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Or a Second Dialogue between Humphrey and Roger, as they were returning home from choosing Knights of the Shire to sit in Parliament.

(PRINTED FOR T. B.)

Roger. Well overtook, neighbour. I see you are not a man of your word; did you not promise me, when we last met, that you would vote for our old members, that sat in the last Parliament, to be Knights of the Shire, to sit in the parliament at Oxford.

Humphrey. I thought to do so, but, by my brown cow, I have been over-persuaded to the contrary by my Landlord and his Chaplain, Mr. Tantivie, and a pestilent fine man, I think they said he was a courtier, that lay at my Landlord’s house; and what with arguments and wine, they drew aside my heart, and made me vote against my conscience.

Roger. ’Twas ill done, neighbour Numps, but all their artifices would not do, we have carried it by some hundreds for our old members, that stood so bravely for their country.

Humphrey. I am glad of it with all my heart, for, to tell you truly, tho’ my landlord had my voice, the old members had my heart, and I’ll never do so again.

Roger. I hear most of the Counties in England are of the same mind, and all the Burgess Towns, Cities, and Corporations; but what arguments could they use to alter thy mind?

Humphrey. First, I say, they made me continually drunk, and then my Landlord asked me so very civilly, and gave me so many good words, and fine promises what a kind Landlord he would be, that I forgot all your instructions; and methought he had invincible arguments to persuade me.

Roger. What were they?

Humphrey. Nay, I have forgot them; but I thought no Counsellor-at-Law, nor any Bishop, could have contradicted them: I now remember one argument that took with me; you know I was ever for the King, and he told me the King did not love the old Parliament-men, and therefore I should not vote for them; but I, being bold, asked him how he knew that.

Roger. What said he then?

Humphrey. Why he laid me as flat as a flounder, that is, he fully convinced me, for, said he, if the King had loved them he would not have dissolved them. I think that was demonstrable.

Roger. ’Tis no matter, tho’ the King did not love them, they lov’d you and your country, and you should so far have loved yourself, as not to have betrayed your own interest. What said the Courtier?

Humphrey. ‘Faith he said not much to me, but I suppose he had said enough to my Landlord.

Roger. And was this all your Landlord said to you? Had you nothing to say for yourself? You spoke rationally the last time we were together.

Humphrey. Nay, I was forward enough to speak I’ll assure you; and I told them I was sure our old members would be for the rooting up of Popery, and would stand stiffly against Arbitrary Government.

Roger. What said they then?

Humphrey. My Landlord laughed at me, and told me I had been among the Presbyterian Whigs, and bid me have a care of being cheated into Rebellion, by those two words Popery and Arbitrary Government. Then he showed me a printed paper, I think he called it The Mistress of Iniquity, which showed as plain as the nose on my face, that in ’41 they did as we do now, and by that means they brought one King to the block, and so they would now do by our present Sovereign, God bless him.

Roger. Alas! alas! and that frighted you, did it?

Humphrey. Frighted me, ay marry did it, and I think ’twould affright any honest man; you know I was always a King’s man, and I would be taught to join with those, or give my Voice for such, who, under the notion of crying against Popery and Arbitrary Government, would pull down the King and the Bishops, and set up a Commonwealth again.

Roger. Well, Numps, I believe thee to be an honest man, and there be many in this land of thy condition, that are not of any great reach in policies and tricks of State Mountebanks, and so may be easily persuaded, upon false grounds, to betray your country, your liberties, your lives, and religion.

Humphrey. Nay, that was not all; he then read another printed paper, with a hard name, I think it was Hercules Rideing, or something of jest and earnest which I laughed heartily at, and methought there were some things called ‘Querks,’ which made a jingling and noise in my ears, that I thought there was some spell in it, for it seemed to join with Mistress Iniquity, to make all the Presbyterians traitors, and most of the people of England mad and factious.

Roger. There is as much heed to be given to these pamphlets as to the jingling of Morrice-bells. They are hired to set the people together by the ears, and are Papists in masquerade; things set up to affright the people out of their senses, with the buy leave of ’41; wise men see through them, honest men are not affrighted at them, and fools and knaves only are led aside by them.

Humphrey. But don’t we do now as formerly, before the late wars? don’t we run in just the same steps as they did, who caused all the late bloody doings, as those pamphlets would make us believe?

Roger. I cannot tell what they mean by roads and highways; pray Hodge, we are now riding in the High-road to the next market-town; before the last Assizes, in this very road three or four Highwaymen rode in it too, and robbed several persons, and committed many villainous murders, and were at last caught and hanged for it; now therefore, because we are riding in the same Highway, must we honest men be accounted thieves, robbers, and murderers, and all others who travel this road? that’s a hard case.

Humphrey. You say right, neighbour Hodge, tho’ the gallows stand in the highway, we need not run our Heads against it, nor do anything to deserve it.

Roger. Shall not the people who feel the burden and groan under the oppression, and, having no other way of redress but a parliament, desire and petition for one, and cry out against such illegal and unjust proceedings, but presently they must be termed by these fellows seditious, factious, and such as would dethrone the King, and pull down the Bishops? Then all men must hereafter be afraid to speak, to vote, or to petition against grievances, lest they should be termed rebels, villains, and traitors.

Humphrey. O neighbour, my heart trembles! what a rogue was I to vote at random, when our all lies at stake! I did not think we had put such a trust into the hands of our Parliament-men; I thought, alas, as many do, that we chose only for form-sake, and that they were only called to Parliament to give the King money, and to do what he would have them; and we have paid so many taxes already, and given so much money, that I wished in my heart there would be no more parliaments in my days.

Roger. You see you were mistaken; ’tis the greatest trust that can be put into the hands of men, when we send to the parliament our representatives, for we entrust them with our religion, lives, liberties, and property, all we have; for they may preserve them to us, give them from us, and therefore, neighbour, we ought to be careful in whom we put this great trust, and not be persuaded by our Landlord or any flattering Courtier, or ‘horn-winding Tantivie’ of them all, to choose those whom we know not, and are not well assured of, and that we dare not confide in.”

Equally sound in argument is the following:—