Читать книгу Pigs - Johanna Stoberock - Страница 7

The pigs ate everything. Kitchen scraps. Bitter lettuce from the garden. The stale and sticky contents of lunch boxes kids brought home from school. Toe nail clippings. Hair balls pulled up from the drain. After the pigs were done, there weren’t even any teeth left over, not even any metal from cavities filled long ago.

They lived in a pen out back. The land was rocky but spacious, and the pen had been tucked in a corner out of sight for more years than any of the children could remember. It was made out of wood, gray splintered boards nailed together in a haphazard way. Every five feet, the wood was anchored by posts. When you stood by the fence, the pigs lumbered over, grunting, and stuck their snouts out between the rickety slats. It wasn’t always that they expected food. Sometimes they just wanted their snouts scratched. Sometimes they just grunted happily and settled back down in the shade. There were six of them. They never fought. They seemed to smile when you approached. But you had to be quick. If you brought a bucket of slop and poured it out too slowly without moving your hand away, you never knew what could happen.

Luisa was missing a finger. Not an important one. Just her left hand pinky, where she hadn’t moved away quickly enough one hot summer afternoon when she was feeding them shoes. It was summer every afternoon there. Soft and lazy and slow. The pinky came off in one clean bite before she even realized what was happening. She left with a feeling of shame, like it had been her fault the pig grabbed her finger. She wrapped her hand in her skirt and kept her mouth shut, and the stub didn’t start hurting until she lay down for the night.

The land was actually an island. The island was surrounded by water that glinted green in the sun and clouded to gray in the shade. Some might have let the pigs run free, feral among the scrubby bushes. The pigs could have rooted happily for mushrooms or truffles, found entire brambles of berries to eat, and maybe left the children alone. They could have gobbled up the entire world’s detritus without anyone’s help. But the grown-ups preferred the pigs confined. They preferred the relative safety of the fence.

Luisa had lived on the island forever, or for as long as she could remember, which was the same as forever. There were other children too, three of them. Andrew, who sang in his sleep and had straw-colored hair. Mimi, who was older, or at least taller, than the rest, and who liked to pretend she knew much more about the world than anyone else, and who couldn’t grow her hair long no matter how hard she tried. There was even a toddler. They called her Natasha. Her head was covered with loose blonde curls. She couldn’t have been more than three, and she giggled every time she heard the grunting of the pigs.

They were all afraid of the gray water, of the sea in a mood of despair. It wrapped the island like a scarf made of grief. It made you choke with tears to touch it.

The children slept together in a whitewashed, one-room hut. They each had a space on the floor. It was comfortable and clean, and they were so used to each other that they never felt crowded. Mimi sometimes said she was getting older and needed more space, but the rest of them were happy to move over and let her have it. They didn’t have beds, but they’d never heard of beds, and who needed beds anyway? They had blankets. They had pillows. They had mice that skittered along the edges of the room and ate breadcrumbs from the tips of their fingers.

The children ate fish for dinner every night. They picked berries and searched for bird eggs and kept watch from high rocks for sails and garbage on the horizon. Except for Luisa. The distance always blurred for her. Sometimes she wished she could get out on the water, get up close to those ships and find out where they came from. There was no way to tell from far away. But it was just a dream, and she never mentioned it to any of the others. Even in her head, she couldn’t figure out how to make a seaworthy craft.

It didn’t take long for Luisa’s finger to heal into a nice, neat stump. She rubbed it sometimes, and whispered to herself that it was time to grow up and stop being clumsy. She tripped over things easily. She didn’t notice roots or loose rocks or places where the earth buckled. She’d kick the ground in frustration and end up hurting her own foot. It was her fault she’d lost a finger. The pigs were fast, but if she’d been a little more agile they’d have snapped at air. She wondered what she’d tasted like. She hoped she’d tasted good, but not so good that the pig would want more. She tried to remember which one it was that had snapped at her, but even though she was pretty sure it was the one with black spots, she wasn’t sure enough to say.

Sometimes the children tested what the pigs would eat. The leather flaps of shoe tongues. The bent frames of glasses. Mardi Gras beads. Tin cans. Pistols. Cap guns. There seemed to be no limit to their appetite. The children would stand a few feet away from the fence and toss whatever they were testing high into the air. The pigs moved with an unexpected grace, opening their long mouths and catching whatever came sailing down directly between their teeth. The pigs were remarkable. The children watched them with amazement, their own mouths open, their hands, now empty, coming together of their own will to clap. Hub caps. The tassels off bicycle handlebars. Empty jars of mayonnaise. Gone, all gone in seconds.

The grown-ups on the island frowned at the children and never even pretended to help them with their chores. They drank espresso and smoked cigarettes and plugged their noses dramatically whenever the children got too close. As far as the children could tell, the grown-ups never cooked.

“It’s not that they don’t know how,” Mimi said. She grabbed every opportunity to be the expert. “It’s that they don’t need to. Food appears. Why should they slave over a hot stove?”

“But what do they do?” Luisa said. “What do they talk about all day long?”

“Do they ever watch the pigs?” Andrew asked.

Natasha gulped and puffed out her toddler cheeks.

Nobody had the courage to ask. When Natasha fell into the gray water and came out covered in spots and filled with an unquenchable thirst for a parent that even Mimi couldn’t solve, the grown-ups flinched at the sight of her.

“What are they here for?” Luisa said. Sometimes she thought, “Maybe we should just feed them to the pigs.”

Ships passed by from time to time. Usually large cargo ships, but sometimes ocean liners. It was possible the island looked beautiful from a distance. When a ship edged onto the horizon, the children ran to the top of the highest rock and waved. They made Andrew take his shirt off, and Mimi circled it above her head. They didn’t shout—they knew their voices weren’t strong enough to carry all that way, and they didn’t really want the grown-ups to hear them, not that the grown-ups had ever shown they’d cared. But this was private, and they’d agreed to do it in silence. Only once it seemed that they’d been sighted, but the only difference it made was that a barrel washed up on shore instead of the usual junk. They spent an entire day trying to pry it open, and when they finally got inside, all they found was another child. Sleeping.

His name was Eddie. If there had been a mirror, Luisa would have known immediately that he was her twin. As it was, she had to rely on the other children to tell her, and even then, she couldn’t believe she looked anything like this pale, sleeping kid. His hands looked like they were made of wax. She couldn’t imagine him ever doing work. It took him a long time to wake up. He didn’t know how he’d gotten inside the barrel. He had a hard time remembering how to talk. He was even more afraid of the water than the rest of them, and when the pigs saw him, they went absolutely wild.

“Don’t get too close,” Luisa told him. “They think you’re food. They don’t know you yet. Stand back and throw this over the fence.” She handed him a stale turkey sandwich, but instead of tossing it, he opened his mouth and took an enormous bite.

Mimi hit him hard across the head. “Are you crazy?” she said. “You don’t eat what’s meant for the pigs. My whole time here, I’ve never seen a kid stupid enough to do that. Spit it out. Spit it out right now and see if you can fix the idiot thing you’ve done.” She held her hand out. He turned away from her and kept chewing.

The pigs were rushing back and forth, throwing themselves against the fence. Natasha started crying. Andrew picked apricots off the closest tree and threw them in to try to calm the pigs down. They jumped for the fruit, and it seemed they jumped higher than anyone had ever seen them jump before. They practically looked like ballet dancers. Any higher, and they’d be over the fence.

“Throw them the sandwich,” Mimi said again. But Eddie stuffed the last piece in his mouth, turned his back to the pigs, and headed up the path to the hut.

When the other children got back, they found him trying to push the boards of the barrel back together. In their rush and difficulty to get it open, they had pulled out nails and splintered the wood. Now Eddie seemed to think, incorrectly, that there was some possibility of repair.

“You can’t leave,” Mimi said. “It doesn’t work that way.”

Luisa tried to speak more softly. After all, they told her he was her twin. “It’s not so bad,” she said. “I’ll take you for a walk this afternoon. There are a lot of nice things to see. And you can tell us what it’s like off the island. You can tell us what we’re missing.”

Eddie shrugged. He walked into the hut and curled up and went to sleep.

Luisa muttered under her breath that she’d been trying to be nice. She stamped her foot on the ground and yelped when she twisted an ankle.

The grown-ups were even less interested in the new boy than in the other children. They didn’t seem to think he’d last. They glanced at him sideways, lit new cigarettes, reapplied lipstick, poured themselves martinis, and continued with their conversations.

“In Costa Rica, can you believe it?”

“An ecolodge? Are you kidding me? You should see her in shorts.”

“They say nobody goes to Paris anymore.”

“Who does? Paris is immortal.”

Their talk was as constant a murmur as the lapping of waves from the ocean. Like the ocean, it often sparkled. And like the ocean, it had gray moments from which the children knew they must stay away.

“She said I looked fat.”

“What should we do to her?”

“I haven’t decided yet. But something.”

When the tone shifted, the children knew to run.

There was a cave at the far end of the island. The children didn’t think the grown-ups knew about it—why would they? The grown-ups never scurried through the underbrush. If they couldn’t reach a place using carefree, elegant strides, they didn’t go. It was a rule among the children not to wonder out loud about what the grown-ups did when the children were hiding in the cave. If they’d been brave enough to use their voices in the dark there, they might have said pedicures. Or maybe salsa classes. Or yoga. But hunting? The children might think it, but they would never let the words pass their lips. If they didn’t say it, it probably couldn’t be true.

The cave was long and narrow, black as a heart inside, cold and hollow and dense, and it offered shelter against the shifts in the outside world. A gray ocean? Head to the cave. A sea-change in tone? Head to the cave. A loose pig? It had never happened, but if it did, the cave seemed the best bet. The pigs probably wouldn’t eat stone. They’d probably eat all of the island’s vegetation before sinking their teeth into the boulder that the children had ready to roll across the opening. Each child had a space to sleep in the cave, the way they each had a space to sleep on the floor of the hut. They brought clay jugs filled with water and hid them in the darkest part. The grown-ups didn’t notice the jugs were missing, and that made the children feel subversive and dirty, but it also made them feel safe.

“We need the water,” Mimi said. “They’re not going to help us if the pigs get loose. They must have some escape plan without us. If one of those pigs gets out, we’d be done without a plan.”

So there it was: a cold dark security blanket hidden at the island’s far end that they treasured as much as they treasured whatever other secrets were buried in each of their hearts. The grown-ups might control them. The grown-ups might sit back while they worked. The grown-ups might laugh when they were in pain. But the children had a plan. They had a shelter that they could hide in forever, if it came to that.

They couldn’t decide what to tell Eddie about the cave. He didn’t seem trustworthy. He didn’t seem anything at all, actually, with his big silent sandwich-chewing mouth and his nose sprouting the first traces of acne and his hands that had clearly never done work in their life and his eyes that looked back at Luisa’s with a gaze she hoped she didn’t have herself. It was empty. She didn’t feel empty. She felt as though everything she’d ever fed to the pigs had settled inside her as well. Maybe she wasn’t seeing him accurately—every day the world seemed blurrier even than it had before. But it was hard to mistake emptiness, no matter how bad your vision.

It turned out that they never actually had to make a decision because Eddie made it for them. Three days after he arrived, on a gray, cloudy day, he took a long stick and carried it to the ocean and started poking at the water. He probably thought he was looking for crabs. He might have been watching ripples spread out in circles. Whatever it was, the sea didn’t like it and Luisa, watching him secretly from not too far away, noticed tendrils twisting their way up toward his hand. He was as oblivious to them as he was to everything else, and she had to run forward to stop him. She stumbled—it seemed like there were roots everywhere just waiting for her—but she righted herself and got to him in time. She knocked the stick away, grabbed his arm, and, before he could push her off, jerked him away from the water.

“You can’t poke at the ocean,” she said. “Look at the mood you’ve put it in.” He didn’t say anything in response. He never said anything. He just stared at her and then looked away. “You’ll get a rash. Or something else. You should see Natasha’s scars from the last time she touched it. And she wasn’t even poking. She was just trying to play. Come on.”

She pulled him and when he didn’t move, she pulled him again harder. This time he pulled back, and then he pushed her off and she shoved him hard and he stumbled back and then his feet were in the water. Up to his ankles. Splashing up to his knees. The water gripped him and tried to pull him deeper. And he screamed. And his scream was louder than any scream Luisa had ever heard. And as soon as he screamed the water turned darker, and she heard a drum start beating up in the hills. The sea started heaving, gray and angry, and she screamed, too. The entire island seemed to hold its breath. Eddie’s face was pale and his mouth twisted, and he struggled to get out of the water. His screams were steady now, like they’d never end, and Luisa splashed in herself and yanked him toward the sand. Her wet legs burned. Her throat got tight. A sob pushed through her lips, but she sucked it back in and pulled and pulled until they both fell backward onto the sand, away from the water. The water, like tongues, licked just inches away. She’d pushed him in. What had she done? She couldn’t hold the sobs back now.

A laugh carried down from the villa where the grownups lived. A laugh, and then a shriek.

“We have to run,” she said.

Eddie looked at her. Red welts were forming on his legs. He leaned over and vomited.

“Run now,” she said. “They’re going hunting. We’ve got to go.”

She dragged him by the arm and this time he followed, whimpering but moving fast.

The other kids were already in the cave by the time they got there. They helped Luisa push Eddie inside, and then, all together, they rolled the boulder across the opening. Darkness closed around them. Silence. They were used to it, and they didn’t even try to whisper. They could wait it out. They’d waited it out before. The sun would come back out. The sea would turn bright blue again. The grown-ups would realize they all just needed a nap. Just be quiet, they all thought inside their heads. Just wait and don’t make a sound.

Luisa’s whole body ached, but she bit her lip and kept her mouth shut. Then, from nowhere, but really from Eddie, a moaning rose. It was like the wind. It was like the water. It was like a car that hadn’t been started in a long time, whose engine wasn’t sure it would ever turn again.

“Shut up,” Mimi said.

“They’ll hear us,” Andrew said.

The moaning kept on.

“So your legs hurt,” Luisa hissed. “Mine hurt too. It’s your own fault, anyway. The water was clearly gray. You have to stay away from it when it’s like that. If you hadn’t been poking at it, we wouldn’t be here. Shut up.”

They couldn’t silence him. In the dark, with all five crowded together, they couldn’t figure out who was Eddie, and they kept slapping their hands across each other’s mouths. They had no idea how long it went on until they heard a voice, exhuberant and adult, just outside the cave.

“By golly, I think I’ve found them,” they heard.

“Not really? You’ve found the little scamps?”

“Do you hear that moaning? The new boy must not realize he’s in hiding. What luck!”

Luisa shivered. Her finger throbbed. The languorous adult conversations were never supposed to directly involve them. They cowered toward the back of the cave and tried to turn to stone themselves.

“Roll back that rock,” a voice said.

“But my nails. I’ve just had them done.”

“Use this crowbar I happen to have with me.”

“You’re so handy.”

“You’re so lovely.”

From just beyond the boulder came the sounds of kissing. The children felt a collective “ugghh” pass through them, but they knew control, and only Eddie made a sound. It was another moan, but they could translate it easily: “Let me go home,” the moan said. “I want to go home.”

Then came a scraping and some grunts of hard work, and then the stone rolled back.

Daylight invaded. The smell of thyme and lavender. The squeals, far away, of pigs. And then, blocking the light, platinum blonde hair pulled back, the scarlet-lipped face of one of the grown-ups appeared, smiling, teeth so white they might as well have been painted.

“I’ve got them,” she sang. She reached her hand out quicker than a whip, pressing her nails into Luisa’s upper arm. “Come out, darling.” Luisa found herself hurled into the open air, into the light, into a giant net as if she were a butterfly. One by one she was joined by the other children, until even Eddie, no longer moaning but still crying, huddled in the light beside her.

“We’ve been searching for hours,” the man said. His black hair was slicked back and his eyes were green. “Silly things. Did you think we wouldn’t find you? The pigs need feeding. The ocean needs tending. It’s sent us some more junk. You’ve been delinquent in your work.”

“Look at them,” the woman said. “They’re scared, poor things. Let’s get them back home where they can clean up and get some rest. Maybe an early bedtime tonight.”

“Early to bed, early to rise,” the man said.

“That’s what I always say,” the woman answered. They started laughing uncontrollably, and it was minutes until they calmed down enough to jab at the children with sticks.

It isn’t easy walking in a net, especially across an unpaved island. There was a path, but it was narrow and encroached upon by thorn bushes. The woman walked ahead, her ankles twisting in her high heels from time to time. She looked elegant, but it was clear that she was in a certain amount of pain. She muttered curses under her breath. The man followed, prodding at the children occasionally with his crowbar. The children didn’t speak, but Luisa held Mimi’s hand, and Natasha clung to Mimi’s leg, and even Eddie, whom they all blamed for the trouble, kept his hand on Andrew’s arm. It was hot, and the air around them smelled too sweet, and halfway down the path Eddie started hiccupping. By the time they got back to the hut, they were covered in thorns and skinned knees and bleeding bottom lips, and nobody cared that Eddie had oozing red sores up and down his legs. Luisa had welts on her legs, too. They were all in pain. The grown-ups pushed the net, children and all, into a hollow just outside the hut, and left them there to go have something tall and cool.

The pigs were loud now. They grunted and snorted as if they were giggling. Luisa counted them in her mind—the one with the spots, the one with the lopped off ear, the one whose hooves looked dainty, the one who liked to scratch her side against the fence post, the one who was smaller and skinnier than the rest but who seemed to have the sharpest teeth of all, and the one she always forgot to count. She wondered which was talking. She wondered if they were dividing the children up among them. They wouldn’t divide evenly—five into six. She wondered what the pigs would look like bathed and with wreathes of flowers around their necks.

Far, far along the horizon, a ship passed. It was hard to tell, but it was probably a cargo ship. An oil tanker, maybe. Just the kind to send some junk ashore that evening. Razor wire? Plastic table cloths? Leaky tents? Incorrect homework that no one had bothered to do over? Maybe the pigs would get a double meal. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, it didn’t seem to faze them. Pigs don’t know when they’re full. They can eat and eat and eat until their stomachs burst. A couple of children in the morning? A couple of sailors in the early afternoon? Some high heeled shoes for dessert? They’d do their best, or die trying.

“Mimi,” Luisa said. “How old was I when I got here?”

“Her age.” Mimi nodded toward Natasha. “Little and skinny and already tripping over your own feet.”

“Where do you think I came from?”

“No idea. No idea where any of us are from.”

“I know,” Eddie said. They looked at him in surprise. They’d begun to think he didn’t know how to use words. His voice was stronger than they would have thought. His eyes were the same brown as Luisa’s, and his soft hands had the same crooked little fingers, but he seemed older now that he had a voice. “I was awake when they put me in the barrel.”

“You were not,” Mimi said. She kicked him. He yelped, and then he kicked her back. They scuffled briefly, but there wasn’t much room for fighting inside the net.

“I was lying in my bed, fast asleep in the castle. Then something shook me. I thought it was my nurse, and I opened my eyes, but it was a man, and he said it was time to go. He said I was joining my sister, that I should have been sent away with her right from the start. He said that they should have known I’d break as many things as she did. He said they should have known I’d be just as much of a disaster. My sister.” He looked at Luisa. Then he spat. “They blindfolded me, then they took me riding somewhere on a horse, and then we were on a ship, and then they stuffed me in a barrel, and then you found me.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before? Why did you make so much noise in the cave?”

“I was hurt,” he said. “The ocean? My legs? Remember?”

“Kids on the island don’t make noise,” Andrew said. “We listen, and we feed the pigs, but we don’t draw attention to ourselves. You messed up.”

“I didn’t mess up,” Eddie said. “I was hurt. I’m allowed.”

“What a jerk,” Mimi said.

“Total jerk,” Luisa said. A disaster. She shut her eyes and saw herself pushing him into the gray water. She wanted to kick him. If she hadn’t pushed him, he probably wouldn’t have screamed. If he hadn’t screamed, who knew if the hunt would have started? So now they were in a net because of her. She couldn’t do anything right. Her brother. He might look like her, but that was where the resemblance ended. She didn’t even know what a brother was supposed to be.

“Nothing’s going to happen,” Eddie said. “We’re kids.”

Far away, the ship blew its horn. Night was coming. The garbage would wash up soon.

“How many fingers do you have?” Mimi asked.

“Ten,” he said. “Why?”

“Count mine,” she said. She held up her hands. Luisa had never really looked at Mimi’s hands. She’d been so aware of her own lost finger that she never thought to see if others had lost fingers as well. Mimi was missing three. Two on her left hand—her pointer and her middle finger—and one on her right—her innocuous pinky, so small. Luisa knew from experience that the loss of a pinky didn’t really make a difference, but a pointer?

“The thumb’s the next to go,” Mimi said. “What do you have to say about that?”

Eddie kept quiet. He looked at his hands, and then slowly began to clean his fingernails.

A breeze picked up. The wind was blowing toward them, salty air across rocks and through wild roses. The sun was low on the horizon. The ship had sailed beyond their line of vision. The grunting of the pigs had grown to a soft murmuring that blended in with the waves lapping across the rocks. The voices of the grown-ups carried down from their villa, the delicate clink of ice against glass, the laughter at some droll remark or another.

Eddie was shivering now. The other children looked at one another and rolled their eyes, but Luisa reached out and put her hand on his.

“I loved the castle,” Eddie said. “My bedroom was in a tower, and it had a fireplace, and my bed had purple curtains that I could pull shut whenever I didn’t want to see the maid. My mother and father came at night to tuck me in. I had a lamp that I could light to read by late, late into the night. Nobody ever came to tell me to turn it off. I was on my own as much as I wanted, and when I didn’t want to be on my own, there was always someone there. I had books and a guitar and they were going to get me a phone for my next birthday. The ocean was a treat: a hot day, sandy, sit under an umbrella and occasionally go get an Italian ice treat. I don’t like this net.”

Luisa felt her face get hot and she pulled her hand away. She’d give anything to see a world like that up close. Purple curtains. Italian ice. She’d give anything to get off the island, even for a single day.

Mimi and Andrew nodded. Natasha, silent as always, put her little head on Mimi’s knee. The pigs snorted, loud and impatient. They would be hungry in the morning. They would open their mouths for anything.

After Eddie fell asleep, the children looked at one another and rearranged themselves. Mimi settled into the far corner of the net, pulling Natasha in to cuddle with her. Andrew curled down by her feet. Luisa climbed silently over Eddie and nudged him until he lay between her and the net’s opening. All four were huddled as far away from him as possible. He was her brother, but what difference would that make once the grown-ups returned? He had slept in a bed. He had read books. He knew what it was like to ride a horse. He was as much a sacrifice as anything the children had to offer. Take him, Luisa thought. Take him. He’s not one of us. Take him and do whatever it is that makes you happy. She lay awake far into the night, listening to Eddie’s breathing, hoping that when the grown-ups came, they came to untie the net with their hard nailed fingers instead of cutting it open with long knives. Either way, they’d pull the one closest to the opening out first. Either way, it would be Eddie and not her.