Читать книгу Innocent Cinderella: His Untamed Innocent / Penniless and Purchased / Her Last Night of Innocence - Сара Крейвен, Julia James - Страница 15

THE VILLAGE WAS several miles behind them. That part of her ordeal was over, but now she had to deal with its aftermath.

In spite of herself, she found she was glancing sideways at his hands on the wheel of the car as they steered it, controlled it, with effortless expertise.

Just as he’d done with her last night. His hands on her body touching, arousing, with the same precision. Taking her exactly where he wanted her to go.

And, God help her, she’d wanted it too. Had wanted all of it and more. Had wanted the glory of him with her, inside her, as they reached paradise together. Had prayed for it never to stop.

Only to find all that pain, hunger and rapture belittled—reduced to words like pity, reward and gratitude. The passion she’d imagined replaced by a sense of obligation.

He’d performed, she thought. He’d given her pleasure, because she’d made it so shamefully clear that was what she required. Why she’d thrown herself at him, as she had.

He knew how to arouse—to fulfil, but that did not mean that he had to be emotionally engaged. Inexperienced as she was, she’d been aware of his restraint. Maybe he’d simply known how little effort on his part would be needed to bring her to climax. Turn her into his willing creature.

Worst of all, she’d ignored the fact that he’d tried to step back from her.

Suddenly she remembered Greg, standing in the flat in France. ‘She’s no bloody oil-painting,’ he’d said, the words dripping with contempt. ‘Who the hell would want to start anything with such a pathetic little object?’

Oh God, she whispered under her breath. How can it be possible to hurt so much? To feel so ashamed?

‘Well, that’s that, thank God.’ She started as Jake’s voice intruded on her unhappy reverie. ‘Would you mind if we made a slight detour?’

She swallowed. ‘Why should we do that?’

‘There’s somewhere we could have lunch,’ he said. There was a smile in his voice. ‘It’s not too far out of our way, and you might like it.’

‘Thank you.’ Her voice was polite but definite. ‘But I’d rather go straight back to London. If you don’t mind.’

She couldn’t bear, she thought, to spend any more time with him than was strictly necessary. And once this journey was over she would never see him again.

‘Well, just as you want,’ he said after a pause. ‘The other will keep, and maybe London is the best option at this point. How about I drop you at the flat to pack the rest of your stuff and collect you in an hour or so?’

‘Collect me?’ Marin repeated. Her head turned sharply towards him. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I live in Chelsea, darling,’ he said. ‘You don’t imagine I’d suggest you get there by public transport?’

‘I know where you live,’ she said. ‘How does it concern me?’

There was a silence, then Jake said quietly, ‘I’d imagined it would concern you very closely.’ He slowed the car, driving on to the broad grass verge, then braked and switched the engine off. He unfastened his seat belt and turned, frowning slightly as the blue eyes searched her face.

He said, ‘You see, I thought—I hoped—that you’d be moving in with me.’ He smiled faintly. ‘After all, I can hardly come and live with you. Lynne would have a heart attack if she had to fight me for the shower each morning. Or if she found us in the bath together.’

The flavour of the month for a little while…

Pain twisted inside her as she recalled those other mocking words, which had told her nothing but the truth.

Instead, she moved suddenly, restively. ‘You think I’m coming to live with you because of what happened last night?’ She shook her head. ‘That’s—over and done with. And now I have my own life to go back to. So I have no intention of sharing anyone else’s, even on a temporary basis. I never did.’

His gaze sharpened. Became incredulous. ‘What the hell are you talking about.’

‘About the parting of the ways.’ She made herself look at him, coolly and calmly. ‘We had a deal, but today it ends. And nothing takes its place.’

There was a silence, then he said quietly, ‘Darling, you don’t—you can’t mean that.’ He unclipped her seat belt and reached for her.

She recoiled and said hoarsely, ‘Don’t touch me. Just—don’t…’

‘Oh, for God’s sake.’ His tone was harsh. ‘I gave up wrestling in cars years ago. I just want to hold you while I find out what’s going on here.’

‘Haven’t I made it clear enough?’ she asked, her heart thudding. ‘You hired me to do a job. My part of the bargain is complete. All that remains is for you, Mr Radley-Smith, to give me the money you promised.’ She paused. ‘Unless, of course, you consider that last night was payment in kind? All debts settled and nothing more due?’

‘No,’ he said, his eyes narrowing. ‘I think nothing of the kind. And why this sudden ludicrous formality? You called out my first name when you were coming only a few hours ago.’

‘That was then.’ Marin kept her voice steady. ‘This is now. So spare me any further reminders of last night’s events, please.’

‘Why should I do that?’ Jake threw back at her. ‘Or am I supposed to pretend it didn’t happen?’

‘Put it down to an error of judgement.’ She hesitated. ‘I shouldn’t drink when I’m not used to it.’

‘Oh no, darling,’ he said softly. ‘You can’t blame the demon alcohol for that particular turn of events, and you know that as well as I do. We may not have been very wise, but we were both sober.’ He paused. ‘So—what’s the real problem?’

‘No problem at all.’ She didn’t look at him. ‘I just have no wish to compound my mistake. And any further involvement with you, Mr Radley-Smith, would be a seriously bad idea.’

She swallowed. ‘Or did you think, having given me the ultimate good time in bed, I’d be begging you for more?’

How could she be saying these things? she asked herself with a kind of anguish. Was this the price she had to pay for self-preservation? To ensure that he would leave her strictly alone from now on?

‘That never crossed my mind,’ he said. ‘But I think I deserve some kind of explanation for this—volte face.’

‘Of course,’ she said. ‘I’d almost forgotten. You’re the one who usually decides when it’s over and walks away. Well, this time it’s my prerogative.’

‘Is there someone else in your life?’ he asked abruptly. ‘Another man?’

‘That’s none of your business.’ Marin lifted her chin. ‘And you’re not in my life, Mr Radley-Smith. You just—passed through it.’ She took another deep breath. ‘And now maybe we could go back to London. Unless you’d prefer me to hitch a lift to the nearest station?’

‘That won’t be necessary.’ His voice was as grim as his face. He buckled his seat belt and switched on the engine. ‘Tell me one last thing, Marin. What actually became of the girl who slept in my arms last night?’

She shrugged. ‘She woke up. It’s that simple.’

‘Really?’ he asked ironically. ‘I’ll have to take your word for that. Because I find it incredibly complicated.’ And he turned the car back on to the road and drove off with a burst of acceleration that she recognised as pure anger.

He’d assumed that she’d be happy to fall in with any plan he put to her, she thought, her throat tightening. And he didn’t like to lose the initiative or be thwarted. It must have been a long time since he was the target of such positive resistance. Perhaps he wouldn’t take his next lady so much for granted, she told herself, and wanted to burst into tears.

It was a long and silent journey. Marin sat, her fingers clasped so tightly in her lap that they ached, allowing herself an occasional surreptitious peep at his bleak profile.

She’d done what she had to, she told herself, even if she felt as if the heart had been torn out of her body in the process.

When they reached the flat, Jake slotted the car into a parking place she’d have said was impossibly small. Always in control, she thought stonily.

As he lifted her bag from the boot, she held out her hand. ‘I’ll take that, please.’

He stared at her. ‘May I not even come in with you?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’

As she took the case from him, his fingers closed over hers.

‘Marin,’ he said. ‘Not like this. Please. I know it’s a cliché, but we really need to talk.’

‘There’s nothing left to say.’ She moved a defensive shoulder. ‘Your important client has been convinced that you’re not after his wife. And that’s what it was all about.’

‘Apart from the money, of course,’ he said.

‘Of course,’ Marin echoed. She turned away. ‘You can mail me the cheque.’

‘No,’ he said. ‘I prefer to deal with it now, even if we are in the street.’

He produced his cheque book, rested it on the roof of the car, wrote then tore out the slip and handed it to her.

She stared at the amount, then looked at him. ‘It’s not what we agreed,’ she said. ‘It’s too much. Another thousand pounds too much.’

‘Call it a bonus.’ He shrugged, his blue gaze flicking over her. His sudden smile was reminiscent. Insolent. ‘Let’s say for services above and beyond the call of duty.’ He paused. ‘And I’ll be in touch,’ he added softly, then got back in the car and drove off.

Marin wanted to tear the cheque into tiny pieces and fling them after him, but something warned her that if she did, and he saw, he would know that it mattered to her—that it mattered terribly.

And that was something that needed to remain her secret for ever.

There was a note from Lynne waiting for her. ‘At Mike’s. Hope all went well. See you later,’ it informed her succinctly.

No, it didn’t, Marin thought. And, no, you won’t.

She’d had time to think during those endless miles in the car, and to make a decision. She was due to travel down to Essex and the new assignment tomorrow, but there was nothing to stop her going that afternoon and spending the night in a bed and breakfast.

That way, she would not have to face her stepsister until she’d managed to regain some measure of control over her stormy emotions.

I can’t tell her what really happened, she thought. I can’t.

Jake’s parting remark had set her alarm bells ringing too.

But if he can’t find me he can’t be in touch, she reassured herself.

She put the new travel-bag in the wardrobe just as it was and found her usual case, packing it efficiently and deftly with working gear, reverting to the crisp, businesslike person she’d lost sight of in a fit of momentary madness.

Then she sat down and composed a letter to Lynne, keeping the tone deliberately upbeat as she explained she was off to start her new job early and would call on her mobile as soon as she was settled. She did not, however, include the address of the practice. What Lynne did not know, she could not inadvertently pass on.

I need these four weeks, she thought, as a breathing space to put myself together again. And when I come back I’ll find somewhere else to live. Most of the other girls at work share flats, and they often have spare rooms. So I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine.

And, above all, for the next month I’ll be too busy to think. And perhaps because of this, please God, I can start to forget him.

Didn’t someone say he was easier to recover from once you were out of bed? I can only pray that it’s true.

‘Rubbing shoulders with nature for the past month doesn’t seem to have done you much good,’ was Lynne’s first comment once she’d hugged her. ‘You’re looking pale, my pet.’

Marin shrugged. ‘They all took me out to the local Chinese restaurant last night,’ she returned. ‘I think the sweet and sour sauce seriously disagreed with me. But I’m fine again now.’

Except that she wasn’t, because Mike arrived that evening, fresh from playing in a charity cricket-match, and hefting a bulging carrier bag.

‘To welcome home the exile,’ he announced. ‘I’ve got all your favourites. Chow mein, Kung Po chicken, shrimps in special sauce, beef with water chestnuts and a paddy field of fried rice.’

This time, to Marin’s dismay, just the smell did it, and she fled.

‘If you’re no better in the morning,’ Lynne ordained sternly, handing her a glass of water, ‘You must see the doctor. You could need antibiotics.’

‘I’d settle for a stomach transplant,’ Marin said wanly. ‘I don’t think I’ll ever look a Chinese meal in the face again. Let’s hope it’s over.’

But she hoped in vain.

‘Right,’ Lynne said briskly, coming into the bedroom where she lay hunched and miserable under the covers. ‘I’ve phoned Wendy Ingram and explained why you won’t be in, and Dr Jarvis will see you at two-thirty.’ She paused. ‘Can I leave you anything? Hot coffee, maybe?’

Marin shuddered. ‘I think I’ll stick to water.’

But half an hour later, she felt a total fraud. ‘I’ll cancel that appointment and go to work,’ she told herself with determination, putting on her robe and heading for the sitting room to use the phone.

She was checking the surgery number when she heard the hall door close, and assumed it was Lynne back to check up on her.

‘Look,’ she began. ‘You’re taking the mother-hen thing too far.’

‘And you, sweetheart,’ Jake said from the doorway, ‘are getting your genders confused.’

Marin gasped, a hand flying to pull the edges of her robe closer. ‘What—what do you want?’

He strolled forward, dark-suited, his silk tie loosened, his face cool, unreadable. ‘You.’

Her heart lurched, but she faced him defiantly. ‘I don’t think so. Even you can’t be that desperate for a woman.’

His brows lifted coldly. ‘Just who are you insulting by that remark, sweetheart? Yourself or me?’

‘I meant,’ she said swiftly, ‘that you must have better things to do elsewhere.’

‘Possibly,’ he said. ‘But I didn’t come here to make a pass at you and have it rejected.’

‘Then why?’

‘Because, before you vanished into the wilds of wherever, I told you we needed to talk.’

‘And I made it clear that was unnecessary.’

‘Also because Lynne told me you were ill,’ he went on as if she hadn’t spoken. ‘And I was—concerned.’

‘Then Lynne shouldn’t have fussed,’ she said. ‘And as I’m quite all right again, you’ve no need to trouble yourself.’

‘You don’t think so?’ He looked at her reflectively. ‘Maybe you should cast your mind back a few weeks to our never-to-be-repeated night together. There could be a very different reason for your malaise.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, my sweet, that unless you were taking the contraceptive pill you and I had unprotected sex—more than once.’ His mouth twisted wryly. ‘Usually I take my own precautions, but, as love-making was never supposed to feature on the agenda that weekend, I was completely unprepared. As I now suspect you were too. So there could be—consequences.’

For a moment, she stared at him, her mind reeling. Then she said huskily, ‘No, it’s not possible. I don’t believe it.’

‘Then let’s see if your faith is justified,’ he said. He took a flat packet from his inside pocket and tossed it to her. ‘Pop into the bathroom, if you will, and put both our minds at rest.’

Marin stared down at the pregnancy-testing kit, her heart beating like a drum in sheer panic. ‘No,’ she said. ‘No—I can’t.’

‘Why not? The instructions seem perfectly clear. And I certainly can’t do it for you.’

‘All right, then, I won’t.’ She lifted her chin. ‘You have no right to march in here, giving me orders.’

‘I wish to know whether or not you’re carrying my child,’ he said. ‘I’d say that’s well within my rights. So, please do as I ask. For both our sakes.’

Their eyes met, clashed. Then Marin turned and stalked off to the bathroom.

She could simply throw the kit away when she was alone, she thought, and tell him the result was negative. That he could leave with a clear conscience.

Except that she needed to allay the sudden terrifying doubt in her own mind. Reassure herself that the frantic mental sums she’d already been doing were all wrong that her period was often late, and that she really was fine, with nothing to fear.

Above all she needed to watch him walk away and know that she would never have to experience the hurt of seeing him again.

Peace of mind, she told herself, in a little box.

When she finally returned to the living room, Jake needed to take only one look at her white face and quivering lips. He was silent for a moment, then sighed.

‘That settles it,’ he said. ‘Now we really do have to talk.’ As he walked towards her, she took a step back and saw his mouth tighten. He took her hand and led her to the sofa.

She tried to free herself. ‘Leave me alone.’

‘Don’t be silly.’ His voice was quite gentle as he drew her down beside him. ‘Sit down before you fall down.’ He paused. ‘I suppose our first priority is to tell your mother and stepfather. Find out how soon they can get here.’

She stared at him, mute with horror at all the additional implications of this discovery. The thought of having to tell Barbara and Derek what a total mess she’d made of her life—to inflict such a terrible disappointment—made her cringe inside.

Confessing to Lynne would be just as bad, but she knew her stepsister would help her, get her through whatever needed to be done. She felt sick all over again at the prospect.

She said, stumbling over the words. ‘I’d rather not—tell them.’

‘I’m sure,’ he said drily. ‘I’m not looking forward to telling my mother, either. But it has to be done.’ He paused. ‘It will have to be a special licence, and the local registrar, of course, and we need to set the date as soon as possible.’

The words swam in her head, making no sense. No sense at all.

She stared at him, ‘Please—what are you talking about?’ she whispered.

‘About our wedding, naturally,’ he said with a touch of impatience. ‘We’re having a baby, Marin, so we’re going to get married. And that’s all there is to it.’

‘But you’re not the marrying kind.’ Her protest was instant and unthinking.

‘Perhaps not,’ he agreed. ‘And I certainly had no plans for fatherhood, either. How quickly life can change.’

‘Oh, for God’s sake.’ She made a little half-helpless, halfimpatient gesture. ‘No one has to get married these days—not for this kind of reason.’

‘Then I must be curiously old-fashioned,’ Jake said icily. ‘Because I have no intention of allowing my firstborn to be a bastard.’

My firstborn…

Oh God, she thought, wanting to cry. Oh, God.

She didn’t look at him. Her voice was a stranger’s. ‘You’re overlooking the alternative. There—there doesn’t have to be a baby at all.’

‘I’m overlooking nothing,’ he returned shortly. ‘And you’re not going down that path, Marin, not even if I have to chain you to my wrist until it’s too late. Whatever they may say, it’s not an easy option. And we’re not taking the risk.’

‘But we can’t be married, either.’ She felt herself shrinking into her corner of the sofa. ‘We—we hardly know each other.’

‘Not in terms of weeks, months or years, perhaps,’he agreed. His mouth twisted ruefully. ‘But in one important area we’ve proved we’re entirely compatible, if a little careless.’

‘I told you—I’d been drinking. I—I didn’t realise what I was doing.’

‘Well, you’re sober now,’ he said softly. He slipped off his jacket, threw it over the arm of the sofa. Undid his tie. ‘Why don’t we adjourn to the bedroom and put your interesting theory to the test?’

‘No!’ The word choked out of her. ‘Don’t you dare touch me.’

His brows drew together. ‘As I remarked just now, how quickly life can change,’ he said, half to himself. ‘I must ask Graham where he gets his booze. It must be amazing stuff to have managed to overcome, even for a few hours, your aversion to me.’

‘So I made a terrible mistake,’ she went on hoarsely, ignoring his loaded comment. ‘That’s no reason to wreck the rest of my life.’

He was silent for a moment. ‘No,’ he said at last. ‘And for that I’m more sorry than you can imagine. I should, of course, have taken more care of you. Protected you from any consequences. I blame myself entirely.’

He sighed abruptly. ‘But at least I can guarantee that your future sufferings will be endured in a reasonable degree of comfort.’

‘Am I supposed to find that reassuring?’ she asked bitterly.

He shrugged. ‘What else can I tell you? I’m healthy. I don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, and have never, in spite of some intense provocation, lifted my hand to a woman. Nor,’ he added deliberately, ‘do I drink to excess.’

She flushed angrily. ‘And that’s supposed to be sufficient basis for marriage?’

He was leaning back, totally at ease, long legs stretched out in front of him. ‘It’s a beginning,’ he said. ‘I imagine you don’t require me to go down on one knee and express my undying devotion.’

‘No,’ Marin said stonily. ‘I see no need for unnecessary lies.’

‘But there may be times when you won’t want the unvarnished truth from me, either.’ His gaze was sardonic. ‘Therefore, can I be sure that you won’t probe too deeply if I tell you I’m working late?’

‘No.’ Her throat felt as if a hand had closed round it, crushing the life from her. ‘Although it could make life difficult for Lynne, if she has to back up your story.’

He said flatly, ‘Lynne will no longer be working for me.’

Marin shot out of her corner. ‘You mean, you’re firing her?’ she demanded hotly. ‘God, that’s so unfair. This isn’t her fault.’

‘Oh, calm down,’ Jake said wearily. ‘I’m promoting her to associate director. It includes a salary raise, and a much better benefits package all round. It’s been on the cards for a while, and she thoroughly deserves it, but she’ll be bloody hard to replace. So you’re not the only loser in all this, my sweet.’

‘Don’t call me that!’

‘What would you prefer?’ he enquired mockingly. ‘My darling? My one and only love?’

She sank back against the cushions again. ‘Please,’ she said quietly. ‘Please—don’t.’

‘Then I’ll stick to Marin,’ he said. ‘On one condition—that from now on you call me Jake.’ He added almost casually. ‘You can start practising this afternoon when you meet my mother.’

She stared at him. ‘You have a mother?’

‘Of course,’ he returned. ‘How did you imagine I got here? I think the pair of us have exploded the stork myth pretty thoroughly.’

She said defensively, ‘I didn’t realise you had any relatives.’

‘I also have three godparents, two aunts, an uncle, plus their spouses and various cousins.’ He paused. ‘But I suggest we restrict the wedding to immediate family only.’

She looked down at her hands clenched tightly in her lap. ‘Surely there’s some arrangement other than marriage we could reach—if you really want to acknowledge you’re the baby’s father?’

‘Ah,’he said. ‘ Agreed access in return for child support, I suppose?’ He spoke with a kind of cool implacability. ‘I’m afraid I’m not prepared to settle for a couple of hours every fortnight, depending on your convenience. I’ve watched it happen in the lives of people I know, and it hasn’t been pretty.’

His eyes met hers. ‘My child will have a stable home and be cared for by both its parents. Because the baby’s welfare is all that matters, and our personal feelings have to take second place.’

‘And what happens when the baby’s old enough to realise he’s the only reason that his parents are together?’ Her mouth was dry—so dry. ‘That—that they don’t love each other?’

Jake shrugged. ‘We cross that bridge when we come to it. Or we go back to square one and pretend like crazy.’

‘Beginning with your mother, I suppose?’ Marin bit her lip.

‘No,’ he said. ‘I intend to tell her the truth. She moved out of the Manor to a house on the edge of the village when Dad died three years ago, but she looks after things on the estate for me and acts as my hostess when necessary, so we see a lot of each other.’ He paused, adding flatly, ‘And she’s not easy to fool.’

Manor? Marin thought, startled. Estate? That didn’t sound like the weekend glamour-pad for entertaining his girlfriends that she’d imagined. On the contrary, it held new and even more disturbing implications which she would have to consider later. When she was alone.

She said unevenly, ‘And my mother—my stepfather—what do I say to them?’

‘Tell them what seems best,’ he said. ‘But they could find the situation easier to accept if you were able to convince them that ours was a love match instead of a case of force majeure.

‘And you might try that same approach to Sadie,’ he added. ‘She’s now the housekeeper at the Manor, but she used to be my nanny, and she doesn’t mince her words when she decides I’ve overstepped the mark. However, she has a romantic soul, and might be slightly mollified if she thought we’d been carried away by our mutual passion—even though it won’t spare me the tongue-lashing of the century.’

‘And for how long would I be expected to maintain this farce?’ Marin felt as if she was dying inside but she managed a flash of her old spirit.

‘I’d say until I allow my obvious and unforgivable failings as a husband to destroy the glow of married bliss,’ he said cynically. ‘I won’t make you wait too long.’ He gave her a level look. ‘So, do I take it my honourable proposal has been accepted? For the baby’s sake?’

She was silent for a moment, then she said very quietly, ‘Yes—for the baby. But for no other reason. I want to make that totally clear.’

He shrugged. ‘As daylight.’

‘But I can’t meet your mother today,’ she went on. ‘I have a doctor’s appointment at two-thirty.’

‘Then I’ll go with you,’ he said pleasantly. ‘And we can drive down to the country afterwards and face Mother together.’

He glanced at his watch and rose, picking up his jacket and tie. ‘Now, I must get back to the office.’ He paused. ‘Do you want me to say anything to Lynne?’

‘No,’ she said quickly. ‘Oh God, no.’

He nodded. ‘Then I’ll leave it to you. But please don’t let it slip your mind,’ he added evenly. ‘And when I come back at two to collect you, Marin, make sure you’re here.’

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I will be.’ Her smile hurt. ‘After all, what real choice do I have?’

‘None,’ Jake said harshly. ‘But, in case you’ve forgotten, that applies to us both.’

She was aware of him crossing the room. His footsteps in the hall. The outer door closing.

Then and only then, as silence closed in on her and she could be quite sure she was alone, she buried her face in her hands and stayed without moving, crouched in her corner of the sofa, for a very long time.