Читать книгу Modern Romance August Books 5-8 - Мишель Смарт, Julia James - Страница 19
ОглавлениеBELLA SAT UNSEEING as the morphine infusion dripped into her mother’s thin arm.
Her mind was back on that morning—and all the hope that had carried her home.
That Matteo had said that Maria could come with them had meant everything to her. Not just that it gave her a means to leave but that he had accepted the whole of her heart—the love she had for her mother was a part of Bella.
And, too, he had accepted her mother as a person when all too often Maria’s wants and needs and rights to exist safely had been cast aside.
Bella’s shoulders and back ached from sitting in a chair all night and long into today but after three months of fighting to live, her mother had finally given in and was fast fading.
A nurse came in and Bella looked up and gave her a tired smile.
‘There’s a phone call for you, Bella,’ she said. ‘You can take it in the office...’ She gestured to her sleeping mother and Bella was grateful for the nurse’s insight because she didn’t want to discuss just how ill her mother was beside her bed. ‘I’ll be in to change your mother’s IV soon.’
Bella nodded and stood up. She knew that the next twelve-hour infusion would probably be the last one her mother had. She didn’t like to leave her even for a moment but she knew it would probably be Sophie calling—yesterday Paulo had been sentenced.
When she had first arrived in Rome, Sophie had called her friend and Sylvia had been at Bella’s home, cleaning up the mess from Maria’s fall, and had answered the phone and told Sophie the sad news.
Now Sophie rang when she could, usually from a pay phone, and so of course she wasn’t able to speak for long.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Bella said. ‘I saw it on the news.’
‘They gave him forty three years minimum,’ Sophie said, her voice thick with tears. ‘He’ll never get out.’
‘I know. How is he taking it?’
‘He keeps crying, he is very weak and confused, and so worried about me too. I’ve told him that Luka is here in Rome with me and that he is taking care of me well.’
‘Good,’ Bella said. ‘At least that gives him one less thing to worry about.’
‘I have found work,’ Sophie said. ‘It is at Hotel Fiscella. You have never seen such luxury, Bella...’ And then when Bella said nothing Sophie asked the difficult question. ‘How is she?’
Bella couldn’t speak.
She looked out at the ward and the nurse was going in to change her mother’s IV.
‘Bella?’ her friend pushed gently. ‘Tell me.’
‘I think she is very near the end.’
Sophie was silent for a long moment too and then she said what she had to to her friend. ‘Then you need to make plans.’
‘I know,’ Bella said. ‘After the funeral...’
‘Bella, you can’t go back there. If you do, he won’t let you leave.’
She knew Sophie was right.
Very deliberately Bella had not gone home, telling Malvolio, when he’d dropped in, that her mother drew comfort from her being near.
True.
His patience had just about run out.
‘I have to go,’ Sophie said. ‘I’m using the work phone and I’ll get into trouble if I’m caught.’
They said their goodbyes but as Bella stepped into her mother’s room she saw that Malvolio had just arrived. He came in every now and then, more, Bella thought, to check on her than Maria.
‘The nurse said that you were on the phone.’
‘It was a friend...’ Bella shrugged ‘...wanting to see how my mother was.’
‘It must be a day for catching up. Matteo called Dino earlier today...’
‘That brute,’ Bella said, grateful, ever grateful for the bruise Matteo had made on her cheek that night.
Malvolio had been livid that his son and second man had gone and he had grilled Bella over and over about anything Matteo, Luka or Sophie might have told her.
Sophie he cared nothing about, but the leaving of the other two he had taken very personally indeed.
‘Matteo asked after you,’ Malvolio said, and Bella shrugged, even though her heart was pounding. She knew that it was important that she did not leap, as she wanted to, at his name. ‘Dino didn’t tell him about your mother, he didn’t know if you might want to keep that private, so instead Dino said that you were enjoying working at the bar...’ Malvolio was still determined to find Matteo’s Achilles’ heel and it took everything Bella had not to react as he spoke on.
‘Dino also said how much he was enjoying you.’
She stood silent for a second, willing herself not to react to that vile inference. She could recall Matteo saying that it was important he never reveal that he cared for her and wondered how he would have reacted to Dino’s words.
Finally she managed to speak.
‘I need to get back to my mother.’
‘I hear that she’s not doing well at all. She’s hung on far longer than we all expected. How long has it been now?’ Malvolio asked, and Bella knew what he was implying—Bella had been gone from the bar for far, far too long.
‘Three months,’ she answered.
‘That’s a long time to go without work, Bella,’ Malvolio said. ‘I know you must be worried about funeral costs and things but you don’t need to worry, I’ll sort that out for you—your mother deserves a dignified send-off.’
Maria’s funeral would be Bella’s first debt to him.
There was the sudden call of a name and they both turned.
‘Bella!’
The nurse who had been sorting out her mother’s IV called for her to come quickly and as she stepped into the room Bella understood why, for Maria was taking her last breaths.
Bella cuddled her mother as she left the earth, thanking her for her love and letting her go with grace.
And afterwards she sat by her, knowing in her heart that her mother would understand why she wouldn’t be at her funeral.
‘If I go back now,’ Bella said, ‘that will be it.’ She knew that much. Malvolio kept his girls too tired to think straight and if they were too tired to work, well, there was always a little something he might slip them to perk them up for that.
‘I love you so much,’ Bella told her mother, and she gave her one last kiss and took off the little gold and ruby ring her mother wore and slipped it onto her own finger. ‘I’ll do everything I can to keep it,’ she said, though she would sell it if she had to because apart from the clothes she stood up in she had nothing.
The money Matteo had given her had run out—three months living in a chair by her mother’s bed, eating from the canteen and buying Maria little luxuries, had taken care of that.
‘Bella...’ The nurse came in, Bella assumed, to tell her that they were moving Maria now, but instead she had a message for her. ‘Your friend asked how much longer you might be.’
‘My friend?’
Bella stood as the door opened further and there stood Malvolio. She had assumed he’d gone home, or rather, with her mother dying, she’d simply forgotten that he was there.
‘Come on, Bella,’ Malvolio said and she saw that Dino stood behind him. ‘Let’s get you home.’
The nurse had gone but, Bella knew, even if she were here, there would have been little she could do.
The cries she made as Dino walked her down the hospital corridor the staff assumed were for her loss but it wasn’t just Maria that Bella mourned.
There was one road out of Bordo Del Cielo and Bella sat silent on the same road back.
Another chance for freedom had gone.
* * *
After three months’ absence Bella stepped into the home that she had shared with her mother.
Maria’s friends had been in and tidied and there were fresh flowers from the garden on the table.
Sicilian funerals were rapid affairs.
That evening a mass was being said for her mother and tomorrow morning she would be buried.
And by tomorrow night Bella would be expected to show up at work.
The only person who might be able to help her was Matteo but she had no idea how to contact him—all she knew was that he had gone to London with Luka.
But then she thought of her mother and how, instead of waiting for Dino to come and collect the rent, she would sometimes call Matteo.
Bella went to the hall table and to her mother’s little black book and there, in her mother’s handwriting, was his name.
With a shaking hand she called his number but when nothing happened she tried again and then again.
It took a few moments to realise that in her absence the phone had been cut off.
There was a knock at the door and it was one of her mother’s friends, Sylvia, who said she would walk with Bella to mass.
‘And I’ll be here at seven tomorrow.’
‘Seven,’ Bella checked.
‘It’s going to be a busy morning for you, Bella. I’ll cook tonight and then we can get the house ready to receive guests.’
Bella thanked her and went into her bedroom to get changed. She wore black and then went into her mother’s room to borrow the veil Maria had worn for funerals. She’d had weeks to get used to the idea that her mother was dying but now that she had it felt surreal.
Stepping into her mother’s bedroom, Bella could not understand how everything looked the same—her clothes hung in the wardrobe, the photos were out, her silver hairbrush and perfume bottles were all there, and Bella truly felt as if her mother was still with her, as if she might turn and see her lying in the bed.
‘Bella,’ Sylvia called, ‘people are starting to walk over to church.’
The church was full and the wives all greeted her with their lips pursed and their husbands didn’t meet Bella’s eyes, knowing how many times she had seen them come through her mother’s door.
It was a long mass and Bella sat through it, too numb to cry and too scared of tomorrow to mourn her mother yet.
As the congregation spilled out Bella stayed and said more prayers but once back home, instead of cooking for tomorrow, she lay on her mother’s bed, with Matteo’s phone number in her hand, waiting for darkness. When it came she headed down the street and walked towards the call box.
‘Bella?’
She jumped when she heard Malvolio call her name. She had hoped that by now he would be in the bar.
‘Where are you off to?’
Think on your feet, Bella. She could almost hear Matteo telling her what to do.
‘Just walking...’
‘I could walk with you.’
‘I was going to go to the church again,’ Bella said. ‘I want to sit with my mother and say some more prayers for her soul. She will need them...’
Bella saw Malvolio’s tense blink.
God still scared him.
And with good reason, Bella thought as he told her that he would pray for Maria’s soul too and then walked off.
She spat at his back.
It fell to the ground silently but he briefly turned at the slight T sound Bella’s mouth had made, but she stood there, innocent to look at, dark in her thoughts, and he carried on walking.
Bella sat in the church for a suitable time, shaking at the enormity of what she was about to do, while sure that she had her mother’s blessing, and then she gave her a kiss and left her.
Into her small house she went.
Bella knew Malvolio would still be watching her.
She would be seen on the train platform and if she hitchhiked... Bella thought of Matteo and his fear when that red car had pulled up alongside him.
There was only one way out.
Bella took her mother’s silver hairbrush and one of her heavy perfume bottles and, with the ring she had taken from her mother today, it was all she had.
She filled a bottle with some water and took some pastries that Sylvia had brought and then, after one last look around, Bella left her home, though tonight she went through the kitchen window.
* * *
Alongside the road out of Bordo Del Cielo ran the ocean but to the other side was the forest, and from long days and nights spent exploring while her mother had entertained, Bella knew the land well.
The dark did not scare her.
She embraced it because now it acted as her friend, hiding her as she ran through the night, the giant holly trees serving as her shield, and finally she made it to the ancient baths.
Bella stopped and had a drink and ate one of the pastries and took a moment to breathe and admire her beautiful surroundings.
It was her favourite place on earth and Bella looked up at the arches and columns and then down towards the deep stone baths, and she imagined them alive and beautiful again. She could only smile when she thought of the drunken, delicious debauchery that would have gone on there. ‘You were born in the wrong time,’ Bella said out loud to her mother, because she would have been revered back then. ‘I’m sorry I won’t be there to say goodbye...’
She said it here and then on through the night she went. The moon was sinking and the darkness would soon be gone but Bella knew where she was heading.
Finally she stepped out from the forest and there, in the distance, she saw the lights of a gas station ahead and Bella knew that she was on the edge of the next town.
Her mother had told her about this place.
It was here her mother would come if she needed money that Malvolio didn’t know about.
The sun was up by the time Bella walked in and she headed straight for the pay phone. Dialling Matteo’s number, she fed in coins.
A woman answered.
‘Can I speak with Matteo?’
‘No,’ came the breathless reply, ‘because then he’d have to stop what he’s doing.’
She could hear sounds in the background and it was painfully clear what was taking place as the woman ended the call.
Bella rang again but this time there was no answer, and as she put down the receiver her shoulders sagged and she just leant against the wall, not knowing what to do.
‘Mi dica?’
A man asked if there was anything that Bella wanted.
‘I’m trying to get to Rome.’
‘I’m going as far as Messina...’ he offered.
‘Now?’ Bella checked.
‘Now.’
They headed out to his huge truck and Bella climbed in and turned to thank him but then she saw that he had opened his zipper.
‘First, though...’ he said, and Bella turned to get out, to run back into the shop, but then, in the side-view mirror, Bella saw a red car pulling up.
It was after seven.
She had been running all through the night, only for Malvolio to catch her here.
‘Drive,’ Bella said. ‘We can pull over a little further up.’
‘In a hurry?’ he checked, and Bella nodded. She could see Malvolio striding into the shop and she turned and gave the driver a smile.
‘Go, now,’ Bella said. ‘If you do I’ll make it up to you soon.’
And she did.
To her eternal shame she did.
What had happened between her and Matteo had never in the least shamed her but now she understood what her mother had meant about stigma. Bella would never tell another person about this, not even Sophie, but from that morning on and to this very day Bella considered herself a whore.
