Читать книгу An Amish Proposal - Jo Brown Ann - Страница 13

Chapter Four

Slowly Katie Kay sank to sit on the Donnellys’ front-porch step. She’d come outside after the family had returned home. She didn’t want to ruin their excitement after their fun evening out, and she was too distressed to try to pretend she was all right.

The chilly evening wind was overwhelmed by the cold sinking deep within her as Micah’s words replayed through her mind. Daed was getting remarried? Why hadn’t someone told her? She wasn’t under the bann. She hadn’t been baptized yet, something she’d avoided discussing each time her daed had brought up the subject, so leaving wasn’t a reason to shun her. Why hadn’t one of her sisters let her know about this astonishing event?

Maybe because she hadn’t written to any of them after she left Paradise Springs and moved to Lancaster. They wouldn’t have known how to reach her.

She hid her face in her hands. While she’d been gone, it’d been easy to convince herself nothing would change here. Wasn’t that one of the reasons she’d gone? Because everything stayed the same day after day while the outside, Englisch world buzzed by at warp speed?

But she was back. If she was in Paradise Springs when the wedding was held, should she attend? Her hand slipped over her abdomen. It was flat. With the right dress, she shouldn’t have to reveal the truth in a month. She could go and see her friends and enjoy a bit of flirting and...

Those days were over. She’d put an end to them when she left Paradise Springs and sought the brighter lights and faster pace of Lancaster City.

And Micah knew the truth. He wouldn’t spread it, but it would be only a matter of time before someone else discovered she hadn’t come home alone.

Again she wanted to ask God why He had arranged for Micah to be the person whose path crossed hers. Was she being punished for being headstrong and curious about the Englischers? Hadn’t Daed taught that their Heavenly Father forgave each of them as He asked them to forgive each other?

The cold air finally drove her inside. She was relieved to discover the family had gone to bed, but loneliness riveted her. Nobody told her their plans, which was a painful reminder that she wasn’t part of this family or any other.

Tears stung her eyes. She kept them from falling as she turned off the light in the living room before creeping up the stairs. Refusing to look in the mirror over the sink, she got ready for bed. She tiptoed into Olivia’s room. The little girl was asleep, her slow, deep breaths loud in the silent room.

Katie Kay crawled into her borrowed bed. The sheets were cool, but the drops running down her cheeks seared her skin. Pressing her face to the pillow, she gave up the battle to hold in her grief.

She was alone. She and the boppli.

God is with you always. How many times had she heard that? But why would God offer her comfort when she’d turned away from the life He’d given her?

Once released, her grief and fear refused to be contained. The cotton beneath her cheek grew damp, then wet, and still her tears fell as she mourned for everything that had gone wrong in her life.

A gentle breath brushed her face in the moment before Olivia whispered, “No sad, Kay-Kay.” Her tiny hand patted Katie Kay’s arm. “No cry, Kay-Kay. Please.”

Katie Kay was startled. She hadn’t heard the little girl get up. Olivia must have been woken by her sobs. Another mistake to add to her long list.

Rolling over to face the kind, Katie Kay whispered, “Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?”

“You sad. Wanna hug? A hug makes it better.” She held up her short arms.

Suddenly Katie Kay couldn’t imagine anything she wanted more than comfort from one small kind. Olivia’s solace was offered with no strings attached other than her heartstrings, which had been touched by Katie Kay’s weeping.

Katie Kay swung her legs over the side of the bed. Picking up the little girl, she set Olivia beside her. Holding out her own arms, she gathered the kind close. The aroma of Olivia’s flowery shampoo swirled through her senses as she welcomed the hug.

“Danki,” she murmured into the kind’s silken red hair.

“That means ‘thank you,’ doesn’t it?” Olivia stared at her. “You talk like Uncle Micah.”

“I do...sometimes.”

“Will you teach me to talk like you?”

“If your mamm—your mother—says it’s okay.” She brushed her tears aside as a smile edged along her lips. Spending time with the inquisitive little girl would help her to stop thinking about her troubles...she hoped.

“Mamm. Mommy. Mamm. Mom.” Olivia giggled and then clamped her pudgy hands over her mouth. Whispering again, she said, “Sounds the same.”

“The words do, don’t they?” She lifted the kind off the bed. “You should get back to bed.”

“Mommy sleeps with me when I’ve gots a bad dream. I stay with you.”

Katie Kay bit her lip to keep it from trembling as a new storm of tears filled her eyes. She watched Olivia run to her own bed and collect her pillow. The little girl put it next to Katie Kay’s before clambering to sit beside her.

Lying down, Katie Kay blinked hard when the little girl embraced her again. She closed her eyes as she leaned her head on the kind’s soft hair. She wasn’t sure which of them fell asleep first.

* * *

The hope that things would be better after a gut night’s sleep had been as unreasonable as Katie Kay’s expectation that Austin would do the right thing and apologize. Though Olivia’s kindness had allowed her to find sleep, reality reared its ugly head again the next morning.

Nothing had changed.

Katie Kay woke with a groan. She heard sounds of the household getting ready for another day. Olivia had returned to her bed sometime during the night, but she was already out of the room. Alone, Katie Kay was tempted to pull the pillow over her head and stay in bed until everyone else left.

Facing Gemma and Sean after last night was impossible. Their acceptance seemed to make the whole situation worse. Everyone was being kind to her. Even Micah, though he’d been blunt about why he’d proposed. But he’d been trying to be nice to her. He hadn’t wanted her to have any illusions about why he was proposing.

She couldn’t stay in bed. Getting up, she dressed in the clothes Gemma had lent to her. They didn’t fit well, and Katie Kay knew—sooner or later—she needed to return to Lancaster and collect her things from Austin’s apartment. She wasn’t sure when he’d be there. He hadn’t worked in the past month. Not like Micah who was successful in his business with Sean Donnelly.

She crossed her arms in front of her as she stared at Olivia’s empty bed. She didn’t want to think about Micah. It was easier to be angry at him than to wonder what she’d do now that she hadn’t accepted his proposal. There had to be someone who’d help.

Because you’re cute and a flirt, but you’ll soon be fat and nobody will want to flirt with you.

She hated her conscience, but she wouldn’t be forced into a loveless marriage. Maybe, before she had told Micah that she didn’t want to spend time with him anymore, it might have been possible for her to accept his offer.

Not now.

Not after the cruel and taunting words she’d fired at him.

“Good morning, Katie Kay,” called Gemma from the bedroom doorway. She held a bundle of dirty laundry in front of her. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Fine,” she replied, but her stomach roiled as she stood, countermanding her words. Putting her hand over her mouth, she ran to the bathroom.

It was almost ten by the time Katie Kay got downstairs. She glanced toward the kitchen, but the idea of breakfast was nauseating. She’d wait for lunch, and maybe her stomach would have settled by then.

Gemma smiled when Katie Kay came into the living room. “Just in time. You can join us.”

“Us?” She glanced around the room, which was empty except for her and her hostess.

“My young mothers’ prayer group.” Gemma hurried on, warning Katie Kay that her pulse of dismay had been visible on her face. “It’s okay. There aren’t any plain women among my prayer group friends. I doubt any of them know folks from your district.”

“I don’t want to intrude.”

“You won’t.” She smiled. “And lurking around in the kitchen will rouse their curiosity. Why don’t you join us?”

Katie Kay was tempted to be honest and state she was uncomfortable joining an Englisch prayer group. She bit her lip. Until she made up her mind where she intended to live and how, she shouldn’t close any doors or alienate anyone, especially the Donnellys, who’d welcomed her as if they’d been friends for years.

She helped Gemma put out plates of cookies and make coffee and tea for the members of the prayer circle. She watched Olivia, hoping the little girl hadn’t said anything to her mamm about Katie Kay’s tears last night. Olivia seemed focused on playing with her little brother, Jayden, as they built buildings out of wooden logs and filled them with plastic horses in the most outrageous pastel shades. They giggled and jumped around as if they were riding the horses.

Gemma paused in her preparations when Olivia dropped her plastic pony and began to cough. Pulling an inhaler out of the pocket of the shirt that was taut across her belly, she inserted it into a tube. She held the tube to Olivia’s mouth and told her daughter to breathe deeply. Pressing the inhaler, she calmed the little girl as the medicine hissed into the tube and was drawn into Olivia’s mouth and lungs. They repeated the procedure a second time before Gemma led her kind into the kitchen and had her wash her mouth out with clean water.

“She has asthma,” Gemma said when she caught Katie Kay watching. “When she plays too hard, sometimes she has an attack. Thank the good Lord, her inhaler takes care of it as long as we get to her fast.”

“Do you always carry an inhaler?”

She smiled. “Always, and Sean keeps one in the truck.” She continued chatting as she finished getting everything ready for her guests.

Katie Kay wanted to tell Gemma she understood what it was like having a special needs kind in the house, but such a discussion would have to wait.

The other five women began arriving just before eleven, and each of them seemed to accept Gemma’s explanation that Katie Kay was a guest from out of town. The women ranged in age from younger than Katie Kay to their midthirties.

Sitting in the living room, she listened as they spoke about the challenges they faced as mothers. Would she be confronted with the same problems? Not the ones where the women were concerned about their husbands, who were struggling, too, to understand the changes a boppli could bring to their lives. When the women bowed their heads to pray, so did Katie Kay, but her heart remained closed. She wasn’t sure what would happen if she opened it to God. Would He turn His back on her as Austin had? And as Micah had when she turned down the proposal he’d made out of obligation?

She was surprised that Micah’s actions bothered her more than Austin’s. It had to be a sign she was too distraught to think clearly.

Katie Kay breathed a sigh of relief when the women turned to the refreshments and conversation. She had the excuse to bring coffee and tea to serve to Gemma’s guests. They thanked her and tried to make her feel welcome, but she sensed the questions they didn’t utter. She kept up an easy patter to defuse their curiosity.

When everyone was served, she took her chair again and selected a chocolate chip cookie from the plate on the coffee table. Suddenly she was starving. A gut sign because her hunger should mean the day’s nausea was over.

Gemma’s youngest, Jayden, toddled to his mamm and climbed onto her lap. Gemma continued her story without a pause but drew the little boy close to her. When he seemed to reshape himself so he could lean against her distended stomach, Katie Kay was startled by her surprising sense of longing.

Would the boppli inside her ever reach out to her with such innocent love as Jayden did?

“Mommy gots baby.” Jayden patted her stomach and grinned while everyone chuckled.

Sliding off her lap, he went to the brunette whom Katie Kay thought was named Roberta. He tapped her belly as he had Gemma’s.

“Gots baby?” he asked.

That brought more laughter, because Roberta looked ready to go into labor at any second.

He started to move to the next woman, who held her hands in the air and laughed, “No, Jayden. I don’t ‘gots baby.’ Not yet anyhow.”

“No baby?” His pudgy face dropped as he turned to Katie Kay.

As she tensed, Gemma scooped him up and cradled him as if he were a boppli. “That’s enough, young man.”

Katie Kay hoped nobody heard her soft sigh of relief that Gemma had halted him before he asked if she had a baby. Too many people already knew. She trusted the Donnellys and Micah to keep her secret, but the more people who discovered she was pregnant, the greater the likelihood that they’d slip and word of her condition would reach her family.

They couldn’t know until she told them.

Whenever that might be.