Читать книгу The Beachcomber - Josephine Cox - Страница 7

‘WHAT THE HELL does he think he’s doing!’ As the car lurched forward, Tom fought to keep control. He had been taken by surprise when the car following seemed to deliberately crash into his bumper.

‘He’s coming at us again, Daddy!’ The two children in the back were thrown hard against the seat-backs by the first bump. They screamed a warning as the other car surged towards them a second time. There was a moment of chaos before the impact sent them hurtling towards the clifftops. ‘JESUS!’ He couldn’t hold it! They were going over … dear God, they were going over, and there was nothing he could do!

In that split second as he tried desperately to swing the car round, Tom glanced again through his rear-view mirror, needing to know who his attacker was, why he would want to hurt them. The car was a blue Hillman Minx, he thought, and the driver was crouched over its steering wheel, with a Homburg hat pulled low over his forehead and dark glasses hiding his eyes. It was impossible to get any idea of what he looked like. ‘Crazy bastard … back off. BACK OFF!’ In response Tom felt the violent impact as they were hit again, and again. Wrenched out of his hands, the steering wheel seemed to spin out of control.

‘God help us!’ His wife’s frightened voice penetrated the chaos of his mind. ‘Children! Get down behind the seats!’ she ordered fearfully. He heard the pitiful whimperings of his two children as they clung to each other. He saw his wife, strangely silent now, her face shocked with disbelief as she glanced back at their attacker. ‘My God!’ Suddenly she was on the seat, frantically attempting to reach the children, but it was too late.

When the car rammed them yet again, they lurched forward, the windscreen shattering all over them, the other driver showing no mercy. Determined, he stayed with them, revving up, sending them forward towards the edge, fast and furious.

Everything was happening so quickly … a matter of seconds, no more. There was no time to escape. By now the car was badly dented; the doors were jammed tight. Tom had tried everything in his power and it wasn’t enough. All manner of powerful emotions swept through him: disbelief; helplessness; and now sheer horror as the car became airborne.

There was a moment of eeriness, when the car appeared to pause in mid-air before the nose dipped and they fell into a downward plunge towards the rocks below. ‘Oh, dear God!’ Throwing himself across his wife, he yelled for the kids to ‘STAY DOWN! HOLD ONTO EACH OTHER!’ He could hear them sobbing, and now the soft, shivering sound of his wife’s voice in prayer. Death was only a heartbeat away.

He would not remember the thud as they bounced onto the rocks and rolled over and over, crashing and breaking towards the beach; nor would he recall the screams of people who scattered in all directions as the car skidded at breakneck speed towards the sea-edge. The clanging bells of the ambulances and police cars as they rushed to help fell on deaf ears. Like his wife and children, he was beyond all that.

The next thing he knew he had awoken in hospital. Bruised and battered, both his legs were broken and his neck was in a brace. When he woke it was with a scream for the children to ‘GET DOWN, KIDS … HOLD ON!’ In that unbelievable moment, his mind was alive with the memory of what had happened.

‘It’s all right … ssh!’ Gently the nurse settled him down again, her heart aching for what he must soon learn.

Later they told him that there was nothing they could have done to save Sheila or the children. ‘We tried and failed,’ the surgeon told him, hands outstretched and an expression of hopelessness on his kindly face. ‘I’m so sorry.’

The car had turned over on top of them. Tom himself had been thrown clear … lucky to be alive, they said. But he wasn’t ‘lucky’! He was angry, seething with a need to kill. Then he was sobbing, crippled with utter loneliness.

All through that terrible night the questions had burned bright in his mind. Who was the madman who had run them off the road? Why did he do it? WHY?

There were no answers, because in the months that followed, in spite of the police relentlessly pursuing even the minutest clue, the driver of that car was never found, nor was the car itself. Tom had described both as accurately as he could, but it was as though they had vanished off the face of the earth. They had spoken to owners in the area whose cars had been stolen around the time of the accident, but until and unless they found the vehicle itself, that wasn’t of much help.

When eventually Tom was released from hospital, he too made every effort to trace the man who had taken his family and ruined his life. Time and again in the following months, he returned to the scene, speaking with anyone who would listen. All to no avail. The evil that had visited him and his family seemed to have gone as swiftly as it came.

But the consequences of that fateful day would never leave him. Neither would the hatred he felt.

Now, almost a year later, all that was left for Tom was the awful nightmares when, in his deepest sleep, he would re-enact the terrifying scene, hearing his children screaming, and Sheila, at first strangely silent, then frantically reaching out to protect her children … and all of them, helpless.

The dreams were so real and vivid, he would often wake up, arms flailing, yelling for the children to, ‘Get down on the floor, kids! FOR GOD’S SAKE, HOLD ONTO EACH OTHER!’

‘Are you all right?’ a gentle voice enquired. Tom opened his eyes, shocked and ashamed when he realised where he was.

‘You were having a bad dream.’ The elderly woman seated beside him could see the sweat shimmering on his face and the look of pain in his eyes. ‘Can I get you something?’

He shook his head. ‘I’m all right, thank you. I didn’t mean to fall asleep,’ he apologised. ‘It’s just that trains always make me nod off.’ He smiled to ease the tension.

The woman nodded. ‘I was worried, that’s all.’ She lowered her voice. ‘You were moaning … upset.’

He grimaced. ‘It was just a bad dream.’ When she smiled and looked away, he found refuge in his newspaper.

But there was no refuge in his heart.

The woman frowned to herself. A lot of young men had come back from the war in a terrible state. Poor chap; it must be that.

As the train chugged onwards, the billowing steam outside his window blocked his vision. His mind came alive with thoughts of how it used to be. He saw them all in his mind’s eye: the woman he had loved, small and slim with big bright eyes and a smile that could light up a cloudy day. And the children: Ellie, quiet and reflective with a gentle nature, and Peter, the younger one, wild and wilful, with a free, adventurous spirit. So different, yet so alike, in their kindness and generosity.

Reaching into his pocket he took out his wallet, pulling out a small photograph of them all … Bournemouth Sands, June 1951. His heart fell like a stone inside him. It seemed incredible to think that that wonderful holiday was just a year ago, and now, God help him, there would be no more.

‘Is that your family?’ The kindly old soul pointed at the photograph as he returned it to his pocket. ‘I always wanted a daughter, but was never blessed with another child.’

Gesturing to his pocket, she added, ‘Lovely-looking children.’ Giving the cheekiest of winks, she whispered, ‘Mind you, I can see how they might be handsome, with a father as attractive as you.’

Smiling and embarrassed, he wasn’t quite sure how to answer that, so he glanced out the window and pretended to be interested in the shifting landscape.

The woman saw his embarrassment. She thought him too good-looking for words. Discreetly observing the dark blue eyes, and the thick shock of golden-brown hair, she was sent back to her youth, when she could have had the pick of any young man. Sadly those days were gone and now, grey and old, she had too many regrets to contemplate.

‘I don’t mean to embarrass you,’ she apologised, ‘but when I’m anxious, I tend to talk a lot.’ Her face crumpled into a frown. ‘I must admit I hate these trains – noisy, dirty things. And I mean … you’re not in control, are you?’

‘We’re never “in control”,’ he answered thoughtfully. He knew all about that. He knew from experience how one minute everything was perfect, filled with love and joy, and, before you knew it, your whole world was turned upside down.

The steam whistle blasted noisily as they entered a tunnel. ‘Ooh!’ The old woman shivered. ‘I’ll be glad to reach London. I know I shan’t relax till then.’

He nodded. ‘You’re doing fine,’ he answered; then turned away to concentrate his thoughts.

Thinking she was becoming a nuisance, she tutted. ‘I’m sorry … keep chatting away … I hope you don’t mind?’

‘No. You talk away, if it helps,’ he suggested with a smile. ‘I really don’t mind.’

‘Only, you’ve been so quiet since I sat beside you, I thought you might be one of those people who like to be left alone?’ She giggled like a schoolgirl. ‘My son warned me not to be a nuisance. He knows how some folks don’t want to be bothered. You will tell me if I’m being a nuisance, won’t you?’

‘I promise, you’re not being a nuisance.’ He shook his head. ‘It’s just that I never find it easy to strike up a conversation.’

Encouraged, she chatted on about the new Queen, and when a short time later she started to nod off, he began to relax. When he relaxed, however, it was inevitable that he should be overwhelmed by the faces of the woman and children in that photograph. He had loved them with a passion that frightened him. Now, they were gone and all he had left was memories … of when they were walking in the park, he and Sheila laughing at the children’s antics, and afterwards eating in that pretty little café by the riverside, where they would throw leftovers to the ducks.

The memories rolled through his mind like the reel of a film. For one precious minute they made him smile; then they were breaking his heart.

‘Do you think it will be long before we get there?’ The elderly woman woke as suddenly as she had nodded off. ‘I’ve never been to London before. I wouldn’t be going now, if my only son hadn’t taken his family and moved down there.’ She continued wistfully, ‘I’ve got four beautiful grandchildren. I’ve missed them.’

Attempting to reassure her, he replied confidently. ‘Won’t be long now,’ he said. ‘And London’s fine. After a while you get used to it. I work for a big development corporation there,’ he confided.

She gave a wry grin. ‘I would have gone with them,’ she admitted. ‘My son wanted us to, but my husband is a cantankerous old sod. The furthest he’ll go is to the bottom of the garden and back.’

He smiled pensively. ‘I envy him.’

‘Why’s that?’ She was genuinely surprised by his statement.

‘Why, because he sounds contented.’ He would have given anything at that moment to be ‘contented’.

She gave a sorry little smile. ‘Unlike me! I’ve always been discontented! All the years we’ve been wed, I was the one who loved the dancing and going out – especially during the war, you know – but he was never that way inclined. He was an ARP warden. I expect that was enough excitement for him. If he could he’d be happy to sit by the fireside of a winter’s night, and potter about in the garden in the summer. I always put it down to laziness or lack of enthusiasm, but now I think about it, you could be right.’

His remark made her wonder. ‘Happen he’s just been “contented” all along.’ She gave a long, weary sigh. ‘It’s sad really. We’ve always been so very different in what we want. But he so depends on me, you see.’

When the tears rose in her eyes and she abruptly returned her attention to her book, he felt desperately sorry for her. He could imagine how this dear old woman and her husband might be mismatched; he assumed there were many couples like that: having stayed too long together, it was now too late for any chance of a new life for either of them.

Looking away, he peered out to where the countryside resembled a giant eiderdown, with misshapen patches of browns, yellows and melting shades of green. In the far distance, beyond the cotton-wool puffs from the train’s funnel, he could see a lake, shimmering and twinkling. At other times that beautiful sight would have gladdened his heart, but not now.

His own thoughts invaded the quietness. He had tried to go on, but it was impossible. This latest trip had been sheer hell! He found he could no longer conduct his business in that sharp, decisive way he used to. Too many things played on his mind. Dear God! Would there ever be any peace?

Right now, he didn’t even want to think about it. He wanted to wake up and find it was all a nightmare, that all was well and his family would be waiting at home, just like always. He laughed softly, a hard, cynical emotion cutting through his heart like a knife. It was not a nightmare, and he would not wake up from it; not for a long time; maybe never. Anger invaded his senses. A feeling of utter hopelessness swept through him. Life was a cruel master!

The last he saw of the old woman was in the train terminal. She looked a sorry sight as she trundled after the porter who carried her tiny suitcase. ‘I hope things turn out all right for you,’ he whispered and, almost as though she had heard, she suddenly turned to smile at him. He gave a small wave, she nodded, and in a moment was gone from his sight.

Hurrying to the taxi rank, he climbed into the first cab in the line. ‘Where to, sir?’ The cabbie was a rough-and-ready fella, going grey and slow in his step. Tom couldn’t help but notice the long scar running down the side of his face. ‘Got from running wild as a kid,’ he explained, anticipating Tom’s curiosity. ‘I’ve an interesting tattoo of a snake an’ all –’ he gave a hearty laugh – ‘but you wouldn’t want to know about that.’ Opening the cab door, he gave a cheeky wink. ‘I were drunk at the time … regretted it ever since.’

His imagination running riot, Tom didn’t dare ask. ‘We’ve all done things we regret,’ he answered with a friendly smile.

‘Not you! A man like yousel’? By! I should think you’ve got the world at your feet.’ When Tom made no comment he closed the cab door and climbed into the driver’s seat. ‘It might help if I knew where I were going,’ he quipped good-naturedly.

Having given him the address of his flat in Hammersmith, Tom leaned back in his seat. He suddenly felt incredibly weary … tired of his job; tired of trying to piece together his life. Tired of being so alone.

The cabbie discreetly regarded him through his mirror. ‘If you don’t mind me saying, guv, you look like you could do with a good night’s sleep.’ Suddenly swerving to avoid a delivery boy on his bicycle, he let loose a volley of abuse at the rider. ‘Watch where you’re going, mate!’ Leaning out the window, he screamed at the frightened fellow, who had done nothing wrong. ‘If you’re fed up wi’ life, throw yousel’ off a bleedin’ railway bridge!’

Having been flung clear across the seat, Tom righted himself and sat tight.

Completely oblivious to the chaos he’d caused, the cabbie asked, ‘Away on business, was you?’

‘Yes,’ Tom acknowledged.

‘I expect you glad to be ’ome, eh?’

‘Right again.’ But what was he coming home to? No family. No real home, and nothing worthwhile to look forward to. His life was work and more work. These past weeks he had been seriously wondering if he should give it all up. Now, as the idea loomed large in his thoughts, it seemed to overwhelm everything else.

‘What is it you do?’ the cabbie asked.

‘I’m one of three architects in a big development organisation. We build office blocks, factories, large housing developments, that sort of thing. There’s never two jobs the same.’ Wasn’t it strange, he thought, how you naturally imparted your business to a cabbie. Probably it was because you never expected to see him again.

Turning a corner, the cabbie grinned at him through the mirror. ‘By! You must lead an exciting life? Plenty to build an’ all, now the country’s back on its feet.’

Lapsing into silence, Tom let him chat on.

‘I’ve allus wanted to travel, but never had the time nor money. I’ve got six kids and a wife who spends like money’s gone outta fashion. I work six days a week, from seven of a morning till late at night. What chance ’ave I got to see the bleedin’ world, eh?’

He gave a loud, raucous laugh. ‘Matter o’ fact, I can never understand where I found the time to make all them bloody kids! Come to think of it, I can’t even remember enjoying mesel at it, neither!’ Taking his eyes off the road to peer through the mirror at Tom, he added, ‘D’you know what, matey? I’ve often wondered how many o’ them kids belong to that smarmy bleedin’ milkman!’

‘Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re a lucky man.’ In truth, Tom envied him.

‘Oh! You reckon, do you?’ Astonished, the cabbie afforded himself another glance at his passenger. ‘Here’s me … a poor ol’ chap, working all hours God sends, and like as not them two having it off behind my back. An’ you say I’m a lucky man?’ He laughed aloud. ‘Hey! Happen you’re right. Happen he should tek her an’ the kids off me ’ands, and leave me to enjoy mesel.’

Tom defended his comment. ‘What I meant was … any man who’s got a wife and children who love you … has to be a lucky man.’

‘Ah! But how do I know if they’re my kids?’ His tone grew serious. ‘No man likes being cheated on.’

Sensing the cabbie’s abrupt change of mood, Tom wisely avoided being drawn into the subject too far. ‘Look! The traffic’s building up.’ He gestured to the road ahead, and the many vehicles vying for space. Since petrol rationing had ended, traffic had increased.

Swinging his taxi round a crawling trolleybus, the cabbie cursed, ‘Bleedin’ drivers! At least we’ve seen the last of the trams!’

Having got in front of the trolleybus, he refocused his curious gaze on Tom. ‘It’s a busy time o’ day, as you must well know, guv … you living ’ere an’ all that.’

After a while the cabbie lapsed into a pensive mood, and it wasn’t long before they reached Hammersmith. ‘’Ere we are, guv!’

Drawing his cab into the kerb outside a large, handsome building, the cabbie remarked with a whistle of appreciation, ‘Nice flats these … cost a pretty penny too, I shouldn’t wonder.’ He clicked his tongue in admiration. ‘I wouldn’t mind living in a posh place like this … all on me own where the brats and the missus can’t find me.’

Climbing out, Tom had his fare at the ready, which he handed to the driver, together with a generous tip, and a word of friendly advice. ‘You wouldn’t like it,’ he said. ‘You’d be lonelier than you can ever imagine.’

His words appeared to hit home, because suddenly the cabbie was deeply thoughtful. ‘You could be right,’ he answered. ‘Besides, what about that bleedin’ milkman, eh? If I weren’t there to keep an eye on him, Gawd knows what he’d be getting up to wi’ my missus!’ His loud raucous laugh echoed down the street. ‘By! He’d want to be delivering more than the milk … if he ain’t done already!’

Shaking his head, and with a wide grin on his face, Tom watched him drive off.

He was still chuckling as he entered the lift; though by the time he had reached his flat on the sixth floor the smile had slipped and the same idea that had haunted him these past weeks began to invade his thoughts again. ‘It’s time,’ he murmured. There was no doubt in his mind now. ‘Time to leave it all behind.’

Letting himself into the luxurious, soulless place that he now called home, he felt a wave of relief that the decision was made. ‘I need to get away from London … and all the bad memories.’ If he didn’t leave soon, he suspected he might go crazy.

After a bath to wash the grime of the journey from his bones, he threw pyjamas and a robe on, poured himself a whisky and soda and stood looking out of the window. In the growing twilight, silhouetted against a moody sky, the skyline of London was a mesmerising sight.

When the weariness took a hold, he threw off his robe, climbed into bed, and fell into a long, fitful sleep.

Though even now, there was no respite from the shocking memories. Day or night, asleep or awake, they were etched on his soul.

In the early hours, finally driven from his sleep by the dreams that haunted him, Tom got out of bed and began pacing the floor, unaware that he was being observed.

From the apartment block opposite, having been too restless to sleep, Kathy Wilson was looking out of the window, her gaze roving the front of the splendid building across the street. For one lingering moment her eyes rested on the window where, inside a softly lit room, a man was striding back and forth, head bent as he paced up and down, occasionally running his hands through his hair. Now he paused a moment, only to begin again, faster, more agitated … backwards and forwards, like a soul in torment.

Sensing his distress, she gave a whimsical little smile, at the same time softly commenting, ‘It seems I’m not the only one who can’t find any peace.’

When, in that moment, in the semi-darkness, a hand fell on her shoulder, she almost leapt out of her skin. ‘For goodness’ sake, Geoff … don’t creep up on me like that!’ Swinging round, she regarded the man with surprise. ‘I thought you were still asleep.’

Giving a wry sort of smile, the man gripped her by the shoulders. ‘I missed your warm body beside me.’ He kissed her on the neck, not seeming to notice when she flinched beneath his touch. ‘You look especially lovely tonight. Come on!’ he urged. ‘Come back to bed, sweetheart?’ Sliding his hands under her dressing-gown, he stroked her firm breasts.

When his fingers crept downwards towards the softness of her inner thighs, there was no doubting his intention.

‘No!’ Frantic, she pushed him away. ‘It was a mistake … tonight was all wrong … I …’ But when he pressed her lips with his, she felt the shudder of need ripple through her.

‘Come back to bed, Kathy.’ Taking advantage of her hesitation, he collected her into his arms and carried her away from the window and across the room where, ever so tenderly, he laid her on the bed. In a moment he had slipped off her dressing-gown, leaving her naked before him; eyes wide with lust, he gazed down, his own desperate need obvious as his eyes roved over her petite, slim figure with its perfectly round breasts and tiny waist.

Her eyes, though, were her best feature: golden-brown, with long curling lashes and perfectly shaped eyebrows. ‘I do love you,’ he muttered, then, stretching his arms up to the bedhead, he neatly straddled her. Leaning his head to kiss her on the mouth, he relaxed his body to fuse nakedness with nakedness.

It took less than five minutes for him to satisfy himself and, when it was over, it was she who drew away first; though he was so elated and fulfilled, he didn’t even notice.

For a long moment she looked at him from the bottom of the bed; at his uptilted face. He gave a soft, low laugh. ‘I’m sorry it was so quick, but you shouldn’t have kept me waiting!’ Suddenly he was sitting up, staring back at her. ‘Was it all right for you, sweetheart?’ It seemed to be of paramount importance to him.

Kathy smiled, a reluctant smile that appeared to pacify him. ‘Yes, Geoff,’ she lied. Up until then she hadn’t realised how little she found attractive about him. She didn’t even like him very much.

He glanced at the clock. ‘Oh, damn! It’s still only six o’clock. You shouldn’t have woken me so early! Come on … come back to bed … we’ve another hour yet.’

She nodded. ‘I need a drink first.’

He smiled. ‘What? You mean I’ve made you thirsty with all that lovemaking?’

She looked away. ‘Something like that.’

‘Well, you can stay up if you want, but I need my sleep.’ With that he drew the covers over him and, spreading himself right across the bed, he was soon asleep.

Seeing him like that, knowing how she had shared a bed with him, Kathy felt dirty, degraded. It had been a mistake. ‘It doesn’t look like there’d be any room for me even if I did come back to bed!’ Tonight, she had begun to wonder what she had ever seen in him.

In the half-light she made her way to the window, noisily tripping over the pillow he had thrown off the bed. ‘Who’s that?’ Peering over the covers, he stared at her, his tone impatient, all tenderness gone. ‘Are you coming back to bed, or what?’

‘No! Like I said … I need a drink.’

‘Well, don’t wake me up when you get back in!’

Lingering by the window, she looked across to the other building again. The light was still on, but there was no sign of the man now. ‘Poor chap,’ she murmured, ‘I wonder why he couldn’t sleep? Divorced maybe … can’t get used to it.’ She sighed. ‘I know what that feels like!’

Feeling sad and suddenly weary, she put the kettle on; while that was brewing she visited the loo. Afterwards, looking in the mirror, she addressed herself in bruising tones, ‘You’re a mess, Kathy Wilson!’ Looking back at her image in the tiny oval mirror, she saw how the life had gone from her face; the golden-brown eyes weren’t so bright any more, and her brown hair was lank about her shoulders. ‘In the last year you’ve let yourself go. It’s no wonder men have begun to treat you like the dirt under their feet. All right! So you were married and he left you because he’d found somebody else.’ Dan and she had been happy enough for a couple of years, but the war had taken its toll on him, as it had on so many other young men. She gazed at her image a moment longer. ‘Men! Who needs ’em?’

She allowed herself a smile. ‘You did have some good times though, didn’t you, eh? And when he walked out, it was only natural that you felt worthless. So what! That was over a year ago, and you’re still not over it. You’re moody and bad-tempered. You almost lost your job because you were absent so often they thought you’d emigrated, and now, here you are … making a mistake with the first man who came along and was kind to you.’

Casting a disillusioned glance towards the bedroom, she shook her head in dismay. ‘Geoff isn’t for me! He may be handsome and well spoken, but deep down he’s a bully, and he really fancies himself. I just let myself be carried along by the dates and the flattery.’

She wagged a finger at herself in the mirror. ‘She might be the worst mother on God’s earth, and there are times when you’d be better off without her interfering, but she’s right!’ she groaned. ‘It is time you got yourself together. You’re not the first woman to lose her husband and you won’t be the last.’ They were her mother’s words, and they had never been truer.

She went to the kitchen, where she fetched a glass of water. As she sat sipping it and musing, she came to a conclusion. ‘Right! I’ve had enough of his hands all over me, ordering me around: “Do this” … “Get me that.”’ She mocked him to perfection. ‘… And if he never kisses me again, it’ll be too soon!’

It took all of two minutes for her to sneak into the bedroom, collect her clothes and sneak out again. Five minutes later she was ready to leave. One last peep at his sleeping figure on her side of the bed and she was tiptoeing out of there, to the merry tune of his snoring. ‘Sleep well, you bugger!’ As she went, she deliberately slammed shut the door.

Having got up early, shaved and dressed and ready for off, Tom saw the young woman from his window. She was hatless, her shoulder-length brown hair flying out behind her. He watched as she bounced along with a spring to her step; he saw her deliberately stride out into a busy street and hail a taxi-cab, the traffic swerving round her. When, in order to avoid hitting her full on, the driver of the black cab screeched to a halt, she calmly climbed aboard and waved him on.

Tom laughed out loud. ‘That’s what you call a gutsy woman!’

Just then the telephone rang; it was his brother Dougie. ‘Just checking you got back all right,’ he said.

‘Got back … had a bath and an early night, and now I’m raring to go.’ What he was ‘raring’ to do was to organise his life at last.

‘Good trip?’

‘Good enough.’

‘Right! See you at the office. I’ll be late, I reckon … got a frantic call from Joe Nightingale … some planning difficulty or other, it’s a damned nuisance. Still, I’m sure it’s nothing we can’t get round.’

‘Dougie, wait!’ Now that his mind was made up, he needed to tell the world. ‘What time will you be back, do you think?’

‘Not sure. You know what it’s like. When Joe can’t have his own way, he tends to get het-up. Then you have to take him out and discuss the finer points over a pint. I don’t suppose I’ll get away much before what … three … four? Why?’

‘But you will be back at the office today, won’t you?’

‘Sure thing, but what’s the panic?’

‘No panic. There’s something I need to talk over with you, that’s all.’

‘Can’t it wait till tomorrow?’

‘No.’

‘Okay. I’ll try and get away by two. How does that suit?’

‘Okay. See you then. Give my regards to Joe.’

‘Hmh!’ Dougie gave a laugh. ‘Knowing how difficult it can be to drag yourself away when he’s got a bee in his bonnet, I’ll probably have him in tow.’

‘Naw. You’ll deal with it. See you at two then!’

‘Can’t wait!’

A moment later, having seen that his cupboards were bare, Tom threw on his jacket and made his way out of the building. He quickly hailed a cab, though not in the same cavalier way as the young woman before him. ‘Can you take me to the best greasy spoon you know?’ he asked.

The cabbie acknowledged his request with a grin. ‘I know just the place,’ he said. ‘Sausages, mushrooms, and thick fried bread like you’ve never seen. Two slices o’ bread and marge, and a pot o’ tea to go with it.’ He winked in his mirror. ‘How does that sound, guv?’

Tom was impressed. ‘Sounds like the nearest thing to heaven to me,’ he said. Settling comfortably in his seat, he shut his eyes and ears to the traffic and let his stomach dictate.

Even now, early though it was, London was a bustling medley of trolleybuses, bicycles and motor cars. But the cabbie was as good as his word. ‘Baker’s Caff,’ he declared, drawing into the kerbside, ‘owned and run by my own dear mamma … name of Lola. Looks like the devil, cooks like an angel!’

At that minute a woman emerged. All smiles and white teeth, she was ample in every way; obviously of Italian origin, with her black eyes, and her dark hair tied in an elaborate knot at the top of her head. ‘Come in! Come in!’ she urged.

Opening her dimpled arms, she embraced him with surprising strength. ‘Nice to see you, handsome man. You wanna the breakfast?’ As she spoke she nodded, her smile growing so wide it almost enveloped her face.

The cabbie laughed. ‘Course he wants “the breakfast”! Why do you think I brought him, eh?’ Winking at Tom, he suggested mischievously, ‘Matter o’ fact, I’m beginning to feel a bit peckish myself.’

‘No, you can’t!’ She wagged an angry finger at him. ‘I don’t feed you no more today! You be a good boy … get away and bring me more customers.’

Laughing, he deposited Tom into her care and drove off.

Lola’s breakfast was as good as it got with rationing still in place: two huge sausages; a heaping of mushrooms; four crinkly cooked tomatoes; even a fried egg, and the whole plate swimming in juices and fats, which Tom eagerly mopped up with his chunks of fresh-baked bread. Afterwards there was a cup of scalding hot tea to wash it all down.

Lola scooped up his plate. ‘You want more?’

‘Good God, no!’ Tom struggled out of his chair. ‘That was more than enough to last me the whole day, thank you. I’ve never tasted a breakfast like it!’

‘So, you come back another time, yes?’ Lola’s round face was a picture of joy.

He nodded. ‘I’ll be back,’ he promised. ‘Just try and keep me away!’

A few moments later, as he donned his wool coat and hat and left the café, he turned to wave; quietly amused when Lola blushed crimson.

His offices were only a short distance from the café. For a moment he debated whether to take the trolleybus or walk. He had been a minute at the bus stop when he decided against it. ‘On second thoughts, I’d best walk!’ He patted his stomach. ‘It’ll do me good.’

As usual the office was a hive of activity. ‘Nice to see you back.’ As he walked through the gauntlet of typists and clerks, he was greeted with genuine affection.

Turning into his own office, he was not surprised to see the vase of flowers on his window-sill; it was a kind of ritual on his return from a trip. ‘Welcome home.’ Invaluable assistant and secretary to two of the architects here, Lilian was of pleasant appearance with pretty dark eyes. As always for work, her long auburn curls were neatly pinned back in a bun. She had been a good friend to Tom, he reflected.

Coming into the office, she placed the tray on his desk. ‘Like the flowers, do you?’ That very morning she had taken ages choosing them.

‘They’re splendid, as always.’ He took another glance at the vase full of yellow carnations. ‘Thank you, Lilian, that was really thoughtful of you.’

Resting his hands on her shoulders, he smiled down at her. ‘What would I do without you, eh?’

He observed his office with its neat filing cabinets and long, polished desk, the sun pouring in through the window, and for one aching moment he wondered if he had made the right decision after all. ‘Everything in order as usual … but then I shouldn’t expect anything less from you.’

He and the young woman had worked together these past eight years, and never a cross word. ‘You do tend to keep me at it, though.’ He glanced at the desk, its entire surface bedecked with neat piles of papers and rolls of plans. ‘You’re not about to let the grass grow under my feet, are you, eh?’

She smiled confidently. ‘You’ll find all the schedules typed up for your current projects; your “urgent” messages, and a dozen appointments for this coming week.’ Her smile broadened. ‘Enough to keep you out of trouble, I’d say … Oh, and I’ve brought you a pot of tea to keep you going.’ She crossed the room but paused at the door. ‘Give me a call when you’re ready to start dictation. Is there anything you want before I get on?’

He shook his head. ‘Not right now, Lilian.’ He meant for her to be one of the first to know of his decision. ‘Look, I think it might be a good idea for us to talk –’ he glanced at the desk and groaned – ‘after I’ve waded through this little lot.’

She seemed pleasantly surprised. ‘Talk? What about?’

‘Not just now, Lilian … Like I said, when I’ve dealt with a certain matter.’ Which wouldn’t be easy, but it had to be done.

‘Okay.’ She turned to leave but then remembered. ‘Oh, and the boss asked to see you the minute you got in.’

‘Tell him I’m on my way.’

With the door closed behind her he poured himself a tea. Taking a gulp, he scanned briefly through the papers on his desk, then another gulp or two, and he was out of the office and running up the stairs to John Martin’s more private offices.

A tap on the door and straight in; though with caution when he saw that the ‘boss’ was talking on the telephone. A big man with a big heart, John Martin had started these offices some ten years ago and never looked back.

On seeing Tom he quickly concluded the conversation. ‘Well, of course we want the contract, but there’s more talking to be done before I sign on the dotted line. You know me, Arthur, I won’t accept anything until I’m absolutely satisfied everything’s in order, and you’ve a way to go before I’m satisfied on this one. Yes. Right. Talk to me then. Thanks, I will, yes, don’t worry. You too!’

Replacing the telephone in its cradle he got out of his chair and shook Tom by the hand. ‘You did a good job, son. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. That’s why I sent my best man …’ He winked. ‘But that’s between you and me, if you know what I mean?’ Feeling he needed to qualify his remark, he quickly added, ‘Oh, they’re all good men and they know their trade … your Dougie especially. But you’ve got that certain knack of getting people to see reason, without banging their heads together.’ He sighed. ‘From what I understand, you had some real tough problems up there?’

Tom nodded. ‘It’s running smoothly now, though,’ he reassured him. ‘When it came right down to it, there was nothing that couldn’t be put right.’

‘That’s exactly what I mean. Look, sit down. You’ve got a minute I’m sure.’ Rounding his desk, he took up a sheaf of papers and waved them in the air. ‘There’s another difficult one coming up … a major project with several interested parties. Prime stuff … running into millions. It’s in Glasgow – I’ll need you there in the next week or so … a month at the outside. That should give you time to catch your breath.’

Tom shook his head. ‘I can’t do it, John. There’s something I—’

The other man intervened. ‘I know! It’s been one trip after another, and I had hoped to give you some time off. But you really are the best I’ve got. After this, I’ll make sure you can keep your feet on the ground for at least a year, I promise.’

Tom didn’t know how to tell him, but it had to be said, and without the trimmings. ‘I’m handing in my resignation, John.’

‘WHAT!’ Leaping out of the chair, his boss came round the desk, eyes bulging as he looked down on Tom. ‘What the devil’s brought this on? I’ve already said … this job, then a year on home ground. I mean it … I know how hard I’ve pushed you, but after what happened I thought it might help …’ Cursing himself, he paused. He had made it a rule never to raise the matter of the tragic incident that took Tom’s entire family. ‘Look, I’m sorry, Tom, but I can’t let you go. You’re too important to me … to this whole outfit, for God’s sake!’

Tom was equally adamant. ‘And I’m sorry, John,’ he replied calmly, ‘but the resignation stands … it’ll be on your desk within the hour. I’ve had plenty of time to think about it, and my mind’s made up. The truth is … if I don’t leave now, I’ll crack!’

‘I see.’ Realising how determined Tom was and knowing his reputation for sticking to his guns, John understood the argument to be already lost, but he made one last try. ‘Don’t be too hasty, son. Let’s not talk “resignation”.’ He couldn’t afford to lose Tom. ‘Take a long leave of absence … I don’t have a problem with that. I can cope if I have to.’ He gave a half smile. ‘Though of course I’d prefer you to change your mind altogether …’

Getting out of the chair, Tom looked him in the eye. ‘Thanks all the same, but like I said, my mind’s made up. I’ll work out the month if you want me to, but to tell you the truth, I’d rather go now … right this minute.’

For a long moment the older man regarded him, then, after a moment, he asked kindly, ‘What will you do?’

‘I’ve decided to sell the flat and move away.’

‘Where will you go?’

Tom had not thought that far ahead. ‘I’m not sure,’ he answered truthfully. ‘Somewhere I’m not known … somewhere I can put my life into perspective. A quiet place, where I can find peace, and the time to sort out my life.’

The older man began to sympathise. He could see the pain in Tom’s eyes. He nodded. ‘I understand,’ he murmured. ‘You’ve been so driven this past year … maybe it’s what you need.’

Tom nodded. ‘It is.’

‘All right, Tom, I won’t hold you to a month, but I will need you to pass on your schedules to a colleague … talk him through every aspect. Lend him the expertise to deal with it all in the way you yourself would.’ He threw out his hands in a gesture of helplessness. ‘It has to be a smooth transition … all loose ends tied up. I don’t need headaches. You do understand what I’m saying?’

Tom understood exactly. This was big business. There was no room for errors. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll deal with it,’ he promised. ‘I won’t let you down.’

John nodded appreciatively. ‘I wouldn’t do this for anybody else,’ he said, ‘but you’ve given me everything you’ve got to give and it’s only fair I give some back.’

‘Who do you want to take over my schedules?’

‘Your brother Dougie. Oh, I know he’s still got a lot to learn, but he’s doing well now. He’s out of the same mould and he’ll have the added incentive to do you proud. Yes! Dougie’s your man.’

Shaking hands, they said their piece. ‘And don’t forget to keep in touch!’ John warned. ‘When you’re ready to get back in the saddle, your job will be here waiting for you.’

A few minutes later Tom was back in his own office, slightly dazed and a little shaken by the enormity of what he was doing. Yet, amongst all the niggling doubts, he felt instinctively that he was doing the right and only thing.

After three days of being ensconced in the office with Dougie who, though a little nervous, seemed confident about the workload he was taking on, Tom said his goodbyes. There was a small leaving party; the good wishes of his colleagues, and, inevitably, tears from Lilian, who had taken his news very hard. ‘We’ll miss you,’ she murmured, dabbing her eyes with her hankie. And he thanked her for all the years she had looked after him.

When it was over, he left the building with Dougie by his side.

They walked to the pub on the corner where they sat down with a pint each. Tom stretched his legs out and closed his eyes, a sense of relief washing over him. His brother’s voice interrupted his thoughts. ‘I’m still not sure you’re doing the right thing.’ Like Tom, Dougie was lean of build, with the same colour hair; but his eyes were a clear shade of green, and when he laughed he laughed heartily. He wasn’t quiet and thoughtful like Tom, nor did he have that same lazy smile. Instead, when he smiled, his face crinkled like a puppy dog’s.

But he wasn’t smiling now. Instead he seemed worried. ‘I wish you’d tell me where you’re going.’

‘I’m not sure myself yet,’ Tom confided. ‘You’ll know when I do, don’t worry. Besides, you’ve got enough on your plate without fretting about me. Look, I’ll be fine.’ He tried to smile reassuringly.

Dougie wasn’t convinced. ‘I wish I could believe that.’

‘You’ll just have to trust me. It’s what I need to do. Until I get it all out of my system, I can’t move on with my life.’

Dougie nodded. ‘I can understand that. But you will let me know how you’re doing, won’t you?’

‘I promise,’ Tom said. ‘When I’m settled.’

The following morning, after placing the flat and all its furniture in the hands of an agent, Tom packed his bags and left. His first stop was the florist, where he collected a pre-ordered bouquet, a pretty thing with bright-coloured summer flowers in a cradle of green leaves. It was a luxury in a country governed by austerity, but that didn’t matter to him. It was the sort of thing he knew Sheila would have chosen herself.

Sited nearby, the churchyard was speckled with shrubs and trees of all blossom and variety and, far enough from the hustle and bustle, it was a place of solitude and beauty.

Tom laid the flowers beneath the headstone; he read the inscription and softly cried. It told of how a mother and her two children were laid there, taken by a tragic accident. It showed their names and ages, and at the bottom were written the words that Tom had requested:

My dearest loved ones. May God keep you safe until we meet again.

The tears filled his eyes. There was a moment of contemplation, and all too soon the time had come for him to leave – for now.

As he walked away, he saw a young woman laying a wreath not far from where he had been. Almost at once he recognised her as being the same woman who had run out into the street in search of a cab. She didn’t look up. Instead, she blew a kiss towards the grave and walked slowly away, out of the far exit.

As before, Tom was intrigued. ‘Strange,’ he mused aloud, ‘to see her twice in such a short time.’

As he drove off, he wondered about her. Then, as always, his mind returned to the other, more pressing thoughts plaguing him.

Behind him, the stranger watched Tom depart before, with stealthy footsteps, emerging from the undergrowth. At the place where Tom’s family were laid to rest, the stranger paused a while, then reached down to snatch up the bouquet left by Tom. In an angry, callous gesture, the flowers were slung aside, and a new, grander bouquet left in its place.

A few words of regret, a blown kiss. And the stranger was gone.