Читать книгу Reluctant Hero - John Hickman - Страница 8

‘Get up, Honey, you’re a bloody girl,’ sneered Alf, as he aimed another kick at Bill’s head. But Bill didn’t hear his taunt, nor did he feel Alf’s boot connect with his jaw. Instead he lay stunned and silent.

It had begun as nothing more than a typical schoolyard confrontation.Three bullies had flushed Bill’s conkers down the loo, and then set about him for sport. After fists had come at him out of nowhere, he’d attempted to brush something hard off his cheek. Dazed, he realised, cobbled playgrounds don’t move.

Alf prodded Bill with his size twelve boot, ‘Come on, Honey. Get up. Fight like a fuckin’ man.’

Bill’s head was in a whirl as if wrapped in cotton wool. He felt a slow trickle of blood ooze from his mouth. It felt warm and sickly against his tongue.

Where did that come from?

As he lay stunned, a succession of weird notions crossed his mind. All he could see was Alf’s boot. He tried to focus. It was dirty and unpolished, battered with torn stitching.

My boots are shinier than yours!

He strained to get a better view of Alf, and when he did, he saw muscles like those of a fighting dog. Tight as cords, flexed in use, as if from his toes up. It was too much for Bill. He lay back with a great sigh and wondered how many men, older and bigger than him, had fallen victim to Alf’s kicks. Then frightened of being kicked again, he cowed back defenceless, and shrunk into a ball. Their world blotted out he stared at the school, eyes seared with wanting, hoping a teacher might appear. Why couldn’t it be like his favourite fable? In Alice in Wonderland the rabbit would appear to save him, but no one came to his aid.

Later at home Bill’s mum, Lily, attended his wounds. Quick as her darning needle into one of his trouser patches, she prepared a bowl of warm water from the kettle on the hob, collected cotton wool and Dettol. As she worked her thoughts were of Alf, his crony mates and what they’d done to her only child, ‘Shush, I’ve got you, Bill.’

Lily turned away and bawled for her husband Fred. ‘Come look what they’ve done to your boy.’

Fred was slumped in his chair as if the day had beaten the spirit out of him. He looked up, unsympathetic. He didn’t give a damn, ‘It’s time he learned to stand up for himself, Girl.’ He often called Lily, ‘Girl.’

‘What if he’d died? You’d be sorry then,’ cried Lily, embroiled in her own thoughts.

More than Bill’s pride took a hit that day, he’d lost four front teeth but his life as a victim continued to deteriorate.

‘Honey’s a girl! Honey’s a girl!’ The same chant followed Bill home most afternoons.

When Fred heard about it, he showed no concern. ‘He’ll have to tough it out, Girl. That or I’ll box his ears till he sees stars.’

Lily wiped her hands on her apron. ‘You’ll do no such thing, Fred.’ She smiled a pained expression at the sight of her son’s distress, and then swore softly under her breath.

By age ten Bill had few friends at school. Fun was often made of his surname, Honey, which he despised. On those days he hated every one. At home he never felt the support he longed for not even from Lily, but for him as with Fred, there were never extenuating circumstances or shades of grey. Childhood was like that. Bill was punished, then punished again when he complained. Not suited for cheating or deception, he tried not to protest but his rebellious spirit led him off course.

Fred exhaled noisily. ‘Falsies are expensive. You’d best learn to bite into your food without them.’ To eat an apple Bill quartered it then cut it in to sections. He chewed slowly to include the pips and core and as he did, he inhaled succulent juices he’d not noticed before.

He told Lily. ‘They make my nose tingle, Mum.’

‘Like a damsel in a rose garden,’ laughed Lily. And as a bonus his pocket penknife he carried for the purpose made him feel grown up.

‘Trouble is, Mum, without front teeth I can’t whistle properly.’

Lily looked thoughtful. ‘It’s good you can’t whistle, Son, because whistling is uncouth.’

Fred put down his newspaper. ‘That’s right. Whistlers have bad reputations.’

‘Why, Dad?’

‘Since the times of Dickens, whistlers have been distrusted, Son. It’s how pickpockets pass signals to each other.’

That night as Bill lay in his bed, he promised himself when he could afford the best of false teeth he would try to whistle, but then he wrestled with self-doubt. He didn’t want people to think poorly of him. What if they thought he was a pickpocket, a villain, a thief?

This led to daydreams about when he might become successful. To be satisfied enough with his station in life to whistle. What in older men might be called silent thoughts?

Next day he asked Fred.

‘You shouldn’t get ideas above your station in life, Son. Don’t grow up wasting your life with pipe-dreams.’

That seemed unfair to Bill. His dad worked as a guard on the railways and was always quick to point out how he’d sorted things out at work, told those bosses a thing or two as without him the trains would never have run on time. Bill wondered, if his dad was only a guard, why was he always full of bullshit?

‘I’ve been on the railways for years. Worked my way up from porter to guard,’ boasted Fred.

‘You should listen to your dad, Son. He knows best,’ sighed Lily.

Bill wondered. Could she be right? He gave her a sideways look, which said eloquently, I don’t think so. People are only impressed with him because they’re gullible enough to believe anything.

Life was becoming seedier by the day in Notting Hill. The harsh reality was to work hard, live in semi-squalor and get on with it. Most walls carried every howl, sob, scream and crash. Cracks were so big in some places you could talk to your neighbours through them.

‘If you’re clothed and fed you should accept your lot and think yerself lucky. And yer find a job—any job,’ ranted Fred.

Since 1932 the gathering storm of military matters had preoccupied the nation. Many were aware the country was rearming, about to prepare for war.

‘Those bloody Germans are at it again. I tell yer the only good German is a dead German.’

‘If it’s not the Germans, it’d be those wretched French,’ sniffed Lily.

December saw an unprecedented 1,250,000 copies of the Daily Mirror sold with news of the appointment of British army chiefs and threats from Japan. Ten editions were distributed in London alone. Fred brought a newspaper home. ‘It’s not looking good, Girl.’

The British government supported the notion of how the Japanese air force comprised antiquated aeroplanes flown by pilots with poor eyesight.

‘Their rice diet prevents them from flying above 5,000 feet,’ quipped Fred.

But the commonsense of these statements was never questioned.

Lily’s older brother, Charlie, was different from the rest of their family. A well-to-do bookie, he lived in an upmarket semi-detached in leafy West Kensington. Drove a brand-new Ford saloon car that cost £100, smoked big cigars and looked bastard-arse rich. Bill admired him because he was special and different. He wore bow ties, striped shirts, had a loud voice and acted really smart.

Charlie enjoyed The Daily Telegraph crossword, which he’d submitted for years. There were good prizes to the value of two guineas and Uncle Charlie had won twice. Admiration for him shone in Lily’s eyes whenever his name was mentioned.

Deep down Bill nursed a secret wish his own dad could be more like Uncle Charlie, especially as he gave generous gifts at Christmas.

December 1933 saw Bill score a brand new cricket bat from Uncle Charlie. He’d never been close to a proper one, or watched the game played, but he’d seen newsreels.

Fred told him, ‘It’s a game rich people play on a village green. Pretty to watch and they dress in matching whites.’

When Bill held that bat he felt different, as if transported to another world. He forgot his name was Honey with tatty hand-me-downs. Socks with so many darns he was embarrassed to remove his shoes. Patches in his backside that made sitting down uncomfortable. How Bill longed to be on a village green dressed in resplendent white. And when he gripped his bat he was. Not stuck in Notting Hill.

He played out his fantasy in an unhurried and gentlemanlike manner. In his mind spectators lounged in deck chairs and watched him as he took his place at the crease. On an enormous clubhouse veranda people enjoyed afternoon tea and when Bill scored his first century they all stood as one, and applauded him.

Bill snapped out of his daydream, back to reality. Those gentry weren’t on their knees crawling between horses’ shuffling feet, dodging being kicked. Yesterday, he’d chased after a ball in a filthy cobbled street. Dodging horses’ hooves as they backed away was one thing, sliding about in their piddle and poo, quite another.

‘Mind you don’t fall under a wagon, Bill,’ warned Lily.

‘There’s not much chance of that, Girl. He’s quick when he wants to be, as fast as if the devil’s after him.’

As days passed into weeks Bill became so enthralled with his bat, it turned into something of a status symbol. He carried it with him everywhere. Like a holy grail of relics he knew it could never be replaced.

‘You certainly know how to stand out from the crowd, Son. Why don’t you leave that silly bat at home?’ But Bill didn’t listen to his mum. Why should he? When he carried his bat he lived the dream.

Alf and his bullies were a quarrelsome bunch. More used to being sent to bed with a mouthful of knuckles from their drunken fathers than fantasising about cricket. When they saw Bill with his bat tucked under his arm they picked on him. Perhaps to them the bat represented a sign of betterment contrary to their surroundings.

That or they were bored shitless and didn’t like cricket.

‘Come here, yer sweet little toothless bastard. We’ll have that fuckin’ bat, sweet Willy Honey. It’s too fuckin’ good for the likes of you,’ sneered Alf.

Bill knew Alf was a nasty item. He had cruel features, accentuated by baring his yellow or blackened teeth as he laughed. Bill thought his face looked like a vulture’s with blackheads and more zits than anyone else, because he never washed properly.

Before Bill knew what had happened, Alf and his mates had him helpless. He couldn’t move, his arms and wrists were pinned firm. Stan, another shitty piece of work and Alf’s best mate, goaded Bill then aimed a blow at his head. His swing missed but Bill caught his foul breath full on. He felt ill.

‘I’d rather have no teeth at all than rotten ones like yours,’ taunted Bill.

Stan tightened his grip. He disliked Bill for more reasons than the bat. At home he rarely had anything more than a piece of toast for his dinner, let alone tripe and offal, as he knew Bill did. Added to that, word on the street was when Stan’s father wasn’t drunk he was dead drunk, whereas Bill’s father Fred was known to be sober. Unbeknown to Bill, in Stan’s nightmares his family were only one step from the poor house.

Jack, who had small crooked features, the type that looked as if they’d been added as an afterthought, held Bill from behind. An arm of his short strong body tightened around Bill’s neck, which meant now Bill could hardly breathe.

Déjà vu. He felt as helpless as he had over his conkers. Victim of their sour breath and loud voices, they laughed out loud as Alf wrenched Bill’s prized bat from his hand smiling a gap-toothed leer.

‘We’ll have that, yer little honey sucking shit!’

‘No, gimme me back me bat,’ yelled Bill in panic. ‘It’s mine! Me Uncle Charlie gave it me for Christmas.’

‘Oh, did he then, we’ll see about that.’ Alf weighed the bat in his hand. His cold glance skewered at Bill. ‘It’s a nice bat, sweet honey boy.’

Alf was big for his age, a giant of a boy without a neck. His arms had the girth of other men’s legs; his hands the size of dinner plates were adorned with large callused knuckles and sausage-like-fingers.

‘I’ll tell me Dad on you,’ whined Bill.

‘Tell who yer like, sweet Willy boy. We’re gonna make you very fuckin’ unhappy.’

‘I’m already fuckin’ unhappy,’ snapped Bill, as he tried to wrestle free.

Bill watched powerless as Alf stepped up to the old iron railings that separated the basements from the pavement. They stood like sentinels in a long straight line only with breaks for entry gates and steps. He heard Jack’s hard bark of laughter, then silence.

Alf re-weighed Bill’s bat in his hand as he eyed the railings and as he did he took pleasure at Bill’s tormented face.

‘No!’ shouted Bill.

Alf brought Bill’s bat down hard on the first railing and waited to see Bill’s pained expression. Content with the result he slowly, deliberately continued to hammer Bill’s bat along the top of each iron railing.

Bill winced as each strike tore at the unseasoned surface of willow.

Alf slowed, he enjoyed Bill’s distress but by the fifth strike Bill was sobbing with anger and frustration, forced to watch helplessly while his tormentor pummelled his prized possession.

‘You fuckers!’ shouted Bill. ‘You’d better have eyes in the back of your heads. I’ll get yer for this. You’re bigger than me, Alf and I know I can’t beat yer fair, but I’ll get back at yer somehow!’

Alf stopped dead in his tracks. His face paled at such an unexpected reaction from Bill. Stan and Jack were uneasy too. Stan rotated on the spot, his mouth open in astonishment. Bill’s eyes were wild, his face flushed. He shook from head to foot. Shaken, they released Bill and backed off.

‘Here, take your fuckin’ bat then, little Willy Honeykins,’ Alf sneered, as he threw it down at Bill’s feet. Something about Bill’s reaction, his viciousness towards them had unsettled big Alf and his bully mates.

‘It’s only a fuckin’ bat,’ muttered Stan.

Bill looked at them each in turn. He knew this moment would be etched forever in his mind. ‘Yeah, but it’s my bat. You had no right!’

‘Yeah, well yer can have your bat, or what’s left of it. We’ve got better things to do,’ said Alf.

The gang sauntered off, whistling and cat calling to their mates. Bill was left standing alone in the street, his breathing ragged. He made a pugnacious fist but no one cared.

‘I told you to put that silly thing down and leave it here,’ scolded Lily, when Bill arrived home. ‘If you’d done as you’re told, none of this would have happened. You’d better not let Uncle Charlie see what you’ve done to his bat.’

‘It’s not his bat, Mum. It’s mine. He gave it me. I didn’t start it, Mum. I couldn’t help it. They’re bigger than me.’

Fred’s eyebrows bristled like a dog’s hackles. ‘Be quiet. Stop arguing with your mum. You’re giving my arse headache,’

Over the top of his newspaper he stared at Bill. He saw a runt of a lad, not unlike how he remembered himself at that age. Fred and his father before him had grown up in the slums. He’d known nothing else. He’d never been a fighter himself, but he knew to shy away from a fight was unthinkable. As he pondered Bill’s situation, he felt bad for his son.

‘Surely, no father wants to see his son worse off than himself,’ goaded Lily.

Fred put down his paper and gazed into the hearth for a while, almost as if he was searching out some hidden message in the flames.

‘When your brother gave Bill that bat he gave him an activity. Instead he’s carried the bloody thing around with him like a disease. But all said and done, Alf’s done more than steal someone’s spoons this time, Girl.’

In that moment Fred had decided to advise Bill how to defend himself.

‘Look upon this more as a tactical retreat, than defeat, Son.’

Tears of anger and frustration welled into Bill’s eyes.

‘Never go looking for a fight. That’s wrong, but if one comes looking for you that’s different. You must win by fair or foul. You hear me?’

‘But they’re bigger than me, Dad.’

‘Forget Queensbury rules. Size doesn’t matter. Think foul, fouler the better. Strike a decisive blow because if yer don’t you’ll end up the loser. Believe me, the bigger they are, the harder they fall. At the end of the day, size has nothing to do with it.’

‘But how, Dad?’

‘Pick-up whatever’s to hand, Son. Better make sure it’s something heavy and start swinging.’

‘Whatever are you teaching him, Fred? I’ve never heard the like,’ scowled Lily.

Fred ignored her. ‘Always go for their ringleader, Son. He’s easy to spot.’

‘Biggest mouth and trousers, you mean,’ Lily muttered from deep in her washing up.

‘Bring him down, any way you can, Son. Eyeball him and keep the fucker down. You end it, Son. And fast. If nothing else, kick him hard in his balls. That’ll fix him.’

‘Fred. Watch your language in the house! You know I don’t approve.’

‘Sorry, Girl. But the boy needs help.’

‘And not before time. Him almost without a tooth in his head. Judging from the size of that Alf there might be value in your Dad’s advice. That or an approach from behind.’

‘Your mum’s right, Son. But sometimes I wonder what I’ve married into.’

Lily shook her head and wiped her hands on her apron. ‘I know little of those things, but that’s how Charlie protects his patch at the track.’

Fred turned back to the hob, pulled his chair closer to the blaze. Lily joined him and in silence as sweet as music they had a cup of tea.

Lily frowned. ‘That Alf’s a danger to the public.’

‘So is the dentist, Girl, but he roams free.’

Bill brooded for days before his darker side emerged. There was almost a constraint in the air when he took his bat out from under his bed and held it firm. As he swung it back and forth angry tears of white-hot rage welled up inside him. He swore retribution would be his. There were no shades of grey only black and white.

Not much of a cricket bat anymore, but it’s a fine weapon, he thought.

Bill knew he needed to find Alf and bring him down.

‘Bigger they are, the harder they fall,’ Fred had said.

That night Bill hardly slept but when he did, he dreamed of victory over Alf and his bullying mates. Towards dawn he dozed to the muted sigh of the wind in their chimney.

When he rose he shook from head to foot, but not from the cold. It was anticipation and excitement at what lay ahead of him. Now it made perfect sense. Fred was right. If he could defeat Alf, their ringleader, he shouldn’t have to fight Stan or Jack. Bill was determined to get those three monkeys off his back once and for all. The question was no longer, if he could defeat Alf, but when. And the when, he’d decided, was now.

His bat held firmly under his arm he hoped for the best but planned for the worst.

At least I can’t lose any more front teeth.

Driven by ferocious determination, Bill took long, slow breaths, and then began to search the streets for Alf, his tormentor.