Читать книгу Reunited With The Bull Rider - Jill Kemerer - Страница 14

Chapter Three

Amy hummed as she fluffed the throw pillows on her couch. Ruby would be here any minute. She rushed to the other side of the open living space where she kept her private sewing and art studio. If she wasn’t cutting material, quilting or making patterns for her weekly blog, she was drawing designs for her own fabric line. Well, hopefully, her own fabric line. She should be hearing back from the fabric manufacturers within a few weeks. How many years had she dreamed of stocking the designs she’d drawn? She shook her head. None of that mattered right now. Her sole goal today was to make Ruby comfortable.

A knock on the door made her pause. Lord, please give me the wisdom to help her. She’d show Nash his fears about leaving Ruby were off base. She’d been around young children her entire life. She knew what little girls enjoyed. It would just take a while for Ruby to get used to her. No big deal.

She opened the door. Nash held Ruby in his arms. Oh, my. He looked every bit the cowboy she remembered in his hat, jeans, jacket and boots.

“Come in. I’m so glad to see you again, Ruby. Let me take your sweatshirt.” She waited while Nash helped Ruby out of her pink hoodie. “I’ll show you around my place.”

After hanging the hoodie on a hook near the door, Amy veered left to the open studio. She stopped next to the floor-to-ceiling shelves, which held fabrics in a rainbow of colors. In the center of the space, Ruby clutched Nash’s hand.

“You did all this?” Nash let out a low whistle. “Everything is so organized. You actually make all those quilts you sell?”

“Most of them. I consign a few local artists’ quilts, too.” She shouldn’t be so pleased at his reaction. He seemed to fill the room with his charismatic energy. He used to draw her like iron to a magnet. She gestured to the rack holding her latest creation. “I’m trying a new pattern.”

He and Ruby inspected the rust, cream and navy design. “Patriotic. I like it. Reminds me of the Fourth of July.”

“I’m hoping to finish it in June. Red, white and blue quilts always sell well in the summer.”

“Speaking of this time of year...” He looked down at Ruby. “Pretty soon you and I will be watching rodeos on Friday nights. Sounds fun, huh?”

Her eyes gleamed almost aqua as she nodded up at him. The sight touched Amy.

“I can’t wait for cotton candy and barbecues.” He rubbed his stomach. “Mmm-mmm. Makes me hungry just thinking about it. In fact, I’d better get something in my tummy before it growls and scares the neighbors. I’ll be heading over to The Beanery. Text me if you need me.”

He kissed the top of Ruby’s head. Then he nodded to Amy. “I’ll be back in an hour. You girls have fun.”

As soon as the door clicked behind him, Amy let out a sigh of relief. She couldn’t help it. The room felt more spacious, less combustible without him there. She brought her palms together and turned her attention to Ruby.

“I have a ton of markers. Why don’t we color?”

Ruby gazed intently at the door, her face white as a fresh snowfall.

“He’ll be back before you know it.” Amy tried to reassure her by gently taking her hand, but Ruby yanked it out of her grasp. Her lips trembled, grew blue around the edges. Tremors shook her shoulders. The poor thing was petrified!

Amy knelt beside her. “Ruby, what’s wrong? It’s okay. You’re safe with me.”

Her eyes were so wide, so fixed on the door. Amy clearly wasn’t getting through to her. What should she do? The way Ruby had flinched at her touch, Amy didn’t want to scare her further, but she had to divert her attention away from the door.

Why was she so upset? Nash told her he’d be back in an hour. The child knew he was going down the street to the coffee shop.

Amy stood up, raising her face to the ceiling. What now? Whatever was going through Ruby’s mind was so frightening, she couldn’t move.

“Honey, why don’t we go get a hot chocolate with your dad?”

Ruby blinked, shivering. Then she looked away from the door at Amy. Tears began to drip from her eyes to her cheeks. She didn’t say anything. Simply nodded.

Amy tried not to let her disappointment show as she helped Ruby into her hoodie. Whatever had happened to this girl in the past had clearly traumatized her. Nash had mentioned neglect and malnourishment, and Amy had brushed over those words as if they hadn’t mattered. She should have paid more attention. She’d been so caught up in her own past she hadn’t asked the necessary questions.

The psychological damage must have cut deep. Was Amy qualified for this?

She led Ruby to the staircase. “Hold my hand, okay?”

Ruby tucked her tiny hand in Amy’s. The gesture pinched her heart. If only she could help this girl. She needed more information. And that meant, as much as she didn’t want to, she’d have to find a way to meet privately with Nash.

* * *

The coffee was perfect—strong with a kick to it. Same as he liked his bulls. He grinned at his own inside joke. The Beanery was quiet. He hadn’t been in here before. Looked new, rustic. Smelled great, too. He took a drink. Leaving Ruby hadn’t been too bad. She hadn’t thrown a fit or anything. So why couldn’t he dismiss the nagging worry in his brain?

He smacked his forehead. He hadn’t stopped to ask Ruby if she wanted to stay. He’d just left.

He should have asked her. Why hadn’t he thought to ask her? His knee was bouncing triple time. Get yourself together, man.

He checked his watch. He’d been gone seven minutes. Fifty-three minutes to go. It was times like these that made him wish he was a reader. A book would help pass the time.

The door clanged open, and Ruby raced to him, her face beaming. A lead weight dropped in his gut. If they were here and it had only been seven minutes, the visit couldn’t have gone well.

He swung her onto his lap and gave her a big smile. She didn’t need to know his emotions were churning. “To what do I owe this pleasure? I thought I was picking you up in an hour.” He noted the tear stains down her cheeks and fought back a groan. “You were worried I’d be lonely, weren’t you? That’s awfully nice of you to be thinking of me.”

She rested her cheek against his chest, and he brushed her hair from her face, holding her tightly. Amy stood behind the chair across the table. He mouthed, “What happened?”

She shook her head quickly and mouthed, “Later.”

“Can I get you a hot chocolate, Ruby?” Amy asked. “With whipped cream?”

Ruby nodded. If she wasn’t so fragile, he’d remind her of her manners. But right now please and thank you were the least of his worries. If he couldn’t leave her with Amy for ten minutes, would he ever be able to leave her anywhere?

A vision came to mind of kindergarten in another year, and instead of Ruby waving happily as she walked into school with a backpack and a lunchbox, he saw her trembling, crying, unable to enter. Some of the bull riders’ wives homeschooled their little ones. Would he be forced to do the same?

Homeschooling?

Him?

The coffee threatened to come up. He didn’t think he had it in him to homeschool. Maybe he should call the therapist.

“Here you go.” Amy beamed at Ruby as she set the cup down. Nash could see the worry in her exquisite brown eyes. And he recognized her tic from all those years ago—she rubbed her index finger and thumb together whenever she was out of her element. For a second he felt sorry for her. Wanted to make it better, like old times.

Old times. The best days of his life. Even better than winning his first Professional Bull Riders World Championship at the age of twenty-three. Every minute with Amy had been like a dream.

Ruby reached for the cup and licked the whipped cream.

Amy smiled, scrunching her nose at the girl. He had to avert his gaze at all the affection in her expression. He used to be the recipient of it. The past ten years suddenly felt bleaker than he remembered them.

“I was wondering,” Amy said, tracing the rim of her mug, “would you two mind if I came over later? I’ve never seen your house.” She gave Nash a charged look, and he instantly understood. They needed to talk but not with Ruby around. And the only place they could reasonably expect privacy was in Ruby’s domain.

“Sure.” He knew she was going to back out of their arrangement, and he didn’t blame her. He suppressed a sigh. “How about seven-thirty?”

“Great.” She sipped her cocoa. “How is it, Ruby? Chocolaty enough?”

“Mmm.” She sat on his lap, happily slurping her cocoa. He had to hand it to the kid—she bounced back quickly. His spirits sank, realizing how much hope he’d put into Ruby spending time with a woman. Would take some of the pressure off him. Not to mention, he hadn’t had more than a minute to himself while Ruby was awake since the day he took custody. If she couldn’t handle being with someone as nice as Amy for short periods, what chance did he have at giving her a normal childhood?

Amy began talking about the daily coffee flavors, and they chatted about other changes in the town. Anyone who walked by would think they were having a pleasant visit. A couple of old friends catching up. And he was glad she could be civil, even if they’d never be friends.

By the time they’d all finished their drinks, he didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t begged for anything since he was a small boy, but thinking about Ruby’s future made him desperate enough to contemplate begging Amy to reconsider.

He just wished he had another choice.

* * *

“She’s out.”

Amy waited for Nash to join her at his kitchen island. She’d arrived an hour ago, and she’d tried to engage Ruby by asking her about the toys in the living room, but Ruby hadn’t seemed interested in them. Only when Nash had suggested watching a Disney movie had Ruby’s face lit up. Thankfully, she’d fallen asleep halfway through Frozen. Not that Amy had anything against that particular cartoon; it was just hard to be in a family-type environment with Nash, especially given what she needed to ask him.

She needed the full story of Ruby’s past.

Her mind had been so preoccupied, she hadn’t had time to truly process his gorgeous house or the fact it was exactly the type of home she used to dream about, back when she still had hopes of getting married and having kids of her own. She’d thought she’d be raising a family in a place like this with property not too far from town. She’d thought wrong.

“Are you sure she won’t wake up?” She didn’t want Ruby to stumble in on them discussing her.

“I don’t think she will. She woke up briefly when I pulled the bedspread over her, but I stayed until she fell asleep again.”

One look at his face and all the questions she’d rehearsed earlier vanished. His eyes always changed to gray when he turned melancholy. Seeing the slate shade brought a ping of sadness to her heart. She’d always done her best to soothe his blue moods. But that was then and a lot of life had happened since he’d left. He would have to deal with his moods himself.

“I take it she fell apart when I left her at your apartment earlier.”

“I wouldn’t say she fell apart.” Sitting on a stool, she folded her hands on the counter. “It was actually worse than falling apart. I don’t know how to describe it except she almost seemed catatonic. It scared me. I didn’t know what to do. She was terrified. Couldn’t stop staring at the door after you left. Her face turned white. She trembled. When I suggested meeting you at the coffee shop, she finally snapped out of it.”

He frowned. “What did she do then?”

“Tears started falling, but she listened to me and held my hand all the way to The Beanery.”

He drummed his fingers on the counter. “Makes sense in a way.”

“It doesn’t to me, and that’s why I’m here.” She raised her chin. “I need to know more about her childhood.”

Fear flashed in his eyes.

“I need to know it all.” Amy wasn’t backing down on this. Either she had all the facts to come up with a realistic way forward to spend time with Ruby, or she had to walk away.

“You’re not going to like it.”

“I’m well aware of that.”

“This needs to stay confidential. I want her to have no baggage in this town. I don’t care who knows I’m really her brother raising her as my daughter, but no one needs to know the horror this kid’s been through.”

“Agreed. You have my word I will not tell anyone the details you share.”

“I’ve told you about our mother.” He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning forward. “She went through cycles of heavy drug use and court-mandated rehab. When she was using, she’d do anything—and I mean anything—to get money for her fix. Prostitution. Theft. You name it. She had no sense of time, no sense of reality. Since Ruby had no father or siblings living with her, the poor kid had to rely on herself when our mother was higher than a kite. Inevitably, our mother would get picked up by the cops and thrown in jail for whatever she was guilty of, and while she served time, Ruby would be placed in foster care. But our mother would get out and she’d be clean, so she’d get custody again until the cycle repeated.”

“How often did this happen?” Amy’s mind was spinning from the scenario. She pictured Ruby small, hungry, scared. She also pictured an unstable drug addict not taking care of the girl.

“Too often.”

What did that mean? Every two months? Once a year? She sighed. It didn’t really matter. “So walk me through the things she had to endure.”

“Being left alone in a filthy apartment with limited food. Could have been a couple hours. Sometimes, I’m sure it was days.”

“Days? But she was practically a baby!” Amy brought her hand to her chest. Horrible. “She needed a babysitter. No young child should be left alone in a house for any length of time.”

“Trust me. I know.” He exhaled loudly. “Then there was the fact our mother used around her. Ruby grew up around drug paraphernalia. I guarantee Ruby witnessed her shooting up. I’m sure there was emotional abuse, as well.”

Tears threatened at the thought of sweet Ruby going through all that.

“And this went on her entire life?” Amy sniffed.

“Yes. Up until mid-December at least.”

“If her case workers knew all this, why did they ever let her return to her mother?” The injustice of it made her want to wring someone’s neck.

“They want to keep families together, and they didn’t know all of it.”

If they hadn’t known all of it, and he hadn’t seen his mother in a decade... “How do you know this is what happened?”

He bowed his head briefly before meeting her eyes. “From experience.”

It took a few seconds to register, but when it did... She shook her head slightly, her gaze still locked with his. “I see.”

And she did. These new facts sliced open her heart. She’d thought she’d known Nash when they’d dated. She’d always sensed the pain under his easy smile. Understood there were things so awful from his past he might not ever be able to share them. But she hadn’t known this.

“You could have told me,” she said softly. “You know, back then.”

He looked away.

Apparently, he disagreed. She straightened, forcing herself to get her head back to the here and now, not stuck in the way back when.

“Now that I know more about her past, I think she’s terrified of you leaving her.” The more Amy thought about it, the more obvious it became. “She is much more comfortable with me when you’re in the room. But the instant you left today—well, I think she has no idea if she’ll be left by herself, dragged to another home or if she’ll ever see you again. How long have you had custody?”

“A little over a week. But I’ve spent time with her almost every day since December.”

Amy sagged on the stool. She hadn’t realized... No wonder Ruby was so scared. Amy never should have pushed for her own agenda, having Ruby come to her apartment without Nash.

“Well, spending time alone isn’t going to work until it sinks in you will always come back for her.”

“You’re right.” He stretched his head back. “Listen, there are a few other things you should know.”

She braced herself.

“Since she never knew when she’d have food, she hoards it. I find all kinds of snacks in her bedroom. Sometimes under her pillow or stuck in a shoe. And if she wakes up and I’m not around, she screams. Loud. I bought walkie-talkies so I can go outside if she naps, which she doesn’t do very often.”

“That breaks my heart.”

“Mine, too.” He tapped the table, raw honesty pouring from his expression. Then he pointed to the living room. “I bought her all those toys, but she won’t play with them. Barely looks at them.”

“I noticed the same earlier.”

“The therapist told me this is common in severely neglected kids.”

“Will she overcome any of this?” Amy held her breath. Please let him say yes.

“Most likely. If she feels secure. That’s why I moved back. Called the pastor when Dottie told me about the mentor program.”

Something in his tone, the dip of his shoulder, clued her into something she’d missed since seeing him again. He didn’t want to be back here. He never would have stepped foot in Sweet Dreams again if it hadn’t been for Ruby.

Because of me. Because I’m here.

Her heart hurt all over again. Ten years and the wound hadn’t fully healed.

“All these questions... Does this mean you still want to help her?” The question came unexpectedly, and Amy almost jumped.

Knowing what Nash had told her, did she still want to help Ruby?

Yes!

The intensity of the thought surprised her. But she had to protect her heart where Nash was concerned. She couldn’t trust him with it. She might not even be able to trust herself with it. She was willing to take that chance if it meant bringing sunshine to the little girl who’d only known darkness.

“I want to help her. But I think we’re expecting too much of her too soon.”

“What do you suggest?” His eyebrows drew together, and he clasped his hands tightly.

“In the pastor’s office, we all agreed that Ruby’s needs come first, right?”

“Yes,” he practically growled.

“Then you and I are going to have to put aside our issues to let her get used to me.”

“I’m not following.”

“The three of us are going to have to spend time together if Ruby’s ever going to trust me enough to be alone with me.”

He looked nauseous. Irritation flared in her chest. Welcome to the club, buddy. It isn’t easy for me to be around you, either.

“You’d really do that...given what I put you through?”

She gave him a firm nod. “Yes. But we need to make it crystal clear to Ruby we are only friends, and there will never, ever be anything romantic between us. I don’t want her to be confused about my role in her life.”

“Of course. Never, ever will there be anything romantic between us.”

“Then we agree.” She should be thankful. But his never, ever had been more forceful than hers.

“Agreed.” He rounded the island and stuck out his hand. She placed hers into it, and his rough, warm skin caused the hair on her arms to rise. He smelled familiar, like aftershave and leather. She snatched her hand back.

Never, ever.

Wouldn’t be difficult as far as she was concerned.

“For how long?” he asked.

“For as long as it takes.”