Читать книгу Forever - Karen Hopkins Ann - Страница 13

6

Rose

“Hold up, Summer,” I said as I stopped and squatted beneath the pine trees.

My stomach rolled, and I tried to swallow down the nausea. It didn’t work. Hot juices rose in my throat, and I threw up. My body heaved, and I clutched my stomach when the spasms didn’t stop.

“Here, let me get your hair out of the way,” Summer said, kneeling beside me. She rubbed my back and murmured soft words that didn’t mean much to me. I just wanted the bubbling feeling in my gut to quit.

The week after I’d discovered I was pregnant, I’d felt perfectly fine and decided that the pregnancy thing wasn’t so bad. I had even been able to pretend in my mind I wasn’t pregnant, that maybe all the tests had been wrong. When I’d said as much to Summer, she’d laughed and told me to wait awhile, I’d be feeling it soon enough. She’d assured me that she’d seen it happen to her stepsister and another girlfriend firsthand. Then, bam, yesterday morning the sickness had hit with the force of a raging hurricane. It didn’t just happen in the morning, either. The rocking in my belly and throat had been almost constant since it began.

Finally, after another minute of gagging and spitting up yellow liquid that must have come from the pit of my empty stomach, I sat back against the tree trunk.

Summer handed me a tissue from her pocket and said, “Somehow, you’re going to have to pull yourself together or Noah will know for sure.”

“How? I can’t go an hour without being sick. He’ll see right through me.”

Summer placed her hand under my chin and forced it up. I looked into her bright green eyes and calmed instantly.

“Now, you listen to me, Rose. You’re a strong girl. You can do this. I have faith in you.”

“No, I can’t. He’ll figure it out...and then what’ll I do?” I sniffed back the tears that were almost falling again.

Summer’s strawberry-blond hair bobbed on her shoulders as she shook her head. “You and your baby’s entire future depend on this. Noah can’t find out about the pregnancy until you’ve made up your mind for certain what your future is going to be—Amish or English.”

“I want to be with Noah. I don’t care where we live.”

Summer’s voice was harsher than usual, and I gazed at her, wishing that I wasn’t pregnant at all.

“A week ago you told me and Sam that you didn’t know what you wanted. You told us that you had reservations about raising your baby Amish. Don’t go changing your tune now. If Noah isn’t willing to go English to be with you, then why should you give up everything to be with him?”

The shadows under the trees were growing, and I shivered as the cooler air settled beneath the green canopy. Summer had a very good point, and my head agreed with her...but not my heart. Now that I was having his baby, I wanted to be with Noah even more. I needed him to help me through this. He’d probably be fine with the pregnancy. But then why was there still a tickling of doubt deep down inside me? What had changed?

“All right, you might be happy enough marrying Noah and being Amish, but what about your child? Will he or she? Maybe there will come a day when that little person growing inside of you will be mighty upset at the choice you made.”

The fixed line on Summer’s mouth proved how serious she was, and maybe she’d hit the matter on the head. Could I really make such a decision for my child? Was it even fair?

“You might be right— Here, help me up.”

Once I was standing, the queasiness settled for a minute. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them again the forest came into sharper view. The sun was low in the sky, and I realized that we didn’t have a lot of time.

“Do you have any gum left?”

“Sure do.” Summer pulled the pack from her back pocket and handed me a piece.

I turned and started up the barely recognizable path. Summer came up beside me and bumped my shoulder with hers.

“Are you going to be okay?” she asked.

I continued walking and didn’t look her way. “Yeah, I’ll survive, but I’m not making any promises. I’m not sure if I’m going to tell Noah about the baby.”

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Summer nod wearily in acceptance.

When we reached the boulders, Summer climbed onto the nearest one and sat down.

“What are you doing?” A shimmering of panic spread through me as she gazed down at me.

“You’re on your own with this one. It’s your life.”

“That’s it—you’re going to abandon me now?”

“I’m doing no such thing. I’ll be sitting right here when you’re finished.” She paused and glanced away, then back again with more compassion. “I don’t want to make you do something...or not do something that you’ll regret later. It’s your life and you have to decide. Neither Sam nor I can tell you what’s best for you in this mess you’ve gotten into.”

“There probably isn’t a best thing to do.”

I sighed.

“Probably not.”

Without glancing back, I moved past the giant rocks and picked up speed as I pushed through the last of the branches and brush. My belly was calm, and with a sudden longing to be in Noah’s arms, I hurried across the clearing and up the rickety old porch steps.

When I opened the door, the darkness inside was complete. There wasn’t even a cheery fire to greet me.

“Noah, are you in here?” I whispered into the blackness.

The silence chilled my insides, and I zipped up my jacket. After a few seconds of hesitation and looking over my shoulder as twilight descended on to the forest, I walked in, using my hands to feel the way to where I thought the chairs would be.

I sat down on the first one I bumped into and folded my arms tightly around me. Goose bumps spread along my skin, and I shivered again, sucking in a breath. Could Noah have forgotten me?

My insides tightened at the thought as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. Several of the chairs and buckets were turned over and lying haphazardly around the floor. The fireplace had a few old ashes in it and no fresh logs beside it. It dawned on me that no one had been in the ramshackle cabin since the time I’d been here with the girls many months before.

Thinking back to that night, I couldn’t help but smile. I’d whacked Timmy in the head with a two-by-four when he’d snuck in on us. Noah had been so surprised to see me. He’d hugged me until it almost hurt. But, oh, how wonderful it had felt. That was when things were easier. I’d just joined up with the Amish and had been learning their ways. What a gift it had been that the others had arranged for me and Noah to be together.

I’d still been a virgin then—and that’s just the way Noah had wanted to keep me, until our wedding night. Now it was gone forever. One night of passion after we’d been kept apart for so long by our families, we’d let ourselves go, and here I was pregnant.

My head began pounding, and I clenched the sides with my hands. Do I tell Noah?

“Rose?”

His whisper pierced the cold, dark night air. I sniffed back the tears and stood up.

“I’m here.”

A second later he had me in his arms, right where I wanted to be. The warmth of his body pressed against mine, and the scent of horses and leather on his skin made me melt against him. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. For the first time in a month I felt safe again.

I couldn’t lie to Noah. I loved him too much.

“I thought you said Summer was coming with you,” he said in a sharp voice that brought me from the fog.

“She’s at the boulders. I think she wanted to give us some privacy.”

He nodded and relaxed. “That makes sense.”

He sat down, guiding me to his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and stared at the little I could see of his face in the darkness.

“I was beginning to wonder if you were going to show up,” I said softly.

He took a breath and said, “The singing was canceled, and some of the adults had a meeting. Father was tied up there, so I took Mother and Naomi home before I could make it out here.”

“What kind of meeting? I don’t remember the singing ever being canceled before.” Uneasiness spread through me, and I sat up straighter.

“Never has been as far as I recall, but there are some important issues that needed discussing, I reckon.”

He said the words in a nonchalant way that pricked my interest all the more. Telling Noah about the pregnancy could wait a few minutes. I had the odd feeling that the special meeting had something to do with me. I pressed my hand on to his chest to hurry him along with the news.

“Well...Elijah Schwartz isn’t very happy that I’ve called off the wedding to his daughter. He’s making things difficult for me and my family.”

My inner lioness rose, and I blurted, “What’s he doing?”

“Nothing yet—the meeting will give us a better idea of how far he’s willing to take the matter, but you don’t need to worry your pretty head about it.”

He stopped talking and brought his mouth against mine. The feel of his lips distracted me, but not completely.

I broke away from the kiss and said, “Have you talked to Constance?”

“No, she wasn’t at church service this morning. I haven’t seen her since our fathers spoke.”

The way he said the words, like he was feeling bad for her, made me suddenly jealous. After all, he had asked the girl to marry him. He must have really liked her to do such a thing—and he must have kissed her. I closed my eyes quickly, trying to erase the image that made me suddenly feel sick again.

Swallowing carefully, I said, “Let’s just forget about her for now. There’s something more important we need to talk about.”

Before I could continue, Noah hugged me tightly, pressing his face against my chest. His voice was muffled when he said, “Yes, we certainly do.”

He pulled back, and with moonlight shining through the doorway, I could see his face better. His mouth was smiling and his eyes were content.

Gathering my courage, I opened my mouth to speak, but he placed his finger on my lips and shushed me.

“I’ve got it all figured out. My folks support us getting back together. They’re going to give us a couple of acres on the far side of their property that we can build a small house on. The adjacent land is owned by Marcus Bontrager, and he’s willing to sell about twenty acres, so we’ll have that option as time goes on.”

“But, Noah...”

“Hush now, and listen. Now that you’re back in Meadowview, we can arrange meetings like this. It won’t be so bad if my parents are in agreement. Your father is gone most of the time, anyway. But, Rose, there’s one little hitch to the plan that I’m going to need your help with.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Wait. That’s all, wait. We need some more time to make this happen. Father and Mother think we need a while to announce our engagement. If we do it straightaway, it will enrage Elijah all the more. I understand their worry. It would be unfair to Constance for us to be formally together so quickly.”

Without breathing, I asked, “For how long?”

“Until after your birthday—what’s that, about six months away? It will give Father enough time to iron things out with the Schwartzes, and maybe Constance will have a new beau by then. I’ll continue to work and save money to start our life together. Your father will be thrilled that you’ll be finishing up your last year of schooling, and he won’t have any reason to think that you’re going to become Amish when you’re legally an adult and marry me. It will work out perfectly this way.”

The intensity and speed of his words beat into my head as I repeated them over again in the silence. Wait six months—it was impossible. Anger rose in me.

“So you’re okay with us being apart for that long, having to put our lives on hold once again to accommodate everyone else—and now Constance?”

“Don’t go getting jealous. What I’ve done to her is terrible, and I can’t just go on without taking her feelings into consideration. It would be wrong to do so. Besides, I just listed off all the reasons it’s in our best interest to wait. For once we need to follow the course of patience and faith, Rose. We’ve made such a mess of things in the past. Let’s do this the right way and begin our life together in the best light.”

My heart was breaking. Now, even Noah was keeping us apart.

When I didn’t speak, Noah’s voice came out quiet, his words apprehensive. “Unless, there’s some other reason to hurry things along? Is that the case, sweetheart?”

I heard Summer’s voice in my head, and then I thought about Noah’s desire to protect Constance and her feelings. The fact that the community seemed more important to him than me woke me from the deep sleep I’d been living in for the past week.

Noah didn’t want to hear the truth. He wouldn’t be happy to know that his well-laid plans were about to go up in smoke. For the first time I had an excuse to lie.

“No reason at all.”

As Noah tilted my chin and began covering my face with featherlight kisses, I sighed and let him love me.

At that moment, I felt no guilt, and I wondered if that was even worse than the lying part.