Читать книгу Beloved Daughter - Joyce MDiv Boudreau - Страница 4

I dedicate this book to all women and men including, of course, my family and friends who so patiently stood by me as I learned to let go of the past. I also want to thank my mentor and teacher Debbie Ford, (www.debbieford.com) who without her vision and courage to develop these models of shadow coaching and then training others like me to do this work; I would not have uncovered the last layer of forgiveness for my father. It is time for all of us to shine and be a mirror of love, compassion, acceptance and forgiveness for each other. To see the value in each other’s eyes as we unfold our true gifts that are here to heal our planet in our own authentic unique ways!

My family and why I wrote this book. Although I write this love letter to my family, please understand this message is for everyone.

I especially wrote this book for the women in my life: To my father’s mother and her mother before her who must have suffered horrific abuse along with their children. I want you to know that your hopes and dreams will not go unlived in me. I want to let you know that your pain was not in vain; you suffered but I will no longer let that be my legacy. I thank you for enduring all that you did in order to bring your children into this world that gave me life. To my maternal grandmother, the memory of whose strength and resilience courses through me. I know that you were a woman of great love and integrity and I will always remember the safety of your home growing up. I have been told by your daughter that I am a lot like you.

To my mother, whose strength was measured by her ability to create a safe place for morality and integrity to grow in us while being surrounded by madness. For all those years of holding on to what must have been such a burden of pain inside your heart while shielding us from it. Thank you for not adding your pain to an already painful childhood. This was a true measure of your strength and love as a mother. I want you to know, Mom, that all those years of struggle will not be in vain, for I will work hard to evolve into the woman I know you want me to be and would have been yourself, had you known how.

To my sister Judy who has been the one constant woman in my life. We have laughed, cried, bitched, and growled at our lives and ourselves with each other, with the understanding that only comes from living similar experiences as children. You have been a wonderful sounding board and truly a gift to me. Thank you for believing in me and holding such a wonderful mirror of love and acceptance. You are not only a sister but one of my best friends.

To the many women friends I have had along the way, despite our collective wounds, found a voice in each other. I thank you for sharing your lives with me along this journey of healing. Your love and support was invaluable.

To my dear women friends who are a part of my life today: you have taught me so much about being a woman in this world. Without you I would not have had the mirror of femininity and gentle grace that I so needed to learn. You have all taught me by your examples about the importance of service to others. Your voices of love and support through the years have provided a space for me to be authentic. You loved and accepted all of my shadows, both light and dark, and there are no truer friendships than yours. I am reminded of a quote by Confucius when I think of you, “I do not want a friend who smiles when I smile, who weeps when I weep; for my shadow in the pool can do better than that”. You are powerful, strong women who stand in the shadow of no one and are willing to ask me hard questions, make me look at myself, grow and be strong. You support me when I am most vulnerable. You all stand in your own light and encourage me to do the same. Thank you for being such amazing mirrors in my life.

To the dear women who came into my life through the love of our sons. I feel peaceful inside knowing our sons have woman who deeply love them. I am touched by hearing their voices light up when they speak of you both and see in their eyes they have found their soulmates. You are already both amazing women whom I have come to cherish. To our son’s ex-wife, thank you for being such a beacon of forgiveness. You are a wonderful mom to our treasured grandchildren and still very loved by our family. May all of you be constantly compelled to continue to find ways to be authentic and find value in who you are as women. Don’t ever forget you are first a woman of God with individual gifts, talents, hopes and dreams that our world needs. Do not accept anything less. Live your dreams and know that I love you dearly. I have found daughters in all of you.

To my dear granddaughters; you are surrounded by voices in the media and society today that are telling you that you are only an object to be exploited and used. I want you to know that the feminine power you possess is the most authentic and magical energy you can embody. This energy can be used for healing this planet, but only if you value your worth. Your value comes from being you. You are a child of God, whole and perfect as you are. Refuse any messages that say you are anything less. Choose only friends who mirror back to you love, compassion and acceptance and are not threatened by your greatness or theirs. Find your true voice and hold out for authentic love. A love that challenges you to be honest and true to your hopes and dreams and that supports you to embrace all of your gifts. Only be in a relationship that fosters this for each other. Do not settle for less. Don’t ever pretend to be anything other than your beautiful selves. Be who you are with the filter of love, compassion, acceptance and forgiveness and life will continue to open up to endless possibilities. Remember that you will attract into your life what you believe you deserve! Believe you deserve the best that life can offer in everything and anything you do. This belief can only be realized by also giving the best of who you are and what you do. These two things will serve you and humanity well. Do not let the noise of today drown out your true voice. Stand as the beacon of light that you are, whole and complete. Your unique voice and gifts are needed in our world. Remember who you are, beloved granddaughters, like all women, you are of God, with a divine purpose here on earth. You are the only ones that can give birth to these unique gifts. I love you dearly.

Just as important, I also wrote this book to all the dear men in my life, first and foremost my husband and partner in life, Bernie. You have been the one constant mirror of love in my life. You have shown me what truly loving a woman is. Whether I was a hundred and fifty pounds or three hundred and twenty pounds you never once made me feel less of a woman. This taught me that my value was in who I was and not what I looked like. We struggled the first few years because we had to grow up together and it has not always been easy, but your love has never wavered or strayed. It took many years for us to mature into the love we have today. God had you in mind all along. You are the love of my life and thank you for supporting and believing in me. I love you dearly. You have been my greatest teacher.

For our two dear sons who were the inspiration for me to unravel and heal my childhood wounds. I see in both of you today the kind of men that I did not know existed when I was a young woman. Today, as men you value women. I could not be more proud of you both.

To my dear grandsons, you are all so tender, loving and uniquely special. This world is a confusing place for men; you are constantly being bombarded with messages to be strong and tough yet this is only part of who you can be. Do not let outside voices teach you to suppress your tender, compassionate and vulnerable sides, for these will serve you well. Society and the media continue to give you mixed messages about what it is to be a man and who women are. I can only imagine as young men today how hard this is to decipher. Remember you are, beloved sons of God and in that you are a reflection of honesty, honour, integrity and love. Don’t accept anything less in yourselves or in the women you love. As men, you will be the mirrors to the women you love. Be that new model for society to learn from. First and foremost remember your own value as men. Then, from that place, let not only your words but your actions reflect the value of women. I have great hope in you as men and know that in the future our world will be a safer, kinder place for men and women alike. You all have amazing unique gifts and talents to give to our planet. Foster them without compromise and in great integrity. You will be the change. You are our heroes. Do not let anyone or anything keep you from your dreams, and be that beacon of light that reflects divine light to both men and women. I love you dearly.

To my brothers with whom I shared this childhood story, each of you dealing with the past in your own way. There is a bond between us that exists without words. I know that each one of you has a heart of gold and I love you dearly.

To my maternal grandfather who, when I was a child, was the one and only man that felt safe to me. I did not know you well, but I intuitively understood that I did not have to fear you. This was a powerful symbol that I was blessed to have had, even though I knew you were distant emotionally.

Even though all the men in my life growing up were not great examples who mirrored the value of women, I know they loved in their own wounded way and if they had known any other way they would have taken it.

Last, to my dad. I realize that the life that was given to you was for a reason. It is mainly a mystery, yet I know that you were also my dad for a reason. I guess in many ways, God knew I would find the gold in this dark childhood of both of ours. Dad, you did not value me as a female but you loved me as your child the best you could. Because of my childhood, I learned to have great empathy and compassion for others. Because of this, I chose a career that gives me the honor of supporting others to find peace. Because of learning to be so guarded as a child, I learned how to protect myself and have great courage and determination in life. Because of you, I became curious to learn about people and was able to finally uncover the beauty in humanity that most others miss. Because of you, Dad, I learned to love nature and all its natural beauty and rawness. You taught me to watch the sunrise and sunset and bask in the light of the moon through a mystical and magical lens. All these gifts and many others I would not have uncovered if I had not learned to forgive you. Yes the best thing of all Dad, because of you I learned to forgive. The kind of forgiveness that does not come easily but the kind that sets us free. Dad you endured an unspeakable childhood that was never given a voice. I want my story to be a story of triumph over pain that gives a voice of healing to all men and women who endured childhood abuse of any kind. There is a way out of the pain, not around it, not burying it, or by denying it, but by going through it and coming out the other side: becoming whole again with all the broken pieces. We can change our stories. Dad, I changed our story.

Let my story be a witness to women and men to find value in who they are as human beings, reflections of God who are filled with possibilities outside their stories. We must remember that we all have a story; it is neither good nor bad, it just is. Once we can make peace with the stories of our past we are blank slates for new and exciting stories in the future, and most important, able to be truly in the present which is really all we have. This is my story.