volunteer duties. And when her grandmother, who had raised her, passed away, Mary put aside her grief and mourning to finish the annual treasurer’s report on time. She has spent countless hours fund-raising, working on a capital campaign to raise money for a new shelter space with fifty beds, and speaking to groups about her experience and how their donations can give Nellie’s what it needs to support and feed its families.

“As a survivor of violence, Mary inspires all women,” says Wendy Sung-Aad, manager of development for Nellie’s. “She is an ordinary woman giving extraordinary hope to other women affected by violence. Mary’s story and voice is one of strength, perseverance and giving back to the community to help others.”

Mary, who has since stepped down from the board after serving the maximum three two-year terms, points out that many women in her position have gone on to be successful and give back.

“That’s great if someone thinks my life can be an inspiration for other women, but I have met dozens of women who I think are just as inspirational,” she maintains. Still, she’s happy to be a face for Nellie’s if it means more women and children will be given the same opportunities she and her daughters were offered.

Although Mary is quick to point out that she’s not a crisis counselor, she’s more than willing to guide women in the right direction if they come to her with abuse stories of their own. Her advice? Talk to someone in a shelter or call a woman-abuse hotline. Trained staff members are available to help create a plan for leaving safely, she says. They’ll also discuss the documents needed and where to go to stay safe.

Reaching out for help changed Mary’s life forever, and she’s passionate about helping others find a way out of fear.

“When I left, it finally offered me the opportunity to see how far I could stretch my life,” she says. “If you can find the courage, have the courage. There is a better life waiting for you out here.”