Читать книгу The Vinedresser's Notebook - Judith Sutera - Страница 9

THE NEWBORN IS A MYSTERIOUS AND exciting bundle of potential. Some of what is going to be a part of this person’s life is obvious from the beginning, such as a unique and distinctive combination of physical traits. Emotional tendencies, natural talents, and other attributes may also be manifest almost immediately. In our early years of life, we usually have a variety of experiences that help us grow in various ways. We get an early education that introduces us to multiple branches of learning. We participate in physical and social activities of many kinds.

A healthy life requires a balance of self-expression and discipline. No one benefits from never being denied anything or experiencing the consequences of negative behavior. During a period of frenzy over a particular high-demand toy, there was a story about a man who traveled to another country to get it for his child. When asked why he had gone to this extreme, he said that it broke his heart to see his daughter cry and he didn’t want to disappoint her. God help anyone who has to deal with her as an adult after being raised in that atmosphere.

This kind of indulgence is one end of the spectrum of discipline. On the opposite end is the stunting that comes from too much discipline. There are many other ways that someone becomes misshapen in his or her formative years. A child may be ridiculed for something he or she enjoys. There may be clear messages that something about that activity is abnormal or unacceptable, as when a boy wants to dance ballet or a girl is too assertive. They may be forced into directions that are not compatible with their own talents or desires. I have met more than one young person who is suffering conflict over the expectation to take up a certain career because of a parent’s attraction to it and not his or her own. An adult may tell a child to stop dreaming and accept the harsh reality of life rather than offer encouragement to think big. An abusive, deprived, or emotionally unbalanced environment can lead to lifelong struggles against the negative messages one has learned.

The failure to give a healthy balance of criticism and praise leaves one unprepared for the real world. Each person must face the way the past has affected the adult he or she has become. You can’t choose where you came from, only where you end up.