Читать книгу Reunited for the Holidays - Jillian Hart - Страница 10

Chapter Two

“Come sit, Brian. You look pale.” Belle might be trying to hide it, but he could sense her true feelings. All she wanted was for him to turn back around and walk out of her life.

He knew the feeling. It would have been easier if he’d never walked through that door.

“The kids have been worried.” She looked toward the window instead of at him.

“I didn’t know they were searching for me.” His voice didn’t sound like his own, so raw and broken. Too vulnerable, he sank into a bedside chair. “I was out of touch longer than I planned, but I was safe and cared for.”

“You look exhausted. You always were one to work too hard.”

“I used to work hard for you, Isabella. For our kids.” He didn’t expect her to understand the pride he felt in his family when they’d been teenage parents fighting to keep their marriage together. “I never meant to let you down.”

There, he’d said it. The words he’d yearned to say since the U.S. Marshal drove her and two of their children away. “I’m sorry.”

“I forgave you long ago.” She bowed her head, not looking at him. “We both had to get on with our lives.”

“Yes.” He bowed his head, too. “Forgetting is a different matter.”

“It was easier when I knew I’d never have to see you again.”

“Easier to keep it buried.” Those feelings of failure, the mountains of regret. So much lay lost and broken between them—marriage vows, promises and the hope of raising their kids together. “We each had kids to take care of. Protecting them came first.”

“Exactly.” She lifted her head, her soft auburn hair cascading over her shoulders with a graceful bounce.

“This really must be a shock for you. Seeing me like this. The twins didn’t warn you I was coming?”

“No.” She traced her fingertips along the edging of the armchair so she didn’t have to look at him.

“I tried to prepare myself on the way here.” He cleared his throat. Time had changed her—her face had lost the round softness of youth, to be replaced by almost regal maturity that was impossibly more beautiful. But she was no longer his, and that’s the way they both wanted it. “Carter told me all about how the twins found one another and how they were praying at your bedside on Thanksgiving when you first opened your eyes and came back to them.”

“Carter is a wonderful young man. He’s so much like you—” Her honest, unguarded gaze found his. This wasn’t easy for her, either.

“I hope he doesn’t make my mistakes.”

“We all make mistakes.” Regret weighed on her, too, easy to see. “I hear you are an amazing doctor, like I always knew you would be. You help people, Brian. You make a difference in this world, and your children are proud of you.”

“You don’t have to try so hard to be kind to me, Isabella. We didn’t exactly part on good terms.”

“No, but for the kids’ sake—”

“We have to try.” He nodded, glad they agreed on this. If only he knew what to do about the pain wedged into his chest. Seeing her again made him aware of how he’d failed her. Being teenage parents with two sets of twins had been tough and the stress had torn them apart. He’d been to blame for that. He couldn’t deny it, and the guilt burdened him.

“They shouldn’t be proud. I’m not saving the world, just going where God leads.” His head reeled, more overwhelmed than he wanted to admit. “This latest mission didn’t turn out like I expected. For a while I worried I might not see the kids again.”

“Oh, Brian. That must have been agonizing. When I woke up and realized what I could have lost—”

“Exactly. Weddings. Grandchildren. Birthdays.” He smiled wistfully. “Speaking of which, I couldn’t believe it when I discovered that all of our kids are altar-bound.”

“I had a similar reaction to the news,” she confessed. “But deep down, I’m so thankful to God for both of our lives...and that we get to share in the happiest of our children’s lives.”

“I’m thankful you’re here, Isabella. But for the Lord’s grace, I might be having to confront our grieving children and I don’t think I could take seeing them hurt like that.”

“That was my fear, too.” Her hand found his—large and strong—and at the touch of his skin, her heart twisted. The pain of the past and the divorce stood between them, refusing to relent. She swallowed hard, wishing the past didn’t hurt so much. “What happened to you? Why couldn’t the kids find you?”

“The strep hit hard. One moment I was fine, the next I was so sick I couldn’t function....”

“Tell me everything,” Belle insisted.

“I recall leaving Blackstone in my beat-up SUV and heading toward a farming town along the border. Unfortunately, my car overheated when I was ten miles outside the migrant camp.”

“How awful! So you were stranded in the middle of nowhere with no cell phone?”

“It wasn’t as bad as it sounds. A local farm worker happened by in his truck and arranged to have my car towed for repairs. Since it was on his way, he offered to drop me off at the migrant camp while my vehicle was being worked on.” He sighed heavily. “Unfortunately, car troubles were the least of my worries. By the end of my first day at the migrant camp, I was sidelined by a cough and a high fever.”

Belle couldn’t hide her concern. “Oh, my...what happened next?”

“I knew I had to leave, because I could be highly contagious and might be doing more harm than good at the camp. So I got a lift back to the auto shop, picked up my SUV and decided to drive to a nearby medical clinic to get checked out.” A shadow crossed his face. “But a short time later I had to pull over because I was too weak to drive and a hazard to others. I sat on the side of the road praying for someone to come by...and the next thing I knew, I woke up in the ditch.”

“That must have been where they found your wallet.”

“I hadn’t realized I’d lost it. I’d passed out. It was night and I crawled my way through a field for miles toward a faint light. A house, as it turned out. The Cruz family took me in and cared for me.” He took a deep breath, then continued. “Mr. Cruz took my keys and fetched my car after finding a doctor. I was barely conscious and they didn’t have a phone, so I couldn’t call home. I was too ill to write a letter. Those people saved my life.”

“Bless them, and we’re all grateful.” Thankfulness filled her with such power it made her eyes burn. Thankfulness, for the kids’ sake. She tore her hand from his. “Thank the Lord you were able to come back to be with your children.”

She turned so he couldn’t see her face. She didn’t want him to guess how much this cost her. She wanted to be anywhere but with him. It hurt too much. She moved forward on the chair cushion, needing to get away.

“Let me help you, Isabella.” His chair scraped.

“No, I’m fine.” She pushed out of the chair, her left side sluggish. “I’ve got this.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to do it alone.”

“It does.” She’d been on her own for decades. She couldn’t start leaning on him now. “The twins might be reunited, but that doesn’t change anything between us.”

“I didn’t expect it would.” His dark chocolate eyes gleamed with regret.

Regret she shared. Regret she felt all the way to her soul. The chasm of twenty-five years stood between them, a distance too great to bridge. Their love, once broken, couldn’t be repaired. It just couldn’t. “Seeing you again is harder than I predicted. It hurts.”

“Yes.” He covered his heart with the flat of his palm. “You would think all this time would have healed it.”

“Or maybe numbed it a little.”

“Exactly,” he agreed. “But it hurts the way it did when you asked for a divorce, while our children slept in the next room.”

“I remember.” The night their marriage ended and they’d given up hope. She gripped the walker for support. Dismissing the doctor’s orders not to be up on her own, she made her way shakily toward the window, hating the impairment that slowed her. Tamping down memories of one of the worst nights in her life wasn’t easy. “We need to come to an agreement, Brian.”

“What kind of agreement?”

“About you and me. How we deal with each other.”

He swallowed painfully. “Right. Do you have any suggestions?”

“We do the only possible thing. Let’s leave this in the past where it belongs and go on from here.”

“If that’s what you want.” Traces of pain hid in his voice. “We’ve both been hurt enough.”

“Yes.” She clunked her walker forward and stepped purposefully. The arguments, the sleepless nights, the stress of being teenage parents with two sets of twins haunted her. She’d been shattered the night she’d asked Brian to leave. No way would she let him see that, so her chin went up with stubborn determination to hide her vulnerabilities.

“Glad we agree,” he said gruffly.

“We have to get along for the children’s sake.”

“The big question is how.”

“I have no idea.” Her reflection in the dark window looked back at her. She saw a thin woman, hollow cheeked and fragile looking. Not the same vibrant Belle Colby who’d fallen off her horse. The coma and injury had ravaged her, but she was determined to regain her strength...and reclaim her life. She caught sight of Brian struggling to his feet and realized that she wasn’t the only one ailing here. “We are quite a pair, aren’t we?”

“We always have been.” He shuffled toward her, fighting to stay tall and strong, but she could read the strain on his face, the tension along his carved jaw, even in the window’s reflection. “Carter told me how this all came about, how Violet met Maddie. How the kids came together again. One thing has been eating away at me. I can’t help wanting to protect my children. It can’t be safe to reunite them, can it?”

“I’ve been worried about that, too,” she said softly.

“What about—?”

“David Johnson, the man I testified against? Yes, he’s still in prison, at least as far as I know. I haven’t been well enough these past few days—”

“You just woke from a coma.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I can’t fear the worst. What if Johnson figures out where we are?”

“Exactly. He may be in jail, but he likely still has his contacts on the outside.”

“The kids don’t know about the danger. They don’t remember going into hiding. They don’t know why we moved from Forth Worth all those years ago, and I refuse to talk about it. That’s what Jack and I argued about right before my accident. He wanted to know about you.”

“It must have been hard not to tell him. You had to want to.”

“I did.” She appreciated that he understood. “It was too dangerous.”

“When I remarried, Maddie and Grayson were young enough not to remember. That made the past disappear.”

“Disappear?” She held herself steady, breathing as if in pain. “A mother never wants to be forgotten by her children.”

“Neither does a father.”

This pain they shared, a pain visible on his sculpted face. She couldn’t believe her eyes. The honest display of his feelings surprised her. They’d already been divorced when she’d unknowingly stumbled into a dangerous situation. Their marriage had fallen apart because she’d been convinced he hadn’t cared about her, at least not the way a husband should. Brian could be so unemotional, closed off, clinical in his relationships. To see him overcome like this, with the manly intake of breath, the gathering of his control as he straightened up, made her realize how much had changed. Emotions skittered across his face, no longer hidden to her.

“I never even considered we might be in this situation one day, with the twins reunited,” he confessed. “All this time not knowing if you were safe or if they would be all right. The horrific nightmares I had of David Johnson escaping prison and hunting down the kids and there being nothing I could do. No matter what, we have to keep them safe.”

“We will.” That had never been in doubt. “I need to get in touch with my handler, but I’ve been stuck here with no one I can confide in.”

“You have me.” A smile touched his lips, chiseled and lean. The years hadn’t changed that smile, masculine and bracketed by dimples. “That may not be any consolation, but I’ll make sure our children are protected.”

“We’ll do it together.” Gently, she reached out to brush a strand of hair from his eyes. An old habit, she realized too late. She respected her ex-husband and his love for their children, that was all. They were temporarily joining forces to safeguard their family, but when the dust settled, the old conflicts would still be between them.

“Are you sure you’re up to this?” His emotions retreated, his eyes shuttered and he was closed off once again. His dark gaze gave nothing away. “You may have to trust me to handle the situation.”

“Together, you and I made the decision to separate the twins in the first place.” She winced, remembering the wrenching decision they’d been forced to make. “We’ll make what decisions we have to together. Remember we are no longer married. You can’t make decisions for me, Brian.”

“Not that I ever could.” A muscle jumped along his square jaw.

“No.” Was he remembering their late-night arguments, too? Times best forgotten, she thought, straightening her spine. “The doctors tell me I’m frail, but I don’t believe them. My memory is coming back, my speech is just fine, and before you know it, I’ll be walking on my own steam out the front doors of Ranchland Manor.”

“I have no doubt when it comes to you, Isabella.”

“I go by Belle now.” How was she going to deal with Brian on an extended basis? After all, they were bound to see a lot of each other since their children all wanted to reconnect as a family. “I hear what sounds like a herd of elephants in the hallway. Must be our kids.”

“Must be.” His gaze fastened on hers, betraying another hint of feeling. How had the years made him more handsome? His carved-granite face, high forehead, dark eyes and prominent cheekbones were flawless. He gave a half smile, as if he remembered their married years, raising two sets of twins together. Toddling boys playing in the small living room of the tiny house they’d rented. Childish voices rising in glee. “No! No! Mine! Mine! Boom!” as toys went flying and the boys’ laughter rang. The dear sounds of the baby girls awakening from their naps in the warm house decorated for Christmas.

Such good memories. Bright enough to outshine the bad.

“Mom! Dad.” All grown up, Violet bounded in, leading the group back from the cafeteria. “You two look cozy. Don’t you think?” she asked her sister.

“Absolutely.” Maddie’s grin shone triumphantly. “Looks like we came back too soon. Maybe we all should head to the cafeter—”

“Don’t you dare walk off.” Belle used her Mom voice. “I’m still in charge around here.”

“So you think.” Jack set a steaming cup of tea on the bedside table while everyone laughed.

“Hello? Hello?” A knock rapped on the open door and a nurse hustled in. “So glad to see y’all here, but visiting hours are over. You’ll be back bright and early tomorrow, I suppose?”

“Count on it.” Violet circled the end of the bed. “Mom, what did the doctor say?”

“Hmm, let me think. I can’t quite remember,” she hedged.

“Wasn’t it something like stay in bed? You are still recovering, Mom.” Maddie swooped in and caught Belle’s other elbow. “Is she always this much trouble, Violet?”

“Usually more.”

“Hey!” Belle argued good-naturedly as she let them help her to her feet. “I’m not an invalid. I can manage on my own.”

“This sounds very familiar.” Brian’s baritone lifted above the other conversations as Grayson pulled aside the bedcovers and Jack plumped her pillows. “I see some things haven’t changed.”

“Brian is talking about my stubbornness, in case you kids couldn’t guess.” She eased onto the mattress. “I don’t think I’m stubborn.”

“Sure, of course you’re not,” Violet teased. “Not one of us has ever thought that.”

The entire room laughed. Even Belle.

“Sleep well, Mom.” Maddie kissed her forehead.

“Sweet dreams.” Violet kissed her cheek and stepped back.

“We’ll see you in the morning, Mom.” Grayson squeezed her hand.

“We love you.” Jack drew up her covers.

“I love you all. That means you, too, Carter.”

“Back at ya, Belle.” Carter smiled at her before stepping away and offering his arm to his father. “I’ll bring Dad tomorrow to visit.”

“Excellent.” She hated how exhausted Brian looked. He’d been without family, fighting a dangerous illness. What if he’d passed away? He never would have known each twin he’d given up was now safe.

“Have a good night, Isabella—Belle,” he corrected, standing on his own, refusing his son’s aid. He looked even paler, if that were possible.

“You, too, Brian. We’ll talk again tomorrow.”

“Count on it.” He hesitated, as if about to say something, but stayed silent. He raised a hand in a show of farewell.

She raised hers. Tomorrow, she’d have to face him again.

“Just lie back, Mom.” Violet fussed over her, blowing on her tea and moving her Bible within easy reach on the nightstand.

“Is there anything else you need?” Maddie asked.

Such good girls. Seeing those identical faces brought tears to her eyes. Behind them, at the doorway, the boys lingered, checking in on her one last time before waving and stepping out of sight.

“Just take good care of Brian.” She sank into the pillows, grateful to relax. She could pretend all she wanted that she was just fine, but that wasn’t entirely true. The coma and head injury had taken a lot out of her, and it would be a while before she was back to her old, feisty self.

“We’ll look after Dad, I promise.” Maddie stepped away first, the vow shining in her eyes.

When the girls left, they seemed to take the light with them. Still, she smiled to herself as she heard Violet and Maddie lingering outside the door, gushing about how this was going to be the best Christmas ever. Not only did they have Landon and Ty—their doting fiancés—in their lives, but now their entire family was finally all together.

Belle heard their footsteps retreat down the hall and silence settled in—the way it had on the night she’d ordered Brian out of their little house and, later, on the first night she’d been in protective custody, listening to the children sleep and wondering about the other half of the twins in Brian’s care.

Brian. The kids had thought it was a great surprise for her to see him tonight, but they didn’t know the agony it brought.

Give me strength, Lord. She tugged her Bible into her arms and hugged it to her heart. Most of all, please keep our children safe.

* * *

“You look happier, Dad.” Carter helped him into the passenger side of the truck. “Seeing Belle was good for you.”

“I don’t know about that.” He cleared his throat, collapsed into the seat and did his best to cover up how hard seeing Belle had been—and would continue to be. “You kids sure surprised her, too. I’m not certain that was a fair thing to do to a woman who spent five months in a coma.”

“During which she murmured your name. I heard it.” Carter drew himself up, hardly more than a shadow in the night. “I hadn’t felt a connection to her until then and I realized she loves you. That’s all I needed to know.”

“Belle doesn’t love me. At least she hasn’t for a long, long time.” That was his fault, failings that tore him up.

“You never know what God has in store.” Carter stepped back, hand on the door, preparing to swing it shut. “There’s still something between you two, I think.”

Yes, there was—animosity, bitterness and remorse. The door closed with a click, leaving Brian alone in the cab. Grateful for that, he tried to gather his strength, watching Carter cross the pavement to exchange words with Grayson. The kids were climbing into their vehicles, waving goodbye, calling out plans for tomorrow, leaving him time alone to think.

Isabella—Belle—looked more beautiful than ever. No surprise she’d done so well without him. She’d always been strong and independent-minded. She’d rebuilt her life, raised two of their children and run a successful ranch. Turned out she’d never needed him the way he’d needed her.

How was he going to be able to face her tomorrow? And the day after that? This matter of David Johnson was a big one. Belle had risked her life in order to put the drug-dealing criminal away.

Horns honked in friendly beeps, and he waved as the kids drove off—Maddie and Violet together in Violet’s SUV, Jack and Grayson in separate vehicles. A sight he’d never thought he would see in his life—the kids reunited, laughing and gleeful, dreaming of a future filled with love and happiness.

That’s the way he wanted to keep it. Tomorrow, first thing, he and Belle had to figure out a way to keep their children safe.

“Dad, are you okay?” Carter settled behind the wheel, concern furrowing his forehead.

“Just tired. It’s been a long day.” He relaxed against the headrest. “There’s one more thing I need to do. Is there a church around?”

“Grasslands Community Church isn’t far from here.” Carter started the engine and buckled up. “Do you want to stop by?”

“Yes.”

Carter pulled out his cell phone. “Let me just make a quick call to let Savannah know we’ll be home a little late.” He smiled indulgently. “My lovely fiancée tends to worry, especially with all those pregnancy hormones running amok.”

Brian beamed back at Carter. He’d heard how his youngest son had taken his fallen comrade’s pregnant wife under his wing—and fallen in love in the process. He couldn’t be prouder of his boy.

The ride was a short one. The church door stood open as a late Bible study was just disbanding, from what Brian could overhear in the parking lot. He left Carter in the truck and climbed the stairs. His movements rustled in the empty sanctuary, where the stained-glass windows gazed down at him darkly. God’s presence surrounded him, a calm that strengthened his weary body and refreshed his hurting soul.

“Dear Heavenly Father,” he began, kneeling, his voice echoing slightly in the shadows. “As You know, I’ve been absent from worship lately when I was ill and I’ve missed it sorely. Thank You for sparing my life. I know it was a near thing, and I’m more grateful than ever after tonight. Seeing the twins reunited and Belle—”

He stopped, struggling to clear the lump in his throat. Belle, more beautiful than ever. Just as stubborn and full of grit, her smile could light up a room the way it once had lit every chamber of his heart. “You answered my only prayer. That somehow, someway, I could see my lost children again. That they could all find happiness together, reunited, the way it should have been. Thank You, Father, from the bottom of my heart. Please hold them safe in the palm of Your hand.”

His amen echoed in the stillness and peace. As Brian climbed to his feet, he felt God’s touch like a ray of hope in the dark late November night.