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Hollywood

Hollywood has been built on the phenomenal talents of men and women like Charlie Chaplin, John Wayne, and Marilyn Monroe—all of whom are now dead. Stanley Kubrick is also dead, and so are Mary Pickford and Peter Sellers. Alfred Hitchcock, Groucho Marx, Joan Crawford? Dead, dead, and dead. Death comes to us all, even the famous and beautiful. These are people who left an unmistakable mark on the world, people whose work has inspired generations, and people who are now super-duper dead. Have you ever wondered why Paul Newman hasn’t made a film in a while? I will give you one guess.

All of these talented superstars have left behind a legacy. To paraphrase Robin Williams quoting Walt Whitman in Dead Poets Society, the powerful play goes on, and they have contributed a verse. A few of them were even able to sneak in one more great line before the end. From the hilarious to the heartfelt, here are a few of the best last lines of some of Hollywood’s brightest stars.

Groucho Marx (1890–1977)

It would be hard to find a modern comedian who wasn’t influenced by Groucho Marx. One of the quickest and most quotable wits in the history of Hollywood, Groucho lines have become a part of everyday life. The man with the bushy black moustache and ubiquitous cigar made thirteen films with the Marx brothers, including the classic Duck Soup, as well as enjoying decades of success as a solo act on radio, screen, and stage, including the hit show You Bet Your Life.

His impact is so broad that even Queen Elizabeth II quoted him on her eightieth birthday, saying “Anyone can get old—all you have to do is live long enough.”

Only someone as clever as Groucho would have too many good lines to settle on just one final zinger. A few close friends have suggested that his last words were “This is no way to live!” while most suggest that his last words were to his wife, specifically:

“Die, my dear? Why, that’s the last thing I’ll do!”

Either way, everyone agrees that Groucho left with one heck of a one-liner.

Charlie Chaplin (1889–1977)

Chaplin was one of Hollywood’s first true auteurs. He did everything. He acted, directed, produced, and wrote. He even recorded the soundtracks for his films. He was a perfectionist and it shows. His films are still loved almost a century later, and his Tramp character has become a film icon.

Though he was known best for his silent films, such as City Lights and Modern Times, Chaplin had a rapier wit, even on his deathbed. After a priest had read him his rites, ending on “May the Lord have mercy on your soul,” Chaplin chimed in:

“Why not? After all, it belongs to him.”

Bob Hope (1903–2003)

Hope lived to be one hundred years old, and, in true Bob Hope style, he used this as fodder for a one-liner, famously musing, “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

From his first films in the mid-1930s to his last USO tours in the early 1990s, Bob Hope was a ubiquitous presence on American stage and screen. He appeared in more than sixty films, including the famous Road movies with Bing Crosby. He hosted the Academy Awards nineteen times, and he golfed with eleven presidents—including one notable occasion when he rounded out a foursome with Ford, Clinton, and Bush.

It is safe to say he had pretty much seen it all in his century as an actor, singer, dancer, golfer, comedian, host, USO performer, and all-around entertainer. So his last words were fitting indeed:

“Surprise me.”

Bing Crosby (1903–1977)

The other half of the road-movie duo, Bing, was truly one of a kind. His awards list includes an Oscar, three stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, a Cecil B. DeMille Award, and the first ever Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award. He was a beloved actor, and he had a voice that has inspired generations of crooners and set a bar for Christmas carols that still hasn’t been beat.

To say that Crosby was an American institution would be an understatement. He was in the top ten for box-office sales for fifteen years, while also managing to record twenty-three albums that went gold or platinum. He did it all with an approachable, nice-guy image that resonated with pretty much everyone on earth, and still does to this day.

Crosby died doing what he loved. After playing a round of golf in Spain, a game he reportedly lost by one stroke, Bing suffered a massive heart attack on his way back to the clubhouse. His last words:

“That was a great game of golf, fellas.”

Josephine Baker (1906–1975)

Baker did it all. She was an actor, singer, dancer, writer, activist, and French Resistance agent. She lived in a castle, spoke at marches alongside Martin Luther King Jr., and was awarded medals for her part in World War II.

At age sixty-eight, she was starring in a retrospective of her work in Paris, a show attended by Mick Jagger, Diana Ross, and Liza Minelli. A couple of days after the show, she died of a cerebral hemorrhage and was found at her home, surrounded by clippings of rave reviews. The last words anyone remembers her saying were as she left a party in her honor:

“Oh, you young people act like old men. You are no fun.”

John Barrymore (1882–1942)

John was born into a theatrical family, a family that he would propel to new heights as one of the early stars of the screen. While Barrymore first rose to fame on the stage, taking on some of Shakespeare’s most famous roles, he was best known for his light comedies and charming on-screen demeanor. Due to a combination of his famous good looks and stage-trained voice, he was one of the most successful actors during the transition from silent films to talkies.

He was also perhaps the first bad boy of Hollywood. His famous quips include, “You can only be as good as you dare to be bad,” and “Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.” His last words:

“Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.”

Joan Crawford (1905–1977)

In the 1930s, Joan Crawford quickly moved from being Hollywood’s “It Girl” to being Hollywood’s “It Woman.” She played characters that were as smart, hardworking, and as tough as she was, and boy was she tough. Crawford famously butted heads with just about everyone in the business and had a legendary rivalry with Bette Davis.

One of Crawford’s most famous lines is, “You have to be self-reliant and strong to survive in this town. Otherwise you will be destroyed.” And nobody lived this credo like Joan.

Crawford’s sharp tongue and fierce independence never faltered, even at the end. In Joan’s last moments, her maid dropped to her knees to pray by her bedside, but Crawford cut the pleas short:

“Damn it! Don’t you dare ask God to help me!”

Donald O’Connor (1925–2003)

An incredibly prolific star of stage, film, and television, O’Connor is perhaps better known for his supporting roles than for his many leads. The talented song-and-dance man had a lot of memorable moments in a lot of great films, but the one he is best known for is his award-winning role as Cosmo Brown in Singin’ in the Rain, which features his hilarious performance of “Make ‘Em Laugh.”

Despite his impressive list of credits, O’Connor has been called one of the most underrated stars of his era. On his deathbed, he joked to his family:

“I’d like to thank the Academy for my lifetime achievement award that I will eventually get.”

(Sadly, he has yet to receive it.)

Douglas Fairbanks (1883–1939)

The swashbuckling star of silent films such as Robin Hood and The Mark of Zorro was at one time known as the king of Hollywood. Fairbanks shone in the era of silent films, becoming the epitome of a matinee movie star with his many turns as lovable costumed rogues, pirates, thieves, and outlaws.

In the 1920s, his stardom went through the stratosphere when he married Mary Pickford. The pair are commonly recognized as Hollywood’s first power couple and were met by legions of adoring fans everywhere they went.

Sadly, Fairbanks’s time at the top was short, as his health and fame declined during the talkie era, and he and Pickford separated in the mid-1930s. He died in 1939 of a heart attack at his home. His last words:

“I’ve never felt better.”

Sir Laurence Olivier (1907–1989)

There is perhaps no other actor that has had the combined impact on both stage and screen as Sir Laurence Olivier. Olivier dominated the West End, helped build the Old Vic into the respected company it is today, and was the founding director of Britain’s National Theatre. He then went on to star in more than fifty films, as well as several television shows.

While Olivier played all kinds of roles, he is best known for his work as a Shakespearean actor. Sir Laurence played every great role the Bard ever put to paper. Being a thespian was so ingrained in Olivier’s DNA that Shakespeare inspired his final words. On his deathbed, when a nurse who was trying to moisten his lips got overzealous with the water, Olivier rebuked her, saying:

“This isn’t Hamlet, you know. It’s not meant to go into the bloody ear.”

Marilyn Monroe (1926–1962)

Perhaps nobody has broken as many hearts as the blonde bombshell, Marilyn Monroe. This gifted actress solidified her place at the top of the Hollywood it-list with star turns in films like Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and Some Like It Hot.

Marilyn herself was the subject of the last words of Joe DiMaggio.

The night before she died, she talked to Ratpacker and JFK brother-in-law Peter Lawford and said:

“Say goodbye to Pat, say goodbye to Jack, and say goodbye to yourself, because you’re a nice guy.”

Alfred Hitchcock (1899–1980)

There is no question that Hitchcock is one of the greatest directors of all time. Even though he, amazingly, never won an Oscar for directing, he created a list of masterpieces that is unrivalled in his genre: Psycho, Rear Window, Vertigo, The Birds, North by Northwest, Rebecca, and the list goes on and on.

His impact can’t be overstated. There is no other director that can be named just at the appearance of his shadow or upon the sound of his theme music.

The king of thrillers had more than a few things to say about the nature of film and life, including “Drama is life with the dull bits cut out,” and “There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it.” While they weren’t quite his very last words, in his last days Hitchcock left us with one more memorable line:

“One never knows the ending. One has to die to know exactly what happens after death. Although Catholics have their hopes.”

Del Close (1934–1999)

Del Close was of the key figures in the rise of improvisational theatre. Along with his longtime collaborators Charna Halpern and David Shepherd, Close helped to propel the American improv scene to new heights. Through the ’80s and ’90s, his teaching and guidance affected the comedy world more than perhaps any other single person.

Close’s students included Bill Murray, Chris Farley, Gilda Radner, John Candy, Stephen Colbert, Harold Ramis, John Belushi, Bob Odenkirk, Tina Fey, Mike Myers, and Amy Poehler—and that is just an abridged list to save space. His impact is still felt on the stages of New York, Chicago, and beyond.

His physical presence is still felt at Chicago’s Goodman Theatre, as in his will Close bequeathed his skull to the theater with instructions that it was to be used in Hamlet and that he should be credited in the program for playing Yorick. Funny to the end, Close’s last words were:

“I’m tired of being the funniest one in the room.”

Humphrey Bogart (1899–1957)

By all accounts, Bogart earned his tough-guy reputation. He was thrown out of private school (it is rumored for throwing his headmaster into a pond), served in the Navy, and honed his craft through hard-nosed persistence. After years of paying his dues, Bogart’s hard work paid off with star turns in classic films such as Casablanca, The Caine Mutiny, The African Queen, and The Maltese Falcon.

There are two different lines that have been reported to be the last words of Hollywood’s favorite tough guy. Some say Bogie’s last words were, “I should never have switched from Scotch to martinis.” These certainly sound like the hard-nosed actor we all know and love from his films. However, his wife Lauren Bacall reports that Bogart’s actual last words were a bit more touching, though still in character. As Bacall was leaving Bogie’s bedside to pick up their children, he said:

“Goodbye, kid. Hurry back.”

Tallulah Bankhead (1902–1968)

Tallulah Bankhead isn’t a household name, but she should be, as anyone who has seen her fantastic turn in Hitchcock’s film Lifeboat will tell you. Known as much for her caustic wit and devil-may-care attitude as for her impressive skills on the stage and screen, Bankhead was well ahead of her time.

Bankhead’s more famous witticisms include, “If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner” and “Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don’t have time.”

She was unapologetic about her vices, famously drinking many a man under the table. Bankhead died at sixty-six, catching pneumonia after hanging out backstage in the nude. Her last words:

“Codeine, bourbon.”

Charles Gussman (1913–2000)

Like Tallulah, Gussman also may not be a household name. He made his mark behind the scenes as a writer of radio and television serials and soap operas. Gussman’s radio credits include Young Doctor Malone, The Right to Happiness, and The Road of Life. In later years he contributed to television shows, including Gilligan’s Island and the soap opera Days of Our Lives, the latter of which he is credited with naming.

While Gussman gave a lot of well-timed lines to a lot of characters over the years, he saved the best one for himself. On his deathbed, with his daughter at his side, Gussman reportedly leaned over and, with his last breath, said:

“And now for a final word from our sponsor.”

Walt Disney (1901–1966)

There is no question that Walt Disney’s combination of imagination and business sense changed the world. Regardless of what you think about today’s juggernaut of a corporation, Disney set the bar for animated films and created theme parks that, to this day, fill the dreams of children of all ages. As Walt himself once said, “All our dreams can come true, if we only have the courage to pursue them.”

Walt Disney Studios has been a launching pad for countless actors over the years: Shia LeBeouf, Ryan Gosling, that guy from the John Carter movie, Hillary Duff, and Kurt Russell, to name a few, though it is the last one that is important here. Apparently, as Walt was breathing his last, it wasn’t Mary Poppins or Mickey Mouse that filled his thoughts, but rather Snake Plissken. Just before his death, Disney wrote a note on a piece of paper. It said:

“Kurt Russell.”

James Stewart (1908–1997)

There are two types of people in this world: those who are fans of Jimmy Stewart and those you are better off not knowing.

The star of such films as Vertigo, It’s A Wonderful Life, and Harvey also flew missions for the US Air Force in World War II and had a fascinating life-long best friendship with Henry Fonda.

He is probably best summed up by this famous line from Harvey: “ ‘In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart, or oh so pleasant.’ For years I was smart. I recommend pleasant.”

Stewart lost his wife a few years before his own death, and his last thoughts were of her. His last words:

“I’m going to go be with Gloria now.”

Stan Laurel (1890–1965)

Stan is best known as the thin one in the legendary duo Laurel and Hardy. The pair were a phenomenon in their early slapstick films and only got funnier when they transitioned to talkies. The duo appeared in more than a hundred films together, including twenty-three features.

Laurel was often the head writer of the duo’s sketches and was known to have an extremely quick wit, both on and off stage. He was renowned for playing pranks and running sketches every chance he got.

On his deathbed, Laurel told his nurse “I’d rather be skiing,” which prompted her to ask if he knew how to ski. His reply:

“No, but I’d rather be skiing than doing what I’m doing.”

Oliver Hardy (1892–1957)

Hardy died eight years before his partner. While the larger half of the pair was often the idea man on screen, he was actually the more laid-back half of the duo in real life. Known to his friends as Babe, Hardy was a gentle giant, well-liked by all who knew him.

Ollie is perhaps best known for his delivery of the line, “Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into,” that often punctuated Laurel and Hardy’s sketches.

His last years were beset by health problems, including heart attacks and strokes, the first of which hit him during his final tour with Laurel. He died with his wife by his side. His last words were to her:

“I love you.”

Lucille Ball (1911–1989)

The titular star of I Love Lucy did it all. She was an outrageously funny comedian, a talented actress, a model, a producer, and a studio executive. They had to build new glass ceilings just so she could break through them.

Lucy left us with a lot of fantastic lines like, “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age,” and “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he isn’t very bright.” Her final words were simple, but strangely haunting. In response to a nurse asking her if there was anything she needed, Lucy answered:

“My Florida water.”

Desi Arnaz (1917–1986)

It is impossible to think of Lucy without thinking of her on- and off-stage love, Desi Arnaz. Like his famous wife, the Cuban-born actor and musician broke down many barriers of his own. Desi managed to become not only a national star but also an important voice behind the scenes as a cofounder of Desilu Productions, while never losing touch with his heritage or resorting to easy humor.

Though the couple had some decidedly rocky times, ultimately divorcing in 1960, they remained fast friends until Desi’s death. In fact, Desi’s last words, before he finally lost his long battle with lung cancer, were reportedly spoken over the phone to his ex-wife:

“I love you too, honey. Good luck with your show.”