Читать книгу Overcoming Creative Anxiety - Karen C.L. Anderson - Страница 7

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“Do you have any interest in creating a journal on overcoming your Inner Critic?” read the email from my editor.

“Oh wow,” I said to my husband. “I just got an email from my editor asking if I’d like to write about the Inner Critic. I can’t do that. That’s not my subject. They should ask [insert name of expert here] to write that book.”

Those are the words that tumbled out of my mouth in that moment.

My husband looked at me incredulously, his eyebrows raised, as if to say, “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re the perfect person to write that book.”

I’m going to let my Inner Advocate interject right here to let you know that the two sentences above were added to the manuscript after I submitted the first draft. My editor said she wanted more detail. I panicked a bit. And then I let myself follow my own advice regarding creativity. I typed some words, then deleted them. I got up to empty the dishwasher, a chore I detest. I came back. I typed some more words. Then I got up to get a snack even though I wasn’t hungry. I came back and typed some more words. I looked up the definition of “critic” and the definition of “advocate.” Then I played a round of Words with Friends. Came back to it. The more I typed and thought and noodled and deleted and typed and distracted myself, the more that feeling came over me…the feeling I know to be my Creative Self. The feeling that tells me I am onto something: a slight buzzing or quickening in my chest, an expansiveness. My eyes soften and sometimes I tear up. My limbs feel rubbery in a pleasant way. It’s like I’ve surrendered to the process. And here’s the thing: I get this feeling as I do my thing, not necessarily prior to doing it. I have to stumble and be awkward and make mistakes and let it be uncomfortable. And then…and then the “right” words come to me and I have a flurry of typing and my chest buzzes and my eyes soften and tear up and all is right with the world. I am writing!

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, the email asking if I was interested in writing this book.

I let it sit in my inbox overnight.

The next morning, I chatted with a friend.

“So my editor reached out to me yesterday afternoon with a question that I am not sure how to answer… She asked if I am interested in writing a guided journal for overcoming the Inner Critic.”

“Do you have any interest in that?” she asked.

“I do, but I don’t really know anything about it. There are so many other people who are better suited for it…more qualified. Like [insert name of expert here]. Oh jeez, if I do this, will [insert name of expert here] think I’m stealing their ideas? Hasn’t this subject been done to death? Yeah, I know, there are no new ideas, it’s about what I bring to the subject. That’s what creativity is, right? Taking an existing idea and putting through my process.”

My friend looked at me the same way my husband had.