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Chapter Six

AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY, Branagan delighted in reprimanding Jack in front of the others, and this time was no exception. ‘You were meant to be back here within two hours, but it’s nearly three o’clock!’ he boomed, making sure the rest of the staff could hear him. ‘That is not what was agreed. The others have been run ragged, covering for you. I’ve half a mind to take this out of your salary, Redmond.’ Leaning forward with his hands on the desk, he glared up at Jack. ‘Right then! Let’s hear your explanation.’

Jack was in no mood for a fight. ‘I’m sorry the others had to cover for me, Mr Branagan. But I had a doctor’s appointment, as you know. The thing is, it went on longer than I anticipated.’

He was angered by the other man’s threats. ‘As for taking a bite out of my salary, I believe that would be unwarranted. I’ve never before asked for time off. I always stay on to clinch a sale . . . even if it takes me beyond my working hours – overtime, as you must know, is not paid. I shall be staying late tonight to make up the time, and, as far as I’m aware, no one has ever before been made to cover for me.’

When the other man appeared taken back by his outright and honest reasoning, Jack swiftly went in with his proposition. ‘You’ve been asking if I might be interested in taking on the new northern showroom. Well, I’ve been giving it some thought, and the answer is yes. If it’s still available, I’ll do it. Just say when and I’ll be ready.’ There, it was said. One way or another, with or without the job, he was on his way north.

‘Good grief, man!’ Stuart Branagan almost leapt over the desk. Rushing round to shake Jack by the hand, he gushed with praise. ‘I’ve always known you were the right man for the job,’ he said. ‘All that about docking your salary – it was all just hot air – it’s been a stressful day. I value you too much, and you know it. There’s not a man here who has the experience or the number of sales under his belt that you have. Good decision, Redmond!’

Gripping Jack’s hand in his meaty fist, he almost shook it off. ‘Well done, that man!’

From the reception desk, Jan saw the exchange and was curious. ‘Cor! Branagan looks like the cat that got the cream,’ she murmured to herself. ‘I bet the old bugger got Jack to accept that job up north. He’s been trying to get rid of Jack from the minute he sat his fat backside in that manager’s chair. I reckon he’s jealous. That’s because Jack’s too good. Too well-liked and respected, and he’s stealing that fat little toad’s limelight. Hmh!’ Disgruntled, she went off for an unofficial fag-break. And if Branagan came after her, she was ready for him!

Beside himself with excitement, the manager was delighted to be seeing the back of Jack, even though he was the best salesman he had ever encountered. Branagan was well aware that he himself only had this job as manager because, for whatever reason, Redmond had previously turned it down. That was a humiliating position to be in.

‘Very well, Redmond, you get on with your work for now, and I’ll make a few calls . . . see how the land lies. As you know, we understand the new showrooms will be up and running within the month, with the first consignment of vehicles being delivered towards the end of June. I do believe they now have a full contingency of staff, with the exception of the manager.’

He gave a little snigger. ‘I think they’ve been waiting for you, Jack. It’ll be a feather in your cap, eh? More responsibility, more money and a secure future.’

Jack thanked him, and made his excuses to leave. ‘I’d best get on.’

‘Yes, well, we do need to get this business signed and sealed while the iron’s hot.’ What he really meant was, before Jack had time to change his mind, ‘So I’ll call you in when I’ve had some feedback from Head Office. All right?’

Jack made for the door. ‘Thank you, yes. I’ll be about.’

As Jack closed the door behind him, Branagan punched his fist in the air. ‘ YES!’ Not wanting to let the grass grow under his feet, he set about making his calls. ‘The sooner I’ve got Redmond’s signature on that contract, the better!’

At 5.30 p.m., half an hour before closing time, Jan told Jack, ‘The boss wants to see you in his office, after the others have left.’ She had already guessed what was going on. ‘I’m thinking he’s talked you into accepting that post up north. Would I be right, Jack? Have you gone and said yes?’

When Jack gave a nod, she groaned. ‘I knew it! I knew he’d wear you down eventually. Don’t go, Jack! Don’t let him win. You know he’s been determined to get you as far away from here as possible, because you were offered the manager’s job here before him and you turned it down. Your presence here is a constant threat to him. Please, Jack! You won’t be happy, away from everything familiar.’

Jack sighed. ‘You’re right, I will miss everything familiar,’ he smiled at her, ‘especially you and your weak tea and cheeky comments. I’ll miss all of you, but my decision has nothing to do with him. It’s what I want.’ His thoughts turned inward. ‘It’s something I have to do. Something I should have done years ago.’

Disheartened, she went to get her jacket and handbag, ready to go home. ‘We’ll all miss you, I know that.’ It wouldn’t be the same here without him. Somewhere in the back of her mind, and despite the presence of Molly in his life, Jan had deluded herself that one day, she would persuade Jack to take her out, and he might even grow to love her. But that would never happen now. Tomorrow, she decided, she would switch her attention to Bill West, the new young recruit. ‘He’s a bit wet behind the ears,’ she muttered into her compact, while painting her lips bright pink, ‘but he’ll mature, and when he does, I’ll be there to teach him a thing or two.’ The naughty thoughts cheered her up no end.

When the others were making their way out, Jack went into the main office, as requested. ‘Good man, Jack! Sit yourself down,’ said Branagan. He could hardly hide his delight at the thought of Jack being sent 200 miles away.

Reaching across the desk, he grabbed a document. ‘Technology, eh?’ His smile was luminous, ‘The contract was emailed through a few minutes ago. I’ve been advised to ask that you take it home and read it inside out and upside down. So, here it is, Jack.’

Branagan handed the document to him. ‘Look through it and make notes on anything that catches your attention and that you might want to talk about. Tomorrow Curtis Warren himself is travelling up from London. He wants to have a meeting with you.’

In theory, Curtis Warren, the company’s big boss, had already given his approval of Jack, whose reputation went before him, as an accomplished and trusted employee, having been awarded ‘Employee of the Year’ status, two years running.

Jack was not surprised to be told of the big chief’s arrival. He had worked with the man some years back, and knew how thorough he was. He told Branagan, ‘I’ll have my queries ready for the morning – if there are any.’

‘There are bound to be niggles,’ the other man said. ‘But I’m sure you won’t let a few lines on a page stop you from grabbing the best opportunity you’re ever likely to get.’

Annoyed by the other man’s arrogance, Jack replied coldly, ‘I don’t accept that this is “the best opportunity I’m ever likely to get”, but you can rest assured I’ll read every word and make notes as warranted. I won’t deny, I would like this position. But when all is said and done, I mustn’t be too hasty. I mean, I’d be a fool to jump out of the frying-pan into the fire, don’t you think?’

His mind was already made up, but he didn’t want to give the other man the idea that it was all a done deal. He wanted him to sweat on it until the morning. He wanted him to believe that he could take the job or leave it – that he wasn’t all that bothered either way.

A few moments later Jack left the building, the contract secure in his grasp, while Branagan remained, pacing his office in a fret, saying, ‘Arrogant bastard! One way or another, I’ll be rid of you, Jack Redmond! You see if I don’t!’

He had no way of knowing that Jack was as determined to sign the contract as he was determined to be rid of him.

That evening, when Jack dropped the bombshell of his plans to move north, Molly was quick to show her disapproval. ‘If you do this, you do it on your own!’ she raged. ‘I want no part in it.’

Devastated that he had not thought to discuss such an important matter with her before making his decision, she told him, ‘If you want my opinion – which you obviously don’t – I believe you’re making a big mistake. But it doesn’t matter to you what I think, does it? I thought we were a couple, that we talked things over together. And what about the session at the clinic? I don’t suppose you even went, did you?’ Her voice shook with anger.

‘Yes, I did go to the clinic. In fact, it was because of what happened there that I know now I have to go back – back to the beginning, where I grew up.’

‘That’s nonsense!’ she burst out. ‘What will you be going back to? You’re not thinking straight, Jack. You’ve been gone from your hometown for too many years. What makes you think there’s anything there that can possibly explain what’s happening to you now? Oh, I get it! That’s why you’ve accepted the manager’s post up there. You tied the two together and came up with an answer to all your troubles. You’ve made what could be the biggest decision of your life, without even bothering to consult me. That tells me I’m not important enough in your life. That’s right, isn’t it, Jack?’

‘No!’ Going across the room to her, he pleaded with her to calm down and listen to what he had to say. ‘Please, Molly. Come and sit down. I’ll tell you what happened at the clinic.’ Taking her by the hand, he led her to the sofa, where he sat her down beside him. ‘Like I said, I did go to the clinic.’

‘And?’

‘And it was a long session. Mr Howard asked me a lot of questions. I told him about the images – how they made me feel . . . everything.’

Molly softened a little. ‘That was good. So, what did he say? Did he have any advice? When is your next appointment? You are going back to see him again, aren’t you?’

Avoiding her questions, Jack went on, ‘After a while, he asked me to close my eyes, and suddenly I was back there . . . in that place – only this time it was more vivid than before. Everything was so powerful, Molly.’ Reliving the ordeal in his mind, he inwardly shivered. ‘I could hardly breathe.’

Before she could start on her questions again, he went on quickly, ‘Afterwards, he said the descriptions I gave were very strong. He said I had done something which he claimed was very significant. When he told me about it, I was shocked.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘He said . . . I cried out.’

‘But we already know that.’ Molly had lost count of the times she had been shocked awake by his cries.

‘Molly, I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to think very hard before you answer.’

Her curiosity was heightened. ‘Go on, then.’

‘You’ve been with me for over a year now. You know more about my dreams than anyone else. So, was there ever a time when you heard me call out for my mother?’

Molly shook her head. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever heard you cry out for anyone – certainly not your mother. So, is that what you did? How strange. What did he make of that?’

‘He said it was significant, that we’d made some kind of breakthrough,’ Jack explained. ‘Now, it’s changed everything. I’m finding it even harder to cope with. It was the way I called out for her, like a small child.’ He mimicked the cry that Mr Howard had portrayed. ‘He said it was the voice of a child, not much older than two or three years of age.’

‘But, what were his conclusions about the nightmares?’ Molly digressed. ‘Did he know why they were happening – and does he think he can help you?’

Jack remembered the psychiatrist’s cautious approach. ‘He said he couldn’t be certain what the cause was at this stage, but that we needed more sessions before we could root out the truth. He said we would have to be patient.’ Something made him hesitate from divulging too much of what Mr Howard had said. ‘He warned that different possibilities will come up – some right, some wrong – and that we have to deal with them as they occur. He said it would take time.’

‘And that’s it?!’ Molly was not satisfied. ‘So far, then, he has no real answers?’

‘Like I said, it’s bound to take time.’

From the tone of his voice and the way he was hesitating, Molly knew there was more. ‘You’re not telling me everything, are you?’ she accused.

Jack paused. He was reluctant to reveal how his dreams could be rooted in reality.

‘So, are you still planning on moving up north?’

‘With you, yes, I hope so.’

‘I’ve already said – if you go, you go on your own. Why should I leave everything behind – my job at Banbury’s, my family and my house – which in case you’ve forgotten, my brother is renting at the moment? I expect you want me to sell that too, don’t you?’

‘That would be entirely up to you.’ He had never interfered in Molly’s private arrangements. ‘I’ll probably sell this house and buy a home for us up in Lancashire. It makes sense.’

Molly didn’t agree. ‘Look at it from my point of view, Jack! It all seems a bit rushed, don’t you think? This morning there was no mention of any of this, and now suddenly you’re in a tearing hurry to up sticks and turn our lives upside down. What’s happened, Jack? Why is it so urgent that you move away?’ She grew increasingly impatient, ‘You are holding something back, I know it!’

Jack held his silence, unsure whether to confide in her. He didn’t know if it would change her mind about moving away, or if it would make her dig her heels in even more.

Reluctantly, Jack told her how the psychiatrist had suggested that his dreams might not be the product of a fertile imagination, but could be based on a traumatic event that took place in his early childhood. Even as he said it, Jack felt a shiver run down his back.

‘Oh, I see.’ Molly was ready for an argument. ‘That’s why you want to go back up there – to delve into the past and torment yourself even more.’ She could see how determined he was. ‘You’re not thinking straight, Jack.’ When she flounced off to the kitchen to put the kettle on, he followed her.

‘Oh, but I am! And I’ve got you to thank for that. You did right in making me see someone, because now I know what I must do.’ Putting his hands on her shoulders, Jack turned Molly to face him. ‘For the first time, I have something to go on. I need answers, and now I’m hopeful that maybe – just maybe – I’ll find out the truth.’

On the way home from work, Jack had thought long and hard about the series of events that had led him to these crossroads. Sharing his deeper thoughts with her, he said, ‘Don’t you think it’s strange, of all the places in the country where we could be opening a new showroom, the company chose to build it in Lytham St Anne’s, just a thirty-minute drive from the street where I grew up?’

Molly did not believe in fate; she preferred to think there was a rational explanation for everything. ‘There’s nothing “strange” about it, Jack.’ She gave a mocking little laugh. ‘It’s quite simple. The company chose to build the new showrooms in Lytham because they did their homework and decided a car-showroom was needed there. It’s business, Jack – plain and straight. It’s not some kind of celestial plan that’s meant to get you promoted and send you back to where you were born so you can find out if your nightmares are real.’

Jack was not altogether surprised by her cynicism. ‘So, why have you been asked to run the new showrooms, when there are any number of other people at Curtis Warren’s who are more than able to handle the responsibility?’

Agitated, Molly began pacing the floor. ‘It’s all academic anyway, because you’re not accepting the post. Or if you do, I won’t be going with you.’

‘You can’t mean that, Molly?’

‘Yes, Jack, I can, and do! And I want an answer right now.’ She swung round to face him. ‘Have you already signed the contract?’

‘Not yet, no. I’ll be handing it in tomorrow, signed and sealed, subject to Curtis Warren’s approval.’

‘Without even asking me?’

‘I’m asking you now, Molly. I want you with me.’

‘I take it this means you won’t be attending the clinic again?’

‘There’s no need. I know now what I have to do.’

‘Will anything I say make you change your mind?’

‘Please, Molly.’ Jack put his two arms about her. ‘Don’t do this.’ Drawing her close, he spoke softly. ‘We belong together, you and me. I don’t want to be without you. I want us to be married – to have children one day.’ He gave a nervous chuckle. ‘I want us to grow old together – you with your silver hair and me with my white beard and walking-stick. When we meander down the street, people will say, “Look! That’s the old couple with all them grandchildren.”’

Molly couldn’t help but laugh. ‘You’re crazy, you are.’

‘You’re right. I am – crazy for you.’

‘Then tell them you don’t want the job. Stay here, Jack. Attend the clinic. There’s no need to go chasing the past. Eventually it will all come right, you’ll see.’

Frustrated, Jack held her at arm’s length, ‘Do you love me, Molly?’

‘You know I do.’

‘Then why can’t you help me do this?’

‘Because it’s wrong!’ Angry at his dogged determination, she broke away from him. ‘We’re happy here, aren’t we?’

‘Well, yes, but we can be happy elsewhere just as well.’

Ignoring his comment, she pointed out, ‘Look, we have each other and we have our work. We’ve built a good life here together, and we’ve got plans. Why spoil it all now? Especially when you’ve finally found someone who can help you.’

Torn two ways, Jack paced back and forth across the kitchen, hands in his trouser pockets, and a look of desperation about him. Everything seemed to be falling apart between them, and he had to believe it was his fault.

‘Won’t you at least try to see it from my point of view, Molly?’ he asked. ‘You of all people know what it’s like with me. These nightmares are ruining my life – spoiling what we have! I need to clear my head, and I can’t do that unless I go back – to where it all began.’

He turned his back to her, his mind racing. ‘If I don’t try to find answers, Molly, I’ll never rest. I’ll never know! This is my chance and, more than anything, I want you there with me.’

The sound of footsteps made him swing round, only to find that Molly had gone.

‘Molly?’

Calling her name, he ran up the stairs two at a time, to find her in the bedroom, packing her suitcase. ‘Don’t do this!’ Jack was devastated. ‘Stay tonight at least. We can talk it through.’

Molly turned to him, her voice calm and cold. ‘If I do stay, will you change your mind about leaving here?’

For one desperate moment, Jack would have promised her the world if need be, just to keep her there. In his deepest heart though, he could not lie to her.

‘I’m sorry, Molly. I love you so much, and don’t want to lose you, but this is one time I need to do what my instincts tell me. So no, I won’t – I can’t – change my mind.’

‘And I can’t uproot myself just because you’ve got this crazy idea in your head. Tell them you don’t want the promotion. Go back to the clinic. In the end, it will work out. I know it will.’

Falling silent, Jack cast his gaze to the floor, and she knew she had lost. ‘All right, then. Do what you want. That’s fine by me!’ Slamming shut the suitcase, she swung it off the bed, pushed by him and ran down the stairs. At the bottom, she turned and looked up at him. She saw a man determined. A man who refused to give in to her. And what she saw, she did not like.

Without another word, she stormed out of the house, down the path and, throwing the suitcase into the boot of her car, she climbed into the driving seat, and slammed shut the door. Taking her frustration out, she switched on the engine, thrust home the gearstick and, putting her foot down hard, shot away without a backward glance, even though she knew Jack would be watching her every move.

From the upstairs window, Jack followed her movements. He knew from past experience that it was no good arguing with her. Yet long after she was out of sight, he remained at the window, hoping that he would eventually see the nose of the car peep round the corner on its way back. Then after a while, he realised that Molly was not coming back, and he was shattered.

Later, feeling tired and emotionally drained, he climbed into bed for an early night. He didn’t sleep, however; he simply catnapped, his mind alive with thoughts of Molly. It was not often that he went against her wishes. Should he have let her persuade him to abandon the idea of going north?

When the doubts began to set in, he angrily chided himself, ‘You are doing the right thing, Jack!’

Unable to settle, he went downstairs and made himself a mug of tea. For a while he examined his actions from Molly’s point of view. His emotions were mixed. He wanted her back, and most times he would do anything to settle an argument – but not this time. With or without her, he meant to go ahead with his plans. If he was proved wrong and there were no answers, would he be any worse off than he was now? Maybe not – except for losing Molly, and that was hard.

Jack was aware that he had set himself on a lonely path. After all, changing his workplace, moving to the other end of the country, risking a permanent break between himself and Molly – these were huge decisions.

Doubts began to niggle. ‘Am I setting myself up for a fall?’ he asked himself. ‘Can Molly see something that I can’t? When all’s said and done, I don’t really know where I’m actually headed, and when I start overturning stones, who knows what I might find – if anything?’

Once he had burned his bridges, there might be no way back. It was a frightening thought. Yet even with all the doubts, he knew in his heart that he had no choice, but to try.

For as long as he could remember, he had suffered disturbed nights, his sleep constantly haunted by these terrifying images. For the first time ever, an opportunity had presented itself to free himself of his demons. Nothing was certain; nothing was guaranteed. But the opportunity was in place. If he turned his back on it now, he would regret it for ever.

Jack tied his dressing-gown tighter around him. Looking up at the wall-clock, he realised it was midnight. ‘Midnight is a lonely place,’ he murmured. Memories of the past stalked his mind. Vague memories – some good, some not so good.

After his father died from injuries suffered in that fire, his mother had changed. Claire Redmond began to drink, to yell and scream at every little upset. Jack became the butt of her ill temper. There were cruel rumours about her going with men. She was even called a slut. For Jack, this was a lonely time. Yet he understood, even as a schoolboy, that she was suffering, that her husband was lost to her. Along with the security she had enjoyed.

Like his mother, Jack felt the pain of his father’s passing. Yet while he tried every which way to help his bereaved mother, she was not there for him when he needed her most.

He had long forgiven her for that, but he had felt lost. Just a boy. In a way, while his mother had lost her man, Jack had lost both his parents. His pain was almost unbearable.

Later, when his mother, Claire met the wealthy American she gave no thought to her son, but simply walked away from Jack and her old life in Bower Street, without a backward glance. Her new man, John Towner only met Jack once, and did not invite him to join his own children in Minnesota. Jack was eighteen, alone and afraid. Left behind, to pick up the pieces.

When he left Blackburn, he had no idea where he might go. All he knew was that he had to get away, because there was nothing left for him there.

Thrust into a big wide world, he learned the hard way – to make his own decisions and do what he believed to be the right thing. Just like now; when his every instinct told him to go back, to where it all began.

Some instinct made him think of Libby, and a warm feeling crept through his troubled soul. She had been his friend next door, his friend at school, and his confidante through the bad times. He wondered if she was still there; in the street where they grew up. Still a tomboy, with her mop of autumn-coloured curls. Was she married, with children? Or maybe she had fulfilled their shared dream, of travelling the world, to search for adventures that could not be found in homely little Bower Street?

‘My friend, Libby.’ Even now, the very thought of her brought a sense of comfort. And he remembered her mother – dearest, kindest Eileen.

There was Thomas too. He was ever the good neighbour. These kindly, honest people paraded through his mind and lifted his heart, despite his sense of guilt at having left them behind without a word.

The more he thought about moving back, the more he felt he was making the right decision. And even though Bower Street held some bad memories, he found himself looking forward to visiting his home-town. He hoped it was not too much changed.