Читать книгу Regency Vows: A Gentleman 'Til Midnight / The Trouble with Honour / An Improper Arrangement / A Wedding By Dawn / The Devil Takes a Bride / A Promise by Daylight - Julia London, Alison DeLaine - Страница 41

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

THEY SPENT THE night making love. Even after James fell asleep pressed against her back with his hand on her breast, Katherine lay awake with her body rippling and pulsing with sensation. The musky blend of James’s spice and the heady scent of their lovemaking filled every breath. His breathing came deep and even in the darkness, while invisible stones of truth piled up and crushed the air from her lungs.

In the early morning half light she slipped out of bed, found her discarded nightdress and went to the window. Offshore, two ships slowly rocked with the waves, anchored in the bluish-gray mist.

There were places in her heart that had surrendered without awaiting the command.

She closed her eyes and saw his face, drunk with desire and emotion as he sank himself into her. The memory of it shuddered through her. Only half of their lovemaking had been a quest for sexual pleasure; the other half had been a desperate attempt to crawl inside each other’s skin, as though—as though this fierce yearning inside her chest couldn’t be satisfied by something as simple as the stroke of his body.

She was falling in love.

The thought made her shiver. It couldn’t be love. Love would be too...binding. It would make her too vulnerable.

The solid bed didn’t creak, so she didn’t realize James had gotten up until his voice sounded behind her. “Dreaming of better days?” he asked softly, putting his hands on her shoulders.

She trembled beneath his touch. Had he always been capable of such gentleness? Of course he had. It had been evident enough in his relationship with Anne. “They’ll be weighing anchor soon,” she said of the ships.

Surrender...

“Yes.” His hands were a whisper on her skin, brushing her hair aside. “Out with the tide.” He pressed a kiss to the curve of her neck and shoulder, soft and sweet.

“Headed for the West Indies, perhaps. Or the Levant.”

“Or Sunderland.” He laughed quietly, running his hands down her arms. He stood naked behind her, solid and strong. If she were a different kind of woman, it would be so easy to lean on him. To let him take care of her.

“How do you suppose Millie and India are faring?” she asked.

“That depends on the crew they’ve hired. But they’ll be no match for William.”

“No.” She watched the ships offshore and imagined the Possession there, empty and waiting.

He pressed more lazy kisses to her skin. Found a sensitive spot behind her ear.

“Dunscore is magnificent, Katherine,” he whispered. “Frozen in time. Every time I enter the main hall, I expect to see a group of knights strategizing for battle. It would make an excellent fortress.” Low and teasing against her ear, he added, “Or pirate’s lair.”

“Hush,” she scolded, smiling a little. “It would make a terrible pirate’s lair. The coastline is flat for miles. Nowhere to hide the ship.”

“Ah, well. A retired pirate’s lair, then.”

A retired pirate and a retired naval captain. She craved his presence the way some men craved strong drink. She wanted to see him laugh, hear him talk, watch him lift Anne into the air. “I’m not a pirate,” she reminded him.

Another kiss burned her neck, and another. “Please—allow me my fantasies at least occasionally,” he said against her skin.

She had her own fantasies. She imagined standing at the potting bench with James, showing Anne how to poke her fingers into tiny pots of soil and plant seeds. Walking the beach with Anne between them, stopping to pick up stones and shells and little crabs that would pinch Anne’s fingers and make her squeal.

“Is Croston anything like Dunscore?” she asked.

“Nothing. Croston is a modern monstrosity, a mere hundred and fifty years old, give or take a decade or two. Built by my great-great-great—” he paused “—great-grandfather.”

“But certainly you love it.”

“I suppose I do. Haven’t spent any time there since I took the title, though. Been at sea the entire time.”

He must have looked magnificent standing on the deck of a gigantic frigate with his uniform gleaming in the sunshine. She didn’t know that man at all, but she knew another—a swarthy, square-jawed sailor holding his face to the sun while the sea breeze played idly with his hair. “Do you miss it at all?” she asked. “The sea?”

“No.” His hands caressed delicious circles on her shoulders and arms, and she felt him press his face into her hair. “Maybe a little,” he amended. “The sea air doesn’t smell the same from shore.”

“No, it doesn’t.” All she had to do was lean back and close her eyes and ask the question that burned inside her. Is your offer of marriage still open?

“But it would take a press gang of a hundred men to force me back into service.” His voice took on a bitter edge. “Thank God there are a dozen young officers lined up behind me, eager to take their turn at making a name for themselves. The admirals will soon turn their attention to someone more promising.”

“I doubt any will earn your reputation.”

“They will if they’re ruthless enough.”

He didn’t have to say more. She could read his thoughts in the tone of his voice. He was remembering a career defined by horror. One violent incident after the next—often instigated by his own command—culminating in the wreck of the Henry’s Cross. He’d never admitted it aloud, but she knew he counted that among his personal failings. “What kinds of decisions do you suppose a captain bound for Sunderland has to make?” she mused.

“At which tavern he’ll take his grog, for one,” James answered with a nip on her shoulder. Humor returned to his voice. “And with which whore he’ll pass the night.”

A wicked shiver passed across her skin. “Weighty decisions indeed.”

“You never answered my question. What do you see when you look at those ships? Do you think of returning to the Med? Dream of the West Indies?”

The dark shapes on the water grew more distinct with every passing moment. Even from this distance she could see the sails going up. “I’ve always dreamed of them.”

“And yet you never went.”

“There was fortune aplenty to be made on the Mediterranean. I had no reason to cross the Atlantic and face the unknown. Especially not with Anne.” She watched another white sail billow to life, and another. “I see a thousand ways for Anne to be injured,” she said. “That’s what I see when I look at those ships.”

His arms came around her and he held her tight. Her throat closed over at the terrifying safety of his embrace. After a moment, she let herself lean back. He was solid, immovable.

Marry me, Katherine. If he said the words again, would she accept? She imagined his ring sitting with heavy finality on her finger, and she tasted fear.

“As long as I draw breath,” he whispered, “I shall do anything in my power to keep her safe. Wherever I am, whatever I’m doing, one word and I’ll come for her. You have my promise.”

Disappointment stole her breath. Those were not the words of a man with a proposal on the tip of his tongue. “Anne is my responsibility,” she said quietly. “Not yours.”

He was quiet for a moment. “My promise stands, regardless.”

Marry me, Katherine.

He wasn’t going to repeat those words now. Instead, he drew up the hem of her nightgown and caressed her thighs. Desire flamed across her skin, mocking the turmoil in her heart. “You should return to your room before the household awakes,” she said.

“Agreed. And I will.” His fingers began an intimate exploration. One finger slid home, then two. “Soon.”

* * *

THEY MADE LOVE once more in the predawn. It was five o’clock when James returned to his room. Moments after he left, Katherine silently let herself into the hallway and crept up a back staircase and down an upper corridor, up more stairs and out onto the ramparts. A brisk, humid wind caught her in the face and snuck its fingers down her shawl and nightgown to nip places still warm from James’s touch.

She needed to find some sense. Some sanity.

Love was hurling its cannonballs at her, destroying her resistance. And just like a cannonfire attack, one didn’t need prior experience to tell when it was happening—or how destructive it could be. The rubble shifted and settled in fits and starts every time James defied her expectations.

She hadn’t gone five paces when a body stepped around the corner ahead of her. “William!” Her heart leaped, then settled. “If you’d startled me this way aboard the Possession, I would have had you flogged,” she snapped.

He flashed that white-toothed grin of his that had no business appearing in the predawn hours. “Makes me miss the sea something fierce when you talk that way.”

“Well, you’ll be going back to it soon enough,” she said irritably. “Maybe you ought to start today. Now, in fact.”

“A few extra days’ delay in securing a ship and provisions isn’t going to make a difference. I’m not leaving here until I see you wed to James.”

“William!”

“I would say wedded and bedded, but I can see the second part’s been taken care of already.”

“You see nothing,” she scoffed.

He laughed, leaving her wondering what had given her away, and whether anyone else would notice it. Beyond him, the surf crashed against the rocky beach and the two ships she’d seen from the window were tiny white dots in the distance. “If it’s a wedding you came to see, you’ll have to satisfy yourself with seeing me wed to Lord Deal.”

“The hell I will.”

“We’ve already made arrangements.”

“The hell you have,” William said. “Never would have let Croston into your room last night.”

“Arrangements are forthcoming.” Guilt gnawed at her. It was one thing to present herself to Lord Deal as the victim of unfortunate circumstances. It was something else entirely to go to him in marriage still warm from another man’s attentions.

Yet maybe it didn’t matter. If Lord Deal agreed to marry her, it would not be for love. And he certainly didn’t expect to find her chaste.

“Sounds to me like Croston’s babe might well be forthcoming. What will you do then? Pass it off as Deal’s?”

Katherine looked away, turning her face to the wind. The plan was damning, phrased that way.

“Good God,” William said. “Even you aren’t that ruthless.”

“Lord Deal is kind. And amusing,” she added, ignoring his question. “I like him.” All she had to do was refuse to open her door tonight when James knocked—and there was no doubt that he would—and make sure what they’d done never happened again.

If only it were that simple. If only what she and James had done had just been...what they’d done.

William reached out with a familiar gesture and pulled a strand of hair from her face. “You could never do what you’re suggesting. Know you too well.”

Sudden emotion welled into her throat, and by the time she felt the tears burning her eyes it was too late to stop them.

William’s hands clamped over her shoulders. “Did Croston hurt you?”

She could only shake her head and gulp a breath of air as a tear leaked out. “I do not want to talk about this,” she said fiercely. “William, about the Possession—”

“Don’t worry, pet. I’ll bring her back safe.”

“No, do not bring her back here.” Her breath shook, but she forced the words out, anyway. “When you find her, William, she shall be yours.”

“Katherine—”

“I mean it. I shall have no need of her now.” It hurt to say the words.

“That’s not a choice that needs making. I will return her to you regardless. You and Croston can decide what to do with her.” He brushed a wisp of hair from her face. “Consider her return my wedding gift to you. Now, suppose you tell me why you don’t want to talk about Croston.”

The gentleness in William’s voice was too much, and the words tumbled out. “He makes me...want things...I can’t have.”

“What things?” William asked, pulling her close. “And why can’t you have them?”

She buried her face against his shoulder and breathed his familiar scent—that exotic, Ottoman oil he favored. She wanted to give James everything. She wanted to offer him her heart and have him accept it like a precious jewel. She wanted to hear Anne call him Papa. She wanted to take him to the ramparts and show him how the land stretched for miles and miles and tell him of her plans and dreams.

They were so fragile, those plans and dreams. Yet with the slightest encouragement, she would tell him everything. The most secret longings of her heart.

“He makes me want to surrender,” she confessed on a fresh wave of tears, and she felt William tense.

“Surrendered already, haven’t you?”

“He makes me want to surrender everything, William. My heart, my mind—I’ve become the foolish, romantic girl I’ve always scorned.”

William set her back and framed her face. “Katherine, listen to me. I’m all for you marrying Croston—”

“He hasn’t renewed his proposal.”

“Renewed.”

Katherine looked away.

“You are the most stubborn woman in creation. He’ll renew it in the morning—stake my life on it. But think twice before giving him your heart, Katherine. You’ll only regret it. Worked too hard for your freedom.”

“I know.” But leaning against James this morning felt more like entering a safe harbor than admitting defeat. Another tear leaked out, and another. She knew all about safe harbors. There weren’t any.

William searched her eyes. “Haven’t seen you cry in years.”

She tried to remember another time she’d cried in front of William, but the only one she could think of was the time they’d nearly lost him to infection when he’d taken that wound in his cheek. She’d loved him so much, and the thought of losing him— “I can’t love him, William. I can’t.”

“Love?” His grip on her tightened.

“I’m so afraid. The things he makes me feel— It’s gone too far. He is overpowering my will.”

“Lust, Katherine. Pure and simple. I promise.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Done it a few more times than you, I daresay. Good God.” He pressed a kiss against her forehead. “You’re not the type to succumb to love, Kate. Been in slavery once already—won’t let it happen again. You’re too strong.”

But this didn’t feel like slavery had. It was something entirely different—more of a softening. An opening. “I don’t know.”

“Listen to me. Don’t let Croston turn you into a spineless featherhead. Give him your body, your respect even, but don’t give him what’s inside you.”

She stared at him, unable to believe it. She’d given James her body, and now she’d all but lost control over it. And she was at risk of giving, and losing, so much more. “What if it’s too late?”

“It’s not too late. Didn’t you just threaten to have me flogged?” His grin was a momentary flash that hardened almost instantly. “Your threats only prove the Katherine I know is still here.”

The only thing her threats proved was that William was still capable of aggravating her to no end.

“My ferocious, bloodthirsty corsair,” William murmured, catching her tears with his thumbs. “You’re a powerful woman, not a foolish child, and you’re much too shrewd to succumb to this kind of romantic fluff. Take him to your bed, if it pleases you. Marry him because he’s the best of your choices—I won’t see you married to anyone less, mark my words—and God knows he’ll make an honest woman of you or he’ll answer to me. Enjoy the bastard’s company, even. But don’t let it be more than that.”

It was already too late for that. She broke away from him and went to the rampart wall where it faced the sea. Below, the east tower’s ruins sat in a wretched heap. She ran her hands over the cold turret stone, letting her fingers play in the pocks left behind by Papa and his friends the night they’d decided to fire their pistols at a row of bottles.

How could Dunscore have meant so little to him, when it meant so much to her?

William joined her at the railing. “Didn’t hear you agree,” he said quietly.

That was because she was too afraid he was wrong. It would be impossible to marry James and not lose herself to him. “If only there were some word from the committee,” she said.

“I heard nothing before we left London. Croston himself said it was too soon.”

“Yes. I know.” But there would be no mercy from the committee, and she didn’t expect any.

She touched the ragged spot where an entire corner had been shot away. She would have it repaired. She would have everything repaired. Before the month was out, there would be a crew of masons rebuilding the east tower and an army of gardeners coaxing the rose garden back to life.

The two ships were barely visible on the horizon now. A ship can only have one captain, and I prefer to be it.

If she didn’t do something to steer herself on course, everything she’d worked so hard to gain would be crushed. She would be crushed. She needed to solidify things with Lord Deal now—today—before she lost herself completely to James.