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Section I

One or Both Parents Are Living & Still in Their Home

HAVING THAT HEART TO HEART: PLANNING FOR THE INEVITABLE

If one or both of your parents are still living and mentally competent, preparing for the transition also means preparing for the inevitable. You need to begin talking to your parents about the future. Topics you need to cover include:

•Monthly bills and expenses

•Medications list and other related health information: Medical records, List of doctors with contact info, signed HIPPA forms

•Location of important papers including:

Wills/Trusts

Bank accounts

Investment accounts

Insurance policies

Mortgages

Outstanding Loans

Pensions

Deeds and titles

Retirement accounts

Safety deposit boxes

Credit Accounts

Stashed valuables

Computer passwords

(A complete checklist and tracking document for important papers is in Section VI of this manual)

•The existence of a will and whether it is up-to-date according to his/her/their wishes

Division of assets

Name of executor

Financial power of attorney

Healthcare power of attorney

Durable power of attorney

Special bequests

•Alternatives to the family home should health or limitations dictate a move

Retirement community

Assisted living center

Nursing facility

Live with family member

•End-of-life decisions

Obituary wording

Burial preferences

Cremation preferences

Funeral preferences (eulogy, music, specific readings, who conducts service)

Memorial preference in lieu of flowers

•Living bequests – Discuss the possibility of certain sentimental items being given to children, grandchildren, and heirs, while parents are still living versus after death. This can significantly minimize feuding after the death of a loved one.

CONVERSATION STARTERS

It is never easy to talk with your parents about future issues. Here are some conversation starters that will make it more comfortable for you and your parents:

“Dad, something’s been on my mind I wanted to talk with you about. Maybe now is a good time to talk about a plan for when something happens to you or mom. I want to make sure I know what to do when the time comes and I need your help."

“Sue and I have some concerns after you are gone. We’d like to talk with you and make sure you have all your documents like a will/trust, power of attorney, etc. Can you tell us your plan so we don’t argue?”

“Bob and I would like to know your plan and final wishes. If you don’t have a plan in place, we would like to help you so we will know everything to do and it will be done as you would like.”

“Mom and Dad, sometimes I worry about you living all alone. Are there any things we could do to help you?”

“Dad, when Uncle Jim passed away, his family fought for weeks over things. Do you ever worry that Mike and I will be like that?”

“Jim and I started looking closer at our retirement account, and we’d love to pick your brain about all the things we need to know about retirement.”

“Dad, do you ever worry about Mom if she had to go on alone without you?”

Parents, listen to your children. And children, listen to your parents. This is a critical conversation for all of you and you want to make sure you communicate well. Just like when we were kids in school, don’t be afraid to raise your hand and ask questions. Making assumptions or guessing about what the other one wants can be dangerous and lead to places you don’t want to go. Remember what your teachers used to tell you. There’s no such thing as a dumb question.

PROTECTING FROM FRAUD

The unfortunate reality is that the elderly are preyed upon worse than any other demographic population. Protecting your parents from fraud and scams will avoid discovering surprises and unexpected losses in the future.

To follow are six things you should do to protect your parents from fraudulent activities:

•Ask or discuss with your parents who has durable power of attorney.

•Register your parents’ telephone number(s) with the National Do Not Call Registry (www.donotcall.gov).

•Discuss with them the list of common frauds (outlined in this chapter) and ask them to contact you if they suspect anyone is trying to defraud them.

•Ask your parents to contact you if anyone offers to buy any of their possessions.

•Make sure a family member personally visits your parents on a weekly basis. If this is a challenge and you have other siblings, take turns.

•Reduce junk mail for a small fee by going to either of these Web sites: www.stopthejunkmail.com and www.greendimes.com.

A complete overview of scams, schemes and fraudulent activities commonly attempted on the elderly are listed in The Boomer Burden – Dealing With Your Parent’s Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff.

UPDATING/ORGANIZING PAPERWORK

Being organized now before any transition or the inevitable occurs will save much anguish and frustration for you and your family.

•Last Will and Testament/Trust is up-to-date

Was it legally prepared, witnessed and/or notarized?

Family changes affecting distribution are currently reflected including recent illness, deaths, births, adoptions, marriages, and divorces

Property changes are up-to-date

Tax law changes have been considered and addressed

Residence changes are up-to-date

Beneficiaries match those identified in insurance or investment papers

Original stored in a fire-proof safe or off premises in safe deposit box

Copy given to executor or attorney

Location of will has been identified and is known by you and other key family members, siblings

•Financial assets and investments are itemized and organized

Records and reporting statements in known location

Account numbers and access information are in a safe, known location

Bank account and retirement account numbers and access are safe, in known location

Computer passwords for accounts are in a safe, known location

Record of contents in the safe deposit box (es), possibly add additional signature on box, and know where the keys are

•Insurance policies are valid, current and organized

•Real property mortgage, deeds, and titles are itemized and organized

•Personal property and known valuables are itemized and documented

Antiques

Collectibles

Fine art

Gold/SilverJewelry

China/Crystal

•Stashed Valuables

Be sure to ask your parents if there are any known stashes in the house or on the grounds (gold coins, jewelry, cash, stock certificates, etc). Note: Reference “Finding Everything” section for the listing of places to look.

LIVING REVOCABLE TRUST

A living revocable trust is an alternative to a will. When deciding between a will and a living revocable trust, it is best to seek legal counsel.

To follow are a few basics about a living revocable trust:

•Does not need to be administered by probate court

•Gives instructions for distribution of property upon death

•Goes into effect if unable to handle financial or personal affairs due to incapacity or disability

•Transfers ownership of property to a designated trustee

•Identifies beneficiaries

•Identifies a successor trustee

•Can be finalized more quickly than a will