Читать книгу Desperately Seeking Heaven - Jill Steeples - Страница 10

Why me? It was a question I asked myself a dozen times over in the hours following Jimmy’s arrival in my life.

I liked to pride myself on my efficiency and capability. It’s what I’m good at. Throw a problem my way and I’ll sort it. Even if I don’t immediately know the answer, I’ll find someone who does. But whoever it was up there who thought my organisational skills stretched to finding homes for recently deceased people, however well-known and however gorgeous, was surely having a joke at my expense.

I tried to broach this sensitive subject with Jimmy.

‘Were you not given any idea when you, um, passed… what you were supposed to do? Where you were meant to go?’

In a short space of time, he seemed to have made himself very comfy on my sofa and was brandishing the remote control with authority, flicking between channels to get the most up-to-date coverage on his demise.

‘Huh?’ He looked mildly irritated as he turned his gaze to look at me.

‘When you… you know…’ I didn’t like to say the word aloud, almost as if I didn’t mention it then it wouldn’t be such a permanent arrangement. Instead, I made a genteel fainting motion.

‘Pegged it, you mean? Nope. There was no welcoming committee or induction manual, not even a map pointing me in the direction of the upwards escalator or the downward one.’

He didn’t look unduly concerned about the whole episode, he was much more interested in what was happening on the telly.

‘Would you look at him.’ He was sitting on the edge of his chair, leaning forward, jabbing his finger at the screen. ‘I don’t believe it!’

It was Barney Roberts, the young and dynamic presenter of Win, win, win! the daily quiz show, his usual cheeky-chappie persona replaced with a sombre mask.

‘We are all deeply shocked and saddened by the untimely death of Jimmy Mack, a much loved and respected colleague here at Studio 99. Our thoughts and condolences go out to his family at this very sad time.’

‘Jeez! What a bloody hypocrite! How he’s got the nerve to stand there saying he’ll miss my friendship and my support as though we were best buddies, I just don’t know. The guy’s always hated me.’

Secretly I was a bit of a fan of Barney Roberts. Much more of a fan than I’d ever been of Jimmy Mack, but now wasn’t the time to mention it.

‘Oh, don’t be like that,’ I said, crouching down to look Jimmy in the eye, picking up his hand. I didn’t want to appear rude, but I couldn’t help myself from staring at his features. They were all so familiar, all so real. My thumb stroked the length of his long fingers. How could he possibly be a ghost when he looked and felt so normal? A shiver tormented my spine as my gaze drifted between Jimmy and the TV screen.

‘He looks genuinely upset, everyone is, you can see that, surely?’ I did my best to reassure him. ‘It’s such a shock for us all.’

‘Don’t you believe a word of it. It’s all an act, he’s just milking the moment. He’ll be plotting to take over my daytime show already. You mark my words. As soon as he’s off air, he’ll be in discussions with the studio bosses.’

‘Do you think?’ I asked, not really believing him. Obviously he was distressed. Who wouldn’t be in the circumstances? I took a deep breath and tried to find the right words. ‘Well, try not to upset yourself over it. I mean, it’s not as though you can do anything about it now. Now that you’re, um, dead…’

I flinched under the dagger-like stare from Jimmy, realising I’d clearly failed on the comforting words front. ‘And it’s not as though anyone could ever really take over your slot,’ I added, quickly. ‘There’ll only ever be one Jimmy Mack. I mean, who could ever replace you?’

He sighed, stretching his arms up above his head, looking marginally appeased. I was beginning to realise that Jimmy had an ego to match his huge talent.

‘Hmm, I suppose, you’re right.’

‘Of course, I am.’ I patted his hand again, in a move that was becoming second nature to me. ‘More urgently though, we need to work out what we’re going to do about…, um, moving you on. Getting you to the right place. You won’t want to be hanging around here for any length of time.’

Jimmy shrugged, unconcerned, looking as if it wouldn’t actually be the worst thing in the world.

‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘I’m sure it’s just a minor hiccup. When you think about it, the amount of through traffic being handled on a daily basis, this sort of thing is bound to happen occasionally. I’ll probably be moved on in a day or two.’

A day or two? I was hoping for an hour at the most. Much more of this and my nerves would be frazzled to pieces.

I sighed, taking the remote control from Jimmy’s hold and switched off the telly.

‘Hey, what did you do that for?’

‘Well, it can’t do you any good seeing all that stuff? It must be very upsetting knowing you’re leaving all your friends and family behind. Seeing them so distraught too. It isn’t helping anyone. Your parents…’

Tears rushed to my eyes and I blinked them away. What had Jimmy done to be landed with me; a simpering blubbering mess, but I simply couldn’t bear it. To think of his poor mum and dad waiting expectantly at home for their son to arrive for what should have been a celebratory event, only to receive instead the most unwelcome visitor on their doorstep; a police officer bearing bad news; it was too much to contemplate.

‘Hey.’ He jumped up and wrapped his arms around me. I sighed, his embrace feeling strange but oddly comforting, the very tips of my fingers and toes tingling in expectation. I couldn’t remember the last time a man held me that way. He pulled back, holding my face captive in his hands, his look beseeching.

‘Don’t cry. Not for me.’ I took a deep breath, taking in his earthy masculine scent, his face dangerously close to mine. ‘I’m here, aren’t I?’ He pulled away, holding out his arms wide. ‘Not exactly in the peak of health admittedly, but I’m here.’

When he laughed his deep grey eyes twinkled like stars in the night sky. It went a small way to making me feel better.

‘Yes, but, it’s so sad…’ Now, I couldn’t help the big gulping sobs that had been bubbling in my chest from erupting.

‘No, not really. It’s kind of hard to explain, but it all feels perfectly natural when it happens to you. As if it’s the right thing at the right time. Do you know what I mean? I’ve always believed that things happen for a reason and this just proves it! Sure, it’s tough for the people left behind but it’s something they’ll work through. And really, if you’ve ever held anyone close to your heart, you know that you’ll never completely leave them behind just because you die. I’ll get together again with them all one day, you can bet your life on it.’

I screwed my face up in disbelief.

‘Sorry,’ he held up his hands, ‘not the best turn of phrase. But really, it’s no big deal.’

No big deal? It was the biggest thing that had ever happened in my life. And I hadn’t even known Jimmy before he died. My whole body trembled with shock and terror.

‘But what about your mum and dad? Your friends? Was there anyone special?’ I asked, my mind rushing in each and every direction.

He dropped his head to one side, giving me a quizzical look.

‘A girlfriend?’ I said tentatively. I was pretty certain he wasn’t gay, although now, as he observed me thoughtfully, I wondered for the briefest moment if I’d got him all wrong.

‘Oh, no, there isn’t anyone, no one special at least.’ He looked wistful for a moment. ‘Mum and Dad,’ he stuttered, ‘they’ll find this hard, but they will get through it. They’re very strong together and they have lots of support around them. They’ll beOK. In time.’

Sadness washed over me. There was nothing I could do for him nor his loved ones left behind. I felt totally helpless. Jimmy was putting on a good show of coping, but his underlying vulnerability was tangible. There must be something I could do to help. Restlessness made me itchy.

‘Well, we can’t just sit around here waiting for the ghost train to turn up. We have to do something. Find out how we can get you sent on your way to your rightful place in the … in the, um, universe.’

‘Great! And you have some ideas on how we might do that then?’

‘No, not yet. But how difficult can it be?’

Jimmy shrugged, his dark eyebrows shooting high up into his forehead.

‘Tomorrow, we’ll get started,’ I said, sounding much more confident than I felt. ‘We’ll do some research, there must be oodles of stuff on the internet about it.’

‘Yeah, I bet,’ said Jimmy doubtfully. ‘There is one thing you could do for me before then though.’

‘Yes, of course.’

‘Do you have anything to eat?’

‘You’re hungry?’ I asked, my lip curling involuntarily in disbelief.

‘Are you kidding? I’m bloody ravenous. I’ve had a heavy day out there.’

My mind did a quick inventory of the contents of my larder. I hadn’t been food shopping in days, but I knew there was a loaf of bread and some bacon in the fridge.

‘How does a bacon sandwich sound?’

‘Heavenly!’ he sighed with an enormous grin.

A ghost with a sense of humour, a possessive regard of my remote control and a healthy appetite, sitting large as life in my living room, was something that might take a bit of getting used to, but I supposed sharing a bacon sarnie and a cup of tea would be a good place to start.