Читать книгу Be With Me - J. Lynn, Lauren DeStefano, J. Lynn - Страница 8

Forrest Gump had taken up residency in my head. The words stupid is as stupid does were on repeat. I should’ve ignored Jase’s text. I should’ve agreed when he’d called himself a jackass. I should’ve called someone to come get his drunk ass. I shouldn’t have yearned for more than a kiss on the forehead. And I really shouldn’t have been lured in by anything he’d said last night, no matter how badly I wanted to believe him, because he’d been drunk.

A drunk man’s words were a sober man’s thoughts. That’s what my dad always said, but I didn’t think that was true. Not in the bright light of the morning.

I hadn’t been able to get Jase onto the couch last night. So I had ended up shoving a pillow under his head and dropping the quilt over him. I’d sat on the couch afterward, fully intending on getting up and finding my own bed, but I had gotten a bit lost watching him sleep. Like I said, stupid is as stupid does. As I studied the softness in his features that were never present while he was awake, I’d fallen asleep.

When I’d woken up Sunday morning, the quilt that I’d placed over him had been tucked around me. And the pillow had replaced the armrest. Jase had already gone.

There was a huge part of me that wanted to believe that he’d spoken the truth last night and that it meant something, because that kiss … it had been so sweet. But he’d been hammered and he wasn’t here now. I appreciated that he’d apologized. We could move forward from here and be friends, but I wanted to kick myself for rushing out in the middle of the night to talk to him like I was desperate and hoping that he’d kiss me.

On any other place except my forehead, but that had been so … so sweet.

‘Ugh.’ I dropped my head into my hands.

But I’d been so surprised by his text. Hell, I’d thought he’d purposely lost my number and … well, I was a girl. That was my excuse. We’re just friends. I kept telling myself that over and over again. I needed to get that through my thick skull.

‘You don’t look like you had a good night.’

I lifted my head at the sound of Debbie’s voice. She stood in the doorway with two cups of coffee in her hands. ‘Ahh …’

Brown hair tucked up in a neon purple clip, she shoved a warm cup into my hands. ‘Got a question.’

‘Okay.’ I sat down on my bed, crossing my legs. ‘I might have an answer.’

Toeing off her sandals, she flashed a quick grin and then dropped down on the bed opposite me. ‘So I got home this morning around … hmm, let’s say—around four A.M. and I thought my eyes must be deceiving me, because there was one Jase Winstead passed out on our floor and you were asleep on the couch, all curled up like a little babe.’

A slow burn crept across my cheeks. ‘Uh, yeah, well …’

Debbie giggled as I stumbled over my words. ‘Now, when I see Jase in unexpected places, I expect him to be in a bed and not on a floor. Just saying, but come on, spill it. What was he doing here? I saw him at the party and he didn’t look like he wanted to be there—oh! Now it makes sense!’ Her grin spread. ‘There was somewhere else he wanted to be and that was here, with you.’

That was a huge leap of logic to take. ‘It’s not like that.’ At her doubtful look, I took a sip of the sugary coffee and resisted the urge to ask what ‘unexpected places’ she had seen Jase in. ‘I’m serious. We’ve known each other for a while. You know my brother is close friends with him, right?’

‘I know who your brother is. Everyone does.’ She smoothed a hand over her bangs. ‘But I didn’t know you were good friends with Jase.’

I shrugged. ‘He was drunk, so I couldn’t let him drive home. He crashed on the couch. That’s about all. Not an exciting story to tell.’

One dark brow arched. ‘And why was he here when he was drunk?’

Fuuuuuck. Good question. I bought time by taking a nice long drink of the coffee. ‘He was seeing someone else or something. And he was drunk and texted me to say hi.’

She scrunched up her nose. ‘Well, that is boring.’

I laughed. ‘Sorry.’

‘Damn, I was hoping I was going to get some dirty details and live vicariously through you.’ She laughed when my eyes widened. ‘Come on, Jase has this … I don’t know, this intensity about him. Like he’d be the kind of guy who fucks you and changes your life.’

‘Fucks you and changes your life?’ I repeated dumbly. The few times I had sex hadn’t been that impressive. ‘That is some serious penis skills.’

Debbie laughed as she flopped onto her back, managing to hold on to her Styrofoam cup without spilling anything. ‘Penis skills? Oh my God …’

I cracked a grin as I held the cup close. ‘Erik wasn’t with you, was he?’

‘Nope.’

Tension eased out of my neck. If Erik had been, I was sure he would go back to Cam or one of the other frat brothers. ‘Can I ask you a favor? Can you not tell Erik that Jase was here? I don’t want people getting the wrong idea—’

‘Like they obviously would,’ she teased.

‘Exactly. And I wouldn’t want Cam to get ticked off for no apparent reason.’

She rolled onto her side, placing her cup on the nightstand. ‘Cam the overprotective brother type?’

I snorted. ‘You have no idea.’

‘That’s nice though, having someone looking out for you,’ she said, stretching her legs. ‘I bet he’s a pain in the ass when it comes to boyfriends.’

I took another drink and figured it was time to change the conversation. ‘Speaking of boyfriends, I’m surprised Erik didn’t come back with you.’

She bit down on her lip. ‘He wanted to go back to the party, so …’

So what Erik wanted, Erik got. Just like Jeremy. I glanced down at my cup, wanting to say something, but felt like I’d be overstepping a line. But to remain silent was killer. No one at school had asked questions when they saw Jeremy grab my arm or yell at me for the most insignificant infractions. Everyone had turned a blind eye. It was easier that way.

I squeezed my eyes shut as the feeling of helplessness returned like an old, needy friend you couldn’t get rid of. I wasn’t that girl anymore. I wasn’t a victim.

When Debbie’s phone went off, I opened my eyes to see her quickly pull it out of her pocket. ‘Hey, babe, I was—’ Her words were cut off suddenly, and I stiffened. ‘I know—yes. Yes! I just left to get some coffee. You—’ She twisted at the waist and swung her feet onto the floor. As she stood, her eyes met mine. A crimson stain swept across her cheeks. She looked away quickly as she hurried out of the room. ‘Erik, babe, I’m sorry. I didn’t know—’

She stopped at the door, bending to pick up the sandals she kicked off. Her cotton shorts rode up her thigh, revealing the skin just below her hip. I gasped, but the sound must’ve been lost in whatever Erik was saying to her.

Bruises in an array of yellow and blue marred her skin. Some old. Some so fresh, so vibrantly purple, that I knew they had to have been created within the last twenty-four hours.

Debbie straightened, sandals dangling from the tips of her fingers. ‘I’m coming over now. I just need to get gas—I know you told me to get gas last night, but it was late …’ She sucked in a breath. ‘I’m sorry.’

Pressure clamped down on my chest as I watched her close the door behind her. I closed my eyes, but I couldn’t erase what I saw or what it meant. All the bruises, a large cluster of blotches, were inflicted where they could not be normally seen.

They’d been hidden.

My shirt was already starting to cling to the middle of my back, and my right knee ached. The walk from history class in Whitehall all the way to music appreciation on west campus was truly a bitch in this heat. Even worse was the fact that if I wanted to eat anything, I would have to walk my happy ass back to east campus.

‘You should’ve taken the bus,’ Calla Fritz said, shifting her messenger-style book bag to the other shoulder. ‘There’s no reason for you to walk this far.’

‘I’m okay.’

‘My bullshit radar just went off.’ Calla tugged her long, golden ponytail out from underneath the strap of her bag. I’d only met her last week when I started class. We shared history and music together, but in the short period of time, I discovered she was pretty blunt when she wanted to be.

Besides Debbie, she was probably my only friend. I didn’t count Avery because she was my brother’s girlfriend and had to like me. Mom had said right before I left for school that some of her longest-lasting friendships started her first year in college.

I didn’t think that was going to happen for me.

Even my friendship with Sadi, and we’d been dancing together since we were five, hadn’t lasted.

‘You started limping by the time we reached the football field,’ she added.

Sweat caused my sunglasses to slip on the bridge of my nose. Pushing them up, I smiled at her. Short and curvy, Calla Fritz reminded me of one of those ’50s pinup girls. The kind of girls who’d dance burlesque and make a lot of money doing it.

But, like me, Calla was far from perfect.

A raised scar covered her left cheek, from the corner of her lips to her ear. With makeup, it was a faint mark. I didn’t know how she got it and I didn’t ask. I figured it would be something she’d volunteer.

‘I always limp,’ I told her. Hiding my gimp leg was impossible with the nice bright pink cut decorating my kneecap. I would’ve preferred to hide it, but I couldn’t stand the heat of late August. ‘And I need the exercise.’

She snorted. ‘What the hell ever, my thighs need the exercise. You need a hamburger.’

‘Have you seen my ass? It’s known a lot of hamburgers up close and personal. And it’s on speaking terms with french fries.’

‘That’s okay. My thighs make out with milkshakes.’

I laughed and then sighed as we entered the tunnel that connected the two sides of the campus. Since it was underground and lit by track lighting, it was a good twenty degrees cooler.

‘I wonder if anyone would notice if I just lay down in the middle of this?’ Calla asked.

‘Probably, but I’d be right there with you.’

Calla spent the rest of our trip bitching about the fact that she—a nursing major—had to take music appreciation. I didn’t blame her. It was an easy enough class, but not the most interesting. Our professor really didn’t apply himself. After all, almost everyone in the classroom was there because they had to be.

College was so strange. It was like high school with little to no parental influence. We still had to take classes we didn’t want to take, except we actually had to pay for them, which really kind of sucked ass.

The auditorium was half full, and we took our seats in the back. Sitting halfway down the aisle, I swallowed the groan of relief when I sat. My knee immediately thanked me. I popped my sunglasses up, cringing at the fine sheen of sweat dotting my forehead. Nothing like being a sweaty mess for class. I was so ready for fall.

‘Wake me up about ten minutes till,’ Calla said, sliding down in her seat. She kept her sunglasses on. ‘Because then I’ll feel like I attempted to pay attention.’

I grinned. ‘Will do.’

As the class filed in, I started thumbing through my notebook, searching for the section I’d been taking notes in last week. I didn’t realize anyone was heading for the unoccupied seat to my left until I heard the chair creak. I glanced over and my jaw dropped.

Jase Winstead was sprawled arrogantly in the seat beside me, long legs bent and both arms draped lazily over the back of the seats. Dressed in faded jeans and a shirt, he looked like he had every right to be there, especially with his backpack resting against one of his legs.

Except I couldn’t figure out why he was here.

A funny little half smile hitched up one corner of his lips. ‘Hi.’

I glanced around, making sure I was in the right class. Beside me, Calla stared at Jase as she removed her sunglasses. I was in the right place. ‘Hi.’

The smile spread about an inch. ‘You look surprised.’

‘I am,’ I said, snapping out of my stupor. ‘What are you doing here?’

He tapped a long finger off his notebook. ‘Had a meeting with my adviser last week to make sure I had all my credits. Turned out I still needed music appreciation, and this was the only class that wasn’t full. So I did a late add.’

Jase paused as his gaze slowly drifted over my face. His body was the epitome of relaxed, but there was an unnerving level of quiet intensity in his stare. ‘I was actually sitting in front of you. You didn’t see me, but I saw you.’

There was no way that Jase knew my schedule, and him being here had absolutely nothing to do with me or his late-night visit on Saturday. I totally knew that, but that knowledge did nothing to stop the bubbling of hope and excitement. ‘Well, that’s … um, that’s cool.’

The other side of Jase’s lips tipped up.

My cheeks heated as I hastily looked away. Okay. I could handle this. Jase and I had talked things over. We were cool. Everything was cool. We were friends. And the things he’d said and how he’d felt on top of me Saturday night didn’t matter. He had been drunk. Another mistake. I clung to that, because considering anything else was sure to bring on a world of hurting.

I peeked at him, stealing a sideways glance. His gaze was still fixed on my face, but slowly moved down to my lap. My right leg was stretched out, and the way I held my notebook did nothing to hide the length of the scar covering my knee. I felt the burn in my face deepen as I shifted my notebook to my right leg.

‘The class is really boring,’ Calla announced, shoving her hand over and drawing his attention away. ‘I’m Calla, by the way.’

He reached over with his left arm, shaking her hand as his gaze flickered across her face. His stare did not linger on her scar, and for that, he got bonus points when it came to compassion. ‘I’m—’

‘Jase Winstead,’ she said, sitting back. ‘I know you. Well, I don’t know you. I’ve heard of you.’

A faint pink stained the tops of his broad cheeks. Was he blushing? ‘You have?’ he asked.

She nodded and a private, almost knowing smile formed on her lips. ‘I think every female on this campus has heard of you.’

I rolled my eyes.

He chuckled. ‘Ah, I see …’

‘You do?’ I arched a brow.

Focusing on the front of the auditorium as the professor strode in, Jase bit down on his lower lip. There was something boyish about the action, but in a strange way, also sensual. The muscles in my stomach tightened at the sudden image of him nipping down on my lower lip like he had on my neck. The skin there tingled as a reminder. An electric-like sensation shot through my veins at the memory of how he’d rocked his hips.

Good God, I needed to get laid or something.

‘Some would say I’m quite popular …’ he remarked finally.

‘With the ladies?’ I supplied as I pulled a pen out of my bag.

Thick lashes lowered as he sent me a sideways look. ‘Maybe.’

‘Definitely,’ Calla murmured under her breath.

I grinned as Jase shifted in his seat. He was uncomfortable addressing his oh-so-stellar reputation?

Goodie gumdrops.

‘So,’ I said, unable to resist poking at him. My voice was low as the professor started to discuss the six elements of music. ‘Would these ladies have good or bad things to say about you?’

He was silent as he scribbled the words rhythm and melody in his notebook. I didn’t think he’d answer. ‘Depends on who you ask.’

‘What would it depend on?’

His grin spread on one side again. ‘Several factors, but I can assure you that most of them would have many good things to say.’ His light gray eyes sought mine out again as he bowed his head until his warm breath danced along my cheek. ‘Actually, great things.’

My heart stumbled. Was he flirting with me? I swallowed. ‘Like what kind of things?’

He didn’t answer then, so I forced myself to focus on the lecture. I could feel Calla staring at me. She had no idea how I knew Jase and probably thought I was one of the girls who had many, many good things to say about him.

I wanted to say his comment was made out of arrogance and nothing else, but knowing how damn well he kissed, I was sure that he was just as skilled at everything else. The girls were probably boasting about his prowess on Internet message boards.

Jase shifted in the seat, and I stiffened as I felt his breath on my neck, just below my ear, teasing that sensitive spot that made me want to wiggle around—the same spot he’d nipped, licked, and then kissed. In a low whisper, he said, ‘I think you know exactly what kind of things they’d say good things about.’

*

I didn’t have a single clue about what was covered during music appreciation. The awareness of how close Jase sat was wholly distracting. Every time his leg or arm brushed mine, I was completely lost.

And I had an entire semester of this to look forward to.

There was a part of me that wanted to be grumpy about that, but I’d just be lying to myself. Knowing that I’d see Jase three times a week really increased my desire to attend this class.

After all, what was wrong with admiring a little eye candy?

Jase walked out with Calla and me, and it seemed like the temp had increased by ten degrees and the sun’s strength amplified.

‘Where are you guys heading?’ Jase asked, running a hand through his mess of waves.

‘I’m heading back to my dorm,’ Calla answered as she adjusted her sunglasses. She glanced at me. ‘Aren’t you going back to east campus?’

Thinking about the torturous walk ahead, I nodded. ‘Yeah, eventually. I have a class at one in Knutti. So I have an hour to make my way over there.’

‘I can give you a ride over,’ Jase offered, stopping at the edge of the pavilion surrounding the arts department. His gaze dipped briefly, but not quick enough that I didn’t know he was checking out my leg. I stiffened. ‘I can be your personal chauffeur,’ he added with a grin that was nothing short of wicked.

For a moment, I got a little lost in that grin and the coils that formed in my tummy, but I managed to shake my head. ‘Thanks, but you don’t have to go out of your way.’

Jase waved at someone who called his name, but his attention was focused on me. ‘I’ll drive you. I’m parked over here anyway, in the back lot.’

‘But—’

‘It’s not a big deal.’ He squinted at the harsh glare off a passing car. ‘I’m heading over there anyway.’

‘That’s really nice of you,’ Calla said, sending me a look that said shut the hell up. ‘Her knee is really bothering her.’

I flushed out of embarrassment. ‘My leg isn’t bothering me that much. And I need the exercise. Walking is a good—’ I squealed as Jase hooked an arm around my waist and bent, lifting me over his shoulder like I weighed nothing more than a sack of sugar. My bag slipped off my arm, smacking the pavement. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Standing here discussing your ability to walk over to east campus in this heat makes me really impatient.’

I gripped the back of his shirt, unable to see through my hair. ‘Then leave! What the hell does that have to do with picking me up like a caveman?’

‘Because you’re not walking over there.’ He clamped his arm over the back of my thighs, dangerously close to getting hands-on with my ass. ‘That’s why.’

Calla laughed. ‘Well, that’s one way to settle the issue.’

Lifting my head, I glared at her through my hair. ‘You’re not helping.’

She smiled at me as she picked up my book bag and handed it over to Jase’s waiting hand. ‘See you later.’

‘Traitor,’ I muttered.

‘Thanks.’ Jase pivoted around, and I held on for dear life. He started walking down the road. ‘How you doing up there?’

‘How do you think?’ I snapped.

As we passed a group of students, they burst into laughter. One of the guys shouted, ‘So that’s how Jase gets his girls!’

My entire body went rigid.

He turned suddenly, causing me to squeal. Walking backward, he chuckled. ‘Some require a more hands-on approach.’

‘I’d be down for a hands-on approach,’ came a soft, feminine voice. ‘When you’re not so busy.’

I cursed.

Jase tsked as he spun. ‘Language, Tess, language.’

Holding on with one hand, I jabbed him in the kidney with my other.

‘Ouch!’

My lips split in a wide smile.

‘If my other hand was free …’

I knew exactly what he was thinking. ‘If you even consider for one second you think you can—ompf!’ I gasped at the sudden extra hop in his step. ‘You asshole.’

‘I think you do need a spanking.’

My mouth opened for a blistering response, but he’d reached his car and for some reason being spanked didn’t sound that bad. But he had to be teasing because there was no way he was going to put his hand on Cam’s little sister’s ass.

Jase dropped my bag and then opened the door. He moved his hand, and the rough calluses on his palms trailed along the back of my thighs. I shivered in spite of the heat, and mentally cursed my body’s reaction to him.

He reached up, gripping my hips. ‘You can let go of my shirt now.’

‘Oh.’ I released my grip.

His shoulders shook with a laugh, and then the front of my body slid down his. Air halted in my throat at the unexpected frisson. Awareness shimmered over certain parts of my body. My feet were on the pavement, but his hands lingered on my hips.

‘There you go,’ he said, his voice deeper than before as he dropped his hands. ‘You can climb in, right?’

Pushing the hair out of my face, I took a deep breath. ‘I’m not an invalid.’

‘I didn’t say you were.’

‘I can walk, you know, and climb into Jeeps.’

He picked up my bag, dropping it in the backseat. ‘I’m sure you can.’

When he raised an eyebrow, I realized that he was literally going to stand there until I got into the car. Sighing, I turned and climbed up. He flashed me a grin, closed the door, and then loped around the front.

He started the Jeep and warm air blasted out of the vents, stirring the hair around my face. His eyes were a clear, steely gray when they landed on me. ‘Okay. Why didn’t you want me to give you a ride?’

Seeing that all the humor had disappeared, I squirmed. ‘It’s not that I didn’t want you to give me a ride.’

‘Really?’ He reached up, unhooking his sunglasses from the visor. Sliding them up his nose, he settled back against his seat. Locks of hair fell forward, brushing the rim of the aviators.

Goodness gracious, he looked damn good in sunglasses.

Even though his eyes were shielded, there was no escaping his stare. No one looked at you like Jase Winstead did. It was like he was seeing right through me, layer by exposing layer. ‘Is it because of Saturday night? I was pretty inebriated. Shit, I don’t remember anything from the moment I stepped into your dorm.’

The back of my neck prickled. ‘Nothing?’

He shook his head. ‘So God only knows what I said and did, and I must’ve said something, because you didn’t want to get in this Jeep with me.’

Part of me wanted to punch him in the balls even though I knew beyond a doubt that he’d been drunk—drunk enough to have no recollection of telling me that I was a reason for why he’d visited Cam so much or our little interlude on the floor. It took a lot for me not to blast him over that, but what point would it serve? He’d been sloshed, and I had been the one who went out to meet him and then let him in my dorm. All this was temporary, and I couldn’t let this make an already crappy situation worse.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘You didn’t do or say anything to make me mad.’

He didn’t respond for a moment. ‘But I slept on your floor and you slept on the couch?’

‘Yeah … uh, you sort of fell down and stayed there.’ I shrugged a shoulder. ‘I fell asleep on the couch.’

‘Nice.’ He coughed out a short laugh. Several seconds passed, and I considered making a mad dash out of the car. ‘We’re friends, right?’

My heart sunk in spite of my convictions on the state of him and me. ‘Yes.’

‘Correct me if I’m wrong, friends give friends rides, right?’

I nodded, knowing where this conversation was heading.

‘So what’s the big deal?’

Looking away, I blew out a long breath. Spending any amount of time in his presence didn’t help my determination to put an end to this stupid crush, but there was another reason. ‘I don’t want people thinking …’ Picking at the hem of my shorts, I shook my head. ‘There’re a lot of things I can’t do right now—dance, work out, run, or even jog at a sedate pace. I can walk. That’s about all I can do.’

I kind of felt stupid after saying that and I doubted he’d understand how hard it was for me to go from being so active to becoming a sloth. And not even the cute baby sloths.

‘Ah, here I was thinking you were secretly hoping I’d pick you up.’ He switched gears into reverse.

I laughed. ‘Sorry to disappoint you.’

‘You’d never be a disappointment.’ Looking over his shoulder as he backed up, he smiled, and I wondered if he could see the way my pulse had jumped at his words. ‘I get what you’re saying. It’s hard when you’re used to doing something that was as common as breathing to you.’

‘It is.’ I tugged on the string dangling off my hem. ‘I miss the rush of dancing and running. You know? The energy. It’s calming and it’s just me …’ I wasn’t sure I was making any sense. ‘And I don’t have that anymore.’

Shifting into drive, he relaxed his grip on the steering wheel. He was quiet as he navigated the parking lot. ‘You know there are other things you could do.’

Like sex? I bet that was relaxing when it was all said and done.

‘You know one of the most calming things I’ve found?’ he asked, having no idea that my mind was happily playing in the gutter. ‘Horseback riding.’

I blinked. ‘Ah …’

He grinned. ‘There really isn’t anything like it. I’m telling you, Tess. You ever feel like you’re flying when you’re dancing?’

‘Yeah,’ I whispered, sort of stunned. I missed that most of all.

He nodded. ‘That’s how it feels to be on top of a horse. You should try it. I think you’d love it.’

I shifted, having no idea what to say to that. Was it an invitation to his parents’ farm? Did it matter? Getting in a saddle was tantamount to playing chicken with a pissed-off T. rex to me.

‘Hungry?’ he asked, changing the subject before I could answer. ‘I’m heading over to the Den. Cam and Avery are there. They’ve got to have better food than the dining hall.’

They did. I shrugged.

‘Come on.’ He reached over, nudging my arm. ‘Come on and eat with us.’

My lips twitched as I glanced at him. This … this was the Jase I remembered. Teasing. Open. Fun. Someone I could talk to and be honest with. As stupid as it was, I found myself wishing that he’d remembered what had happened after he stepped into my dorm. Then again, it was probably better that he didn’t. ‘I don’t want to come across as the little sister tagging along.’

‘You’re not.’

I shot him a dry as sand look. ‘I’ve tagged along half of my life. I followed him to college.’

‘You didn’t follow him, Tess.’ He paused as he slowed for the stop sign, glancing over at me. That half grin was back. ‘And guess what?’

My lips responded, curving up at the corners. ‘What?’

‘He doesn’t care if you did follow him here. He’s happy that you’re here,’ he said. ‘I don’t care if you did follow him. And I’m happy that you did.’