Читать книгу Overcoming School Refusal - Joanne Garfi - Страница 8
ОглавлениеWhy do children refuse to go to school?
Children refuse to go to school for many reasons. It is important, where possible, that we try to identify the factors that lead to the disengagement. The factors discussed in this chapter are in no way exhaustive, but may help narrow down the possible causes.
Fearing the loss of a parent
We often see this fear occur when a child has been separated from a parent (or parents) due to hospitalisation or when one parent has left the family home for an extended period of time and then returns (i.e., to serve in the military). As our natural instincts are to remain close to our parents, as they are directly responsible for our survival, we cling to that parent once they return for fear that they will leave again. In the nonclinically anxious child, this fear of loss passes as the child slowly comes to realise that the parent is no longer at risk of leaving. However, for the clinically anxious child this fear remains and affects their ability to engage in normal daily activities that require separation from that parent. Family breakdown can also create this fear of loss as the child fears that their remaining parent will also leave.
Needing to protect a parent
Children also need to know that their parents are safe. If a child has witnessed or heard family violence, their fear for the abused parent will escalate. Remaining at home, especially if the abuser is at home during school hours (due to unemployment or shift work), is one way to minimise the threat. The child, in effect, takes on the role of protector. Alternatively, the child may stay at home in the belief that they can help a sick or grieving parent; therefore, becoming the parent’s nurse or counsellor. For example, a child may stay at home to keep mum company after parents have separated because they have seen mum cry when she is alone but perk up when she sees the child.
Jealousy
School refusal can be brought on by jealousy. This is especially true if another sibling is at home for health reasons and is seen to be having fun while they recuperate. A good example of this might be: a sibling being at home with chickenpox and mum taking time off work to care for the sick child. The child attending school then discovers that mum has been baking goodies and playing with the sick child while the well child is expected to go to school. Becoming ‘sick and anxious’ is a nice way of joining in on the fun. Similarly visitors from interstate or overseas can trigger the desire to spend more time at home with them, especially if parents or older siblings have taken time off work.
Family dysfunction
Dysfunction within the family could include parents arguing, older siblings or parents with mental health or physical ailments, an unemployed parent who is lonely, or a pet that is sick. Whether real or perceived the child believes that remaining at home will help alleviate these issues; therefore, the child will create symptoms that facilitate their carer role.
Transition
Any change from old and comfortable to new and challenging can produce very high levels of anxiety particularly for the clinically anxious child. For example, moving to a new school and leaving behind well-known teachers, friends and surroundings can produce such turmoil and distress that the child cannot bring themselves to start anew. This is why appropriate care must be taken when children are involved in a major life transition. Where possible, the child should be encouraged to visit their new school several times and be provided with buddies who will communicate on a regular basis to help the child integrate more easily once they move to their new school. Letters of welcome, video calls from students and teachers can make this transition significantly less stressful and even enjoyable. If the transition is to a new home then the child should be involved and included in moving and setting up their room. This process eases the child into their new surroundings and produces less stress.
Recent illness
The illness could be short or long term. Sometimes a week off school with a cold can be enough to trigger an unwillingness to return to school, especially if predisposing issues were already present before the illness. For example, poor grades, bullying, or fights with a best friend. Get well cards from classmates, phone calls from the class teacher, visits from school friends, can all go a long way towards making the return to school more pleasurable. Where complex issues exist, every effort should be made to rectify these before the child returns to school. Extra help for poor grades must be provided, bullying issues must be addressed, and friendship issues resolved. A return to school may still be stressful but if all known issues have been addressed this stress should be short lived.
Being bullied
Bullying is an important school refusal factor to investigate carefully as children will often not tell teachers or parents that they are being bullied for fear of retribution when the bully is confronted. It is our role as parents and carers to be aware of subtle changes in the child that could suggest bullying. For example, is the child exhibiting:
• suddenly walking around the school alone at recess and lunch or seen hiding away in toilets or the library
• soiling or wetting pants, especially in younger children
• onset of sleep disturbance
• weight loss or weight gain
• unexplained bouts of crying or aggressive outbursts
• difficulty concentrating in class
• showing overt fear/anxiety when the bell for recess and lunchtime sounds.
We need to remember that staying home and facing a parent’s wrath is easier than having to face more bullying. Bully busting strategies as suggested by Evelyn Field in her book Bully Busting1 might be a good place to start if bullying is suspected as the underlying cause for school refusal.
Not having friends
Children may tell parents they have many friends but in reality will walk around the schoolyard alone because they have fought with friends or struggle to make friends. This is especially true of children diagnosed with ASD as they often have difficulty reading social situations and are unsure of how one goes about making and keeping a friend. The introduction of friendship groups at recess and lunch breaks can help all these children and can reflect popular activities at the time (e.g., a fidget spinner championship, an Australian Ninja obstacle course, a chess club, a gardening group), anything that encourages children to congregate together and discuss a common activity. Social Skills groups are also helpful and although we often believe that Social Skills groups are reserved for children with ASD they can be just as effective with shy, anxious children who lack the confidence and skills to make friends. While it is important for parents to ask about their child’s playmates and daily interactive activities, it is equally important that teachers on lunch and recess duty be mindful not only of the loud and disruptive child in the playground but also of the child who is timid and withdrawn and causes no disruption but is at risk of disengagement.
Not getting on with a teacher
Although teachers do their utmost to get along with all students, clashes of personality do occur. It may be possible that a particular teaching style does not work well with the school refuser’s personality or there is a history of conflict between teacher and student. As one would expect, this is more common in older students and is often evidenced by the student attending class on the days they DO NOT have their disliked teacher. If this is the likely cause, it may be wise to consider a class change or encourage open discussion between the teacher and student with support people present for both the student and teacher.
Learning deficits
School is supposed to be challenging and engaging but for the child with learning deficits, school can become a nightmare. Struggling to understand concepts and keep up with class demands is a common reason for children to disengage from school. Parents and teachers will often overlook the possibility of learning deficits if the child has previously been on par with peers, but we must keep in mind that deficits can sometimes be hidden until the child’s ability is exceeded by demand. In these cases a comprehensive educational assessment before re-engagement in school could aid to identify deficit areas and make a return to school more rewarding.
Fitting in
