Читать книгу In Plain View - Julie Shigekuni - Страница 10

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The long shadows of morning had just barely given way to full-on sunlight, and already the pavement that lined the shops along East First Street had soaked up the summer heat. Blotting sweat from her chin on to the strap of her sundress, Daidai cursed at the shopping totes that pulled at her arms like children, slowing her pace. Ordinarily, she was not one to be thrown off by a couple of bags of groceries. She was tall, thin though not wispy, and prided herself in being able-bodied, but Hiroshi’s persistent and extraordinary demands the night before had taken their toll.

She’d looked forward to spending time in Little Tokyo as a way to lighten her mood, but so far she’d enjoyed nothing about the day. Marukai had been out of several ingredients she’d needed, the checkout lines long and slow moving like the traffic into downtown. Now her sinuses stung from the sulfurous tang of hibachi grills, and she raised an elbow to wipe back the hair that had stuck to her cheek. A pretty child smiled as she passed, pulled along by her well-heeled mother, who quickened her gait and cast Daidai a nasty sideways glance. At least I don’t need to get laid, she thought, arching her brows at the tightness in the woman’s hips and remembering Hiroshi going at it as if there were no tomorrow, while she—both of them probably—prayed for release. Did traces of the night before show in the way she walked? Remembering the child, she averted her gaze and shifted the groceries from one arm to the other.

She didn’t want to be late for her lunch date with Louise, but she stopped anyway when the door to the confectionary swung open, beckoning her inside with its string of bells. What better place than Fugetsu-do to get out of one’s head? How could anyone resist those old wood-and-glass display cases lined with colorful, handcrafted omanju? Setting her bags down, she could already see Hiroshi rubbing his hands together in anticipation of the taste he knew from growing up. Her husband loved the dark adzuki bean fillings and, like her mother, looked down on her for her preference of plain mochi. Her stomach barely tolerated the starchiness of the thickened rice, forget the bean paste loaded with sugar, but she was pleased to see Hiroshi’s favorites. Yomogi, habutai, dorayaki—they were all there. The store clerk yanked paper off the fat roll with one hand and used the other to snip from the mechanical spindle a length of red string, which he wrapped expertly once, twice around the white confection box as Daidai looked on, intoxicated by the sweet, thickened air. She’d asked for one piece of chofu to go, and she ate it as she walked, believing that perhaps the problem with the day might merely have been hunger. The fertility specialist had found no abnormalities, so nothing was wrong. But how then to account for Hiroshi’s going on and on? He’d always required a certain amount of roughness before he’d yield to her, but lately it had become increasingly difficult to bring him to climax, because before she could mount him he needed to bear down on her, and her assurances that she could take any amount that he had to give had grown thin. He loved her. She knew it. But she knew he felt humiliated all the same.

“Let me help you.” The voice came from behind her.

“Excuse me?” Daidai turned against the bustling foot traffic in time to see a small man stutter-stepping backward. Her hand shot out reflexively to steady him, and feeling the strained sinews of his forearm beneath her fingertips, she began immediately with apologies. His slight stature only made matters worse. She was a tree waving its useless branches in the wind as he struggled to regain his balance, the skittering sound of rice hitting the pavement sounding like rain.

The stranger removed the rice sack from her shoulder with exaggerated care and turned it upside down on the sidewalk. Was he Japanese? His stoop-shouldered, scrawny frame bore no connection to his face, which was lit with bizarre self-satisfaction.

Amid the stink that felt so distinctively downtown—brine from the sea contaminated by all the filth hosed from the sidewalk into the gutter—passersby began kicking at the spilled rice. Soon, some thin-boned, elderly person would probably slip and fall and she’d have a lawsuit to add to her burdens. But as if to respond to her concern, the peculiar little man pulled from his back pocket a neatly folded advertisement printed all in Japanese and began sweeping rice grains over the curb. Daidai watched with fascination. “Carry this way,” he said, returning to her side and lifting the heavy sack to his chest.

Daidai held out her arms, but the bag was not proffered back in her direction. Instead, the man turned away with her rice, signaling for her to follow, which she might have done had a familiar figure not appeared just then. Gizo, Louise’s little brother, held an arm out to slow the vehicles on both sides of the busy street so that he could jaywalk, the capped sleeve of his shirt stretched across the taut muscles of his biceps.

“Hey-hey!”

Clearing the curb with his self-assured, athletic stride, Gizo pulled her in for a side hug, his thick hair draping moisture across her cheek. Turning to face him, she noted the line of perspiration streaking his forehead and the cool dampness of his skin. He had the post-workout look of someone freshly showered, but beneath the clean scent of his shampoo, she recognized a familiar musty odor, a fishy tang she associated fondly with the inside of the Hashimotos’ house that caused her to lean in before pulling away. Behind him, the sack of rice, its trademark red peony blossoming wrong side up from the ground, offered no explanation for what had just happened.

“I haven’t seen you all summer. You gonna at least say hi?”

“Hi, Gizo.” She smiled, her cheeks going hot.

“That’s better.”

Gizo threaded the grocery bags through one arm and with the other lifted the rice sack, managing not to let even one grain escape through the rip while she stood by admiring. Reminded of her mother’s claim that rice left behind in your bowl signaled bad luck, she took Gizo’s showing up as a good sign and let him lead her the long way back across the street. The detour meant she’d definitely be late for lunch, but she felt buoyed. The heat of the day and weight of the bags had worn her down, and the approving nods of shop owners as they passed set things right again.

Inside Akai Electric, an attractive teenaged salesgirl smiled at Gizo from behind the counter, the position usually occupied by Louise and Gizo’s father, Danji. Gizo saluted her as he strode down the housewares aisle with Daidai in tow, her eye catching on an assortment of steamers, strainers, teakettles, and, in particular, an industrial-sized rice cooker that she supposed might come in handy given all the rice she’d just bought.

At the rear of the shop, Gizo held the service door open for her to pass through. It took a minute for her eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. She’d been in the back only once before, brought in by Louise, who’d nudged the heavy bag with her shoulder as she passed and let Daidai try punching the speed bags, purchased by their father to teach Gizo to fight.

After disappearing into a storage closet, Gizo reappeared with tape and scissors, flicked a light switch, and gestured Daidai to his side.

“Didn’t that used to be out in front?” Seeing the old, hand-painted AKAI ELECTRIC sign above the door that led to the alley, Daidai was stirred by a memory of tracing a finger over the Japanese lettering.

“City ordinance made us take it down a long time ago.” Gizo smiled, pointing out the two thin chains from which the sign had once swayed above the sidewalk.

Across the wall separating the shop from the warehouse, rows of wooden shelves held stock that seemed less random than the contents of the store they would replenish. The worktable where Gizo had placed the sack of rice also held a MacBook and a bank of small black two-way radios. A row of lockers leaned, though without risk of falling, slightly away from the far wall and toward two black couches, and the irregular-shaped glass coffee table top carefully balanced on two old wooden crates somehow explicated the intentional decor of the room.

“You like it?” Gizo asked.

Daidai turned, made self-conscious by the realization that Gizo had been watching her. “It’s kind of great.”

“Pretty professional, huh?”

“What’s it for?”

“I have a little side business—keeps Dad’s store afloat so he has a place. I do security for some tourists, mostly Japanese businessmen, when they come to L.A. You know, executive parties, drivers, that sort of thing.

“You need to be careful,” he added, looking up. Having set the rice sack down on the makeshift worktable, he began cutting strips of athletic tape.

“What are you talking about?” Her gaze shifted from Gizo’s smooth, sun-darkened skin to the perfect razor slice in the rice sack, the image juxtaposed in her thoughts with the side part in the stranger’s slick black hair.

“I don’t want to see you get hurt,” Gizo said, casting suspicion on the intentions of the stranger who’d commanded her attention on the street. Having pulled out a chair, he tapped her arm at the elbow to sit.

She preferred to stand, but at Gizo’s urging she sat. Had the stranger been following her? She watched as Gizo lined strips of tape neatly across the table’s edge, the precision of his work seeming to say that the task at hand was connected somehow to his purpose in life. His fingers were square-tipped and callused, with an unhealed gash that ran the length of his index finger to the joint of his thumb, suggesting he knew something she didn’t know.

“How’d you get that?” she asked, signaling to him with her chin, suddenly cowed by doubt.

“That?” He flexed his thumb. “It’s nothing.”

The rice sack repaired, he stuck a strip of leftover tape to Daidai’s forearm in a gesture he found riotously funny. Buckled over with laughter, he playfully ducked under her hand when she attempted to smack his shoulder. In an instant, he’d turned from serious into the annoying boy he’d been as a child. Only he was quicker now.

“Ouch!” Daidai rubbed at the hairless stripe left behind by the tape.

“It’s what you get.”

“What are you talking about?” she demanded, folding her arms across her chest.

“Heard you left the museum.”

The pang in her chest moved up to her head, and she met his eyes, wondering how much he knew. “What? I’m not allowed to take some time off?”

“Everything okay?”

“Yes.” Trying to smile, she felt her cheeks flush again and figured she may as well just answer him outright. He probably knew anyway, since people were always talking. “Hiroshi and I are trying to have a baby.”

“Really?” he gasped. “You gonna be a stay-at-home mommy?”

She shrugged. Why was he mocking her?

“Thought you were a career woman.”

“What are you talking about?” Daidai flinched at his use of an anachronism to describe her.

“Take it easy, Daidai.” He brushed his fingers over the reddened splotch on her forearm in a way that would have made Hiroshi uneasy, and she pulled away. “No one gets to have it all. I understand that.”

“I never said I had it all.”

“Really?” He looked surprised. “I thought everything about you said that.”

Daidai drew a breath in and held it. Was that really how he saw her? Gizo cocked his head, the same gesture Hiroshi sometimes used to ask if she was for real. Slowly, so as to make her intention clear, she reached for him, grabbed a quarter-inch piece of arm flesh between her thumb and forefinger, and twisted, watching his face for signs of pain as she increased the pressure. She held on, waiting for him to pull away, reading the energy between them in the shape of his eyes, before shifting her gaze to the gash that ran the length of his index finger and the room with all its appurtenances and odd angles. Her grip released only when the doorknob turned and the sales clerk they’d passed behind the front counter stuck her head in to ask about an order.

“Who’s the new help?” Daidai said, acknowledging a different kind of tension in the air when the door shut.

“That would be the delightful Patty Shinoda, Ralph’s daughter.”

Gizo examined the darkened mark on his arm as Daidai looked on, wondering who Ralph was. “I’m late to meet Louise for lunch,” she announced, dismissing him.

“Almost done here,” Gizo said. After standing the scissors in an old coffee tin and hanging the tape roll on a nail, he reached for the shopping bags, having transformed back into his chivalrous, adult self. “Where to?”

Daidai set the pace, walking a half step ahead to let him know she was still offended by his misguided perception of her, daring him to repeat the error in his judgment of her. Others might think of her as the light-skinned, freckled, unknowable stranger, but he knew better.

Fortunately, the hot midday air would not hold on to anger, and she could feel his attention at her back as she walked. By the time they arrived at the storefront restaurant, she didn’t know why she’d been so irritable. And as if to show regret for his behavior, he handed the rice sack and groceries over with exaggerated care, emphasizing his devotion with a slight bow.

“I love you, too,” she said, aching at the distance she felt from this boy she’d grown up with.

Tilting her chin up to just past where it felt comfortable, he looked her in the eye somberly before letting go, the heat from his fingers still palpable along her cheek when he turned to leave.

Daidai sat at a four-top with the taped-up rice sack in the chair next to her, startled out of her reverie when Louise tapped her shoulder from behind. Leaning in for a hug, she spoke in a whisper, as if to deliver a secret. “All that white rice isn’t good for you.”

“It’s for a party,” Daidai whispered back.

“You look nice.” Louise assessed her outfit the way her doctor had evaluated her health, Louise’s eyes calling Daidai’s attention back into her body.

“Thank you.” Daidai smiled, having spent more time than usual in front of the mirror that morning hoping Louise would notice. “You look nice, too.”

Louise looked sharp, cool in a restaurant that felt oppressively close with only fans to blow the air around. Her flawlessly manicured, soft hands and skin tone beamed good health and goodwill, and her eyes reflected back an image of Daidai that felt safe and familiar. Louise had that gift of lighting up whatever object caught her attention. Combined with persistence and intense curiosity, it made her a good lawyer. Still, Daidai wondered how anyone, let alone her best friend, could get to be their age with no personal life to speak of. Who knew what lay beneath her flawless exterior, because everyday questions led to defensiveness, as if threatening to expose what her routine lacked.

Like Louise, Daidai avoided conversations that focused on her, though on this afternoon she’d come to lunch with an important matter to discuss. Earlier in the year, Hiroshi had been promoted to program director, news that had come as a shock since he’d been a faculty member in the university’s Asian American Studies department for only six years. The appointment would begin that fall, and along with the title came the honor of hosting the beginning-of-the-year graduate student reception. Daidai watched Louise run down the ingredients list with concentration that marked her as an expert. “Fresh, seasonal. Smart nod to the discerning palate. Good!”

“Do you think so?” Daidai raised a nail to her lip and bit down, needing Louise’s praise.

“Of course!” Louise reached across the table and squeezed Daidai’s arm, her touch bringing on a wave of feeling.

“I’ve missed you” was all Daidai could think to say, not wanting to tip Louise off to her forlorn state.

“Do you want me to come to this party?”

“Please.”

“I’ll have to see.” Louise took out her calendar, marked as Daidai’s used to be for months in advance, making no promises except to say that she’d try to be there. “What’s wrong?” she asked, looking concerned.

“Nothing,” Daidai said, dejected, feeling the obviousness of what was wrong. A year ago, her work at the museum had consumed her. She wouldn’t even have made it home in time to greet the guests.

“I just don’t understand how one poorly reviewed installation could be enough to make you quit.”

“I’m on leave, remember? I didn’t quit, and my putting my career on hold was the fertility doctor’s idea.” Daidai stared across the table with a look meant to remind Louise that they’d been over this before. “It is what it is.”

“Bored?”

“Not at all,” Daidai lied, resenting the insinuation that Louise had been right, that she’d made the wrong choice about how to spend her time.

The peeling back of her life, though brief, frustrated them both.

After lunch, when the door leading back to the street swung open, the pleasantness of the air caught Daidai off guard. Expecting a rush of heat, she felt instead the drop in temperature, the aftereffect of a rain shower that had blown unexpectedly through downtown. The weight of the rice sack and grocery bags ceased to bother her; the carbon emissions polluting the underground garage, rather than noxious, smelled satisfyingly familiar. She’d parked in that garage, mostly in the same spot, practically every day for six years, and was grateful not to have been stripped of her privilege.

Sliding her plastic card into the metered gate, Daidai noted that the permit, paid for by the museum, had exactly one month left on it. The next time she and Louise had lunch she’d be forced to park on the street.