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Preface

That in all things, God may be glorified.

(1 Peter 4.11)

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‘What is that?’ enquired the woman on the train pointing to my clerical collar as we sped towards London. Her English was broken and it transpired she was Chinese, and my efforts to explain the collar, the Church and priesthood came to nothing. Given her cultural background, such matters were outside her understanding, yet her simple question set me on a course of reflection on the nature of priestly identity. Others will tell similar stories of brief yet profound encounters: the prayer offered for someone in the street; the confidence received among the supermarket shelves; the confession heard in a pub – the collar still has power to attract and convey something. But just what is it that we are conveying as we live out our vocation? I wonder if that simple statement by St Jean-Baptiste-Marie Vianney, the Curé d’Ars, is a simple yet powerful reminder of the heart of our calling:

The priesthood is the love of the heart of Jesus.1

The inner life of the priest

This book is concerned with the heart, the inner and often hidden life of a priest. Ministry can be experienced as a never-ending round of ‘doing’ and, in my experience, the need for simply ‘being’ can be neglected – usually to the detriment of minister and ministry. Some have noted an apparent conflict between ‘being’ and ‘doing’, and similar tensions between the dynamics of secular techniques and gospel values, social activism and spirituality, outreach, contemplation, etc. have been noted. While I don’t intend to promote one over the other, experience tells me that if our inner life with God in Christ is ignored or uncared for then, no matter how well things may appear on the surface, there’s likely to be trouble ahead.

Why is this book written?

Much of my ministry now is as a spiritual director and, along with others, I often hear priests say they don’t have enough time for prayer, so I want to explore how those charged with the care of souls can give time to God, not just for their own sake but because if we’re to have a heart for evangelization then we also need a heart that’s exploring the mysteries of God and God’s reign into which we want to draw others.

I think most of us realize how much our inner life determines all that we do, so what’s written here is concerned with exploring various aspects of priestly spirituality, some of which may have been forgotten, or are unknown, but which may be of great help, and throughout the chapters you’ll find a variety of reflections and suggestions about how we can deepen our spiritual life. It isn’t all about prayer, but because some avoid its more reflective form – it isn’t always easy and can seem rather empty – or even fear what they might have to acknowledge in the silence, each chapter invites you, in different ways, to gaze compassionately on your hidden life as God gazes upon you with divine compassion. They also offer some helps along the way.

I also hope the material you’ll find here will help those who have a pastoral care for clergy to consider how their lives set an example of what it means to be a deacon or a priest, regardless of where ministry is exercised. I wonder what example they are setting if they are rarely seen to pray, seek supervision, engage with spiritual direction or go into retreat? Just because priests appear to be doing wonderful things does not mean that they can neglect prayer. In fact quite the reverse: our hearts need to be awake to the mystery of God in all things so that we may glorify God, as the Benedictine motto I used as the sub-title to this Preface says: ‘Ut in Omnibus Glorificetur Dei’ – ‘that in all things God may be glorified’ (1 Peter 4.11).

Who is this book for?

I hope this book might appeal to people from diverse backgrounds and traditions, and to anyone who might like to know what’s going on beneath the role they exercise or see exercised. Reflecting aspects of my own story, it also deals with spiritual direction and pastoral supervision, and it may be of interest to those exercising such ministries as well as those whose priesthood is realized in the workplace.

In writing it, I have become aware that this is probably the book I would like to have read when I was considering ordination. Brought up in a family whose roots lay in non-Conformity and agnostic communism, I chose in my teens to be baptized and confirmed. An interest in the religious life led me to consider joining the Benedictines when I was 20. Later I spent much time with the Carmelite-influenced Sisters of the Love of God at Bede House in Kent, among whom I found, in one of the solitaries, my first spiritual director. But most formative of all were the 25 years I spent as a brother of the Anglican Society of St Francis (SSF), during which I served in kitchens, worked in a prison, ran missions, led youth retreats – and was ordained. My vocation was also informed by that great tradition of Anglican spirituality expressed by people from George Herbert to Michael Ramsey. All this and more (including time with the Coptic Orthodox Church in Egypt) has helped shape my understanding of priestly spirituality reflected in these pages.

What is the purpose of this book?

Many questions arise as one begins to adjust to the calling to the priesthood, and the dynamics of an individual’s particular personality and circumstances begin to be affected by one’s vocation. Rather than being a self-help guide or instruction manual, this book invites you into an encounter with the Lord as it explores different themes relevant to our inner life. It looks at how the ‘grace of priesthood’ (a term used by the Revd Donald English, sometime President of the Methodist Conference, when addressing students from my ecumenical ordination training) can be nurtured and deepened. It also offers some resources to help develop one’s inner life from the great tradition of spirituality that may be unfamiliar to some.

There are times when priests – good priests – who come for direction find it difficult to talk about their inner relationship with God. Or it becomes clear that, apart from the liturgies they’re required to celebrate, their spiritual life has floundered, while some have become slaves to their ministry. Clergy have so many demands made on them that it’s easy to neglect the inner life, and the Church sometimes seems more interested in numbers than attending to that life. So three chapters explore prayer and others look at what life in Christ might involve and how we can be helped in our desire for holiness.

Why Jesus?

There’s a story found in the Little Flowers of St Francis of an encounter between the saint and Brother Masseo, who came to meet Francis after he’d been praying in the woods. Half-jokingly Masseo asks: ‘Why you? Why does everyone run after you, want to see you and hear you and obey you? After all, you are not handsome, or learned, or wise, or rich. So why is all the world running after you?’ Francis was very moved by this and prayed for a long time before responding. Then he replied that God had chosen him because he was foolish and sinful, since ‘God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, things that are not … so that no one might boast in the presence of God’ (1 Cor. 1.27f.).

These are questions we need to reflect upon: How do I feel about my foolishness? Do I own my own sinfulness or my weakness? Do I care more about what the world thinks of me than of what God sees in me? But Masseo’s question could equally be posed to Jesus: ‘Why you? Why does everyone run after you?’ And we can also ask ourselves: Why Jesus? Why do I follow him? Each of us needs to discover our own answer. For me, it’s the way his love embraces me and how his life inspires and challenges me. He is the one I turn to for the forgiveness of my sins, as many and great as they have been, knowing that his compassion for me is boundless.

So this book concerns how we can live into our vocation. It’s not intended to be prescriptive or exhaustive, nor does it concern what we do so much as who we are in the deep and secret places of the heart. What we do and how we respond to who we encounter does inform, sometimes powerfully, who we are and helps us uncover more of that mystery, but, in the end, it’s all about Jesus – all for Jesus – and I trust it might be of help to you. To that end, I’ve included some questions at the end of each chapter, which can be used for personal or group reflection. You might like to spend a few moments just recalling what really helps you in your desire to be given to God …

He is the core of the heart of love,

and He, beyond labouring seas,

our ultimate shore.2

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ST FRANCIS OF ASSISI and ST IGNATIUS OF LOYOLA

Finally, I’d like to point out that the ordering and dynamic of the chapters owes something to two saints who, though separated by 300 years, were clearly brothers in Christ – Francis of Assisi, born in 1182, and Ignatius of Loyola in 1491 – and who wanted to know themselves in relationship with him. Ignatius, founder of the Society of Jesus (Jesuits), wrote the Spiritual Exercises, that remarkable ‘retreat’ that is such an immense gift to those seeking to make important life-choices and deepen their life in Christ. And while Francis didn’t write anything similar, there are a number of quotations from the Principles of the Anglican Society of St Francis – the document that defines its ethos and charism – as appropriate reflections. Each chapter also has suggestions as to what a priest might need to do to refresh their relationship with God in Christ.

The chapters reflect the dynamic of the Exercises, which, right at the start, remind us that we need to put a good interpretation on the action of other Christians and not condemn them (the Presupposition) – something to reflect on as we seek to build on the foundation of our being the beloved of God. For what matters more than anything else – more than growing congregations or successful churches – is the quality of the priest’s relationship with God in Christ, which determines everything else, including the way we relate to others. Like the Principle and Foundation in the Spiritual Exercises, before ever we begin to consider our calling, we must attend to the way it needs to be rooted in God’s utter love for us even though there will be times when we doubt that. As I listen to priests, it’s sometimes apparent that this underpinning has been forgotten, ignored or never properly realized, for the hurly-burly of everyday life can wear away any foundation. So before looking at specific matters of concern, the first chapter includes an invitation to relish (as Ignatius would encourage us) God’s compassionate love for us. After considering these foundations we’ll reflect on how we can deal with our failures through the ministry of Confession before moving on to explore aspects of diaconal life and the needs that are addressed in formational ministries. Then after the chapters on prayer – personal and Eucharistic as well as the place of the Daily Office – we’ll consider the resources that can assist our vocation: spiritual direction, supervision, rules of life, retreats, making choices in life, thoughts on being single or called to celibacy, and how we might realize our ‘personal vocation’. After considering who we are beneath the role we exercise, we’ll look towards the end for which we are made and what part our sexuality has to play as we seek union with the Other.

So, as we begin, let a profound meditation of Francis, which he is said to have used as an all-night prayer, echo in your heart:

‘Who are you, O Lord my God, and who am I?’

Notes

1 St Jean-Baptiste-Marie Vianney TOSF, Curé d’Ars, Catechism on the Priesthood.

2 Sister Janet CSMV, Mother Jane Margaret CSMV, St Mary’s Press, 1974.