Читать книгу Alamo Theory - Josh Bell - Страница 14

Here Are Some Problems I Have with Your Wife

I

She’s a lot more fluent in Portuguese

than she used to be. Holds hands with all

my ex-girlfriends, who afterward seem

so much taller. And later, as I blew out

my candles, she said to those gathered, I’ll bet

he wished to be sodomized by thieves.

Your wife comes from a family of thieves.

Her mother taught her never to confuse

sex with the doing of one’s taxes. I’ll get

to her father later. Her father is a series

of furnaces. About your wife’s novel I wrote,

Friends, this is the worst birthday party, ever.

She took it as a compliment. Love, kill,

betray, deify, vote for, nap with, or bury alive?

II

She changed her telephone number.

She doesn’t have any birds inside of her.

Her idea becomes flesh by early afternoon.

When I first read your wife’s new memoir,

Sir, it felt like watching the lighthouse

go dark, like doing inventory, finding one

planet missing. No doubt your wife knows

very well which planet. I look forward to

your next dinner party, where I may sample

from the catered board, ask your wife

about said memoir. Last time I read it, I awoke

to find myself burning heretics. I guess

what it is, is that probably your wife puts

her allotted birds inside of other people.

III

Your wife’s police are a very special

kind of police. They fingereth the apple

of mine eye, and there are way too many

testicles to count. Likewise, this is a strange-

looking bed. And this is a magic handkerchief.

You wish it were eighteen horseflies. You wish

your wife’s police were far more brutal. Me,

I never bought the premise that your wife

was ever a girl, but if I did, I wouldn’t

take it personally. I’m not a nest of living

wig-hair, nor baby-bits, nor eighteen flies pouring

from the mouth of whoever’s hiding in this

weird new bed with me. Come out, Inflatabilium.

Don’t make me call your wife’s police.