Читать книгу Embracing the Awkward - Joshua Rodriguez - Страница 16

Daily mindfulness exercises

I started to discover more and more mindfulness techniques when I watched the documentary Samsara. In one of the opening scenes, there are several Buddhist monks creating an elaborate work of art made of sand on a canvas. To make these designs, it requires several people and a meticulous sense of design to craft the patterns, curves, lines, and shapes for it. Each work of art can take several hours to create, producing a beautiful masterpiece in the end.

At the end of the documentary Samsara, something happened that made me realize the broader message that the movie was trying to portray. Once the Buddhist monks completed the artwork, they stood around and marveled in the glory of their hard work; and then they brushed it all away with brooms, instantly destroying (or as I would later discover, changing) the sand art and turning it back into what it had been originally, a canvas with unlimited possibilities.

Even after devoting all that time and energy into making the sand art, they were able to appreciate it just for a moment and then to let it go. It’s not easy to let go of something you worked hard to create, especially if you feel like you’ve invested a lot of time and energy into it. Sometimes we think it defines who we are or what our purpose is.

There was a lesson to be learned there, something I could take away with me. It was the knowledge that even though I was not a Buddhist monk but just a regular guy, I could move through life with the assertiveness to be in the moment—to experience all that it could bring me—until it was time to let it go and move on to the next one.

If you’re taking an exam for school, that moment may be letting go of the anxiety you feel when the test is over and you’re worrying about what grade you got, or how you could have answered a question better. If you’re thinking about asking someone out, that moment might be working up the courage to ask and encountering your fear of the potential rejection that may come with it. Being able to accept that, whatever happens doesn’t define you will allow you to embrace however it turns out.

And the amazing thing is, there are no limitations to what this mindset can be applied to—from managing friendship drama to getting a job you’re happy with. Where most people tend to struggle is focusing on being present, no longer worrying about what was or what will be, and the reason for that is because we don’t always have the tools to help us practice.

However, what I’ve come to learn is that you can take any activity and use it as a reminder to be in the here and the now. When I was in college, I used my walks to class as a time to focus on my feet as they touched the ground, and whenever I did that, I wasn’t worried about anything other than living in that experience. Some Buddhist monks carry around tiny little pebbles in their pockets so that whenever they stick their hands in there and feel them, they can realign their mindset to what is happening then and there. The feeling of the small pebble between their fingers, the hard, rough consistency of it, the light and almost airy weight, and any other factor that may come to their minds serve as reminders when they do this.

Even tasks in your day-to-day life can be mindfulness reminders if you allow them to be. The next time you have to do chores around the house, let’s say when it’s your job to wash the dishes, try to take in every element that you can: the warm water against your hands, the feeling of the sponge as it rubs against the plate, the sound of the water hitting the dishes, even the smell of the soap. What you’ll begin to see is that even the most dull and boring moments can be transformed into mindfulness practices.

You can also practice with everyday sounds, like the bell ringing for you to go to the next class, or the doors opening and closing on the subway as you get on. Feel the experience of that moment, breathe, and let your mind enjoy it. In some cases this won’t be easy, especially if you find yourself with other people, or if you’re really focused on an activity at hand and the last thing you want is an interruption. What it comes down to is not looking at mindfulness as a distraction from life but as an opportunity to truly be in it.

So, that’s what I want you to try. Meditation doesn’t have to be sitting on the floor with your legs crossed, trying to be one with nature—it’s simply being aware of where you are, and in that awareness, you’ll start to see that level of interbeing (a term coined by Thich Nhat Hanh) in everything around you. All of life exists with you, and everything is sharing that experience as well. A simple solution might also be to find a meditation app that will send off the sound of a bell every so often to help bring you back to the now. And what are you supposed to do if your friends are with you, trying to get your attention or just curious as to why you seemed so tuned into whatever you’re doing? Well, invite them to join you!

Some of the most rewarding experiences happen when you practice meditation and mindfulness with others. The energy of that experience can be even stronger for you if you know that others are tapping into the joy of being alive in the present moment. Forming a meditation group can be super empowering because it gives you and your friends the ability to connect on a deeper level, most likely on a much more peaceful level than you’re used to with them.

Either way, try to find a way that works for you; it can be for a few seconds a day or a few minutes a week. Let your mindfulness journey be your own—you can’t screw it up, and you can’t fail at it. See it as something safe; it’s something to turn to when everyone or everything else in the world feels like they’re at odds with you. Because at the end of the day, no matter how someone may come down on you for it, you can only approach it from this moment, not any other. And the closer connected you are with this moment, the easier it will be to move through life.

Chapter summary + exercises

In this chapter we talked about the importance of mindfulness in learning to accept the conditions of the world around you so you don’t get pulled into a world of thought that controls you. While it may seem like being present is an obvious state to be in, our minds are tricky things, and if left to their own devices, they will keep us from ever feeling like where we are in this moment is good enough.

Learning to be mindful was a journey for me, one that I only allowed myself to be open to once I was able to let go of where I felt I “should” be. Instead I accepted where I was. It didn’t mean giving up or losing clarity and direction in my life—it meant recognizing the step in which I stood, rather than looking back at the steps I had already taken or the steps that were yet to come.

What I want you to start working on is incorporating small mindfulness practices into your daily routine. Everything is small steps, so there’s no need to expect that the following tasks will be easy to do day after day. The most important step here is to try your best.

Morning

When you first wake up, it might feel natural to reach over and check your phone to see what time it is or if you have any notifications that require your immediate attention.

Before you launch into checking anything, sit upright in your bed and stick your arms out way above your head and stretch your body.

Then, bring your arms out to your side and take a deep breath in. As you bring your arms back down to your sides, stretch your spine straight up, and then allow yourself to stand up and start your day.

Okay, now you can run and check your phone.

Chances are your morning meal is the only meal when you’re going to have a moment of peace and quiet (if you have the time to eat breakfast; if not, try to make the time). If your routine already includes you checking your phone, watching TV, or multitasking while you’re eating, take three minutes in the very beginning to focus on the experience of eating.

Be present for each and every bite, sit in silence, and just enjoy the taste of the food. Smell it as you raise it to your mouth, and focus on the depth of where the food came from, how it was prepared, and what went into the process of making it.

School Day/Work Day

During the day, our minds are running all over the place trying to think about what our next task is. We never have a moment to slow things down and just accept where we are and who we are in the present.

It can be difficult to suddenly realize that your mind is not in the present, so one of many ways to allow yourself to return to “the now” is to use markers to help you get there. One marker I would use in college was doorways. Whenever I would walk into or out of a room and pass through the doorway, I would take a breath and come back to the now. It’s sort of like thinking about how you’re blinking; when your mind connects to the idea that you are doing it, you suddenly become aware of each blink and can’t not think about it.

Another technique you can try is carrying an object in your pocket so when you notice that it’s there, you will be reminded to take your mindful moment. Buddhists practice this by carrying small pebbles inside of their pockets, and whenever they stick their hands in their pockets and feel them, they remember to be in the here and now.

There are lots of different ways to do this. For you, it might be when you’re walking through the hallway at school, when you first sit down at your desk to work, or even when you hear the sound of the bell at your school signaling you to go to the next class.

Returning Home

After a long day, you might feel exhausted to the point where all you want to do is lie down in front of the TV or computer to zone out. And while that’s totally fine to do, the moment before you sit down could present you with the opportunity to practice mindfulness.

Before you launch into any activity, take a seat on your couch, chair, or bed, and sit up with a straight back so you can take in a deep breath. Most likely you’ve been on the move all day long, so letting this moment be the buffer where you can slow down before launching into your next activity will help you re-calibrate your body.

You might be feeling anxious to jump into whatever you’re going to do next, but try the breathing techniques for one minute. If you have the time, do it for three minutes. And then when you’re ready, pick up your remote or open up your laptop and move into the rest of your day.

Before Bed

When it’s time for you to head to sleep, there isn’t anything left for you to do besides lie down and pass out. Practicing mindfulness as you lie down to sleep can not only help you fall asleep more easily but can also bring you into a calm state of being where you won’t be overrun by thoughts all night long.

Start simply by lying down on your back or in a comfortable position with your eyes closed. As you begin to breathe, move your focus to the different parts of your body. Start with the air going into your lungs, and then shift your focus to your chest and upper body. Feel your body sink into the bed below you, and release any tightened muscles. Let yourself feel as if you are floating on a cloud or on the surface of water.

Let your mind move in thought to the other parts of your body, your arms, your legs, and eventually your body as a whole. It’s normal for your mind to wander or for you to think about what you have to do the next day, but at least for now in the moments when you first lie down, your mind is there with you.