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Chapter One

The Phoney War

“Cook is hanging on to his place by the skin of his teeth.”

RICKY PONTING

DAY 1: 3 November 2010

It is one of those ‘where am I?’ moments when I am awoken by bright Australian sun beaming through the curtains of a yet another unfamiliar bedroom. The digital display on the television tells me that it is six o’clock in the morning. How is it possible, having gone to bed at two o’clock after a sixteen-hour sleepless flight, that I have managed to kip for only four hours, and yet feel as fresh as a daisy? It won’t last of course.

It was dark when I arrived last night at Perth Airport, Western Australia and by the time I had found a taxi and reached the hotel, my brain was thoroughly befuddled. I know I started to unpack after checking in and had made sure my phone worked by speaking to Emma to report my safe arrival. I also checked that there was a decent Internet connection in the room, so vital for work (and listening to music) while on tour these days. The Internet has transformed the way in which we send interviews and reports back to London. Not so long ago a set of screwdrivers to dismantle telephone connectors was an absolutely essential piece of kit to be lugged around. Now it all transmits magically from the laptop straight to BBC Television Centre, while an iPhone and a Napster account means I no longer need to pack a selection of carefully chosen compact discs. The hotel’s price for the Internet connection strikes me as expensive though – £18 per day. In fact, by the end of the tour I will have clocked up over £2,000 in Internet charges!

Apart from being the first day of the hugely anticipated Ashes tour, it is also the first day of my new and sure-to-be rigorous training regime. I am determined to lose a stone by the time Emma arrives in Australia, and to try to live a more healthy on-tour lifestyle. That is not as easy as it sounds: the job means that as commentators and pundits most of the day we are sat down in front of the microphone, while long evenings away from home inevitably draw you to the bar to meet with colleagues who are equally lonely and at an end-of-play loose end. A few too many drinks are followed, usually far too late into the evening, by something to eat. Given that journalists by their very nature are an outspoken, opinionated bunch, these evenings can often be very argumentative. They also become a dangerously routine part of being on tour. So a sensible alcohol intake and daily exercise will be the way forward this time although, physically, I am going to pace myself. No doubt Emma will say I am going to be far too easy on myself, and because I take absolutely no pleasure in jogging whatsoever, she is probably right. But nonetheless I am determined to get fit.

Langley Park, Perth lies directly between my hotel and the Swan River and is ideal for my purpose. A stroll at a brisk pace around its rectangular form takes about 25 minutes. Apart from the swarms of infuriatingly persistent flies and a temperature already well on its way to the predicted 37 degrees Celsius, it is all very pleasant. Swatting the flies is surprisingly tiring. I walk one lap and then jog the long sides of the park to complete the second. Forty minutes in the beautifully clear and fresh air. That’ll do for a start.

On my return to the hotel I encounter a typically cheerful Graeme Swann in the lobby, while Irish-born Eoin Morgan, shy and quiet in public at least, gives me a nod as he emerges from the lift. Kevin Pietersen shouts “Hello Bud!” from the breakfast room. His form and general demeanour will be greatly scrutinised by the media over the coming fortnight.

The England team have already had a couple of days in the nets at the WACA. Today they have opted for a centre-wicket practice at Richardson Park, which is a ten-minute taxi ride from the hotel. My Bangladeshi driver is amazed when we arrive at the ground that absolutely nobody is watching. “If the England cricket team practised in the middle of Dhaka,” he exclaims, “thousands of people would be there.”

Frankly, it would have helped a great deal if the dozen or so gathered journalists had been briefed in advance about how this practice session was going to be organised. Pairs of batsmen come and go -apparently after six overs have been bowled at them, and there are some strange fields set, including one that features a large blue bucket standing at short-leg. Chris Tremlett bowls a succession of attempted bouncers to Ian Bell. In the blistering heat these are not in the least bit threatening and end up being flogged through mid-wicket. Bruce French, England’s wicketkeeping coach and an old county cricket colleague of mine, belatedly explains that each ‘spell’ is in fact a game plan: early innings, mid-innings and this particular phase is designed to rough up the batsmen. I fear Tremlett’s confidence, which is already known to be suspect, will have taken rather a battering today.

James Anderson, who broke his rib while boxing during England’s unusual and clearly controversial pre-tour boot camp in Germany, manages a couple of overs. Pietersen is caught at slip for 2 off Stephen Finn, who is comfortably the pick of the quick bowlers, only for Bell and Andrew Strauss to stress in their interviews afterwards how well KP is striking the ball in the nets. He would do everyone a favour by scoring a hundred against Western Australia this weekend, putting a stop to the constant talk about his form.

This evening I enjoy one of those rare, wonderful, insightful on tour social occasions when I spend it with the England coach Andy Flower. Sadly, much of what we discuss over a number of drinks has to remain ‘off the record’, but I feel very privileged that such an ice cool and deliberate individual, who is always meticulously careful when speaking in public, feels that he can chat with me about a number of issues concerning the England team and English cricket in general.

Keen to give his side of the Anderson injury saga [Anderson suffered a broken rib while boxing during England’s bonding trip to Germany], Flower is certain that the boot camp was a great success. He argues that it challenged every member of the squad, and the management set-up too. He seems genuinely surprised by my optimism about the forthcoming tour, but his reserved pragmatism about what might follow may be simply an example of his naturally guarded character. I am sure he will not mind me repeating his answer to my question about the ‘Gabba factor’: how is he preparing the team to overcome England’s dreadful record there [England have not won a Test Match at the Gabba since November 1986] and on the first day in particular? Do they talk about it or completely ignore it? He tells me that they discuss it every day, quite deliberately, so England’s recent record at the ground is not thought of as anything sinister or, more importantly, insurmountable.

First evening of the tour, and I have already broken my vow not to drink too much. Worth it though.

DAY 2: 4 November 2010

This morning I wander down to the WACA to install the broadcasting equipment for tomorrow’s game. These technical duties are rather easier these days – just a case of plugging in a box and the line immediately goes through to London. On my return to the hotel I discover there is great excitement about comments made in Sydney about Michael Clarke’s suitability to succeed Ricky Ponting as captain of Australia. This follows Sri Lanka’s remarkable one-day international win against Australia in Melbourne yesterday, in which the Sri Lanka ninth-wicket pair added a record 132 and in so doing prolonged Australia’s losing run. Inevitably the bulk of the criticism has focussed on Clarke’s contribution as captain, and there are suggestions of a rift in the camp. Marcus North, who faces England tomorrow for Western Australia in the opening tour match, is being openly talked about as a more suitable candidate than Clarke. It is remarkable really, and must be destabilising the Australian team. Ponting’s leadership is effectively being spoken about in the past tense.

I have dinner with Peter Baxter – former producer of Test Match Special and a close friend. Sensibly, following an unhappy experience last winter in South Africa, the BBC has decided that site visits to overseas cricket grounds prior to the team’s arrival are now an essential part of the broadcaster’s preparation. (As an example, we commentated throughout the Durban Test from a concrete step, sitting on pillows taken from our hotel rooms and entirely open to the elements). Now married to an Australian lass, Peter spends half his time in Brisbane these days, and was the ideal person to fly around Australia making sure that the BBC’s sizeable investment in the form of broadcast rights fees includes basics like commentary boxes.

DAY 3: 5 November 2010

England’s first day of cricket on the tour coincides with another Australian ODI defeat by Sri Lanka at the SCG giving Sri Lanka their first series win on Australian soil. Problems are certainly mounting in the Aussie camp, although realistically these are more about team morale than anything else. Their build-up to the Ashes is not nearly as organised as England’s, and Ricky Ponting has been despatched to Hobart to make his first appearance for Tasmania in the Sheffield Shield for three years, rather than play for Australia in the last ODI against Sri Lanka. I am looking forward to reading the newspapers tomorrow.

Meanwhile England have had a reasonable opening day against Western Australia, spoiled only by the dismissal of Alastair Cook for 5 just before the end of play. It is very refreshing to watch three-day cricket for a change rather than the four-day variety used in England’s county game, because it requires much more innovation and imagination by the captains. Western Australia declare on 242 for 8 to leave the England’s openers six awkward overs to face, a declaration no captain would ever make in the four-day game. Cook, who is in desperate need of runs after a poor summer, manages to deflect the ball on to his wicket attempting a pull shot. Bearing in mind that Cook only saved his selectorial skin with a hundred during the Oval Test against Pakistan, it won’t take many more failures for his place in the team to come under the spotlight again. The trouble is that there aren’t many other options – Jonathan Trott or Ian Bell would have to be promoted up the order.

Happily, James Anderson is passed fit to play, putting a stop to the endless talk of his boxing injury. To begin with he looked rather ring rusty and tentative, but improves as the day goes on. Stephen Finn is thoroughly out of sorts and can never have bowled so many full tosses. Finn’s falling flat requires some explaining to my colleagues in the ABC box who have been looking forward to seeing the new English fast bowling find in action. They can’t help but be disappointed by what they have seen so far. Stuart Broad is comfortably the pick of the bowlers, taking two wickets in his first over. He also dismisses Marcus North – the only Test batsman in a weak batting line up – and is successful by pitching the ball up. I am still concerned that England will want him to be more aggressive and bowl too short in the absence of any genuine pace in the attack, but he is not that type of bowler. Hopefully, having taken three wickets early on, England will resist the temptation and encourage him – and Finn – to follow Glenn McGrath’s methodical and metronomic example.

With the day done, a lively session in the hotel bar includes a discussion with a young lad from the bush who is getting married the next day and me issuing an invitation through Twitter to the people of Perth to accompany me on my early morning run. I don’t suppose anyone will turn up. Tomorrow will be a KP story, whatever happens.

DAY 4: 6 November 2010

At 7.30 a.m I anxiously approach the park behind the hotel to find a very athletic chap, neatly turned out in full training kit waiting for me. He introduces himself as Brett, my running partner for the morning. I feel I have to explain to him that I am gently feeling my way back into training and cannot be described, by any measure, as being at the absolute peak of fitness. Off we go at quite a rate over the Causeway and on to Heirisson Island. Thankfully I am able to make the most of photographing some amiable kangaroos who happen to be hopping by and, catching enough breath, stagger back to the hotel. Lesson learned – but I should mention that Brett’s father Brian was a leading administrator employed by Kerry Packer to run World Series Cricket. Consequently it was a very interesting chat indeed, even if I ache for the rest of the day.

At least it is a KP day for all the right reasons. He scores a half-century in what was overall a poor batting performance by England despite a true if rather sluggish pitch. England are 159/8 before Broad and Swann fling the bat and put on 64 with Pietersen’s 58 from 90 balls the highlight. He is dropped at slip on 25 and has several rushes of blood, but KP also plays some fine strokes until a loose drive ends his innings. Pietersen can be an awkward customer to interview sometimes, offering up very short answers to keep you on your toes; today he certainly plays down the significance of scoring runs early on the tour even though I press him. I’ll bet privately he is very relieved indeed.

Of the others, Trott looks comfortable for his 24, Collingwood scores 4, Bell 21 and Prior a duck – all responsible for their own dismissals, which, given the importance of these three practice matches, is very disappointing. Broad’s confidence is sky high at present, and he launches himself at the Western Australian bowling to hit 53 from 48 balls, while Swann’s 37 comes off only 25 deliveries. With England 19 runs behind, Strauss declares in order to move the game along and increase the chance of his batsmen having a second innings, some of whom need to redeem themselves. Having seen Broad and Swann tuck into their bowling, Western Australia start their second innings at a tremendous rate, getting stuck into Finn again, although he eventually traps Liam Davis lbw. At the close, Western Australia lead by 128 with 9 wickets in hand – thus setting up the prospect of a run chase on the final afternoon.

Later I see Andy Flower and batting coach Graham Gooch locked in conversation in the bar for an hour. They certainly have a lot to talk about. The West Australian newspaper causes a bit of a stir by printing all over its back page a photograph of Ricky Ponting, diving full length to his left where – just out of reach of his outstretched fingers – is a superimposed Ashes urn. The headline reads: ‘Out of Reach’. A poll of the newspaper’s readers reveals that the majority believe England will win the Ashes this time.

Coincidentally, this is the second day of a strike by BBC journalists who belong to the National Union of Journalists in a dispute over pensions. General programming is affected, but neither being a member of the BBC staff nor part of its pension scheme, or a member of the NUJ come to that, I continue to report from the WACA, contributing to the much-reduced sports desks throughout the night. As I see it, my duty is to work for those who are paying for me to be here – the license payers. Unfortunately I, and others in a similar position, have now become the focus of a rather nasty campaign in the course of which I have been publicly labelled, on the Internet, as a scab. Not only is this inaccurate, but it is offensive. For those wishing to criticise my stance it demonstrates a careless lack of research on their part because, although I have not said so publicly, the Agnew household budget will be affected as much as anyone else’s at the BBC. Emma’s pension will be cut under the current plan. More strikes are scheduled for next week and while those who are planning to walk out again are perfectly entitled to do so, I hope they leave me alone this time. Twitter, when used properly, is a wonderful modern communications tool, but it also gives people an opportunity to be most unpleasant when they choose to be.

DAY 5: 7 November 2010

England win their opening match pretty comfortably in the end. In the morning the bowlers demonstrate an improved performance and this is followed by a spirited run chase, which is led by Strauss. Finn’s first two balls of the day are hit for 4 – a bit of a worry – but he fights back splendidly, confirming that he is a young man of great heart and discipline. Marcus North fails a second time when Eoin Morgan, popping up as substitute fielder, runs him out from square leg. Swann, although he takes a little more tap than he will have liked, is soon wearing his familiar chirpy smile, finishing with figures of 4 for 101. Western Australia lose 9 wickets for 114, setting England 243 to win in 52 overs.

Cook strikes two firm fours, but is then comprehensively bowled for 9. Inevitably this gets everyone talking because England have brought only two full-time opening batsmen and the loss of form of Strauss or Cook will necessitate Trott moving up to open the batting, Bell to number three and reintroduce Morgan at number six. That is quite an upheaval which is why, when others might be given a rest, Cook will be given every opportunity to get runs between now and Brisbane.

Pietersen again plays some firm and fine shots in his innings of 35 before perishing lbw by way of a reverse sweep to the left-arm spinner Beer. It takes an eternity for KP to drag himself away from the crease. As my commentary position is behind him, and with no TV replays, I cannot tell whether it is a poor decision or not. But it underlines again the importance of England’s batsmen not giving their wickets away on this tour. Racking up a large first innings total will be vital and while I accept that this was a run chase, the unvarnished truth is that Pietersen has managed to get himself out twice in this match.

Strauss’s century was a lovely knock. It is always important for the captain to start a tour well so that his form is not an issue before the main event. During the course of his innings Strauss has once again demonstrated the advances he has made as a one-day batsman.

Meanwhile, someone called Ella has contacted me on Twitter. I say ‘someone’ because there is absolutely no way of knowing on these social networking sites if anyone really is who they claim to be. Ella’s avatar – her profile picture – does not contain a photo, only a cartoon character, but whoever he or she is, is following the cricket all night -presumably from England.

In a Twitter exchange, I agree with Ella if she is still up and listening at 3:00 a.m GMT, I will follow him/her. In the Twitter world this is seen as a sign of friendship, just as ‘unfollowing’ somebody is viewed as a major insult. I am very choosy about the number of people I follow because, quite simply, the more you follow, the more messages you have to scroll through on your phone. Sure enough a message – or Tweet – duly pops up at 3:00 a.m. I click the button, which signs me up as one of Ella’s 150 or so followers. Now every one of her (I am still not sure she is indeed a she) tweets now lands on my laptop. I am amazed that this unknown individual is providing a brilliant score update service, with full bowling figures, the lot, all crammed into the strict Twitter allocation of only 140 characters. Even more than that, there are a number of highly comical asides couched in, at times, decidedly colourful language. The whole magnificent effort seems entirely wasted on so few people. So, during the course of the day, I encourage my loyal followers, who by now are waking up and expecting a full scores service on England’s bid for victory, to follow @EllaW638 instead. It is brilliant. By the end of the match Ella has more than two thousand people following her updates, which are apparently being typed out on an iPhone – not even anything as comfortable as a computer keyboard. It is a fantastic performance, which is hugely appreciated by everyone – not least me because I can now concentrate on my radio work and leave Twitter to her.

Some hours later Ella puts up a picture: she is indeed a young woman of about 20 years of age, although my guess at her age is made difficult by the blue Chelsea FC woolly hat she is wearing. Apparently she is a children’s nanny. Isn’t it great that someone of her age should be so fanatically and enthusiastically interested in cricket? A breath of fresh air, and it absolutely makes my day. (Incidentally, she keeps going throughout the whole series, providing an invaluable and colourful service to ultimately more than four thousand followers).

DAY 6: 8 November 2010

It is our first travelling day and I am reminded of just how vast this country is. I snatch breakfast at Perth airport at 6:20 a.m at a table beside two men already drinking pints of lager before our three-hour flight to the City of Churches.

Adelaide is one of my favourite locations on the international cricket circuit and I especially love the city’s cricket ground – the Oval. Set in a large park on the bank of the River Torrens, it is a truly beautiful ground overlooked by St Peter’s Cathedral. The entire western side of the ground has been redeveloped since I was last here, at enormous cost and at the risk, in my eyes, of damaging the heritage of this great cricket venue. Cricket grounds must modernise of course, but there is always the danger that the identity and character of an historically-laden ground will be compromised, and it would be a terrible shame if this proves to be the case at the Adelaide Oval, which, after Lord’s, is my second favourite venue in the world. We fly in to Adelaide directly over the ground and from my left-hand window seat I have a first glimpse of the white shell-shaped roof of the new stand shining brightly in the morning sunshine. Actually, it looks lovely. This afternoon I take a stroll along the riverbank to the ground. Pelicans and black swans paddle about while overhead red and green parrots flash past against a now brilliant blue sky. It is all absolutely stunning – and later, from ground level, I get a chance to examine the new stand: it gets a big thumbs up from me.

Late in the day comes the first news of the mysterious disappearing act by the Pakistan wicketkeeper Zulqarnain Haider. Rather than travelling with his team for their fifth one-day international against South Africa in Dubai, Haider has apparently abandoned the tour and boarded a flight to London. He had played a key role in Pakistan’s narrow one-wicket win in the previous match, including hitting the winning run, and his brother is reported as saying that Haider claims to have received serious personal threats.

Clearly Pakistan cricket is in a dreadful mess at the moment: the ICC cases, following the allegations of spot fixing in England last summer, against Salman Butt, Mohammad Asif and Mohammad Amir is still being examined. Frankly, it is difficult to know what to believe at the moment. I do remember Haider being quite a character during his single appearance in the Test series against England. He top scored at Edgbaston, hitting a rather spiky 88, during which Stuart Broad over-reacted by throwing the ball at, and managing to hit, him. Haider returned home after the game, a little mysteriously as I recall, when he was suddenly diagnosed with a fractured finger. This enabled Kamran Akmal to return as wicketkeeper. This will be another strand of the Pakistan story we need to keep our eyes on, but it won’t be easy from twelve thousand miles away.

DAY 7: 9 November 2010

Overnight comes the confirmation that Haider has, indeed, arrived in London and has been given a visa to stay for a month. There are conflicting reports about the background to his leaving the tour, but he has now announced his retirement from international cricket. He confirms that he was threatened in Dubai, but did not tell the Pakistan team management because, it seems, he did not trust them. Pakistan’s sports minister says that his country’s government does not support the player. It is the main topic of conversation here, where it is a day off for the England team, the majority of whom head for the golf course. Andy Flower faces the press and confirms that there is an option for England to split the squad following the upcoming match against South Australia, sending the likely Test bowling attack straight to Brisbane rather than take them to Hobart for the four-day game against Australia A.

It is an interesting thought. Certainly the bracing, probably chilly late spring conditions in Tasmania will be nothing like the tropical heat and humidity of the Gabba. Let’s not forget that Tasmania is nearly a three-hour flight south of Brisbane, with a climate not unlike England’s, and seasonally this is the equivalent of early May at home. There is a lot to be said for Anderson, Broad and Finn having an extra week in which to acclimatise to the conditions they will have to bowl in during the Brisbane Test – but absolutely only if they are in good form. I don’t see an issue in splitting up the team, and there is enough cover in the bowling department to fill the gaps, but the game against Australia A is a high profile match, which is to be televised throughout Australia and on Sky television at home. If England field Bresnan, Tremlett, Shahzad and Panesar – none of whom have bowled a ball in anger so far -will England be properly competitive? Is there a danger of England having a poor match chasing leather and, should they lose, suffering a psychological blow before the opening Test? Strauss has repeatedly emphasised his determination to win all of the warm-up matches and not simply use them for practice. The England management would also do well to remember that Cricket Australia have agreed to this excellent tour preparation at England’s request; is there a danger – if the match is downgraded by England effectively fielding a second string eleven – that they won’t be so co-operative next time around?

Flower reiterates that splitting the squad is only an option under consideration – but the proverbial cat is out of the bag. If the first-choice bowlers do go to Hobart, will it suggest that the coach is not happy with their progress? And what about the captain and coach’s oft-repeated assertion that it is important to win every game? It certainly makes easy copy for we hacks and is just what we need -something to write about on an otherwise blank day. Opinion in the media is camp is split, to be fair.

Training is going well. I walk along the river for half an hour and then run back to the hotel. I am almost enjoying it, but in this fabulous place it would be hard not to. It is still delightfully quiet without the full Ashes ‘circus’ of reporters, television crews, photographers and so on who are yet to arrive and, of course, I am operating entirely by myself for the BBC. The lack of feeling of being under the microscope means that the players are much more accessible and friendly too. This is what cricket touring is all about, but it won’t last.

DAY 8: 10 November 2010

A vital round of Sheffield Shield matches gets underway with off spinner Nathan Hauritz very much under the spotlight. He had a poor tour of India, but simply put, there does not appear to be any other serious contender within Australia. It must be very awkward for Hauritz, carrying the expectations of being the latest to follow in Shane Warne’s footsteps, and clearly there is no comparison to be made between them. Arguably, this is Australia’s weak link. Playing against Victoria, Hauritz goes for five runs per over and is wicketless. Ponting, meanwhile, scores 32 in Tasmania’s first innings against Queensland.

England have nets at the Adelaide Oval, but do not name their team. I presume it will have to be their Test XI again, so the decision can be taken about the bowling attack. It is also an open media day giving the press from both sides an opportunity to interview a number of players in a large conference room that has been set aside in the basement of the team hotel. It is also the moment when all of the players are filmed by Australia’s Channel 9, folding their arms and smiling rather self-consciously at the camera. These brief clips will be shown during the Test coverage as the players walk out to bat. I can hear much guffawing and leg-pulling coming from the room next door.

James Avery is the excellent ECB media manager who tours with the team, and with whom I have a brilliant working relationship. I am not saying that he gives me what I want in the way of interviews all the time, but he is always very cooperative; particularly when I am out on the ground itself immediately at the end of a Test, live on air, and in desperate need of players to talk to. Today I opt first for Stephen Finn. He is on his first tour of Australia, and did not bowl at anything like his best during the opening match, so it will be interesting to find out how he feels he is getting on.

Unfortunately, the quietest place I can find to chat with him is outside the hotel toilets. Not exactly glamorous. Finn is a delightfully laid back 21 -year-old and seems like a really nice young man. Feet on the ground and all that. He laughs when I tell him that I compare him to Angus Fraser, but without the tantrums. Graeme Swann is next. Graeme is the very definition of a ‘character’, and gives you so much in an interview including, this time, pointing out that behind me James Anderson has dropped his trousers and is mooning at the pair of us! The Swann/Anderson double act will be an amusing feature of the tour with their ECB videos.

Dinner at the Verco family home. Tom and Lucy Verco have been friends of mine for years, and it is so nice to get out of the hotel and into a family environment for an evening. I know everyone believes that hotel life is one long holiday, but it soon becomes very claustrophobic. It is also easy to settle into a very dull routine unless you really make an effort to get out in the evenings.

DAY 9: 11 November 2010

As we anticipated, England name the same team. This confirms two things – that this is their favoured line-up for the First Test, and that if the bowlers fare well here, they will almost certainly miss the match against Australia A. This is still a confusing issue for me. Why give the reserve players the hardest and most challenging practice match of the three? I would have played a reserve player or two here – like Morgan and Bresnan or Tremlett – then gone into the Hobart match with most of my Test players. By naming this team, it would seem England certainly intend to send the first-choice bowlers to Brisbane when the Hobart team is announced next Wednesday. That would give them an extra four days of acclimatisation.

The overriding priority today is for Alastair Cook to get some runs. Traditionally the Adelaide Oval is a batsman’s paradise, but this morning it is dull and overcast, and the South Australian pace bowlers – Peter George in particular – are quite a handful. Strauss perishes unluckily for 4 to a catch down the leg side and walks off swishing his bat in frustration. He knows he is in good form at the moment and a leg-side nick to the ‘keeper is always an infuriating way to get out. It gives us a chance to study Trott at the crease, particularly his unusual and obsessive marking of the crease. This begins with him asking the umpire for his guard, which he marks with three deliberate and long rakes of his boot. He then runs his bat along the groove before asking the umpire for his guard again. This happens at the start of every over at least, and sometimes more often than that. He has received warnings in the past from umpires for time wasting – the batsman should be ready to receive the next ball when the bowler is at the end of his run-up – and it seems certain that the Australians will do everything they can to put him off. I can’t believe that Shane Warne, if he were still playing, would allow Trott to hold him up. I suspect Warne would have adopted the Norman Gifford approach. I have seen the wily ‘Giff sneak up undetected behind the umpire many times in his Warwickshire and Worcestershire days, to clean bowl a young batsman before he was ready. With Trott, his crease-scratching antics are a touchy subject. Last summer I took a deep breath and asked him live on the radio at Lord’s if he was worried that the Aussies would have a go at him using the time-wasting complaint to distract him. Trott muttered something unintelligible and walked off.

It was interesting watching some of the tennis stars at Wimbledon last summer, going through their various routines before every point. Maria Sharapova pulls at the strings of her racquet with her back to her opponent and then taps her left thigh twice when she is about to receive serve. Rafa Nadal seems to take superstition -for that is surely what it is – even further. Emma and I sat almost directly behind the umpire at ground level for the men’s singles final so were only a few feet from Nadal’s chair. It was astonishing to witness the tortured lengths this great sportsman goes to in order to make sure that he sips exactly the same amount of liquid from the two drinks bottles he has under his seat Then, when replacing the bottles, obsessively making sure they were perfectly lined up. As the psychiatrist in Fawlty Towers says, “Enough for a whole conference there”. One can’t help wondering whether Trott’s excessive fiddling about is really necessary. And I know there are members of England’s camp who think that it is bordering on the idiotic and makes Trott look unnecessarily vulnerable.

Trott does seem to have made an effort so far to get a bit of a move on, but after being dropped at slip on 11, he mis-pulls George and is caught and bowled for 12. Cook battles away, occasionally lapsing into the poor footwork around off stump that has caused his technical problems, before playing a desperate firm-footed flash at a wide ball from George, edging it to the wicketkeeper for 32 from 91 balls. It is not a convincing innings and as he troops off, Cook knows that questions about his form and place at the top of the order will continue to be raised in the media. At least he still has three more innings before the Gabba in which to get some runs.

Just as he had at Perth, Pietersen plays some good shots before getting out – this time to a catch on the deep square-leg boundary to a hook shot for 33. It is frustrating that he has not gone on to make a really big score. He is in good touch but cameos won’t win the Ashes. It is left to Collingwood to make the one substantial score of the day. The first 30 or so of his 94 runs are rather scratchy, in my opinion, and I suggest that to him when I interview him after play. “Oh,” he replies rather defensively, “I thought I played rather well.” As an interviewer there is nowhere to go after that other than trying to persuade a top-class sportsman that, in your opinion, he has not played very well after all. That does little to foster good relations and it is best to move on.

Bell makes a typically pretty 61, but manages to miss a gun-barrel straight half-volley that hits his off stump. Again, it is the sort of lapse that he can arguably get away with here, but is precisely the sort of misjudgement that can cost his side a Test match. Strauss declares on 288/8 and, with 8 overs left in the day, is hopeful of taking a South Australian wicket or two, but they breeze to 26 for no wicket at the close of play.

I am thankful to read that the second proposed strike by BBC journalists has been called off before heading out for dinner with Hugh Morris, managing director of England Cricket, at a delightful restaurant almost under the bridge over the River Torrens. Last time I was here Geoffrey Boycott was at an adjoining table; it is altogether quieter this evening.

DAY 10: 12 November 2010

I wake up to a brilliant interview on the BBC website by errant Pakistani cricketer Zulqarnain Haider who has been speaking to BBC sports editor David Bond. Haider describes in much more detail the threat he received in Dubai and, tellingly, that he had not felt confident enough in the integrity of the tour management to inform them of what had happened, or what he proposed to do. He says he is making a stand – and we must applaud his bravery. What will he be able to tell the ICC Anti-Corruption Unit I wonder? If he can give them names and facts, he will be doing cricket a massive service.

This is an important day for England’s bowlers as we in the media continue to debate their dispersal or otherwise ahead of the First Test. Here at the ground, it is cold and dark enough for the floodlights to be switched on. From where I am sitting they make an infuriating and quite intrusive buzz. I suppose when the ground is full you can’t hear it. Disappointingly, despite the conditions, the ball does not swing much. Getting the ball to swing is such an important part of England’s armoury – Anderson’s ability to swing the ball in particular is going to play a huge part in the Ashes campaign. But the Kookaburra ball, with its flatter, wider seam, does not have the same rudder-like properties that make the Duke ball we use at home so much more swing-friendly

I remember asking Anderson at Trent Bridge last summer, after he had destroyed Pakistan, what would happen in Australia if the ball didn’t swing. Is there a plan B? He told me that his plan B is the ball not swinging and that he would have to depend on accuracy and some reverse swing instead. Reverse swing is usually achieved when the pitch and outfield are dry and abrasive and is a skill that has developed quickly in recent years. Anderson can have his awful days when he is terribly expensive and frustratingly he hadn’t, until the series against Pakistan last summer, made the jump up to someone who was utterly dependable, but on this tour, when the ball won’t always swing, he should still bowl accurately, probing away, changing pace waiting for the ball to reverse swing when he will come back into his own again. Of course someone like him has got it made, swinging the new ball in the orthodox manner then going away and fielding in the outfield for a while, then coming back when the ball starts to reverse; so he’s got two weapons.

Largely because the art of reverse swing bowling is still something of an enigma and it is thought can be assisted by illegally scratching the ball, there is often a good deal of suspicion about the whole subject. But it is such an asset when there is nothing else to help a bowler on an unresponsive pitch that reverse swing has become a vital asset. Ironically, England’s best tutor was the Australian coach, Troy Cooley, who has now returned to the Australian set-up. England’s coach on this tour is another Aussie David Saker, who will undoubtedly be keen to put one over his still better known predecessor – even if they are both Australians. There is so much freedom of movement for coaches these days that patriotism really doesn’t come into it. Indeed, it is rare to find a national coach who originates from the country he is now employed by. I must say, I can’t see any problem with it at all.

Today Anderson was bowling the line of last summer and it is too straight here, so he is picked off through the leg side. It will be something for him and Saker to work on. Broad didn’t bowl much and I think the pick of the lot was again Finn. He ran in well and combined hostility with his usual accuracy. He only picked up two wickets to Anderson’s three and Swann’s four, but deserved better than that.

Callum Ferguson is a name we might encounter later in the Ashes if Australia need to replace their old guard. He certainly plays some shots, but gave his wicket away on 35 when he tried to pull Finn and was caught at mid-on. We will see him again in Hobart.

With the floodlights doing their best to illuminate the gloom, wickets tumble and South Australia are bundled out for 221, giving England a lead of 67. It is a good effort, but leaves under-scrutiny Cook exposed; he faces the prospect of a no-win innings in tricky conditions. With Strauss in glorious form at the other end, Cook carefully claws his way to 37 not out, and with it the opportunity to go on and enjoy the final morning.

Meanwhile, word reaches me of trouble at home. My dog Bracken (a Springer spaniel) has raided the chicken run, not, it must be said, for the first time, and Emma is terribly distressed by what was waiting for her when she returned home. Somehow it is entirely my fault – as I knew it would be. Since I am 12,000 miles away, I hadn’t actually contrived to leave the gate open, but I am guilty of employing the man who had put the gate up in the first place. It will be the boiler next – I know it.

DAY 11: 13 November 2010

It is another chilly and overcast morning, meaning the floodlights are buzzing away again, and will be for most of the day; in fact the day’s play will be curtailed by bad light. Although it is disappointing that the prospect of an exciting run chase is ruined, England have every reason to celebrate because Cook makes a century. It is a battling effort in stark contrast to Strauss who hits four sixes in his 102 before deliberately giving his wicket away. It is such an important innings as far as Cook’s confidence is concerned and that of the whole team. I suspect Cook would have opened at Brisbane even had he not made a decent score in the warm-up matches, but it would have been an inescapable talking point. The only realistic option would be for Trott to open, Bell to move to number three and Morgan to come into the team at number six; quite an upheaval and certainly something England could do without.

Cook is not one of the most graceful left-handers, the majority of whom seem to have an elegance all of their own. I’m not sure why, it would seem to be purely a matter of aesthetics. Cook’s bat is often crooked, with the blade turned to the leg side and he plants his front foot on the line of off stump and plays around it, which helps to explain his low scores. But he is a fighter. South Australia’s attack buckles under the weight of the onslaught from Strauss, and 156 runs are added before the captain declares, setting the home team 308 to win in 65 overs. A long break for rain ruins that, and after Trott and Collingwood take outstanding catches off Anderson, the umpires decide the light has deteriorated sufficiently to bring proceedings to an early close.

Has it been enough of a run out for the bowlers to take the Brisbane option? Broad and Swann certainly look as if they could be trusted in a Test match tomorrow. Finn is coming on but not yet one hundred per cent, while I reckon Anderson is at about eighty per cent. Given the team that has been chosen here, everything is geared to playing the back-up attack in Hobart.

A final run along the riverbank and I watch as a Singapore Airlines flight comes in over the ground. It is the flight that will bring Emma here in five weeks’ time. It seems an age away. I haven’t been here a fortnight yet, but already a lot seems to have happened in this phoney war. All, that is, except shedding the pounds. How depressing.

DAY 12: 14 November 2010

A frustrating travel day. There are no direct flights between Adelaide and Hobart, so we all scatter to the four winds. There are at least three different travel agencies handling the media travel on this tour and I am essentially doing my own thing, which gives one a certain independence. We are very welcome to travel on the same flight as the players, but I have learned that it is generally a mistake to do so because of the chaos created by the massive amount of baggage that accompanies them. This often results in long waits at the luggage carousel at the other end while everything is sorted out behind the scenes and increases the possibility of your bags not getting on to the flight. In the Caribbean the odds on this occurring shorten to a dead cert.

On this occasion the team’s logistics planners have done a great job and, despite leaving some time after me, and flying via Sydney -which looks uphill on the map – the players arrive in Hobart an hour before I do. Three hours is a long time to kill in Melbourne Airport and, door-to-door, my journey has taken eight-and-a-half hours. It is cold and drizzling in Hobart where, once again, I am with the players in a hotel that has a lovely view of the harbour. Or it would if you could see through the mist.

DAY 13: 15 November 2010

It is without doubt the busiest day of the tour so far. It begins with the Australian selectors naming a squad for the First Test of seventeen players. Seventeen! That is bigger than England’s Ashes touring squad. To be fair to the selectors, the marketing men at Cricket Australia, who want a big launch of the Ashes in Sydney at an iconic venue, have determined that the announcement should be made today while there is a full round of Sheffield Shield matches still to go. This could give rise to injuries, so it seems that the selectors have had little choice but to cover all bases. “Sod ‘em!” was the view of one selector, apparently, but it has thrown up some intriguing scenarios. The launch, by the way, is a thoroughly windswept, bleak and damp affair (the rain is incessant) to which no one comes.

The out-of-form batsmen Michael Hussey and Marcus North now have Callum Ferguson and Usman Khawaja breathing down their necks. The latter two have been named in the squad, and they will play for Australia A against England. What happens should either Hussey or North fail in their Shield match for Western Australia against Victoria (the Retrovision Warriors vs the DEC Bushrangers. Ugh!) and one of the youngsters makes runs against England? Surely in the interests of maintaining the integrity of the selection process Ferguson or Khawaja would have to be picked, while the feeling is that if their hands had not been forced, the selectors would, rightly or wrongly, go for experience, choosing North and Hussey for the Test. Likewise in the spin department. Xavier Doherty is a mostly unknown left-arm spinner from Tasmania, but he is in the party and will have a ‘bowl off with Nathan Hauritz when he plays against New South Wales on Wednesday. Again, if Doherty takes more wickets, won’t he have to be picked? It will certainly make the Sheffield Shield matches competitive, but this really is an extraordinary situation. You have to go back to the late 1970s, when Australian cricket was torn apart by the Packer revolution of World Series Cricket, to find the last time the Australian camp was so divided before an Ashes series had even started.

Therefore, it is with perfect timing that England announce what we all suspected would be the case: England’s main attack of Anderson, Broad, Finn and Swann will fly to Brisbane on Wednesday evening. Quite frankly, the weather in Hobart has been so foul – windy and wet – that it is difficult to argue against the decision. I conclude my thoughts on the matter by saying that in an ideal world, a touring team would field its best players in the toughest warm-up match before the Test, and had this game been played anywhere in Australia other than in Hobart, they probably would have done so. Flower makes the announcement at the training ground and tells me that he has been surprised by the level of press interest in this particular topic. I disagree. It has been a fascinating early tour story to air and debate; usually at this preliminary stage of the campaign, we get little more than groin strains suffered in the nets to report on.

The highlight of the day is an invitation extended to the media to take part in a very special training and skills session with the England team. Organised by England’s sponsor Brit Insurance, it has to be held indoors because of the weather. With complete wholeheartedness, the England team and back room staff set about giving the travelling press pack a thorough insight into the sort of skills and training an international cricketer takes for granted. All that is apart from your BBC correspondent, whose wonky fingers after seven operations to correct Dupuytrens contracture, simply cannot take it. Flower addresses the group at the start and makes it clear that the event is to be taken seriously by everybody. It is exactly the right approach and the result is that the players buy into it immediately and, I think, genuinely enjoy it.

There are bowling clinics, batting classes and fielding drills during which the players give catches to members of the press. Can you imagine this happening in football? We really are incredibly fortunate to be involved in this wonderful sport. The highlight for me is the bowling clinic. Coach David Saker produces a framework model of a batsman featuring a helmet, a metal plate over where his ribs would be, a marker indicating the height of the bails and, by his feet, a bar two feet above the ground under which the ball must pass if it is to be deemed a perfect yorker.

The clinic starts and round one requires the bowler to aim a bouncer at the helmet. Unsurprisingly, virtually every ball delivered by the press boys ends up in the side netting. Saker calls up Anderson, who hits the helmet with his first ball. It’s the same with his next two balls – the first aimed at the ‘ribs’, and the second a perfect, bail-high ball. His yorker inevitably flies under the bar. It is mightily impressive.

Less impressive is the Sun’s John Etheridge, whose repeated attempts to catch balls spat out by one of the training machines are at the hopeless end of the scale: he manages to drops five out of five. Poor Tim Abrahams of Sky News, who is a magnificently fit athlete, takes his first wicketkeeping catch from Matt Prior straight in the unmentionables and ends up in a crumpled moaning heap on the floor.

Graham Gooch conducts a batting drill that will guarantee some of my senior colleagues won’t be able to walk for a week. Fully padded up they repeatedly advance down the pitch as if they are attacking a spinner and then have to pick up a ball from one of three coloured cones that Gooch designates in his curiously squeaky voice. He then produces something I have never seen before: I am not sure where he has got the idea from but Graham uses a very whippy plastic slinger – the sort I use to launch tennis balls in a field for Bracken, my Springer Spaniel. These slings can fire a tennis ball twice the distance you can normally throw it. I don’t know how he does it, but Graham has mastered the art and timing of an over-arm release of the ball, like a bowler, with the thing sending the ball down the wicket with pinpoint accuracy. So we watch as he slings the ball at 90 mph with seemingly no effort at a bunch of hapless pressmen, many of whom have never faced a cricket ball in their lives. One well-known tour photographer is cringing and ducking, having an absolute nightmare, as the ball brushes his nose and then thumps in to his foot. It is a fantastic example of the innovative skills of the England coaching staff, and a great demonstration of what the day is all about.

The whole afternoon passes off extremely well. Because we are in a cricketing environment, rather than simply making small talk around the hotel, I find myself having several fascinating chats with members of the England set up – firstly about bowling with Stuart Broad, during which we compare our respective generations’ styles and approaches, and then with Alastair Cook on the subject of three-day cricket. I think the two matches so far have been much more entertaining than most tourist games we see because they have been shorter and the captains have looked to play positively. Cook’s point about four-day matches being better preparation for Test cricket is correct, but we must not forget the spectator.

It is while chatting to Broad that Graeme Swann appears with his video camera, clearly in recording mode. “Go on Broady,” he urges, “do your Sprinkler.” Broad seems to be rather embarrassed, but performs a strange movement involving an outstretched right arm, then rotating the top half of his body taking the arm with him. It is most peculiar and appears to be a new dance move. Swann finds the whole thing very amusing and moves on.

DAY 14: 16 November 2010

My first potentially dangerous invitation of the tour arrives by text message: ‘See you in the bar at 7. IC. Ian Chappell and the rest of his colleagues from Channel 9 have flown in for tomorrow’s match. At the appointed hour, I enjoy a drink with former Australian Test players Mark Taylor, Ian Healy, Michael Slater and Ian Chappell (Michael and Ian Chappell will both be working on Test Match Special during the series). I get the feeling that all four are genuinely fascinated by the build up to the Ashes and Australia’s current woes in particular. We have a robust conversation about the spot-fixing allegations surrounding members of Pakistan’s team. There is very little sympathy around our particular table. Eventually Ian and I move next door to the appropriately named Drunken Admiral. Chappell is the most enthusiastic storyteller – about any topic – I have ever met; to be frank he never stops! His tales inevitably involve getting into scrapes with Rodney Marsh, Dennis Lillee and his team-mates from the time when I was just getting into cricket, so I am always fascinated and amused by his anecdotes. Mind you, if you cut out the swear words, they could be told in half the time. But then that’s Ian.

CAN SWANN PROVIDE THE KRYPTONITE?

Ben Dirs | 16 November 2010

You sometimes hear the argument that visiting finger spinners simply aren’t a deciding factor in Ashes series in Australia, an argument that, when scrutinised, appears to be buttressed largely by cherry-picked evidence. Ashley Giles, it is true, was wholly ineffective on the last, disastrous trip Down Under and while his replacement Monty Panesar took a five-for on his Ashes debut in Perth, he was tamed in Melbourne and Sydney.

Yorkshire’s Richard Dawson toiled for scant reward in 2002-03, and even though Phil Tufnell had his successes – including 5/61 in Sydney in 1990-91 – they were few and far between. Yet John Emburey and Phil Edmonds collected 33 wickets between them the last time England won the Ashes in the old enemy’s backyard while Fred Titmus bagged 21 wickets at 29 in 1962-63. While Raymond lllingworth and Tony Greig are among the more illustrious England twirlers to have found the going much tougher in Australian conditions (although it should be remembered Greig also bowled seam), there are two other significant names whose figures do pass muster: Derek Underwood (50 wickets in 14Tests at 31.48) and Jim Laker (15 in four at 21.2).

Those figures will be of some comfort to England fans who believe Andrew Strauss’s party contains the country’s best off-spinner since Laker and best spinner of any kind since Underwood, a certain Graeme Peter Swann. “They say finger spinners don’t have an impact in Australia,” says Tufnell, who garnered 19 wickets in eight Tests Down Under, “but if you’re a good enough bowler you will take wickets, it’s as simple as that. He’s the player the Aussies will fear most, he’s had a phenomenal couple of years in Test cricket.”

“Graeme Swann will be the key,” adds Emburey, who took 35 wickets in 10 Tests in Australia. “He’ll relish the extra bounce and if the pitches do turn, the ball will turn quicker because the pitches are harder. And if it’s not spinning he gets a lot of drift, so if he’s not beating the inside edge he’s beating the outside edge instead.”

Swann is the fastest England spinner to 100 wickets since Kent’s Colin Blythe in 1910, and like Laker and Underwood in their time, he can claim to be the best slow bowler in world cricket. He is currently ranked second overall in Test cricket behind South African quick Dale Steyn, and it is not often an England spinner has been able to say that. His elevated status will make him a target, with batsmen looking to attack him. But Tufnell believes that will only play into the Nottinghamshire man’s hands, especially when he is bowling into the footmarks created by Australia’s left-arm seamers Mitchell Johnson and Doug Bollinger.

“The Australians like to put spinners off their game but that could be good for England,” says Tufnell, who toured South Africa with Swann in 1999-2000. “They’ll make mistakes, try to hit balls that aren’t there. It’s a form of flattery, because they know if they just hang around he’s a good enough bowler to get them out. It won’t faze him at all if the Aussies decide to get stuck into him, he’s that type of character. Whether it’s the first day and the wicket’s flat or it’s a green seamer, you throw him the ball and he believes he can get people out.”

‘Character’ is a word you will find cropping up a lot where Swann is concerned, in part because it’s a quality that has been in such short supply on recent trips Down Under. Swann, in contrast to the stereotype of the buttoned-up, risk-averse England spinner, is confrontational, attack-minded and possesses that ‘unfathomable something’. And it is this ‘unfathomable something; as much as the guile and the drift and the tremendous ‘revs’ Swann puts on the ball, which is kryptonite to many batsmen.

“If he can stay fit, he’s going to be a massive part in us winning the Ashes,” says Giles, who took eight wickets in three Tests Down Under. “He’s a phenomenal bowler at the moment. Every time he comes on, you think something’s going to happen.” When Giles says ‘you’, he means opposition batsmen, too. It is this ‘unfathomable something’ that makes batsmen play the man rather than the ball, convinces them the bowler is trying something on when he is doing nothing of the sort. Ian Botham had it in spades, especially later in his career when the waistline had expanded and the run-up was little more than a saunter; and Shane Warne had it, too, even when a creaking body had pared down his many variations.

Moving from the abstract to the practical, both Tufnell and Emburey concede a finger spinner’s lot is made more difficult by the Kookaburra ball used in Australia, with its flatter, perishable seam that disintegrates into little more than dots. However, both Tufnell and Emburey are quick to point out that, for all his chutzpah, Swann is essentially a team man, able to lock down his ego for the greater good.

“When Phil Edmonds and myself weren’t getting wickets at least we bowled long spells and controlled the game,” says former Middlesex stalwart Emburey. “That’s the key with Swanny, if he’s not taking wickets he’s good enough to keep it tight.” Tufnell adds: “England will be looking for him to be a major wicket-taker, but with a four-man attack he’s also going to be the guy who’s going to look to dry up one end while the seam bowlers rotate at the other.”

A few weeks back, when England’s Lee Westwood became golf’s world number one, his coach Peter Cowen said his pupil had got to where he was because he remained “very comfortable in uncomfortable situations”. It doesn’t get more uncomfortable for an English cricketer than an Ashes tour Down Under, yet you get the feeling it is going to take more than a bit of bullying from the Aussie batsmen and a dumpling of a ball to knock Swann out of his groove.

DAY 15: 17 November 2010

England spring a surprise by fielding their Test batsmen, so the one reserve, Morgan, will have had no cricket before the First Test. There is an element of risk to this, but Flower and Strauss clearly want to give the first-choice players every opportunity to find form and, hopefully, play long and meaningful innings against Australia A’s decent-looking pace attack. The pitch is very green indeed. Strauss wins the toss and no one is surprised when he puts the home team in to bat against his reserve attack.

With Anderson, Broad and Finn looking on before they leave to catch their flight to Brisbane, the support seamers have something of a field day. Conditions are perfect for Tremlett, Shahzad and Bresnan, but it is no surprise that they are all rather ring rusty, well short of match practice. Australia A slip to 118 for 6 from which point England’s frontline bowlers would have ruthlessly finished them off. But fighting half centuries by Steve Smith and Stephen O’Keefe combined with England’s bowlers’ lack of puff, enables Australia to reach 230. It shows that it doesn’t matter how many miles you run or weights you lift, only through bowling in match conditions can you really get fit for cricket.

I hope we get a little closer to understanding and appreciating Chris Tremlett on this tour. He is tall, has a great action and enough pace to hurt you, but his reputation of being rather soft continues to haunt him. Those who watch him play for his second county, Surrey, believe he has hardened up and become more aggressive and self-confident. I hope so because now aged 29, it really is make or break time for him.

Understandably, he starts his spell somewhat rustily, but produces a really good ball to the Australian dashing opener, Phillip Hughes, which the left-hander edges straight to Strauss at first slip. Tremlett bowls Cameron White, and then has Tim Paine and O’Keefe caught at the wicket – although there is an element of good fortune about both of these dismissals – and his figures of 4 for 54 are the best of the day. But he still seems to lack a ‘presence’ on the field. He runs up and bowls then immediately turns and walks back to his mark. I’m not suggesting he should indulge in sledging or silly things like that, but the odd moment of eye contact with the batsman or any show of emotion will help convince the spectator he really means it. Tremlett’s approach contrasts sharply with that of Shahzad who scurries in, glares at the batsmen and bristles with aggression. For my money, with 3 for 57, he is the bowler of the day, and because of his confidence would also be my first reserve if a pace bowler suddenly needs to be drafted in.

Bresnan dismisses test-hopeful Ferguson with a beauty, which is edged to Prior and then watches in stunned amazement as Monty Panesar flings himself full length to his right to pull off an astonishing reflex catch at mid-wicket. Wide-eyed and jumping about in celebration, Monty seems as surprised as everyone else that he has held on to it. Further credit to the skill and fielding drills devised by Richard Halsall (as experienced by the press pack on Monday). It is not long before the catch is available on YouTube and my delighted listeners are soon logging on for a look. Later, in the hotel lobby, I tell Monty that he is trending on Twitter and receive a delighted high five in return. Monty Rhodes!

Meanwhile we are all keeping an eye on the Australian squad players who are appearing in the first day of the latest round of Sheffield Shield matches – and it has been a disaster. Hussey 0. Watson 6. Katich 1. Ponting 7. North 17. Bollinger 0. Haddin 10. Hauritz 0. Only Mitchell Johnson, who is 81 not out overnight, has made a score at all and without him, the tally is 41/8. In reality, scores in Sheffield Shield matches should be largely irrelevant, but it does underline the problems the Aussies have going into the First Test.

DAY 16: 18 November 2010

I arrive at the ground to discover that Swann’s latest video diary on the ECB website is the talk of the town and that the Sprinkler is clearly the team dance. The video is brilliantly put together and it is hilarious to watch every member of the team – even Mushtaq Ahmed, the heavily bearded (‘black and grey stripes, so sponsored by Adidas’) spin bowling guru, performing the ‘Sprinkler’. The tabloids are onto it and Twitter has gone into meltdown. A new craze has been created by, it later turns out, Paul Collingwood.

On the face of it this appears to have been a really good day for the batsmen. England are already 105 runs in the lead at the close, with Bell having hit the most stylish hundred I have seen by an Englishman for a very long time. But look below the surface at the close of play scoreline, and you see the problem: England were 137 for 5 until the stand of 198 between Bell and Collingwood salvaged the situation and, on closer inspection still, every one of the four batsmen that perished today (Strauss was caught in the gully yesterday) got themselves out. This is precisely the sort of casual batting that has to be eliminated if England really are to win the Ashes here for the first time in 25 years, and while the team PR machine prefers to dwell on the strength of the recovery from England’s poor position, England should not have got into such a mess in the first place. It is all about discipline and there has not been enough of that in the approach of England’s batsmen in recent years. Dashing half-centuries are not what is required. The batsmen have to play the long game.

Even Monty, the nightwatchman, is out hooking. Cook and Trott then add 87, but Cook hoists a catch to mid-on off the left-arm spinner O’Keefe for 60, and Trott miscues a pull shot off Mark Cameron so badly that he gives a flat catch to mid-off for 41. Pietersen hits O’Keefe for 4, but then completely misses what appears to be nothing more than a dead straight delivery that rattles his middle stump. From KP’s reaction at the time, he seems to think that he is the victim of an unplayable hand grenade and departs the crease slowly as if has been betrayed. In the media centre we watch replay after replay trying to work out how he has made such a misjudgement, and, frankly, it is difficult to make sense of it. Is it that Pietersen really does have an issue playing left-arm spin bowlers, who have now dismissed him fifteen times in Tests?

Bell plays fluently from the outset. He and the bottom-handed Collingwood are an interesting combination and there really are shades of Geoffrey Boycott in the way, in particular, Bell drives: it is the perfectly bent left elbow that does it. He absolutely destroys Smith, the leg spinner, endorsing the majority view that there is no way Smith could play for Australia as the main spinner – he simply is not good enough.

I interview Colly at the end of play and feel I have no choice but to ask him about the Sprinkler. “Wait ‘til you see the Lawnmower,” is his cryptic reply.

It’s dinner with Graham Gooch and Derek Pringle [former England player and now of the Daily Telegraph] in a Greek restaurant close to our hotel. Gooch really seems to have found his niche now – he is on call with England as and when Flower wants him and will stay with the tour until the end of the Third Test. He is a hugely respected batting coach, and this role enables him to focus purely on that without having to worry too much about running team affairs. He insists we drink Greek wine to accompany the meal. It is very good but, as usual, Pringle has a damaging impact on the bill by ordering an expensive bottle of Tasmanian red at the end. I’m trying so hard to stick to my beginning-of-the-tour fitness resolution, but discovering that (as Emma would no doubt have forecasted) my willpower really is non-existent.

THE PARADOX OF SHANE WATSON

Oliver Brett | 18 November 2010

How England fans sneered when they saw a familiar blond all-rounder walk out to open the batting for Australia in the Edgbaston Ashes Test of 2009. Here was a man who had produced one solitary fifty in 13 previous Test innings. He apparently had few credentials as an opener, and was more adept, surely, at batting at six or seven and bowling a few overs of fast medium pace. Besides, he seemed to be injured most of the time.

Shane Watson, for he was the man in question, ignored the naysayers, striking 62 and 53 while James Anderson and Graham Onions were swinging the ball sideways. He has played every Test bar one since then, forming a formidable opening partnership with the crab-like Simon Katich, hitting the ball merrily here, there and everywhere with little ceremony spared. Katich has been Australia’s top scorer in all Tests since Edgbaston 2009, but only by five runs. Watson has amassed 1,261 runs in that time at an average of 50.44, leaving Ricky Ponting, Michael Clarke and Michael Hussey trailing in his wake. Whatever your allegiance, it is easy to admire Watson’s second coming.

He could have been a hero in the 2006-07 Ashes, when England were swept aside 5-0, but unrealised potential is often a recurring characteristic of the Watson story. His was then a career mired in uncertainty, notably because of injuries afflicting every part of an ironically powerful physique, with hamstrings, calves and hips taking a battering. So inevitably he was unfit and missed Australia’s glorious summer. Even though he enjoyed the considerable consolation of appearing in the 2007 World Cup-winning side, his Test career appeared in danger of remaining forever unfulfilled.

Now, at 29, he is one of the first names on the Australia team sheet, filling a dual role as Katich’s more effusive foil at the top of the order, while also sending down some handy overs as the fourth sea mer. He proved particularly effective with the ball in the Tests with Pakistan at Lord’s and Headingley in the summer of 2010. The oddity is that many Australian cricket fans find it difficult to admire Watson. There is a view that Watson should not open the batting, despite his success in that role. Former Australian captain Ian Chappell disagrees: “He might have become an opening batsman by accident but he’s quite happy opening and I look upon him as a very effective opener.” An old-fashioned biffer of the ball, he may lack some of the finesse of others but nevertheless has a sound enough defence. The overall package suits Chappell fine.

“If you have an opener who can score quickly, as Watson does, it’s worth gold and makes him very effective,” he says. “There are two types of opening batsman, the type that gets a start, makes the most of it and makes a big score, then you have the type who doesn’t get out early but doesn’t get big scores too often. Watson is in the second category, but if you can’t have the first category I’m happy with the second category. The flaw is that he doesn’t get a lot of hundreds, but he makes up for that in other ways. So long as he doesn’t get out quickly, the guys batting around him are never under pressure to score quickly themselves.”

Chappell is not keen to see Watson increase his bowling workload, however, adding: “The more bowling he’s got to do the more it means the Australian attack isn’t performing as well as you would hope. Watson should be used the way he’s been used in the last 12 to 18 months, purely as a change bowler, a few overs here and then he’s off. Anything you do with him that takes him away from opening the batting effectively would be counter-productive.”

When he picked up the Allan Border Medal in February last year, the annual prize awarded to Australia’s top cricketer, Watson fought back tears. His partner Lee Furlong, a TV presenter whom he has since married, beamed in the audience as her man, clad in a designer suit and with his hair perfectly coiffured, thanked a range of people who had helped rebuild his career. Among them was Victor Popov, the Brisbane physiotherapist who transformed Watson’s training regime. No more pumping weights in the gym to make those rippling muscles even bigger; instead a gentler schedule of pilates and stretching was ordered. Where there was once an occasional beer or two to unwind, now there was a strict teetotal regime.

To the unreconstructed Australian sports fan, Watson is thus something of an anomaly-and it helps explain the paradox that he does not meet with universal approval in his own country. The Australian blogger Jarrod Kimber really sticks the boot in, writing recently: “It takes real talent to be hated when you are pathetic and just as despised when you are good. Even those who have the talent to get to this level of hatred could never do it as well as Shane Watson. When not in front of the mirror, he seems to be able to move 95% of cricket fans into a frenzy of hate, pure detestation, clear revulsion, and a general uneasy sickness of rage.” So he continues, belittling his bowling action by likening it to the movements of “an elderly man getting out of a car”. England’s bowlers will have all sorts of strategies lined up for him when the First Test starts at his home ground, the Gabba. Whether they fall into the camp of being admirers or haters of ‘Watto’ is not strictly relevant. Nevertheless, the renaissance of Watson, and the manner in which it has been received, provides an intriguing backdrop to the opening salvos.

DAY 17: 19 November 2010

Finally, after three weeks in the country, the first sledging article appears in the Australian newspapers. And it’s a cracker! ‘Ten Reasons why the Poms are Duds’ is the headline, alongside a full page photograph of Kevin Pietersen who, thanks to his ‘Movember’ moustache – the month formerly known as November is a moustache growing charity event held each year that raises funds and awareness for men’s health – suddenly looks terribly camp, as if he is a member of the 1970s band YMCA. It should be noted that Mitchell Johnson has also grown a particularly fine specimen. The ten ‘weaknesses’ are 1) Over-rated 2) Pietersen 3) No genuine speedster 4) Over-analysis 5) Passive captain 6) No depth 7) No superstars 8) Chokers 9) Warm-ups 10) Scars. Unfortunately for the writer concerned, he refers to Panesar as an off-spinner which does little for the credibility of the piece, but it is much more like the sort of reception England cricket teams should expect in this part of the world. Some of the points are reasonable enough – England do lack a genuine fast bowler, someone who can turn on three or four overs of real pace like Andrew Flintoff used to do. South Africa were able to score frustrating lower order runs last winter because their tailenders were not intimidated, and that might be an area of concern this time too. However, Australia do not have an out-and-out fast bowler either. Pietersen a weakness? Unpredictable, maybe, but I would never consider KP to be a weakness in the team or a ‘pain in the neck’ as he was described in the article. And when it comes to lacking depth, I would rather have England’s back-up resources than Australia’s. But here I am letting this article wind me up, which is entirely the aim of the writer. I should have more experience than that!

On the field, Bell simply carries on where he left off yesterday in the company of Collingwood. Their partnership is worth 240 when Collingwood is caught behind playing a pull shot for 89 -the second time he has missed out on a century in ten days. Here he has batted more smoothly than he did at Adelaide – regardless of what he says! Prior times the ball beautifully, but his dismissal is disappointing and again is a case of impatience. He breezes to 27 from 31 balls but slices a drive to backward point off the leg spinner, Smith. This was Prior’s one opportunity and he has given it away.

England pile on the runs with the lead well over 250 when Bell gets out for 192. He drives Smith to extra cover and now seems a likely time for Strauss to declare the innings closed. But he chooses not to and instead gives Bresnan and the lower order the opportunity to plunder some quick runs against a flagging attack – none more so than poor old George who finishes with 0/135. It is an interesting tactic – had Strauss chosen to declare earlier he would have increased the likelihood of England having a second innings and giving Trott and Pietersen another hit. But he had gone on record at the outset, saying he wants to win every match on the tour, and this massive lead of 293 should ensure England win by a big margin.

They take three wickets before the close of play with Australia A still 165 runs behind. It is a change to recent encounters when, I have to say it, Australia’s reserves were much stronger than this. It is another sign of the wheel turning down here, but has it turned far enough yet?

I have a rare evening in, during which my Twitter companions introduce me to the talents of young singer Jessie J. Sometimes on tour it is nice just to lock yourself away and have a quiet one.

DAY 18: 20 November 2010

It all seems to be going terribly well, doesn’t it? England beat Australia A by 10 wickets, needing to knock off just 9 runs. They have completely dominated the game, helped by a good toss to win on the first morning. These matches are usually much more competitive. Panesar gets amongst the wickets today, so every reserve bowler has had a good run out. If there is an injury before the Brisbane Test, I reckon Bresnan would get the nod if it were Anderson in trouble, and Tremlett if either Broad or Finn is ruled out. Cameron White’s century is good timing, as there are still rumblings from around the Australian camp that Michael Clarke is struggling with his chronic back complaint, and neither of the reserves, Khawaja (out first ball today) or Ferguson (10) made the most of their opportunities.

That’s it, preparations over. Hobart is lovely, but is time to move on to Brisbane.

DAY 19: 21 November 2010

I interview KP before we all leave Tasmania. I compliment him on his thickening charity moustache and he gives me one of his thoughtful and insightful chats. Sometimes he can be a rather irritable and impatient interviewee, but he is on good form today. I especially like his description of the video analysis of the Australian players that England will now focus on as they build up to the Test. This will include, of course, Xavier Doherty, who KP admits to have never seen bowl a ball. I mention that some people are suggesting that the left arm spinner has been chosen merely to get him out (as mentioned earlier, it has happened fifteen times in Test cricket), Kevin scoffs at the thought. “Right arm seam bowlers have got me out many more times than left arm spinners.”

It is a three-hour flight to Brisbane and every member of the travelling media is aboard. This time we are better off than the team, who have to transit in Sydney. Undoubtedly, there is a tremendous sense of anticipation among members of the press pack – even the most experienced, and by definition most cynical, members seem to be genuinely intrigued about what is to unfold. The coming week is why we do this job.

It is a cloudy day when we touch down. My cabbie regales me with stories about how much rain has fallen in these parts over the last few months and how the forecast for the Test is unsettled. It would be too awful if after the huge build up and with so many cricket fans here and back home in a state of massively heightened anticipation the game was a washout. I haven’t even considered it as a possibility.

I catch up with Adam Mountford, our Test Match Special producer, who arrived in Australia yesterday and is clearly jet lagged, along with Caroline Short, who will be producing Mark Pougatch’s output on Radio 5 live. Over dinner I give them both a report on the last couple of weeks and include a quick demo of the Sprinkler. Unfortunately this is spotted by some of the tour photographers who are sitting at a nearby table. I fear it is something that could well come back to haunt me.

DAY 20: 22 November 2010

It is our first chance to catch up with the Australian side: they are practising at the Allan Border field, a small cricket ground in the Brisbane suburb of Albion that is home to the Australian Cricket Academy. We are then treated to a ‘media opportunity’. In reality this means we journalists all stand in a line cordoned off by a rope from the players. Every player walks down the row of queuing journalists, who are given a brief interview of a maximum of two minutes each. I have come hopelessly unprepared, and while waiting 45 minutes for the event to get started, am scorched by the blistering Australian sun, absolutely burned to a crisp. All for two minutes with Ricky Ponting. He is his usual business-like self and, as always, answers my questions honestly and directly. He has a lot on his mind, not least the fitness of Michael Clarke, whose recurrent back problem has struck again. Clarke was not able to practise today and will have to do so tomorrow to have any chance of playing on Thursday. Usman Khawaja is called up as a possible replacement. I ask Ponting if there’s a confidence problem within Australian cricket and, naturally enough, he denies it.

Things continue to hot up on the sledging front. Former England coach Duncan Fletcher has riled the Aussies by claiming their Test team has not been in such a muddled state for thirty years. He adds that Australian cricket is in a dark place. Australia’s coach Tim Nielsen bites back: “His opinions on most things in Test cricket are irrelevant. Have a look at his record here. His record speaks for itself. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but that’s no great surprise. He isn’t fit to lace Ricky Ponting’s bootstraps.”

Meanwhile, Shane Warne, a friend of Pietersen’s, claims that England’s treatment of Pietersen is responsible for his loss of form. Warne suggests that Pietersen has been made to feel like an ‘outcast’. I must admit that is not my impression from what I have seen on the tour, and Andy Flower is forced to reject it during his press conference today.

With a face like a ripe tomato I appear on the Channel 9 evening news and then head off to a delightful party hosted by the Queensland Tourist Board. Former great Australian fast bowler Jeff Thomson is there, long silver hair flowing, and we all have the chance to be photographed either stroking a gorgeous Koala called Crumpet, or a rather vicious looking Olive Python, wrapped menacingly around the torso of its young female handler. I go for Crumpet. In fact, I think we all do.

THE SECRET OF STRAUSS AS SKIPPER

Tom Fordyce | 22 November 2010

When Andrew Strauss was appointed England captain in the messy aftermath of the Kevin Pietersen and Peter Moores saga, it was almost by default. He was not only a safe pair of hands, he was the only pair. Less than two years later, Strauss leads his country into an Ashes series not only in possession of the coveted urn but more heavily fancied to beat Australia on their home patch than any England skipper in almost a quarter of a century.

If it is a headline-grabber of a transformation, the man himself is almost the polar opposite. From the first moment he arrived at Middlesex, fresh from Durham University and Radley College, Strauss has been personified by the virtues of hard work, steady self-improvement and composure under fire. “Back in the late 1990s, I played with Andrew in the first team at Middlesex and then spent long hours with him as coach,” remembers Mike Gatting, the last England captain to secure the Ashes on enemy territory. “You could see the sort of character he was even as a teenager. When he first came into the team, we were more comprehensive schoolboys rather than public school, so we used to chip away at him about that. But he was very good at dealing with it.”

While Mike Atherton famously had the initials ‘FEC – ‘Future England Captain’ – scrawled on his locker, Strauss initially struggled to convince at county level. In his first game in Middlesex colours, a Sunday League match in July 1997, he made only three, bowled by Matthew Fleming. He hit 83 on his first-class debut a year later but his maiden county century did not come for a further two years. “It’s always difficult coming in from school cricket as a young up-and-coming hopeful,” says Gatting. “It takes a while to settle into the heavier stuff. Andrew worked very hard on technique and playing at that different level. He was prepared to work very hard at it and do what was needed. Importantly, he had a very good grounding at Radley. Their coach, Andy Wagner, did a great job and they gave him a sound understanding of the game. He was always a natural sportsman, too. He was a very good rugby player and had a low golf handicap. From my point of view as coach, it was a pleasure working with someone who had such a good work ethic and who clearly had such a love of cricket.”

The young Strauss took particular note of two other men in the dressing-room, skipper Mark Ramprakash and Australian opener Justin Langer. Gatting again: “Justin was the ideal role model, not only as a fellow left-hander who Andrew could work with but as a great example in how to prepare. Langer took his cricket seriously and had a lot of passion for it. There was always that in Andrew. He was always very competitive, never liked coming second. Every time he played, every time he went in, you could see he was striving to become better.”

In his early days as full-time England skipper – on the unsuccessful tour of the West Indies, when he appeared loath to make attacking declarations -Strauss was sometimes criticised for being too cautious and unimaginative. At that stage, the aim was to steady the ship, rather than risk steering it back on to the rocks. While he has grown a little more adventurous with time, he remains a study in careful composure. He is both stoical in defeat and calm in victory. Just as there was no panic after the crushing defeat by Australia at Headingley last summer, so there were no wild celebrations after the series-clinching win at The Oval.

“The one key thing about Andrew is that he’s very level-headed,” explains Gatting. “He always had it very firmly in his mind what he wanted to do, how he was going to do it and how he was going to be as a person. That self-confidence feeds into his displays at the crease. While history has lain heavy on the shoulders of many unsuccessful Ashes skippers, Strauss appears capable of carrying its burden. “It’s an integral part of his success,” says Gatting. “He knows who he is. He will set his standards and he’s not one to then move from that.”

During the 2009 Ashes, Strauss scored 474 runs at an average of 52.66, more than any other player in the series. He also hit 161 as England won their first Ashes Test at Lord’s in 75 years. His overall average with the bat as skipper is 47.34, compared to 41.04 as a humble foot soldier. This compares favourably with the record of the last England captain to win the Ashes, Michael Vaughan, who averaged a stellar 50.98 as a mere batsman but only 36.02 while in charge of the side.

“We used to have chats about it, about making sure he does enough for himself, being able to relaxand focus on his own game as well as the captaincy,” says Gatting. “He can be a very selfless player, always thinking about the team, but sometimes you have to focus on yourself. You understand your own game as you get older, and Andrew knows his well enough to know what he has to do. A lot of it is about time management. Work out what you have to do as captain and get there early. Get your own work done and dusted so you can then watch your team. If you need a little more practice, then do it at the end. You have to be calculating.”

Strauss has not always found Test cricket easy. Dropped in 2007 for the tour of Sri Lanka, having averaged only 27 over the previous 12 months, the then 30-year-old looked technically troubled. Stuart Clark, the leading wicket-taker in the 2006/07 Ashes, believes the Australian bowlers would target a perceived weakness on the hook and a tendency to put the front foot straight down the pitch rather than following the line of the ball. While his record against the old enemy at home is good – in 2005, Strauss was the only batsman on either side to score two centuries in the series – it is less impressive Down Under. In 2006/07, he scored only 247 runs at an average of 24.7 and a highest score of 50. Should he struggle this time, Australia’s task in wrestling back the little urn will be made a lot easier.

What will help him, believes Gatting, is the bond formed with coach Andy Flower. “You’ve got two people now in charge who are both hard and fair but also passionate about the team doing well. Andrew is a very good communicator. He’s very honest with his players and can be hard on them but he’ll be fair. But the coach has to remember that when things are going well the captain needs to be patted on the back, too, and told he does well. The skipper will go round and tell his players they’ve done well but he needs the same from someone above him.”

What then are the particular pressures Strauss can expect as an England skipper in Australia? And what is key to successful captaincy Down Under? “The media there will side with the home team and try to make as much of things that happen to the tourists as possible,” says Gatting. “Andrew will need to keep the side close-knit and then must make sure they don’t take too much notice of what is written or said. He will also know that if you do get on top, the Aussie press will get on top of their own team. You can see it in the reaction to Australia’s decision to pick a squad of 17 for the First Test. The Aussie media can turn very quickly.”

Gatting points out that England have already made a good start Down Under and thus silenced a lot of the Australian critics. “If England hadn’t done so well in the state games, you would have seen a lot more about them in the sports pages. The charge hasn’t begun because the guys have started well. The focus has been on what the Aussie selectors are doing.” And Gatting has these words of wisdom for Strauss and his men: “When you get even a small chance of getting on top, hit them hard. Capitalise on your chances and never, ever take your foot off their throats.”

DAY 21: 23 November 2010

Today is somewhat over shadowed by a row in the papers. Ian Healy, former Australian wicketkeeper and now cricket commentator, is left ‘fuming’ by the Poms’ apparent snub of a lunchtime event he was hosting along with Sky’s Nasser Hussein, producing headlines joshing for position as the most ridiculous seen on the tour so far. The England side are criticised for their single-minded arrogance when they fail to turn up for an ‘official’ Ashes lunch. “This England side didn’t think it was important enough to attend. To me that’s bullsh**,” blasts Healy. Two things wrong with this as far as I can see: firstly, only half the Australians turn out for the lunch and it is not an ‘official Ashes lunch’ in any case. England were always scheduled to practise at the Gabba from lunchtime onwards and to the best of my knowledge no one in the England camp actually knew about the lunch.

PONTING UNDER FIRE

Ben Dirs | 23 November 2010

Over the past 15 years Australia has had a great many would-be captains, probably thousands of them – and an awful lot of them have been English. They popped up in pubs and bars and on sofas, throwing their hats into the ring every time an Aussie batsman passed 100 in an Ashes Test, every time an English partnership had seen off the seamers and the ball was then tossed to Shane Warne. You could imagine them muttering under their breath: “Seriously, I could captain this side.”

It is, of course, a vacuous statement – but not without a smidgeon of truth.

It can quite easily be argued that Australia had in the team that humiliated England 5-0 in the last Ashes series Down Under more bona fide greats than England has produced in the last 30 or 40 years. When the actual captain Ricky Ponting called it ‘arguably the best team in any sport in the world; he was not guilty of hyperbole.

Warne and Adam Gilchrist would be automatic choices for any all-time side, while Ponting and Glenn McGrath would certainly be in the reckoning. Add a legendary opening partnership in Matthew Hayden and Justin Langer, Mike Hussey and Michael Clarke in the middle order and quicks Brett Lee and Stuart Clark, and you have a juggernaut of an outfit. With such weapons at his disposal in his first few years as skipper, Ponting, who replaced Steve Waugh in 2004, was given something of an armchair ride, winning 27 of his first 35 matches in charge. After that, however, Ponting’s armchair started losing some of its springs.

In the space of a couple of years Warne, McGrath, Langer, Gilchrist, Hayden and Lee all called it a day, as did lesser lights such as Stuart MacGill and Damien Martyn. And just like that, Ponting went from a skipper in charge of a great team with the best winning percentage in Test history to, well, a skipper with a pretty good record in charge of a pretty good team. “Let’s be honest, Ricky’s had some wonderful players at his fingertips,” says Mike Gatting, the last man to lead England to Ashes glory in Australia, in 1986-87.”A captain can only be as good as his players. If you’ve got a Warne and a McGrath in your side, you don’t have to tell them what to do because they are very good professionals who love winning for their country. You shouldn’t have to do too much to get them motivated. The same with Gilchrist, Langerand Hayden.”

There are many in Australia – former fast bowlers Geoff Lawson and Jeff Thomson have been merciless in their criticism – who believe Ponting has been unmasked as a poor captain and that he should have been replaced by Clarke following the 2-0 series defeat in India which made it three Test defeats on the spin, something that hadn’t happened to Australia since 1988. But former skipper Ian Chappell, who won 50% of his Tests to Ponting’s current record of 64%, is not one of them, believing the punchy Tasmanian remains the best man for the job.

“Ricky Ponting is a good captain,” says Chappell. “It shouldn’t come as any surprise that when you lose Warne and McGrath, Ponting isn’t winning as often as he was. But Ponting can point to the fact that he wins 64% of his Tests overall and say it works. I’ve not seen a day’s play with Australia where I’ve looked out there and felt the team hasn’t been pulling as one. I’ve never seen that happen under Ricky Ponting’s captaincy. The day that happens is the day you know you’ve got a problem and that’s when you’ve got to go.”

However, there are many who disagree with Chappell and argue that statistics are not the best way to measure a captain. The same people would argue that former New Zealand skipper Stephen Fleming and former England skipper Michael Vaughan were vastly superior to Ponting, not because of their winning percentages, but because of the manner in which they marshalled inferior sides and got them punching above their weight.

Ponting’s frailties were there for all to see during the 2005 Ashes series, when he was knocked out of his groove by an injury to McGrath, the lack of form of some of his key players and the in-your-face aggression of Vaughan’s England outfit. One of the biggest mysteries of that series was Ponting’s decision not to pick MacGill, a man who finished his career with 208 Test wickets at an average of 29, for the final two Tests when his fellow leg-spinner Warne was scalping England batsmen for fun. Fast bowler Shaun Tait, preferred to MacGill at Trent Bridge and The Oval, was then mysteriously underused.

Roll forward to 2009 in Cardiff, with England nine wickets down in their second innings and Monty Panesar and James Anderson in the middle. Ponting made the truly baffling decision to bring part-timer Marcus North to bowl two of the last four overs, with fellow spinner Nathan Hauritz operating from the other end. Panesar and Anderson held firm, Ponting appeared haunted at not being able to force the win and England went on to reclaim the Ashes.

During the recent Test series in India, Ponting took a lot of flak in Australia’s media for negative fields, a lack of faith in his players and a tendency to flinch in the heat of battle, a most un-Australian trait. When Warne criticized Hauritz’s field placings during the Second Test in Bangalore, Ponting’s reaction of claiming the bowler had chosen them on his own seemed indicative of a lack of leadership skills.

Australian fans declare themselves baffled at why a batsman of such attacking verve and pugnacity and so steeped in the traditions of the game should prove to be so devoid of tactical nous and composure when things get uncomfortable. There won’t be too many people putting their hand up to replace Ponting if he becomes the first Australian captain to lose three Ashes series since Billy Murdoch in 1890. But you might hear a lot of people saying: “Seriously, who’d want to captain this side?”

DAY 22: 24 November 2010

Sod’s law: with the First Test starting tomorrow I am struck down by a stomach bug. It is nothing serious, but it is uncomfortable and disabling, and with so much work to do today, rotten timing. My old TMS producer and good friend, Peter Baxter, throws a BBQ at his Brisbane home and although I attend I am still feeling pretty crook and can’t enjoy it as much as I would have liked. Peter, the lucky so-and-so, spends half the year here, and halfback in the UK.

The cabbie who takes me to the Gabba doesn’t lift my mood when, having told him where I wanted to go, replies: “Hey! You’re Aggers, aren’t you?” A little puffed up, I confirm that indeed I am none other, only for my ‘fan’ to offer up: “My! You’re much less handsome than you sound on the radio!” Thanks a lot, mate.

The captains’ press conferences are very well attended – the ranks of the English media must have trebled since our arrival in Brisbane, but surprisingly there isn’t a reporter present from ABC Radio. This is potentially tricky for me as I need an interview with Ponting, and the usual pre-match form is that I stick my microphone into the ABC interview and send the result on to London. The Cricket Australia people are clearly very agitated that ABC aren’t here – they chose to record the television press conference – but kindly agree that I may have a few minutes with Ponting to myself. This takes place in a corridor so dark that I can barely see his face, but he is his usual professional self, and I appreciate his co-operation. This comes only a few minutes after Ponting has fallen for one of the great tabloid stitch ups that always occur on the day before the opening Test of an Ashes series in Australia. Because of the time difference it is a blank day for the writers. John Etheridge of the Sun tosses out the usual question about whether the Ashes urn should be held in the country that wins it rather than being permanently housed at Lord’s, and Ricky bites: “Why not, that would be good.” ‘Ponting will Urn Trophy’ is the resulting headline in the Sun.

Strauss strikes me as being rather tense, which is entirely understandable. After I put down my microphone and he starts to walk away I shout after him: “Andrew. Please make sure you all enjoy it. There’s nothing better than this!” “Don’t worry. We’re going to,” he calls over his shoulder, before disappearing down the same dark corridor.

Later that evening I make good on a promise and meet up with a group of England supporters – who arrived in Australia only this morning – for a swift question and answer session to get them in the mood. After twenty minutes, loud snoring interrupts my flow. It’s all been too much for one old boy in the front row!

AUSTRALIA AWAITS AS ENGLAND EXPECTS

Tom Fordyce | 24 November 2010

There’s been talk of little else – a team of English stars, exposed to the toughest challenges Australia can throw at them, battling enormous pressure and a huge weight of expectation back home in Blighty. Still, enough of I’m a Celebrity. After months of bellicose build-up and fluctuating form, the Ashes are finally upon us. And for England fans both at home and here in Brisbane, there’s an unfamiliar sense of optimism in the humid Queensland air.

It’s not normally this way. At this stage of an Ashes ding-dong Down Under, England are usually being ripped apart by a caustic local media and mercilessly taunted by cocksure Aussie fans. It shouldn’t even make sense. The hosts haven’t lost a Test at the Gabba in over 20 years. England haven’t won a series here for almost a quarter of a century. They’ve only won three of the last 24Tests on Australian soil.

But this time around, the established order appears to have been turned on its head. Australia are the ones coming into the series with injury problems and ropey form, England are the team with wins under the belt and a settled side. So far the media scorn has been aimed squarely at the Australian selectors. The mood among home fans is positively downbeat. For England supporters reared on a diet of Aussie domination, it’s all rather unsettling, almost too good to be true. Even the Brisbane weather and Gabba pitch appear to be on the side of the tourists – grey and sweaty overhead, greenish and a little juicy underfoot.

Whether the track stays that way is another matter. While the forecast for Thursday morning is for clouds and warmth, the pitch may just be a late developer. Queensland might have been skittled for 75 and 96 here by New South Wales earlier this month, but Aussie captain Ricky Ponting thinks groundsman Kevin Mitchell has prepared a classic Gabba wicket-spicy enough to keep the pace bowlers interested, but one which will offer something for the spinners later on and bring full reward for disciplined batting.

“I think it looks particularly good,” a chirpy Punter said at the stadium on Wednesday. “It looks exactly like wickets look here the day before a match.” Ponting won’t be drawn on whether he’ll opt to bat if he wins the toss. Nor will Andrew Strauss (“I’ve got pretty firm ideas of what I want to do, but you’ve got to be prepared to do both.”) After England’s chastening experiences on the first day in 2002 and 2006, it should be a no-brainer for the tourists: call correctly, and get the pads on.

Except it’s not quite so straightforward. England’s bowling attack requires seam-friendly conditions. If there’s early swing in the air, goes the argument you increasingly hear in local bars and cafes, might it be better to shove recent history to one side and go hard for the jugular? The stats aren’t quite as onesided as we might imagine. In Ashes Tests at this ground, the team winning the toss has batted first 13 times, and gone on to win on six occasions. In the five matches where a skipper has opted to stick the opposition in, they’ve won two. In all Tests at the Gabba, 64 per cent of games have been won by the side batting first, 36 per cent by the team batting second. Yet since the end of the 1970s, Australia have opted to bowl on nine of the 15 times they’ve won the toss.

What isn’t in doubt is how spicy the atmosphere will be inside this gold and green concrete bowl come the first ball. The most telling moment of Ponting’s ebullient pre-match news conference came when he spoke about forcing his side to watch England celebrate after they had regained the urn last summer. “I made sure it hurt them as much as possible when the Ashes were handed over to Andrew Strauss at The Oval,” he said. “There is no doubt that that’s been driving us – that empty feeling after walking off the pitch after two unsuccessful Ashes series.”

Ponting, combative as always, intends to lead from the front. He has begun the last two Ashes series with a century in the very first innings; while he averages an impressive 66 in Tests at the Gabba, that rises to 100 against the oldest enemy. If he has concerns about Michael Clarke’s dicky back, he’s keeping them well hidden; if he’s worried about giving the unheralded 28-year-old Xavier Doherty (84 first-class wickets in his entire career) his Test debut in the cauldron of an Ashes opener, he wasn’t about to admit it to a home media scenting blood.

His England counterpart Strauss has had none of those last-gasp selectoral headaches. He’s known his first-choice XI since last summer. After wins in two of the three warm-up games this month, he will also feel his side are coming into form at the ideal time. “We’re all very keen to get going,” he says. “We’re in a good place as a side. At the same time we understand the size of the challenge ahead – not many teams come here and win. But we couldn’t be better placed mentally to take on that challenge. I’m fully confident that we’ve got the players to do that and we thrive on the idea that we could pull off something pretty special.”

The mood in the camp has been upbeat and confident from the moment they arrived in Brisbane. Others might worry about Alastair Cook’s supposed technical deficiencies, or Kevin Pietersen’s Test drought, or the inexperience of the attack in Australian conditions, yet Strauss knows that England will never have a better chance of breaking their dismal run Down Under. Australia have won an intimidating 75 per cent of Tests they’ve played at home over the past 20 years. But the luminaries who sparked those performances are gone, replaced in most part with players big on honest toil but low on star quality. “The prospect of turning that record around excites us,” says Strauss. He knows that for all Marcus North’s application he is no Steve Waugh; for all Peter Siddle’s snarling aggression, he would rather open against him than Glenn McGrath or Brett Lee.

What England need to do is start well. Graham Gooch, who played in four Ashes series in Australia and is now his country’s batting coach, has been telling anyone who’ll listen out here how critical the first session of each day will be. Even if a repeat of the Harmison horrors of four years ago is unlikely, the first skirmishes could establish the lines for the battle to follow.” There’s no doubt that the first hour here set up the whole campaign for us last time,” says Ponting. “We were able to capitalise on some very nervous England players.”

Seventy-seven per cent of Tests at the Gabba end in a result. Win here, and England will know the mutterings among locals about Australia’s flaws and Ponting’s perceived inadequacies as skipper will become a clamour. Already there are signs that the hosts’love affair with cricket might not be as passionate as we always assume. Television viewing figures for the sport are down 24 per cent over the last decade, and while there has been a strong growth in participation among children under the age of 12, there has been a bigger dropoff in the 13-18 age group. Australia needs these Ashes as much as England.

Tourist numbers too are down on last time. The recession back home, allied to a strong Aussie dollar that makes travelling here much more expensive for Brits, means there are fewer England fans visible in the pubs and clubs. The Barmy Army is in position, but its ranks are denuded. For the sport as a whole, the series could not have come at a better moment. At a time when corruption scandals are dominating the headlines, this is one clash you can really believe in.

EVE OF SERIES THOUGHTS:

Has there ever been such a feeling of anticipation before a Test series before? This is my sixth Ashes tour, and I certainly have never felt anything like it. This huge excitement has been generated by the optimism among England supporters who genuinely feel that Andrew Strauss’s men have a real chance of defeating Australia. At the same time, there is serious trepidation in the Australian media and the general public that their great run of two decades without a home Ashes series defeat is finally coming to an end.

A great deal has been made of England’s preparation for the tour. I’ve watched it, and it has gone well. I would have liked Kevin Pietersen to make a big score – he, Jonathan Trott and Matt Prior have all looked in nice touch, but got out too early. This series will not be won by breezy half-centuries. The batsmen have to go on and register the big scores that really make the difference in Test cricket. England are also lacking a genuinely fast bowler; someone to come on and bowl a blistering, intimidating spell of four overs in the heat and when the pitch is flat. Someone like Andrew Flintoff. Australia don’t have one either, mind you, and both teams have the scope to add annoying lower-order runs as a result.

In many ways, though, the preparation will not count for much come the start of play, when the nerves and adrenalin kick in. We all remember the ghastly opening hour here four years ago when poor Steve Harmison was so wretchedly nervous that he fired the first ball straight to a startled Flintoff at second slip.

Ricky Ponting states that his team knew they would regain the Ashes as early as that first drinks session. True, England’s build-up contributed to their downfall, but it is the cricket on the Test field that matters in the end, and England know that they have an awful lot of history to bury, and poor starts at the Gabba to overcome if they are to succeed.

The last time England won here at the Gabba, they won the Ashes. If they do win here, it will be fascinating to see the reaction of the Australian selectors who are already under pressure to bring in new faces in place of Mike Hussey and Marcus North in particular. There is even talk of Ponting’s career being in the balance should he lose his third Ashes series. However, should Australia win this opening match, I can see them regaining their confidence – which has taken quite a battering recently – and combined with an inevitable feeling of ‘here we go again’ from the England perspective, they could become very difficult to beat.

So much depends on this first game. A key battleground for me is Australia’s batsmen against Graeme Swann. England will be playing only four frontline bowlers so, particularly in the first innings, Swann will have to play a containing role while the pacemen are rotated at the other end. Will the Australians take the obvious strategy of getting after the spinner to force Strauss to take him off, or will they simply keep him out? Both have risks attached – over-aggression in the first approach while the Decision Review System gives Swann quite an advantage against defensive left-handers in particular.

Predictions always come back to haunt you, but I will repeat mine of some months ago that England will win 3-1.