Читать книгу The Little Relationship Book - Jim Brodie - Страница 3

It is a common misconception that people believe they need to change into the person they think their partner wants them to be. Quite the contrary, what do you think attracted them to you in the first place?

No doubt adjustments will need to be made that are common courtesy but you must remain true to your real self. If you don’t, you will grow to resent the person who made you change from the person who is true to your heart. The real you deep in your core. Let me give you an example;

I have a deep love for music and have done so since I was a small child. Music is in my inner being. It is my peace, my friend and one of the key ingredients to who I actually am. How could I actually accept a partner would take that away from me. Yet many do. They are so intent on pleasing their new partner that they give up things that are part of them. Things that in some cases mean more than the person they are now seeing. Then they live for years with a piece of them missing. Part of their inner core is missing and they will slowly grow to resent whoever or whatever took that away until one day it will come back to haunt them. The other danger is that at some point they will revert to their core self and resume their passion for what was taken away. Some call it a mid life crisis. At that point your partner may discover you are not the person they thought you were and this could also present a relationship problem.

Case in point. My wife does not like the same music as me, she listens to music however is not a musician like myself. For over a decade she has accepted that I have a passion for music and also accepts that I am out most weekends until the early hours with my band. She sees the absolute joy music gives me and it is something she cannot change.

In other cases when middle aged people get together sometimes you find one has young children while the other’s children are adults and have left home. This can be a major challenge for the person who’s children have left because quite often they feel they have done their child raising and it is time for other things in life. I have known friends who have ended relationships with people they love deeply or are very fond of because of this situation. It is a very tough decision for them however I applaud their honesty and courage. It really comes down to the fact that if it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t work out. There is no blame or shame though while it will hurt, it can be the right decision. In saying that though, if a person chooses to accept the other’s children, then they must be happy in that choice and accept whatever consequences, both happy and sad, go with the decision.

Be strong. The person who wants to take away your true loves may not be the perfect person for you!