Читать книгу Ordinary Joe - Jon Teckman - Страница 11

The next thing I knew, a stewardess was tapping my shoulder and asking me to put my seat in its upright position for landing. The instant the plane touched down there was the usual rush to gather bags and coats from the overhead lockers and to get from the plane to the front of the queue for Immigration as quickly as possible. As we hurried down the gangway and into the terminal, Bennett switched on his phone, which immediately started to warble like a dyspeptic baby crow. I turned mine on, too, but it stayed embarrassingly silent. Not even a ‘welcome home, one of the kids has escaped’ from Natasha.

Bennett stared intently at his screen as we made our way through Passport Control and out to the baggage carousels, occasionally pressing buttons and making curious clucking noises. Eventually he let out one of his appalling grunt-laughs, like a vixen on heat caught in a combine harvester, and passed me his mobile. ‘Here look at these, West,’ he said appreciatively. ‘It’s more messages from that same number, but this time, they’re clearly addressed to me. Bizarre!’

There were four new messages highlighted on the screen, all from the same unidentified number:

So Mr Joseph A Bennett. Gone all quiet on me, eh? I didn’t wanna be too bold before but I like REALLY enjoyed last night. You were incredible!!! Cant wait to see u some more.

Olivia xxx

Hi, me again! Forgot to say Im gonna be in London soon with the movie so we can meet then. How cool is that??? Would be great to hook up again real soon.

Olly x

What? Still not talking to me? Hope ur not one of those love em and leave em guys, English!!! What’s up, Babe? Text me pleeese! I miss you!

O

Hey – ur NOT one of those love em and leave em guys are u? You had better fucking not be. I dont give what I gave u last night lightly. Please don’t be mean to me, English.

Bennett looked at me in eager anticipation, waiting for my response. ‘You know what this is, don’t you, West?’ He sounded wistful but amused. ‘Someone’s having a pop at me. Isn’t Olivia the name of that bird in the film we saw last night? The rather tasty one? I bet it’s those bloody studio guys trying to make it look like she’s after me. The bastards!’ He smiled as he tapped the phone absentmindedly on his chin, his expression full of fondly remembered laddish high jinks. He was enjoying this – it meant they’d recognised him as one of the boys. It had taken him a while to crack this crazy business but now he’d done it. Now they appreciated that beneath the highly professional, executioner’s mask he was a regular guy. Someone who got things done but could have a laugh as well; a chap who worked hard and played even harder. ‘Classic, isn’t it? They’ve really made her sound like some crazy neurotic actress. What a gas! How do you reckon I should reply?’

I hadn’t a clue. Something didn’t stack up. No one in Hollywood knew Bennett well enough to joke with him like this and, even if they did, no one would dare impugn the reputation of a star like Olivia Finch.

‘Come on, man,’ Bennett harried me, ‘I haven’t got all day.’

I could have stopped the whole thing right there but something was compelling me to go on, like when you pass a car crash on the motorway hard shoulder and implore yourself not to look but look anyway. I could have said: ‘Hey, Joseph, you’ll never believe this but, guess what? It was me who slept with Olivia Finch last night! Yup! Gave her a good seeing to and, for some reason, she thinks it was you. What a hoot! I say, old man, would you mind terribly not mentioning it to anyone at work? Or to Sandra in case she sees Natasha at their book group and spills the beans. You know how the ladies love to gossip! Thanks, awfully, mate. I owe you one.’

If I had said that then none of the rest of what happened would have happened. Bennett would still be alive. Olivia might have won an Oscar or two by now. And I might still be working at Askett Brown. Living on my own, no doubt, as Bennett would have gone straight home and told his wife, who would have lost no time making sure Natasha knew and my feet wouldn’t have touched the floor. Natasha was not the forgiving kind when it came to infidelity. She had always made it quite clear that there would be no three strikes and you’re out for me. One slip of the libido and it would be ‘hit the road, Jack, and take your dick with you in this bag I’ve knitted out of your scrotum.’

Perhaps it was this thought that stopped me from breaking the chain. The moment passed as quickly as it arrived and I found myself taking the coward’s way, encouraging events forward with my silent acquiescence. Instead of shouting: ‘Cut! Let’s take it again from the top but this time the little fat guy will own up,’ I adopted the role of someone who enjoyed a laugh as much as the next bloke but occasionally had to be the damp squib.

‘Why don’t you text back something like: “Just got off a long flight. Can’t talk now. Catch you later”?’ I said. ‘They’ll think you’re still playing along but soon realise that you can’t be bothered to get down to their level. What do you think?’

‘I see where you’re coming from, Westy,’ Bennett replied, mulling over his options, trying to think at least two moves ahead. ‘Slow-play it a bit. See what they do next. Yeah, I can see how that might work for someone like you, West, but it’s not really for me, is it? If these guys know anything about me, they’ll be expecting me to hit back at them hard. I’ve got to show them who’s in charge here – who’s the prankster supremo – otherwise they’ll think they can walk all over me.’ He paused to tap retardedly on his phone. ‘Hey West, what do you call one of those films that’s almost the same as another film but different? You know – same story, same actors but different title. Comes out after the first one.’

‘A sequel?’ I suggested, after my brain had assessed and dismissed all other options.

‘That’s it!’ he said, ‘that’s the feller!’ He tapped at his phone again, then passed it to me. ‘Here, what do you think?’

Glad you liked it, babe. I had a cracking night too – deffo up there in my all-time top ten. Let’s hook up again when you’re over in old London Town and go for a sequel. JB

I felt a knot tightening in my stomach and my toes curling up in anticipatory horror. ‘Don’t you think that’s a little, well, provocative, Joseph?’ I said, knowing that the more I protested the more likely he was to persist in his course. ‘The old slow-play sounded pretty good to me.’

‘Yeah, you may be right, mate,’ he replied, looking off into the middle distance as I finally spotted my suitcase sliding down the chute and onto the carousel. Then he pressed the Send button anyway.

It was past ten o’clock by the time we had collected our luggage and walked out into the arrivals hall. Bennett tossed me a clipped ‘G’bye, West!’ as his driver stowed his ‘Joseph Bennett’ sign and picked up my boss’s enormous suitcase while I sloped off to queue for a taxi. Every trip Bennett ever went on was, essentially, an ego trip and he wasted no opportunity to make sure I knew where the power lay in our new working relationship. Although we both lived in North London, it would never have occurred to him to offer me a lift and I was glad not to feel obliged to accept.