Читать книгу Whatever the Price - Jules Bennett - Страница 9

“What are you doing?”

Anthony cringed at the tone in Charlotte’s voice. “Packing.”

Without turning to look at her, he continued gathering his things and folding them into his suitcase. He knew this would get ugly, but there was no way to avoid the confrontation. He hadn’t told her he needed to be away on business. Had he mentioned it before he got her to move back in, she never would’ve come.

All he had to do was get through these next two days and he’d be back home where he could prove to her just how willing he was to win her over. Their time together would be rough, but he was more than ready to face this obstacle. After all, he’d been the root of her problem.

“Typical.” Charlotte moved into the room, stood at the end of the bed they’d once shared and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’ve been back less than twenty-four hours and you’re already running off. So much for the ninety days you asked for.”

With a sigh, Anthony fisted his boxers and turned to face her. “I’m hosting the Emmy Awards. There was no getting out of this. I’ll fly home straight after, so you’ll only be here with Lily for two days. Tops. I’ve already told the staff to get you anything you need and to make sure you’re doing okay.”

“I don’t need to be watched over. I need my husband to make good on his promise.” She ran a hand down her sleek blond hair and sighed. “Honestly, I expected no less than for you to return to business as usual. But I’d hoped you’d make an exception with Lily here now.”

“Charlie—”

“No.” She held a hand up. “I’m not picking a fight. I’m here for Lily. Do what you have to, but know that if you can’t put her needs first, you will miss something beautiful in your life.”

He didn’t get a chance to add that he’d already lost out on the beauty in his life when she’d moved out three months ago. But just as quickly as she’d come in, she was gone, leaving him feeling just as he should … unworthy. He was nearly forty years old and all he had to show for his life were some Oscars on his bookshelves, numerous blockbuster films and a broken marriage. Had all the recognition and countless awards over the years been worth everything he’d sacrificed?

Dammit. Hindsight was hell on your conscience.

He’d known Charlotte would be hurt by his swift departure right after she’d moved back in, and had expected her to be angry, but he hadn’t anticipated her to give up without an argument. Not that he wanted to argue, but he was ready for it, had even rehearsed his speech. But he had to admit that her thinking so little of him hurt more than he thought it would. Her harsh words and cold stares, though, were nothing less than he deserved.

Her reaction, or lack thereof, slapped a dose of reality in his face. Obviously, he’d been a selfish bastard to her for a while and it took losing his wife and his sister, and gaining guardianship of his niece, for him to really wake up. Shame consumed him at the man he’d become, a man he barely recognized.

And now he was left holding his boxers, staring at the spot Charlotte had just vacated. Was she really just here for Lily? Could she turn off her feelings for him so easily? Did she have no intention at all of fighting for them? After all the time she’d begged him to go to counseling, he gave in and went … once. After all the years she’d told him she needed him to be around more, to be more attentive to her needs. True, he deserved no less. He certainly didn’t deserve her dedication or love, but he still needed her more than he ever could’ve imagined.

Well, she may be done, but he wasn’t. He refused to see that this marriage was coming to a close. This was his first attempt at juggling work and family now that he was making a conscious effort. Once he returned from his trip, he had a little surprise for his girls.

His girls.

Anthony smiled as he tossed in the last of his items and zipped his suitcase. He had two amazing females in his life and there was no way he was going to screw that up. Yes, Charlotte may be angry and hurt with him now, but once he arrived back home, she’d see just how committed he was to their new family.

New family seemed to be the theme for his life lately. Between the Danes and Lily, he’d taken on a whole new set of loved ones. He hoped Charlotte would go with him on this journey that was taking him from the only family he’d known into uncharted territory. Charlotte was his rock, the strongest point in his life. She was familiar and he needed her to hold on to during this life-altering time. She mattered more than anyone and he had to make her see that. He’d failed miserably in the past, but she was worth fighting for, and he wouldn’t stop now, just because things were getting difficult.

He’d turned his back on her during their marriage and just when she’d laid down the ultimatum of her or his career, he’d discovered his biological mother and siblings, ignoring her once again in favor of others.

With Rachel’s death so fresh, he needed Charlotte now more than ever to understand that he wasn’t pushing her aside, he needed her to stand by his.

He’d never, ever meant to hurt her and he knew this was only the beginning of a very long, very emotional process for both of them. And, yes, he was going down this path to fight for the marriage he was so desperately clinging to and he was going to drag her along with him. Because he was not giving up. It may have taken a year of life-altering changes and Charlotte leaving to open his eyes, but now that he saw exactly what he stood to lose, he couldn’t move forward happily in his life without her.

If he didn’t have Charlotte, no amount of family he connected with or films he made could fill that void.

She’d counted on his leaving, counted on his turning back to his old ways. But one thing she may not be counting on, the one thing that would keep this marriage together, was the fact he loved her more than anything. He would fight for her with everything in him. And it was time to stand up and be the man, husband and now father she needed and expected him to be.

With a warm bedtime bottle, Charlotte settled onto the damask sofa in her bedroom, cradling Lily in her arms. All the while keeping her eyes on the television, which just so happened to be tuned to the channel where the Emmy Awards were being telecast. Could she help it if that’s what popped up when she switched on the TV? She’d barely spoken to Anthony since he’d left yesterday morning, but she’d watched him since he’d come onto the screen.

“I’m not watching for me,” she told Lily as she slid the bottle between her puckered lips. “I wanted you to see your uncle Anthony on TV. It’s so rare for him to be in front of the camera.”

When he walked across the lighted stage wearing a black suit with a charcoal-gray shirt and matching silk tie, Charlotte’s heart clenched. The sight of him never failed to take her breath away. His designer suit stretched across his broad shoulders and that hint of a smile he always seemed to possess gave the impression that he was plotting something and only he knew the secret. He had that same smile in bed.

Perhaps that subtle charm was the appeal that first drew her to him. That aura of mystery, those dark gray eyes that penetrated deep into her soul and left her tingling down to her toes.

As he looked into the camera and began to speak from the teleprompter, it seemed as if he was looking right at her.

She wanted something miraculous to come from these ninety days. Wanted the marriage repaired, legal guardianship of Lily and the perfect family life she’d always dreamed about. Even though she told Anthony they weren’t getting back together, she couldn’t lie to herself. She wanted him back, desperately. But not if he couldn’t change. She dreamed of the day he became the husband and father she needed him to be.

Unfortunately, dreams and reality were so far apart, they were in separate hemispheres.

And this reality—the one with the man she loved so close, yet so far—was crushing her soul and shattering her heart. But unless Anthony made a huge turnaround, she would be gone at the end of the three months.

“He really is a good man,” Charlotte told Lily, trying to force back the tears. “His priorities are just in the wrong order for this marriage to work.”

She glanced from the television to Lily, who had one pudgy hand wrapped around the bottle and another clutching her silky pink blanket. Her lids fluttered down as her little lips pulled against the nipple of the bottle.

“Don’t worry, little one,” Charlotte whispered. “He knows how important you are. He won’t let you down.”

Of that Charlotte would see to herself. Neglecting a wife was one thing, but an innocent child … simply intolerable. Though she seriously doubted Anthony would do that to Lily. He had dropped everything when Rachel had passed and gone to retrieve the baby before she could spend another minute in the hands of social workers.

He’d also nearly begged her to give him ninety days so they could make Lily a comfortable, stable home. That said a lot for a man who allowed his work to rule every part of his life. She knew there was good in him. Knew how much family meant to him. So why had he taken her for granted the past few years?

Did he have any idea how that made her feel? That constant brushing aside, as if he just assumed she’d always be around at the end of the day. Obviously, in his mind, she was no better than a faithful golden retriever.

He’d taken her loyalty for granted and she’d allowed it. By not speaking up for herself, she had to take part of the blame for this broken marriage.

Charlotte swore she’d only watch a minute of the awards, but that minute turned into an hour. The bottle had long since been drained and Lily rested peacefully snuggled against Charlotte’s chest.

As the awards drew to a close, Anthony stood in front of the camera once again and began to speak. Charlotte turned the TV up just a notch, so as not to wake Lily.

“Another great year of winners and nominees,” he said with that heart-stopping smile. “With all the thanks going out, I have to take a moment and thank my beautiful wife, Charlotte, for staying home to be with our niece. Love you both.”

He went on to announce the final presenters, but Charlotte didn’t hear the rest. She stared at the screen, mouth open and a bit teary-eyed at how he’d publicly acknowledged her and Lily. He’d obviously been thinking of her, hoping she’d be watching.

This was the way things should have been. A house filled with babies running around—the proof of their love—and him combining his personal and professional lives.

Was fate dangling this second chance in front of her only to mock her dreams? She’d have loved it if he’d come to her door and asked her to give him another chance. A blossom of hope had bloomed when she’d seen him, but he hadn’t been there just for her. She’d have given anything had he dropped everything for their marriage.

Well, he had sent flowers, a rather impressive bouquet of her favorite lilies and roses, but he’d been away on business when they’d arrived. Had he brought them himself, made a little more of an attempt to gain her attention, he might have actually gotten that attention. Throwing money around was too easy … especially because he had so much of it to throw.

But he’d only needed her for the baby. His desperation had been fueled by fear, not love.

She’d been disappointed when he’d been packing yesterday, but at the same time she wasn’t surprised. He was always needed somewhere that wasn’t their home and always willing to jump to meet everyone else’s demands.

Yesterday she’d walked into their master bedroom—his master bedroom—to have a serious talk, but once she’d seen the suitcase, her heart had fallen and the words on her lips had died. Evidently his trip hadn’t warranted a heads-up and he just expected her to go along with his plans, as usual. His work was more important than anything outside the film industry.

But he’d mentioned her on TV as if they were a happily married couple. She knew Anthony well enough to know he would pull out all the stops to fight for what he wanted. But would his actions be sincere or simply because he didn’t like rejection or loss? Perhaps he only mentioned them to throw off all the tabloids discussing their separation.

So much swirled through her mind. With all the problems of their marriage, having a crisis in private was nearly impossible. There was just so much worry and fear filling her.

And just because her period was five days late, didn’t mean she needed to jump to conclusions. She’d been stressed lately and had a lot going on in her life. There was no reason to panic. Didn’t she have enough on her plate without borrowing trouble?

In the morning, if there was still no sign, she’d go get a home test. Then when Anthony returned, she’d know whether or not they’d need to talk about more than Lily and their separation.

Wouldn’t that just be the icing on the cake? Another baby.

Make that icing, sprinkles and a cherry on top.

Charlotte jostled a fussy Lily, replaying the life-changing events of her morning.

What a way to start off her day.

She’d woken after a fitful night of sleep and asked Monique to keep an eye on the baby while she ran a quick errand. No way was she going to ask anyone else to get the over-the-counter test. This was Hollywood. The last thing she needed was reporters getting wind of this.

This being the pregnancy test she’d taken in the drugstore restroom, because she couldn’t wait until she was home. It was positive.

Who knew your life could change in the bathroom of a drugstore? It had taken some deep breathing and a shaky hand supporting her against the sink for several minutes before she could pull her gaze away from the two pink lines that had stared back at her.

She knew taking a pregnancy test in a drugstore bathroom was not the classiest of moves, but she hadn’t wanted to risk anyone on her staff seeing it, or worse, the paparazzi. Juicy stories made for big bucks, so Dumpster diving wasn’t above the paparazzi.

There was no privacy when you were married to Hollywood’s hottest director, which was how she’d found herself huddled away in a one-room drugstore bathroom. Bad enough she’d had to wear a hat and oversized sunglasses, and use cash so she didn’t have to flash her name on her credit card, but then she’d looked at the stick.

Once she could speak and not risk hyperventilating, Charlotte called her doctor, who assured her they did walk-in blood tests and to come on in.

Three hours later she was back home, waiting for the doctor’s office to call with those results, but she knew what they would say. The same thing both drugstore pregnancy tests had said—because she’d bought the box of two just to be sure.

And now she swayed back and forth with a fussy Lily, wondering how she would tell Anthony when he returned from his trip. Which should be anytime now if he kept his word and came straight home.

Good Lord. She sounded like his mother, not his wife. Make that soon-to-be ex. What did it matter what he did with his time now? It was all the time before she’d left him that had mattered. All those years before she’d visited her attorney that Anthony couldn’t give back to her.

Tears pricked her eyes and there was nothing she could do to prevent them from falling. Might as well join in with Lily.

“Shh,” she whispered. “It’ll be okay. Everything will work itself out.”

Charlotte didn’t know if she was consoling the baby or herself, but everything would be okay … she hoped.

Now she had a marriage not just on the rocks, but on the verge of falling off the cliff. In addition, she would become Lily’s legal guardian in ninety days, she still had the Children’s Hospital wing dedication and charity dinner to finish planning, and if all of that weren’t enough to make her run straight out of the Hollywood Hills, now she was having a baby of her own with a man she loved but couldn’t stay with.

Would Anthony even want another child? How would he handle two when for years he hadn’t wanted any at all?

“Charlotte?”

Anthony’s questioning tone came from downstairs and pulled her from all the thoughts bouncing around in her head.

“I’ll be down in a minute,” she called back.

Charlotte stared at herself in the mirror. She may be the same woman she had been this morning, but she certainly didn’t feel the same. Her life had just taken another major come-out-of-nowhere blow and now she had to figure out how to deal with not one, but two babies and a possible divorce.

Or an even worse possibility—what if she miscarried again? How could she cope with another stab to the heart and loss like the last time? How much could one person truly handle before breaking?

Could her life be more of a mess?

She couldn’t tell Anthony about the baby yet. Fear of losing the baby and fear of their future held her back.

She’d obviously conceived when Anthony had come to “talk” last month, so that would make her four weeks along. Her miscarriage had occurred at seven weeks.

To keep Lily’s life as stable as possible and to see how seriously Anthony took his paternal responsibilities, she wouldn’t say anything yet. There were so many reasons to keep this baby a secret, but most of all to keep her own sanity. She just couldn’t pile another emotional issue on and give Anthony more leverage to make her stay. She wanted, needed him to stay for the right reasons.

Lily gave up fussing and moved straight into a full-throated cry with actual tears. Charlotte had the overwhelming urge to sit on the bed and join in, but that would solve nothing. And because Charlotte had never been one to sit around and cry when action needed to be taken, she straightened her shoulders and gave Lily an extra hug.

“Let’s go get you a bottle, sweetheart.”

Shifting the baby onto her hip, Charlotte padded out of her room and ran right into Anthony, who was standing outside her door.

“Oh.” She stepped back. “I didn’t know you were out here waiting for us.”

He hadn’t slept, or if he had, it was only for a few hours on his flight from New York to L.A. His eyes were red-rimmed, his hair a bit mussed and he still had on the dress pants and shirt he’d worn for the awards. He’d lost the tie and jacket and unbuttoned the top two buttons, the sleeves folded taut over his muscular forearms. Why he didn’t change on his plane was beyond her.

Charlotte couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy for the man who was going to try to do it all in an attempt to prove to her that he could do it all.

Lily let out a loud wail.

“I need to feed her,” Charlotte explained, moving past Anthony.

“I’ll do it.” He slid the baby from her grasp and started toward the stairs. “I haven’t been spit up on for a couple days. I almost missed the smell.”

No matter what life threw at him, Anthony always kept his sense of humor. As she followed him down the wide staircase, she recalled that his humor had been one of the traits that had led her to fall in love with him in the first place.

A lump of guilt rose in her throat over keeping news of their baby from him, but the man had never even entertained the idea of kids before. Work had always been his fallback excuse.

So now wasn’t the time to reveal the truth. She needed to come to grips with this and figure out just how she was going to deal with this unexpected development. And he needed to get used to Lily before she hit him with the news of another baby.

Unexpected or not, Charlotte already loved this baby she carried. Children had always been her passion. In her volunteer work at the Children’s Hospital, she fell in love on a daily basis with some remarkable kids.

Walking toward the kitchen, Charlotte trailed behind Anthony as he tried to shift a very red-faced Lily. The jostling really wasn’t working—she was screaming louder—but he’d figure it out. All Charlotte could see was Lily’s little head bobbing up and down to the rhythm of Anthony’s awkward bounce. He needed to do this, to work on being a dad, so he could see exactly what he was getting into.

He filled a bottle with filtered water and went to get the lid off the formula. “It’s okay, Lily. I’m getting it.”

Charlotte resisted the urge to take the baby, mix the bottle and put an end to everyone’s misery. He was going to need all the practice he could get for when their own baby arrived—God willing. Still, her take-charge nature made it hard to do nothing. And since he was so set on proving to her that he could and would indeed be Superdad, she crossed her arms and leaned against the tiled center island.

Just as he balanced Lily in one arm and jerked the lid off the formula, the powder shot across the counter and down onto the gleaming hardwood floor. Unable to handle poor Lily’s hunger cries another minute, Charlotte stepped up. Silence and self-control be damned.

“Let me do it.” She scooped out the remaining formula from the canister and mixed the bottle. “Let me have her.”

“I was getting it,” he told her, relinquishing hold of his niece. “No need to take over.”

Lily’s pudgy hands reached for the bottle and the instant she started sucking, her cries ceased. Silence enveloped them and Charlotte found herself staring back into Anthony’s rich gray eyes.

“There was no need to have her so upset when we both know I can make the bottle faster.”

Charlotte started to move from the kitchen when he grabbed her shoulder to turn her back around.

“Is this how it’s going to be?” he demanded. “For the next few months are you going to undercut every attempt I make at trying to help, to show you that I can do this? Are you so determined to leave me that you won’t even give me the chance to prove myself as a husband or a father?”

Charlotte kept her gaze on the blissfully happy baby. No way could she look into his eyes right now. Not when he sounded so broken, yet so determined. She didn’t want his words to get to her. She couldn’t afford to lay her heart on the line again as far as Anthony was concerned. There were only so many times she could push her hurt aside and forgive him.

“I’m not undercutting anything,” she told him. “I just wanted her fed.”

He stepped closer, so close the arm she’d wrapped around Lily brushed against the hard plains of his abdomen. Beneath that cotton dress shirt lay rippled muscles that she’d explored with both her hands and her mouth. There wasn’t a part of his body she hadn’t seen or touched, but just that slight bit of contact sent a shiver rippling through her. He could always turn her on.

“I want to help. I need to.” He laid a hand over hers on Lily’s little belly. “Let me.”

Charlotte’s chest constricted at the warmth of his touch, his tone. He was holding out the olive branch … all she had to do was take it. All she had to do was look up into those smoky eyes and work with him, meet him in the middle. But pride, stubbornness and all those years of extending her own branch only to have it knocked aside had her shaking her head.

“I’ve got it.”

And with that she walked out.

Some might say she was being difficult, some might accuse her of being hardheaded, and she would absolutely, 100 percent agree. She was all of that and much more. But time after time of being torn down, ignored and neglected would do that to a woman.

Not only could Anthony make her burn hotter than anyone, he also brought out the spiteful, surly side of her. And while she may be physically attracted to him still, she had serious questions about her love. The idea that she fell out of love made her sick to her stomach, but she just couldn’t love a man who didn’t love her enough to make her the top priority in his life.

If Charlotte thought that his sincerity would last for more than a week, a month, she’d jump at the chance to meet him in the middle. But she knew how he was. She knew that nothing and no one would come between him and his precious work schedule—all the parties and awards ceremonies and the next big blockbuster film. And even if he decided he wanted to put her first, agents, managers, A-list actors and countless other people would eat up so much of his time, how would the man have any left for her or these children?

Yes, she’d definitely made the right decision in not telling him about the baby. He needed to seriously reshuffle his priority list before she would smack him with more life-altering news.

Even though this circumstance was different, she still needed to wait to tell him about the baby. The first time she’d gotten pregnant she hadn’t told him because he’d been away filming. She’d planned a surprise for his return with a dinner and a little present. She’d bought a tacky T-shirt that said #1 Dad.

But she’d miscarried before she could make her announcement and before he returned from location. She’d tossed the T-shirt—gift bag and all—into the fire pit on their patio and cried as the ashes blew around and floated away, much like her dreams. Symbolic, really, that her dreams had literally gone up in smoke.

She’d faced that monumental, heartbreaking time alone. But this time he was here and he deserved to know, just not yet. They had a lot on their plate and they needed to deal with all the upcoming decisions together as a family, broken or not. And she would include him in the decision making as soon as she felt comfortable with the man he claimed he could be.

As Charlotte moved back through the marble foyer and up the stairs to lay Lily down for her afternoon nap, she heard Anthony’s footsteps behind her.

“We need to talk,” he told her as they reached the landing.

She couldn’t agree more, so she nodded. “Let me get Lily settled and I’ll come find you.”

His eyes roamed over her face, landing on her lips. “I’ll wait in our room.”

He strode past her before she could correct him. It wasn’t their room anymore. That beautiful master suite with a walkout balcony, shower big enough for ten people and a sunken Jacuzzi would never be hers again. The day she’d walked out, she’d left behind any and all luxuries she’d grown accustomed to.

Of course, she would’ve given all of it up in a heartbeat if she could have had the man she’d married back in her life. To have that attentive, loving, funny guy back, she’d gladly turn her back on this “glamorous” lifestyle.

Not so glamorous once the cameras stopped filming and the doors to the mansion closed. Everyday problems still occurred for the rich and famous. She’d always heard the expression “More money, more problems.” How true. Except their problems were out there for the public to see. Nothing was sacred in Hollywood, which made heartache that much harder to deal with.

Why had she once thought that they’d live happily ever after? Had she been that naive to think love would carry them over any obstacle?

Charlotte sat in the cushioned wooden rocker and eased back and forth while Lily finished her bottle. Sweet little lips pulled at the last drop of formula, then her mouth lost suction as she drifted off to sleep. Charlotte smiled, pulled the empty bottle away and eased the baby up onto her shoulder.

Keeping with the rocking motion, Charlotte closed her eyes and relished the peaceful bliss of holding a sleeping, innocent baby. No matter what happened with the marriage or the baby she carried, Charlotte knew she had a responsibility to Lily. Even though they weren’t blood-related, that didn’t matter. Charlotte would love and care for Lily as if she were her own.

Rachel had been an amazing woman. Charlotte hadn’t been super-close with her sister-in-law because of the miles between them, but they had communicated a great deal over the phone.

Rachel had been so excited when she’d become pregnant. Charlotte had been both thrilled and a little jealous, and once she’d seen how happy the news made Anthony, she couldn’t help but wonder if he’d changed his mind about having kids of his own.

But when she’d brought it up, he’d blown her off again, claiming it wasn’t good timing. Good timing or not, he soon would have to get used to the idea of baby number two.

Giving in to the inevitable and relinquishing the peacefulness of rocking Lily, Charlotte came to her feet, laid Lily in her sleigh crib and went down the hall to her old master bedroom.

She prayed for the strength and courage to have a calm, adult conversation with Anthony. Prayed they wouldn’t start yelling and hurling accusations.

She was getting stronger in standing up for herself and he needed to understand that unless and until he made a drastic change in his work ethic, she couldn’t consider them a family.